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 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 61
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Im now going out with my mates and certainly wont be worrying about him, looking forward to actually having a night out with my two best mates, who fortunately for me are single at the moment, havent been out with them for ages cos I spend every weekend with him. Maybe I may use this opportunity to start getting my independence back and seeing more of my mates. In fact I think I will. Theres no rule that says I should spend all my time with him, and from now on I wont. I will look at this in a positive light that I am now free to pursue my own interests and goals too.

That sounds like a good idea. And maybe spend less time living there, too. You may love him but the writing is on the wall - this is the beginning of the end. It makes sense to start revving up other areas of your life in preparation so that you will be busy when the inevitable happens.

'Cause here's the thing: He's never going to be able to take it back. He knows that and he doesn't care. So it's all downhill from here. But that ride doesn't have to be all bad, and starting to spend more time with friends, and doing other things outside of the involvement, is an excellent way to handle it IMO.
 JackeeF
Joined: 7/1/2009
Msg: 62
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/17/2009 9:47:51 AM
With family somehow (personally).

But people can celebrate any way they please. You can't tell another adult what they WILL do. It may not be agreeable to everyone, but they are in the end free to do what they want to do.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 66
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:15:26 AM
I'd be angry, too. These are occasions to spend with those closest to you. Alcohol problem aside, I'd say this speaks volumes about how he really feels about you.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 67
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:41:15 AM
Depends on whether the partner has an invite to go along. I can't imagine being friends with people that would wish me to exclude my partner. Christmas to me is family and at home time, either mine or someone else's, family or friends so I can't imagine going out on Christmas. Unless you are excluded from tagging along I would imagine some compromise between quiet time at home and going out could be reached.

Now, if the dude is getting plastered and you aren't invited or you don't want to go be around a bunch of drunks and he won't cut his evening short in any way, then you probably have different priorities and need to find a different boyfriend. At your age, this shouldn't even be an issue.

Looking at your reposts, and given that he seems to just really wish to blow off some steam, why don't you act like a grown-up and have your New Year's celebration on a different day, he has his time with his friends, you have your special time to usher in the New Year. New Year's in particularly is a holiday designed with the exception of Valentine's Day to make someone without a boyfriend or who can't spend it with him, feel like they are sooo missing out as if that one day defines a relationship.

Did you not have a life before he showed up, how do you ordinarily spend your holidays? I suspect those people still have a seat at the table and it is your choice whether to rejoice in their presence or moon over one day that you are not seeing this guy.
 DaSparkling1
Joined: 9/10/2009
Msg: 68
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:45:25 AM
Christmas and New Years should be spent with people you love. If you are married spend it with your wife and perhaps your fmaily or her family, if you do not have a family of your own. If you are single, spend it with family and friends that you know love you and that you will have a good time with.

Tis the Season to love life and appreciate all that you have accomplished this year!
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 72
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/19/2009 10:39:14 AM

The reason I was so upset is because we have been together a year and live together from Fridays to Tuesdays, so I am an official girlfriend.

But point taken, maybe its time for me to take a step back and pursue my own interests and goals because if he isnt going to take US seriously then neither will I. So reassessment has been done and I will play it differently from now on. Looking forward to going out with the girls now on NYE.

What will be will be, if we are meant to be together things will work out if not, then so be it. I have been told there are plenty of other fish in the sea if not. LOL. Albeit I love the fish I have now, but if it dont work out, Im sure there will be another ickle fishie. LOL. x



Sister...please go out with your friends and think long and hard about this. If you love this man and he supposedly loves you...shouldn't you BE together that evening???

I am seeing someone who lives an hour away...we don't get to see each other often but you know what? He asked me out for NYE. I was surprised because I figured he'd be out with his friends or with his daughters. But he said he wants to see me. And we're not dating seriously...

So...if a guy who I've seen twice in the last 2 months because of work, school, family, etc., can manage to take me out for NYE, why can't this man you love and live with off and on do the same?

You need to really stop and think about it.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 73
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/19/2009 11:16:56 AM
How do I think Christmas and New Years should be spent? It's lame but however I please.

If she is my wife I have some serious thinking, but if she is just my lady friend well it depends.

If I have always had a "ritual" before my partner, she has to deal.

I rather go out and get pissy with my friends, well that's what i want to do everything does not have to involve my girlfriend.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 75
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 11/13/2011 9:50:59 AM
i think some time together as well as some time apart is only fair
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 76
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 11/13/2011 10:22:07 AM
Theres not really any universal rule about what someone "should" do for ANY given circumstance in a relationship

Everything that anyone can think of near enough will be fine by some people and the kind of thing only depraved devil worshippers who will burn in hell would do to other people

For a "lot" of people in relationships times like christmas and new years will be times they think "should" be spent together and although I would personally fall into that camp too I wouldnt try to claim its the universally "right" approach and if a couple thought the complete opposite then "for them" thats the right approach

I know dozens of couples who holiday seperately with friends and for them thats perfect, for others they would assume they MUST be sleeping around etc, but would probably just claim it was some other reason they object because of rather than their own insecurities whilst also claiming that holidaying together is the only "correct" way for a couple to behave blah blah

As its your first christmas together then perhaps you could cut some slack this year as couples tend to ease into a relationship rather than instantly becoming a completely different person the moment they meet somebody

I would guess you also have things that you did when single that you havent stopped doing too, and which you would be loathed to stop or include him in either this early on or even ever,

People have a tendency to assume their scale of importance is somehow universal, and that everyone else on the planet should have the exact same order or importance but thats just not the case, Some people will see what kind of car they drive as important, others wont as long as it works, some will think the exact shade of a pair of curtains HAS to be exactly right, others wont give a shit as long as they block out the light etc etc

From subsequent posts it does start to come across as though you have a very fixed view on the topic and only really posted the thread for agreement and validation in what you have already decided should be the outcome

If thats true then all you need to do is give him an ultimatum and see what he chooses. But bear in mind that even if he does choose you theres a good chance that forcing that decision is likely to kill off the relationship anyway

Alternatively, you could chalk this year up to a lingering remnant of single life that hasnt lost interest yet and one that when the relationship is a more serious one rather than just dual residence dating has a good chance of fading into the anals of history all by itself anyway

Because although yooure a year in youre still not living together, arent engaged, dont have kids etc etc so its still nothing more than just dating. And for someone fairly sane and grounded a year isnt even that long to be seeing somebody anyway in the grand scheme of things. So the fact that both of you might still have some activities, habits and traditions from your single lives that you still practise isnt really that surprising,

Infact the hint that you might be prepared to end the relationship over this is just as much of a reason for him or you to have NOT completely given up links to your pre dating life and friends anyway, Because the relationship obviously isnt strong enough or well matched enough to accept each other "as is" yet. So the chance of it turning into a LTR is still unknown

If its a dealbreaker for YOU then break the deal. But what other people do or dont think isnt really relevant and isnt likely to alter what you will think or feel about this in the slightest
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 77
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 11/13/2011 2:17:24 PM
#1) Yes, sometimes, but not on Xmas or NYE if your partner wants to be with you.
#2) Yes, most of the time.
#3) It means the friends mean more to that person than the partner.
 Cristlgaze
Joined: 9/29/2012
Msg: 79
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 10/13/2012 4:55:47 PM
We all need space. I think that if it is someone you really care about you would want to invite your partner. I think if you care than you will want to make changes to your routine to include them. If not, don't waste time, move on.
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 80
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 10/13/2012 5:06:27 PM
Wow really? I would give so much to have someone to spend holidays with
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 81
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 10/13/2012 6:18:02 PM
As far from commercialism as possible........rolls eyes and heads for the hills!!

OT......Far to many think about finding someone to spend that time with, and then you have those of us that just prefer not to be bombarded with all the glitter and gold of spending and somehow showing that we like someone because of the season. The only day that is even more absurd.....is Valentines Day......runs

I think the holidays should be about family and giving more than getting, but that should be a mindset, and not a romantic one......

cd
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 82
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 10/13/2012 6:54:38 PM
I went out with friends without my partner when I was in a relationship. And so did she. Sometimes you need time away from the relationship to spend with your friends. Either way everyone needs space in a relationship, it's not always good always being in each others faces.
 im_a_rockstar
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 83
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 10/13/2012 9:45:21 PM
It depends on your relationship and the type of people you are.

I know married people that every christmas he goes to his parent's house and she goes to hers. They only had 1 Christmas together in 6 years so far because they had both families go to them. And they're happy. Every year they take turns on who their kid goes with.

Not every relationship is made up of people who have to be together 24/7. Not every relationship is between people who have to have the same plans for holidays.

And for every other day of the year, it's healthy to make plans without your partner. You don't have to be together nonstop. And also remember, when you can't hang out with your friends because she doesn't want to go, and you disappear because you're with her and you'd rather spend all that time with her and not your friends... Don't expect them to still be there and be your friends if you two break up.
 Genuine_Gentleman_For_You
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 84
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 10/13/2012 10:06:02 PM
I can only wish to have someone to spend the holidays with. All of my family are gone, and all of my friends are married. So, it's just me. But for those of you who do have someone, remember to not take the other for granted.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 85
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 10/14/2012 2:28:30 AM
Christmas and New Years ?

Me thinks he thinks you will interfere with his fun/activities.

Now do you still want him?
 Debyduz_
Joined: 5/4/2012
Msg: 86
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 10/14/2012 4:16:48 AM
It mean they would rather go out and get drunk with their friends then be with their partner. Quite simple. I would not tolerate that.
 INSTYLE9611
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 88
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 10/14/2012 6:01:32 AM
I think it should be spent with each other
 SWEET_MAVERICK
Joined: 9/28/2013
Msg: 89
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 11/25/2013 6:27:54 AM
Each couple should make their own decisions. Personally, on Holidays I like to stay close to home/at home & avoid any potential drunken folks, esp. on the road. It still happens :0(
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 93
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 11/25/2013 1:54:13 PM

What does it mean if you would rather go out and get drunk with your friends?


It means someone would rather go out and spend that time with their friends instead of their partner.
Which is not a good sign for the partner.
 agoraphobic_insomniac
Joined: 8/13/2013
Msg: 94
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 11/25/2013 1:58:00 PM
OP posted this in December of 2009. I'm pretty sure she's moved on.
 elmuchoburrito
Joined: 8/27/2013
Msg: 95
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 11/25/2013 7:57:39 PM
There's an ex Soviet Nuclear Ice-Breaker that heads to the pole for the holidays - spendy but hell - if I had the cash - it would be on my bucket list.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 96
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How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 11/26/2013 4:52:09 PM
OP, I don't get drunk. But I do go out with friends. As for Christmas, usually I spend it meditating.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 97
How should Xmas and New Year be spent in your eyes?
Posted: 12/1/2013 5:49:15 AM


What does it mean if you would rather go out and get drunk with their friends?



Better than going and getting drunk with your enemies I do believe.

It's good to see a man with his priorities straight. There are so few of us out there.
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