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 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 85
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Well, cats, somehow your response does not strike me as unexpected.......
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 87
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/16/2009 1:47:18 PM
^^^^^^Well, much to my chagrin, I am allergic to cats (the felines). Unfortunately I must contain my ardor for that fine lady....
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 92
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/17/2009 3:40:29 AM
I'm forgiving, but if my diatribe disturbs you ... well ... no one is more indignant than the guilty.


Well then Mr. E? All I posted was an observation to what you said. Personally, I don't am not "disturbed" about it as you suggest. As far as guilt is concerned, you are entitled to your "assumptions". Doesn' t make you right now does it?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 93
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/17/2009 5:27:03 AM
To answer whether our standards have gone up or down, we have to know how to be self honest. Self honesty isn't as easy as it should be due to ego and other things. The old "it's the opposite sexes fault" gets in the way for some.

If the opposite sex would just change then all the "nice" people would get what they deserve, or so they think.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 95
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/17/2009 5:54:59 AM

Now the things I offer, and have always offered, are in demand. In my 30's and 40's women just weren't interested in a guy who treated them decent.


Well, that is hardly my experience. I got laid so much in my 30s and 40s there were days I could hardly walk, and I have always been one to treat the ladies decently. I found by the time the ladies got into that age group they were keenly aware of the benefits of a stable, clean cut guy with a good job and nice manners. They had pretty well come to the view that the party had gone on too long and that it was time to hook someone to nest and reproduce with before the time to do that ran out.

These days I find that very few of the ladies are that interested in nesting, and even fewer are thinking of reproducing. In my experience you have it backwards....
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 97
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/17/2009 6:40:23 AM

the party is still going strong...


Well, not here at the "Shady Rest Retirement and Assisted Living Residence". I think some of the residents are still at the party, but I can only tell by the smiles on their faces when they doze in their chairs in the common room....
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 98
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/17/2009 7:06:32 AM

I'm forgiving, but if my diatribe disturbs you ... well ... no one is more indignant than the guilty.


Sigh, we had a woman that liked to use that particular tactic on the forums a while back. What is the point of all this? Women and men change criteria to suit the times and situation all the time. Call it criteria, call it standards, where is the distinction. Obviously, if you are a 30-something woman looking for a reproductive mate to move to the suburbs with and produce children, your criteria or standards will be vastly different from a 50-something woman looking for a guy to go on cruises with. This is a non-issue to me.

As for remembering the mayo, any woman that rated me on that one would not be long for my arm. I get the impression that what you think is a kind, considerate man would ring pretty hollow with many of the females I have known.

Women are not some kind of mechanical device for which a set of instructions carved into granite is available. Making "right" is indistinguishable from making "nice". If involves involvement and making the other person in your life feel wanted, needed, loved, cared for, respected, supported and secure. You can't achieve that by remembering birthdays, although it certainly may help.You have to connect with them first. Their mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers and friends all do the mechanical things, but they don't get to crawl into bed with them at night as a result.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 99
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:05:28 AM
This isn't all that easy to answer. I now expect a greater degree of compatibility than when I was younger, because I didn't have the experience then to properly evaluate compatibility. I still expect a high level of attraction, but I don't expect a 20-something body. My standards have evolved, perhaps, rather than changed. I don't think they've gone up or down, noticeably.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 106
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/19/2009 6:15:57 PM

i would say he's probably inferring that he likes "'em" young and fertile...


daffie wins the kewpie doll!

which leads one to wonder why the person who wrote this bothers to post in this forum loaded down with women in various stages of menopause and beyond.

 CherylCake
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 107
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/19/2009 6:28:24 PM
I think he means female? My standards have veered off to previously uncharted territory. I don't have a cookie-cutter idea of a man anymore. Now I am more open to cultural, height & age differences. Not because my standards are lower. I'm just more open minded. I once thought I had to have one steady boyfriend, moving towards engagement & eventual marriage. Now I have a dating pool. I'm happier with that situation. No one man has to feel obliged to meet all my needs. Everyone has their own special contribution, so I feel fulfilled. Funny, at my age, the men are actually looking for a wife, instead of implementing evasive manuvers. And the older women are not that interested anymore. We value our freedom, now that we have security in our own selves. So, boys, you may be holding on to your freedom with all your might. But one day you'll look around, & there won't be any women left to hold up the hand to.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 108
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/19/2009 6:44:14 PM
I think he means female? My standards have veered off to previously uncharted territory. I don't have a cookie-cutter idea of a man anymore. Now I am more open to cultural, height & age differences. Not because my standards are lower. I'm just more open minded. I once thought I had to have one steady boyfriend, moving towards engagement & eventual marriage. Now I have a dating pool. I'm happier with that situation. No one man has to feel obliged to meet all my needs. Everyone has their own special contribution, so I feel fulfilled. Funny, at my age, the men are actually looking for a wife, instead of implementing evasive manuvers. And the older women are not that interested anymore. We value our freedom, now that we have security in our own selves. So, boys, you may be holding on to your freedom with all your might. But one day you'll look around, & there won't be any women left to hold up the hand to.

He means a female capable of reproduction.

There are plenty looking for wives around here, but their criteria eliminate me. There are around 15 within a 200 mile radius of where I live who meet my initial search criteria, if I count the ones looking for FWBs or who are looking for a 3rd partner for bedroom sports. If I eliminate the ones who obviously wouldn't suit my lifestyle, there are about 5. Very small pool, that. As for a dating pool, hell, I'd be happy if one just showed up when he said he would.
 Much More
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 112
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/20/2009 11:16:04 AM
Some have remained the same and others are more flexible.

My core values are rock solid. Not married, not separated (separated is still legally married...LOL...I don't care how you dress it up), not a player/liar, no drugs, no smoking. Someone that has ethics and that I respect for how they live their lives. Can you/we laugh at life's up/downs? Do you have manners and know when to use 'em?

That's not to say that they have to be perfect, everyone makes mistakes. To me it is what you do after the mistake. Do you make excuses, are you in denial or do you own your goof and learn from it (and do what it takes to make it right?)

Height, nationality, education, kids or no kids, career,.... those are up for grabs. It is the man that matters...what does he do with what he's got.... there are things that we are born with that don't change. It is the person not the resume.

We all come with history and baggage at our age...that comes from living a life. (Nothing makes me giggle more than someone that claims no baggage...yeah right!)

So yes, in many ways you could say that I may have relaxed some standards....or maybe it is that I am older and wiser and therefore more open to possibilities that were not visible previously....
 RobN8tor
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 114
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/20/2009 4:21:44 PM
they have always been the same,high standards.
my upbringing was high on the morals side.

someone posted and i agree,the gene pool/dating pool sure has become rather convoluted over the years.

hardly anyone tells the truth anymore,and it seems like they dont even know what they are looking for.

so they settle for what they can get,and then wonder why they arent happy.
go figure.
cheers
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 117
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/22/2009 9:47:21 PM
I don't think 'up' and 'down' are the best adverbs to use. More accurate would be to say that I am more certain of what I want and need, but have a much broader range of tastes.
Thus I find many more people to be attractive, while at the same time being far less likely to chase after any of them without thinking carefully first.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 123
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/31/2009 10:10:32 AM
My standards are much higher now that I am (past) middle age. I used to try to listen to people while they treated dating as group theoropy to get them through their baggage, instead of working on their baggage, and learning who they were as a single person. Hopefully, we all change over the years and grow. I want to know who the person is now, not who they were while being part of a couple with the ex(s). I have no need to spew baggage because I have worked through it. I can say yes I have been through relationships in the past. The relationships ran their course. I didn't start dating again until I was ready and knew who I was as a single person. Realizing that many people don't get that is ok with me. Doesn't mean dating group theoropy isn't going to put me to sleep, therefore being of no interest to me.

Sure people want to share who they are, but please make it who you are today as I don't want to hear how the world did you wrong.
 longrider999
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 125
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/18/2010 5:21:15 PM
UP.its sad too.i used to be like a dog in heat.anything with a skirt.nowadays theyve got to be good looking.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 135
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:33:50 PM

It's difficult to find someone on a 'free' message board that really has their act together. If they did they'd go on a 'paid' search engine because they can afford it.


so why aren't YOU on the pay sites? does this mean that YOU don't have your "act together???
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 136
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:39:02 PM
What I have noticed is that if you check out a number of different sites, you will see the same women on all of them, and this is true for sites with widely different themes. On one site a woman will be interested in healthy, outdoor, honest, faithful men, and then you find the same woman on SugarDaddy.com looking for some rich guy to pay the rent and vacations in exchange for the odd fantasy re-enactment. And on every other theme in between to possible extremes.

In fact, before you make a move on any woman on any online site, check all the others to get an idea of her actual interests!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 138
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they just don't want to put in the 'effort'.
Posted: 1/23/2010 5:53:48 PM
OK, I don't get it. I wouldn't date anyone who makes me think "It's frustrating and actually insulting. It's not good for my self esteem." For me it sure wouldn't be worth five mins. of my time.

"Define "put in the effort" .
And define what effort a woman is required to put in.
The whole thing is un-equitable."

If either gender thinks they have to put in effort, they are wasting their time.

A good relationship isn't work. I see so many people going on about how a relationship requires work. I haven't had to work at my relationship, and I am not special. I just don't get involved with high maintenance people.

I spend my time enjoying life, not chasing others trying to make them happy.
 HippyDippyWeatherman
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 140
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/30/2011 3:29:32 PM
I've narrowed my chances so my standards have gone up.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 141
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:22:03 PM
Both. Some things don't matter any more; or rather, I have learned that they don't matter. Others are even more important than I realized.
 Faithnhope1955
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 142
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/31/2011 8:49:52 AM
Way way UP.

I had this conversation just a day or two ago with my best friend who is also newly single. Nobody told us when we were young women that there should be more criteria to choosing a mate than "he likes me, he is nice, he asked me out a bunch of times and he's cute".

Now at 56, after a 23 yr struggling marriage, I understand the importance of sharing common interests, core values and religious beliefs. I understand that making it for the long haul requires a lot of character, commitment and determination. Love is actions, not just a fuzzy feeling (although the romantic and fuzzy feelings are awesome, don't get me wrong).
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 145
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/31/2011 10:22:03 AM
My standards have been steady. Society and it's people have kept lowering the bar,so much so, I look like a superhero in comparision.
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 149
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 7:35:03 AM
If you mean my standards going from how can I help/love this person to is this a mutually loving/enhancing relationship, yes my standards have gone up.
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 150
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 3:13:28 PM
unless wrinkles and love handles are a good thing- I find it hard to believe anyone says their standards have gone up.
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