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 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 134
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???Page 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
LOL The pay to play sites show we have higher standards? You really aren't serious are you?

I have been on both kinds of sites..It doesnt matter if you pay or not...In most cases if your looking locally your going to see the same faces/profiles ( many pretty much word for word) no matter what site your looking on. To be totally honest I have had a better experience here than on any pay site.

Spending money on something wasteful doesnt mean you have it together because you can afford to, it just means your spending money because you want to. Not everyone has standards that are driven by a dollar, even if they have plenty of them to spend.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 135
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:33:50 PM

It's difficult to find someone on a 'free' message board that really has their act together. If they did they'd go on a 'paid' search engine because they can afford it.


so why aren't YOU on the pay sites? does this mean that YOU don't have your "act together???
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 136
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:39:02 PM
What I have noticed is that if you check out a number of different sites, you will see the same women on all of them, and this is true for sites with widely different themes. On one site a woman will be interested in healthy, outdoor, honest, faithful men, and then you find the same woman on SugarDaddy.com looking for some rich guy to pay the rent and vacations in exchange for the odd fantasy re-enactment. And on every other theme in between to possible extremes.

In fact, before you make a move on any woman on any online site, check all the others to get an idea of her actual interests!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 138
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they just don't want to put in the 'effort'.
Posted: 1/23/2010 5:53:48 PM
OK, I don't get it. I wouldn't date anyone who makes me think "It's frustrating and actually insulting. It's not good for my self esteem." For me it sure wouldn't be worth five mins. of my time.

"Define "put in the effort" .
And define what effort a woman is required to put in.
The whole thing is un-equitable."

If either gender thinks they have to put in effort, they are wasting their time.

A good relationship isn't work. I see so many people going on about how a relationship requires work. I haven't had to work at my relationship, and I am not special. I just don't get involved with high maintenance people.

I spend my time enjoying life, not chasing others trying to make them happy.
 HippyDippyWeatherman
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 140
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/30/2011 3:29:32 PM
I've narrowed my chances so my standards have gone up.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 141
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:22:03 PM
Both. Some things don't matter any more; or rather, I have learned that they don't matter. Others are even more important than I realized.
 Faithnhope1955
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 142
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/31/2011 8:49:52 AM
Way way UP.

I had this conversation just a day or two ago with my best friend who is also newly single. Nobody told us when we were young women that there should be more criteria to choosing a mate than "he likes me, he is nice, he asked me out a bunch of times and he's cute".

Now at 56, after a 23 yr struggling marriage, I understand the importance of sharing common interests, core values and religious beliefs. I understand that making it for the long haul requires a lot of character, commitment and determination. Love is actions, not just a fuzzy feeling (although the romantic and fuzzy feelings are awesome, don't get me wrong).
 purplecharm01
Joined: 12/27/2010
Msg: 143
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/31/2011 9:01:16 AM

By the time someone is 40+ they should have their stuff together IMO


what if that person lost their job, because of lay-off and/or divorce?
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 144
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/31/2011 10:00:20 AM
some up. some down. Just like the times of our 45+ lives
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 145
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/31/2011 10:22:03 AM
My standards have been steady. Society and it's people have kept lowering the bar,so much so, I look like a superhero in comparision.
 BettyMcFattttyPants
Joined: 12/9/2011
Msg: 146
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/31/2011 6:11:17 PM
What are standards?


I think in my old age my standards have become kinder. I'm much more interested in their brains, altho a hairy chest is mandatory.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 147
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/31/2011 6:22:25 PM
definately way way up...
especially when I look at who I was married to.
cant just go by those nice warm feelings anymore...
there has to be more to it.
 whatagirlneeds12
Joined: 7/4/2011
Msg: 148
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 12/31/2011 11:32:44 PM
I'd say they have changed and not that they have gone up but it's just different at 40 than 20.

At 20 they can still live at home , be a little wild and it's not a deal breaker ...

At 40 they can be a little thicker in the timber , have kids and it's not a deal breaker...

Always have to be respectful, honest and kind....
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 149
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 7:35:03 AM
If you mean my standards going from how can I help/love this person to is this a mutually loving/enhancing relationship, yes my standards have gone up.
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 150
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 3:13:28 PM
unless wrinkles and love handles are a good thing- I find it hard to believe anyone says their standards have gone up.
 zippytwo
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 151
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 3:20:12 PM
My standards are where they've always been....up. I respect myself too much to be dragged down to be "grateful" and accept only 'what I can get'. That's just silly!
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 152
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 4:59:08 PM
what standards though? looks or personality?

its a reality that everything changes as one gets older- looks too. no matter how well you take care of yourself.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 153
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 5:16:25 PM
I'm sort of with Reefchik on this one ... when I was a kid, there was nothing more important than "he's the cutest guy in the room" and "he's smiling back" kind of "standards" ... LAUGHING ... those were no standards! that was little-kid-type-lust!

when I wanted to make babies, I was thinking along the lines of the genes my husband would be bringing to our children so I wanted healthy, intelligent and good looking ...

THANKFULLY, now that I'm older, I've realized the importance of compatible intellects, emotional balances, philosophies, attitudes, beliefs, goals, ethics ... on and on ... oh, it's so much more complicated now ...

I long for those days when the cutest guy in the room did it for me!

(I was so stupid back then!)
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 154
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 5:23:03 PM
right, but is that what people are discussing ? intelligence? i mean i havent seen one person say " i am okay dating a high functioning special education adult."
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 155
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 5:49:20 PM

" i am okay dating a high functioning special education adult."

not cool
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 156
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 6:43:07 PM
have you chatted on here long. seems like a fair share are barely coherent.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 157
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Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/1/2012 8:04:24 PM
I suspect we tend to be attracted to the qualities we'd like to see in ourselves ... I am very drawn to highly intellectual men with a witty sense of humor ... some women, I've heard, are drawn to power ... men quite often claim women are ONLY drawn to money ... that always makes me laugh!

I'm sure if someone qualifies for "barely coherent" by your standards, they're probably considered intellectuals by other people's standards ...

it would be great if we could be attracted to anyone ... that grouchy man standing in the grocery line ... the dishonest man trying to sell me a house ... the angry cop who stopped me for speeding ... that would be lovely ... but we're not ...

don't know about you ... but who's attracted to whom is certainly a mystery to me! but I'm easily amused ...

 hazeleyedwitch
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 158
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/2/2012 6:25:16 AM
I'm not sure if my standards have gone up or my tolerance level has gone down. With me its about the way they treat me. I used to take a lot of bull$hit, but now when that starts I am gone. I don't have time to waste on a loser. And by loser I am not referring to looks, education or money. Its about the way you treat people. Last guy i dated treated people nasty and was so jealous I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom alone or say hello to a man I knew since elementary school. I dont date much because its hard to find someone nice and well balanced.
 mainelyhere
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 159
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/2/2012 6:57:20 AM
molly, i never said that being older means putting up with overtly crummy people.

but for instance maybe give the balding guy a chance, or the one that doesnt care about wine vintages, or doesnt like horseriding or doesnt read sandra brown novels, whatever.

as someone else said, not all intelligence is quantified on a piece of paper. I have a masters, but i have in my life met a few guys that were my peer that did not have college education. of course the reverse can be true also.

i just find it interesting that at say ... 45 a woman still expects to find that tall tom cruise look alike who drives a mercedes and would just LOVE to let a woman with 3 kids and 4 dogs move into his mansion.
 nativerock
Joined: 10/16/2010
Msg: 160
Middle aged:have your standards gone UP or DOWN???
Posted: 1/2/2012 6:57:30 AM

Last guy i dated treated people nasty and was so jealous I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom alone or say hello to a man I knew since elementary school. I dont date much because its hard to find someone nice and well balanced.


Sounds like my last relationship that ended in 2006.. I could not even go to the hairdresser without him having to watch what he was doing with my hair.. No surprising him when I got back with my new do. Got me to thinking why he was so jealous was he up to no good?

I do not date much either because although I have met one or two that are nice and well balanced there was no attraction..

I think my standards have changed now that I am older.. I have to hope he is not living out of a suitcase, like I was when I was younger.. Let's say I very settled now and enjoy my home and would like to find a man that enjoys puttering around his as well..

nativerock
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