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 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 352
Why do men find it hard to be friends?Page 10 of 44    (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)
This is true^^^^In other words there intentions are totally wrong.There is agenda in there way of thinking.Stay way clear of these POS.They will leave total destruction in their path.These types are very selfish(Users/parasites).They will lead men on.But it is all good.These women end up with LOSERS anyway. Karma works overtime on these POS.This is why they know down deep they can not get a good man.To busy using them and busy chasing losers.But at the end of the day they deserve each and everyone of them.These POS cannot get better.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 353
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/21/2010 2:26:15 PM
I try not to argue with ladies, but it's not nice to be insincere about friendship, it's dishonest. Need a friend? get a cat, need someone to talk to? Get a shrink.

You will experience a lot of things in life that suck and you cannot change. As I said before, if you were to take a woman up on that offer, you would be just as insincere about that, so it's a wash. Who cares what a woman means by an offer of friendship if you're not planning to be friends with her anyway?

Men say a lot of things they don't mean daily in dating situations. What's the advice women get about this? Be realistic and adjust your expectations to match it. This is no different.

Lots of people we encounter in life say things they don't mean. It's a lot easier and less stressful for you to realize this and get over it than it is to lecture etiquette and expect to change them all.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 354
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/21/2010 3:28:07 PM
That is an interesting point of view. So you think some women insincerely offer friendship to a potential mate, to see whether or not he will insincerely accept? I would say that is one way to separate the men from the boys, well played.

Not even close to my point. In fact, I have no idea what you're saying.
Let's try this AGAIN.

If you don't want to be friends with a woman because you're interested in her romantically (you still with me?), and she's NOT interested in you and offers friendship (so far so good?) - and if you accepted it you'd only be doing it in hopes that she suddenly fell for you one day (as it's really really rare that a guy would accept friendship in a platonic sense if he's attracted - according to most of this thread) then why do you care whether or not she'd actually BE your friend? Are you just picking something to complain about because she'll never sleep with you? It's a pointless argument, basically.

You're not interested in JUST friendship anyway.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 356
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/21/2010 5:02:12 PM
If you don't want to be friends with a woman because you're interested in her romantically (you still with me?), and she's NOT interested in you and offers friendship (so far so good?) - and if you accepted it you'd only be doing it in hopes that she suddenly fell for you one day

Yep -- spot on, most notably if he really digs her.

as it's really really rare that a guy would accept friendship in a platonic sense if he's attracted - according to most of this thread

Well, I think naive guys with little girl-guy experience will, but any normal guy who's been thru the trials & tribulations of the dating circuit, won't. And by that I mean, he won't follow-thru on it, but walk away if he was really into her (even tho he may say "Suuuurrrre...."). If he really didn't dig her that much anyway, but she has hot single friends, well, I could see it being a wise decision to follow-thru on it temporarily.

then why do you care whether or not she'd actually BE your friend?

I think if she says it but doesn't really mean it, it's salt on the wounds. So, it's being rude. Now, I agree, in most cases for dating-experienced guys, it wouldn't really come to it where he'd know if she really meant it or not. But it can come down to:

a) Guys who are naive and think they have a shot and would like to be friends with her, thinking that's better than nothing w/ a possible chance waiting in the wings in the far future. Bam. Wow. He doesn't even get that (of course, one reason why he learns he shouldn't try to be friends with her, but he hasn't learned the lesson yet)

b) He wasn't really ga-ga about her, and she has hot single friends. Hey, nobody likes rejection, but she does have hot single friends and he always kinda had a feeling she wasn't that into him anyway, so it's no shell shock. Okay, he sees some silver lining to it all. Nope - she was lying about even being friends? WTF? Why didn't she just say they should part ways?

c) He doesn't know if she really means it for the long haul and he's known (of) her for a while, etc (whether his gut feeling is accurate or not, is moot). She blames it on stuff going on in her life, says she is into him, but for NOW, it wouldn't be a good idea and she's not ready for a relationship and wants to be friends. He thinks she's just going thru a lot and one of those rarer situations where she'll end up wanting him and regretting it. Bam - she goes invisible, no return call/email/text, etc. Wow - she rejects him AND lied about that? Why?

Point being, there can be situations where he would maybe want to stick around for at least a short period of time and not INSTANTLY run away... enough time to see she didn't mean it, and it's pretty rude. Horrible? End of the world? No. Just salt on the wounds of rejection, that's all.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 357
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/21/2010 5:02:43 PM
I think some guys will say that progress but in reality most will still hang around to see if there is a chance.

Actually most have said they would hang around hoping for a chance down the road, and I agree. That's basically what I was saying. That's why I don't understand why anyone would be upset with the reason for the friendship offer, when they have no intention of entertaining it.

Horrible? End of the world? No. Just salt on the wounds of rejection, that's all.

So it is. And? I mean, if you plan to date, this is part of the process. After you get past your early 20s, it's something you've been through enough to know it won't kill you. Suck it up, or don't date. It happens a lot, and won't stop happening anytime soon - so learn it does and adjust. The point is why ask why?
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 358
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/21/2010 6:28:17 PM
I agree again^^^^^Because they have a agenda..It is called being selfish.They will string a man along as long as they can.It is all about them.You take a man past 30.He does not play this came.Who in the right mind want to play the "Back UP Game"/friend game.Personally i got better things to do to deal with women that play that game.These types end up with losers.They can not get a good man..WHY? They are to busy using men.But it is all good.Karma becomes their best friend.This is all these POS knows.It is a cycle.Use a good man.Then off with the Loser.Loser ends up a convict..Then off to use a good man..Until the next loser comes along.Drop the good man like a hot potatoe..Then off to the next loser..Yes it is a vicious cycle..I just feel bad for all the good men out there that get involved with the FRIEND GAME.I could careless about the POS women that uses them.At the end of the day they end up with the lowest of the low.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 360
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/22/2010 11:03:37 AM
So it is. And? I mean, if you plan to date, this is part of the process. After you get past your early 20s, it's something you've been through enough to know it won't kill you.

I agree, but that's not a conclusion. You can say that to just about anything out there that's common -- but again, it's not a response, it's just a side-comment. The argument isn't about "how upset should a guy be", right? :)

The argument is that it does periodically happen, and it's something that's not liked. Hey, some people may think that never happens. But it's about awareness so if/when in the situation of turning the LJBF card, one should think twice. In the situation of the gal not being interested or losing interest, and they guy having it:
Girls should be advised not to use the LJBF card if:
a) She doesn't really mean it. It's unnecessary. Ya wouldn't throw out to hook him up with a gal you know, when you really don't wish to do that, right? Don't say things that ya think will make it better - lol.

b) If she does mean it, but he really has seemed to dig her. You very well may be put in position to just lead him on without trying much if at all... and who wants an opp-sex one-on-one friend that KNOWINGLY wants you, when you're not into them at the same time?

Guys should be advised on how to handle the LJBF card:
a) Don't take it face value. No expectations. It's rude, but some gals will do that to try and 'be nice' when they don't mean it at all.

b) Don't even roll with it if you really dig her. No point.

c) If you do roll with it and dig her (but can't "help it"), do not be her shoulder to cry on and work best to distance yourself from her or to focus attention on her gal-pals, or make it a friends-group thing, NOT one-on-one. Don't push yourself to be dragged thru any mud. Almost all the time, the girl is not -intending- to do that to you.
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 361
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/22/2010 11:38:14 AM
I agree again^^^^There is a name in America for them too..They are called Con-Artist...Be careful!!!These women will use everything that you have.Then drop you like a hot potatoe when Mr.Loser comes around.Then you ask her about the so called friendship?They do not know you.They could careless.It is all about them.So be careful.Personally when a woman want a friend then these type scare me to death.I do not need POS for a friend.All they do is use a man and play with his emotions.Sometimes these women might get up with the wrong one.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 362
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/22/2010 12:07:33 PM

I agree, but that's not a conclusion. You can say that to just about anything out there that's common -- but again, it's not a response, it's just a side-comment. The argument isn't about "how upset should a guy be", right? :)

I didn't realize it was an argument - I thought it was a discussion. No matter what happens that we don't like - YES, all common things like this are what they are. We can stand on our heads in protest, but it won't change. All we can do is hope for the best, prepare for stuff like this, and MOVE ON. And yes, I do say that to just about anything that's prevalent in society and isn't going to change (or at least won't without a major sacrifice, and when it comes to dating - men overall won't stop dating to prove a point or change a dynamic, so IMO it's pretty permanent).

The argument is that it does periodically happen, and it's something that's not liked. Hey, some people may think that never happens. But it's about awareness so if/when in the situation of turning the LJBF card, one should think twice.

I agree that both men and women should consider the situation in an educational context if they come here and read threads. But, then what? It's just a neverending complaint about something that is part of dating. Most won't see this thread, or do what they do and feel justified in it - and won't care what they read here.

In the situation of the gal not being interested or losing interest, and they guy having it:
Girls should be advised not to use the LJBF card if:
a) She doesn't really mean it. It's unnecessary. Ya wouldn't throw out to hook him up with a gal you know, when you really don't wish to do that, right? Don't say things that ya think will make it better - lol.

I believe that most women don't realize that if they aren't interested but like a guy's personality enough to consider him friendship material that he would take offense to it, or wouldn't consider it - because from her viewpoint there's no conundrum - as she's not attracted. Others say it to point out lack of attraction. I'm sure a select few do it to purposely keep a guy on ice. A guy can totally respond with a no.

b) If she does mean it, but he really has seemed to dig her. You very well may be put in position to just lead him on without trying much if at all... and who wants an opp-sex one-on-one friend that KNOWINGLY wants you, when you're not into them at the same time?

I don't know - who accepts a friendship like that hoping for more? Again - that's a wash as a guy who says yes ain't doing it looking for a 4th for bridge.

Guys should be advised on how to handle the LJBF card:
a) Don't take it face value. No expectations. It's rude, but some gals will do that to try and 'be nice' when they don't mean it at all.

On the contrary, men should take this at face value - and realize that all it will ever be is friendship. VERY few men would REALLY consider platonic friendship anyway, no matter what they said.

b) Don't even roll with it if you really dig her. No point.

Agreed.

c) If you do roll with it and dig her (but can't "help it"), do not be her shoulder to cry on and work best to distance yourself from her or to focus attention on her gal-pals, or make it a friends-group thing, NOT one-on-one. Don't push yourself to be dragged thru any mud. Almost all the time, the girl is not -intending- to do that to you.

Agreed here too. However it's better to just explain this to her so there's no confusion.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 363
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/22/2010 1:12:21 PM
From another thread under "Dating and love advice" that's been voted 6/7 to delete (so probably gone soon), but on this same topic:

Oneandforever:

A recent experience is further proof that any man with an ounce of intelligence will walk away/reject friendship offer from a woman that they have an attraction. I went on a couple of dates with this girl but then she told me we should "be friends" because she didn't feel that spark. Though disappointed, I accepted the fact that you can't force somebody to fall in love with you so I took up on her offer. But since we'll "be friends", I asked her about her female friends that are single & if she could hook me up with one of them. I got this response from her, "f u, who do you think you are". Huh, I don't understand what did I do wrong?

So I asked my sister & mom about what just happened, they sure surprised me with their responses. My sister (23 y/o) told me that when a girl offers friendship after declining your romantic advances , its NOT the same kind of friendship in her view as a friendship with a guy that was never interested in her in the first place. My sister said this is a friendship in which the woman will always "have the upper hands" b/c women know that men CANNOT turn off their attraction/feelings. This female "friend" will take full advantage of this. My mom (56 y/o) told me basically the same thing. Despite different generations, they both advised me to never stay friends with a girl after being rejected b/c they will always have the power over you. Of course no woman in their right mind will admit this but believe me guys it'll always be in the back of her head that she knows you got the hots for her. Unless she has the mindset of Mother Teresa, she will try to take advantage of you because it's simply TOO EASY.


This coming from his mom and his sister (women he can trust, who's only "agenda" is to protect him - their child/sibling - from hurt). This is much what the guys here have been saying, right?
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 365
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/22/2010 1:50:48 PM
I agree 100%^^^^^In 99% of the cases the woman is not truthful in her words.Her intentions is to use him as a BACK UP.Which is totally selfish on her part.Some of these POS that do this should watch what they are doing.They just might do that to the wrong one.Karma can be their best friend if they choose that route.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 366
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/23/2010 12:17:46 AM
From another thread under "Dating and love advice" that's been voted 6/7 to delete (so probably gone soon)

That sucks... that's a really good & separate sub-topic on this broad broad topic... but I guess that means we can talk about it here then since it's all the same, right? :)

I got this response from her, "f u, who do you think you are".

That means he confronted the situation where the gal wants to use him for attention. She wants him to want her, but would feel bad if she was mysterious about leading him on... so she throws out the friend card to avoid herself for being blamed for anything. She's not really into him, but likes the validation/desire he gives out. Tsk tsk. She wants to have her cake and eat it too -- and he called her out on that.

My sister (23 y/o) told me that when a girl offers friendship after declining your romantic advances , its NOT the same kind of friendship in her view as a friendship with a guy that was never interested in her in the first place.

It's not, BUT it's not necessarily in the realm that he confronted, even though what he confronted is not uncommon. It IS different because it's a tride & true rejection after something's been demonstrated that he really does dig her. Rejection being the main part. It's harder to adjust for the guy, because it's not like it was a gal he was flirting with who didn't flirt back. A fish was caught, but thrown back in the water.

In some cases though, as he experienced, it was throwing the fish in her own personal aquarium instead of the ocean. :) She wanted him as a pet. I'm a little surprised both his sis and his mom warned that that's the MOST common way... I would say it's most common when the gal is outgoing and wants to want nice guys (but doesn't), he's decent looking but known as a nice guy, and she's at least a bit out of his league.

I believe that most women don't realize that if they aren't interested but like a guy's personality enough to consider him friendship material that he would take offense to it, or wouldn't consider it

I agree IF it's at the point where nothing's been established yet, and he's just approaching her and they've having initial conversation at the bar, etc. In those cases, though, it WILL be by default believed as the truth if she steers things toward being friends and asks to be friends. It won't be taken so much as a tride-and-true rejection, but more of a didn't-work-out sorta thing. But otherwise, post-having-a-meeting/date sort of thing, I think most women know that guys do not want to be just friends... and that's never the intent if they're meeting from a dating site, or after getting their # from a bar after flirting, and then meeting up one-on-one, etc.

I don't know - who accepts a friendship like that hoping for more?

Many (less experienced ones) do. Their emotions get the best of them until they go thru the situation enough times. But I will admit though (as noted above in this post), that some DO want to have someone 'around' as friends, while knowing that person wants them (attention/validation). My question of "who wants that?" is more of saying "who in their right mind would want that? that's silly, right?" That's just stone-cold harsh out of emotional selfishness. On the flip side, a guy or gal wanting to be friends with someone they really dig but were rejected by -- is just unwise puppy-love reaction. They're not potentially hurting anyone but themselves.

The trick with being friends with women after rejection, is that for the man, you have build a positive relationship off of a negative foundation

VERY good point. Unless you're -genuinely- going out there with an announced "looking for friends and maybe more" approach (like you're new in town or most your friends have moved away, etc), I ask -- what's the point of doing so, tho? Like you say, it's a negative foundation. Why? Because the goal wasn't friendship.

IMO, it'd be like building a small barn, but it not working out... I would then ask, what's the point of taking all that wood and those nails and building a greenhouse if you aren't looking to make a greenhouse? Are you bitter if you don't want to build one when you already have one? No... just wasn't the goal nor should it be expected. I roll my eyes at people (gals) who -expect- a guy to be friends -- as if it's another brand of romance while clearly being the opposite when the LJBF card is thrown out.
 ispeakthetruth
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 368
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/28/2010 10:01:53 AM
I've been there and done that. It is difficult for men whom you've dated once or your exes to remain on a platonic level if they are single, and even if you've never dated them. From my experience, it's simple - they want sex...and you're the person to turn to. If they run out of girls to hit on, they'll hit on any single girls in their circle of "friends". Guys are aware you don't want to date them or see any attraction, but they'll try their best to turn the relationship to friends with benefits. And to them nothing attempted, is nothing lost. They have enough friends, so if you don't take the bait - they don't see that as a huge loss.

I have very few male friends because of this.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 369
view profile
History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/28/2010 2:14:13 PM
It ain't gonna work. She throws out the LJBF card. He picks it up ,being a "nice" guy and say's ..ok.

He finds someone that WILL give him some attention and is wanting to be more than just friends.. things go along.. then Miss LJBF, calls out of the blue because " Mr. Exciting" couldn't keep his pecker in his pants.. now she needs a shoulder to cry on. And the gal who did want a relationship with him says "who's that?" he replies... Oh she's just a friend.. and all hell breaks loose.

No. if ya ain't interested ,get gone.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 370
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/28/2010 4:51:36 PM
^^^^ ispeakthetruth got it exactly.

guys who hang around are going to want more than friendship. if they are single and not getting anywhere with women elsewhere then they will go with the only options left and thats their girl "friends" they have.

i've seen it happen, flirting leads one thing to another and it escalates, thats when the female allows it of course.
it takes two to tango.

they can even do it to women who are already in a relationship. i can say i've been on the "bad end of the stick" in this situations. some guys have no boundaries. friends don't text each other and ring countless times in one day for no reason.

for starters i don't want anything to do with a woman who is already taken, but on top of that i am not going to follow some girl around who only see's me as a friend.
 ispeakthetruth
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 372
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/28/2010 9:36:19 PM
ispeakthetruth, again, let's be honest. Women "get something" out of having men around they aren't attracted to and have no intention of sleeping with. Companionship, affirmation, ego-stroke, male perspective...."something."


Well, I treat my male friends as though they are my girlfriends .... not attracted to them, no intention of sleeping with ;) Most are not satisfied with being another regular friend.

You make it sound as though I'm getting more out of having these guys around who I have no romantic interest in. That is far from the truth. I think that is your male perspective trying to get into the female mind. You may know of women who are like the ones you described, but honestly and personally...I don't see it as an ego-stroke or getting a male perspective or whatever you think I may benefit from. In fact, I drop these guys pretty quickly as soon as they express a romantic interest --- because this just changes the dynamic of the friendship and make things awkward and unsatisfying. If I remain in contact, it is by email or text and even this eventually fades into nothing.

I dislike men who don't take the hint that there is nothing more than "just friends" ....I tell them right out. I start pitying them or can't stand them harassing me for sex! They become a nuisance and their puppy dog behavior for me to throw them a bone, is pathetic. They need to move on and find someone who can be emotionally available or someone who will shag them. Not to sound conceited, but if I'm not interested that means I refuse to "settle" or give into their repeated sexual requests. I did say in my other post that I have "very few male friends"....barely. lol. I force them to move on. You might want to analyze women whose entourage consists mostly of males ;)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 374
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/29/2010 2:03:55 AM
You make it sound as though I'm getting more out of having these guys around who I have no romantic interest in.

Well, he said women get more -- which to clarify -- many do. Not all. It's the flattery/attention effect. Some women don't need or want a guy to pay for dinner and open almost every door for them.... many like it, though, and some need it. Women vary, but there's a clear arrow pointed in terms of a trend --> women tend to like attention & validation moreso than men, and are apt to have a guy 'hang around'. Just as much as it's stereotypical that a guy will keep a gal around for sex when she knowingly may not be comfortable with that, a gal will keep a guy around for attention when he knowingly may not be comfortable with that.

I think the stereotype both ways is over-cooked because we remember "those people" more than anything else. However, it is something both parties have to keep their eye out for, and is out there.

I dislike men who don't take the hint that there is nothing more than "just friends" ....I tell them right out.

Well, it's not just a pushy guy, but I'll make the assumption you're not the type who wants to even hang around a guy after you find out he digs you when you don't. But in the use-for-attention scenarios, as long as the guy's not pushy and is just going to "take what he can get" (ie her presence), she'll ride it out. I think most gals, even the attention-hogs, will start walking away when she sees he's re-trying, re-trying.

You might want to analyze women whose entourage consists mostly of males ;)

Well, you do realize that it's not semi-common, but ULTRA-common that women in their 20s and 30s "have a lot of guy friends, I don't get along great with girls, except for my close ones," right? :)
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 375
view profile
History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/30/2010 10:01:23 AM
I find that women in my age range make for terrible friends.
- They never have any ideas for anything to do, and rarely ever call to make plans for something. Saying "we should hang out sometime" then never making any effort to follow through is a cop-out.
- They are always too busy/tired to hang out. Most of my guy friends are either working 2 jobs or they work and go to school, and yet they are fully capable of finding time to hang out.
- Whenever we hang out, it seems like they are approaching it as a date.
- In mixed company, unless she has something remnant of a type A personality, she will have minimal contribution to conversations. Often times, I see them just kind of sitting and texting away on their phones due to their lack of input.
- I have yet to see any females offer to buy a round of beers/sample platter/basket of fries for the group when there are males present.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 376
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/30/2010 1:27:06 PM
Either I end up hitting on them, or vice versa. Alcohol is usually involved, which is why I don't drink 1 on 1 with platonic female friends, only in groups.

I used to bike with a female friend as we'd help each other train for upcoming events and the like. Every time I came to her place to meet her (her place was near the best trails in the city), it was an event in and of itself...
The result of her rummaging around for her stuff so she looked just right and was perfectly organized resulted in me standing around waiting. We always ended up starting out at least 30 minutes behind schedule. It used to drive me nuts. Even when I showed up late on purpose, she wasn't ready. Plus, when we were supposed to be training, she insisted on stopping to take pictures a bunch of times! What's with ladies and pictures?

Anyway, I'm not a schedule nazi but this was annoying and seemingly typical of platonic female relationships I've had in the past and present.

Before we went to Chicago this past weekend (Friday to Sunday), my gf had a detailed list of things she was bringing. I took about 20 minutes to pack and I didn't leave anything out. To her credit, though, she was able to get everything into one carry on suitcase, so I give her credit for that at least...
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 377
view profile
History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/30/2010 2:35:38 PM
well, i just have to chip in here (and gloat) that when my gf and i go deep desert camping, she shows up at my house on time, with no more baggage than she needs, helps load the truck, helps unload the heavy shit at the camp site, and never complains. when we're running behind, it's usually my doing.

and the one time we got stuck and had to walk out, she strapped on her 30 pounds of awkward gear and humped like she meant it.
 ispeakthetruth
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 378
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/30/2010 6:57:16 PM
But you "get something" out of your girlfriends, too. There are REASONS people choose to spend time with people they aren't related or obligated to.


it's called having a social life? it's called killing boredom? it's called keeping in touch - "how are you doing these days?" . Some of the men on here really need to get their heads out of the gutter and stop making a mole out of an ant hill. You guys are probably jealous of your buddies, the ones who got these boy girl friendships...and maybe some of these have turned into friends with benefits and you're just jealous. Why are men so focus on these boy girl friendships? You guys should be pursuing REAL, loving relationships with women who are emotionally available! But I guess some men don't care or can't get real relationships so they end up hanging around and hoping to get a piece of ass - I seriously think that's why some of you men dwell and talk about these types of relationship with so much bitterness and jealousy! GET ON WITH LIFE.

I have male acquaintances, not even male "friends" as I miscommunicated in my earlier posts. My real friends are my girlfriends. I keep in touch with some male acquaintances, simply because there's history....and so long as they keep a distance, as in no sexual harassment...I'll keep them around.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 380
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/30/2010 10:55:43 PM
Perhaps it's not that men don't find it hard to be friends...it might just be that they see no reason to continue validating a woman who rejected them.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 381
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/30/2010 10:58:38 PM
You guys are probably jealous of your buddies, the ones who got these boy girl friendships...

No, we usually advise them not to if they have feelings for them. If it was a girl to be jealous of, we'd actually feel his pain when she "only wants to be friends" with him, too. So trust me, it isn't about jealousy.

and maybe some of these have turned into friends with benefits and you're just jealous.

Actually that's the explanation of the guy you're advising not to jump into it will say... or that's what he's trying to settle (and hope) for at least, actually. Which, sure, do it enough times, who knows. But to be one-on-one friends with a gal while being into her is a big emotional investment... far more downs than ups... and time can be better spent getting FWB or a real dating situation going with someone who doesn't "like you as a friend".

Why are men so focus on these boy girl friendships?

Acutally, the thread started about why guys shy AWAY from that. Most guys are explaining why it's not such a good idea if he's got feelings for her and she doesn't.

You guys should be pursuing REAL, loving relationships with women who are emotionally available!

Exactly! Not the ones who "just want to be friends"! But that directly conflicts with what you were saying before, tho (see top of my post)...

But I guess some men don't care or can't get real relationships so they end up hanging around and hoping to get a piece of ass

... or to win her heart, which is where it's tough on a guy and advised not to chase them. But yes, some guys are willing to hang out with a gal who he's not "into" per se, but "who knows what can happen", where no emotional risk is involved.

I seriously think that's why some of you men dwell and talk about these types of relationship with so much bitterness and jealousy!

The thread was started by a girl. :) I don't see anything indicating jealousy...
 lovebeingmom
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 383
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/31/2010 12:37:07 AM
i think men and women can be just friends if both parties ONLY want that. but iuf meeting on a dating site, that is going to happen less often as it is likely either the man or the woman will wish for something more

sometimes tho it does happen where the people involved just dont feel the physical spark, but become great friends

i dont think usually you can be friends with someone you have slept with. ( not saying have to be enemie if u happen to run into each other...just not actively seeking the other out)

JMO
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 384
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 8/31/2010 9:23:02 PM
I think men and women have a better chance of being friends if they HAVE slept together.... no more curiosity!
Lol
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