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 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 501
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?Page 15 of 44    (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)
I understand what you are saying happybunny and I think that essentially this is really a problem that is condusive to a group dynamic, where 1 male in the group has an attraction to another female in the group and when there is no reciprocation of the romantic interest, she will want to remain friends with him because it will affect the whole group dynamic. It really has a ring or retaliation to it rather than a man needing a small period of adjustment for his feelings. Hence the accusations of ego stroking, using the male, etc. To me it says more about the male in question than the woman. This is where I really struggle with this concept that men cannot be friends with a woman they have an interest in because the implication is that the man will never move on from the attraction to this woman hence the inability be a friend to that woman.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 502
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 10/14/2010 5:10:57 PM

They are often her best male friend. Very close, and trusted.


Not the case here. My best friend is and always will be a woman. The only man that should have that place as well is my partner.

I don't keep friends, male or female who don't respect boundaries. As someone who often listens rather than talks in groups at first, I have seen and heard many of the things you describe; however not had it happen to me - I don't allow it to get that far.

The only somewhat close male friends I have, I have known for many many years and not one of them has ever done anything you describe, nor have I ever done anything like that to them. It's why we remain friends even when coupled off and why their wives/GF's also like to hang out with me and consider me a friend as well.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 504
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/21/2010 9:16:05 PM
Perhaps I shouldn't have said strictly platonic but things should be left on a friendly level if people want to be friends first.

Platonic is pretty much an on-off switch. Platonic = just friends. Putting a spin on that with "sorta" would get someone accused of "playing games" wouldn't it? "I just want to be friends. Sorta." One could think "Hmmm, do they mean FWB? Playing house as a couple on a date, but not really? A pretend game that we're just friends, but really we obviously can't be because we picked each other out of a lineup on Dating site? Why not just say take things slow on expectations and actions had?"

Going out on a first date "friends first" as a disclaimer in an email to a guy on a dating site is the same as approaching a gal at the bar, having some convo, getting her #, then she saying "I want to be friends first". What that means is "I'm not that interested in you, but I could be. I'm giving you a CHANCE. I'm the panel of judges, you're the contestant." Statistically a WASTE of time... unless she's an awesome awesome catch that would normally never give you the time of day and you're game to throw down field into double coverage.

If these people want to be FF, then wouldn't it be wise for them NOT to be trying to have sex with the person?

Even without the FF game, one may not be trying to have sex with them literally right off the bat. Sex(ual relations) will come in due time if there's mutual sexual/romantic interest. Making things PLATONIC on a "sorta" scale isn't going to prevent a guy from making a move. It can rightfully scare him off, and if it doesn't, with the understanding it's not stricly-platonic, it won't stop him from making a move. It just adds confusion to the whole thing.

So what you are saying is that if there is a man that I think is intelligent, funny and a genuinely decent person to hang around with, unless I am prepared to sleep with him, I should remove this individual from my life?

Yep, if all you know him from is via the dating circuit, absolutely. Now, you worded it in a bit of an unfair way... "prepared" to sleep with him? How about sexually attracted to him -- which means you would LIKE to sleep with them on the raw desire level -- but won't want to in terms of taking action until you're comfortable with him (which could be a matter of hours, days, or weeks). But it requires the desire to be there. It's called sexual attraction. Don't show up for a speed-dating event looking to find a male-friend... nor go to a dating website looking for one either.

ow that I'm older, its like I wasted my time being everyone's friend when I should have cut my ties and found someone that wanted to date me.

Yep. If you meet a gal via the dating circuit or from chasing a crush, don't be her friend thinking that you're just stocking a "chance" on the shelf. Even though theoretically that is true, it's to a very insignificant degree, and will take up your time.

Girls should not take a straight guy who likes her and try to turn him into the equivalent of a gay male friend. It doesn't work that way.
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 505
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:27:05 AM
There's currently another thread on this subject as well. I've responded to that thread as well because I'm equally frusterated.

I am open to having a relationship, but relationships have to develop. I cannot have a relationship with someone who upon meeting me says "let's have a relationship."
or who says "if you're not in this for long term, let me know" That kind of talk smells of desperation.

Why not meet someone and just get to know them and see if you want to be with them, instead of trying to create something out of nothing with a stranger.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 506
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/22/2010 9:19:48 AM
It's not about creating something out of nothing with a stranger. It's about what you're after. Are you looking for friends of the opp. gender on a dating site when you're single? Why should you unless you're looking for a fu|k buddy. Of course it takes time to get know a person but you can't just put that process on autopilot either.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 507
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/22/2010 11:49:19 AM
It's not about creating something out of nothing with a stranger. It's about what you're after.

I agree with the first part, but not the 2nd part. The problem with the 2nd part is that everyone's not (nor should they be obliged to be) on a mission for ONE dating-related situation only with everyone of the opposite-sex. It varies with the person they're engaging with, and that's not going to be admitted (nor should it be obliged to be admitted) that "I'm not interested in a relationship with YOU, but I'd be game to hang out with you once in a while, while we're both single...". In other words, someone can be (very) open to one thing, but not the other -- with a particular person. It's not LTR-or-bust with everyone... or FWB-or-bust with everyone. People can be up for different situations with different people.

A perfect example of this is the FF game. A typical gal who likes the FF game isn't going to want to necessarily go down that route with a hot, intelligent guy, who's a catch they would rarely ever have a chance with... where Avg Joe who appears to be decent on paper for a relationship -- oh, heck yeah -- just FF (on the fence of being 'that interested' in him).

I am open to having a relationship, but relationships have to develop. I cannot have a relationship with someone who upon meeting me says "let's have a relationship."

It's not a black & white situation, though. You don't go from being Platonic to being smack-dab into a relationship. There's the Pre-Dating phase, ie the getting-to-know-ya phase where you merely go out on dates. You wouldn't respond to a gal-pal while at a bar, "Oh, that guy's John. Him and I are dating," just because you went out on a blind date several days ago. "We are Dating" indicates something established there.

0. Friends (Platonic; sexual tension at the most; if announced, an understanding there's no romantic interest)

1. Pre-Dating Phase (More than Friends, Getting to Know Ya; Seeing them again isn't a given; plans have to be made; you go out on dates to get to know each other, but there's no consistency established)

2. Dating Phase (You're an item, out of the consistency of seeing each other that's been established. You don't mesh lives, but your free-time lives to a good extent; no plans are needed, it's a given that you'll see them again and within a short order of time)

3. Relationship (You mesh lives; you've been DatING for quite some time; you ARE "boyfriend/girlfriend" in all contexts)

Not jumping into a relationship does NOT require going from point 0 to point 3. Yes, some people, even some guys, want to jump into a relationship when they really dig you... but not jumping into a relationship doesn't at all require being just Friends -- that's stupid.

Why not meet someone and just get to know them and see if you want to be with them, instead of trying to create something out of nothing with a stranger.

Yes, it's the getting to know you phase ... the pre-season of actual DatING someone. No need to try and fool oneself into thinking you're just friends. A friendship develops anyway, whether one's playing the FF Game, or going toward Dating.

People like the FF game because they look at other non-set-up situations, where they were friends with someone of the opp-sex (friends of friends), and ended up bantering, talking, etc., and got to know them that route THEN making a move -toward- Dating. But that still doesn't mean you insta-relationship it.

The problem is, trying to "re-create" that on a Dating site is not a thoughtful idea. Then you're just "playing house". You can't be just friends when you each picked each other out of a Dating lineup.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 508
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/22/2010 1:36:49 PM
I am open to having a relationship, but relationships have to develop.

I think every relationship I've ever been in has ``developed'' around the second date. I'd say it takes time for a relationship to ``undevelop,'' rather than develop. If you meet someone and you are not attracted to that person, being friends first is unlikely to lead to a relationship. If you are open to a relationship and you meet someone to whom you are attracted, you aren't waiting for a relationship to develop. You're waiting to see if there is anything you don't like enough about the person to stop you from pursuing the relationship.

Basically, ``friends first'' is just a variation of the game ``hard to get'' for risk averse women. As long as you're friends, you can avoid getting hurt for as long as you can stall on deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship with someone to whom you are physically attracted and you get an easy out if you decide to not pursue a relationship with a guy, since you're ``just friends.''

Yes, some people, even some guys, want to jump into a relationship when they really dig you... but not jumping into a relationship doesn't at all require being just Friends -- that's stupid.

Jumping in to the fire and getting burned isn't all bad. I've had a relationship or three that went down in flames, but was a fun rollercoaster ride while it lasted. I'd rather have the excitement of jumping in and taking a chance of going down in flames than be afraid of getting burned and never get close to the fire.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 509
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:26:59 PM

Girls should not take a straight guy who likes her and try to turn him into the equivalent of a gay male friend. It doesn't work that way.


Well, there IS a caveat on that one...

.... when the guy involved is young and hasn't learned what women mean when they say "... let's be friends... I don't think of you that way.... you're like a brother to me... you'll make some woman very happy one day.... blaugh, blaugh, blau-diddy-fvcking-blaugh...."

.... or after the fifteenth time she's whined about some new guy banging her then treating her like shit.

:puking:

 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 510
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/22/2010 8:51:48 PM
Jumping in to the fire and getting burned isn't all bad. I've had a relationship or three that went down in flames, but was a fun rollercoaster ride while it lasted. I'd rather have the excitement of jumping in and taking a chance of going down in flames than be afraid of getting burned and never get close to the fire.

Well, those aren't the only options though (going down in flames vs no burn marks). And I think that was my original point... you don't play house as "Friends" to avoid being hurt to avoid the fire, because the only other option would be jumping into a Relationship. There are in-betweens, where you are more than friends... you're getting to know each other, and *IF* you both hit it off super quick, you won't want to pursue anyone else if you know the feeling's mutual like that anyway.

I don't think being in a Relationship is the (only) way to give it that rush. But I think I know what you're saying -- not taking it slow, but going fast on all ends, right? I could see doing so physically, but emotionally? Ehh, not so much. Again, you may do that because you can't help it -- she's totally into you, you're totally into her -- okay. But that doesn't mean you see each other every day and have dinner at their parents' and all that. That would be something that I'd find to be very reactionary and unnecessary. I wouldn't find it to be a 'thrill' -- although one's feeling on that is just their own personal view. But I'd definitely feel a thrill having things develop -- with the comfort of not meshing lives after day 1, 2, or 3.

Anyway, my point is -- to avoid things going too fast, you don't need to be "just friends first" (which is an oxymoron with the term 'first' in there and meeting from a Dating site)... you can see each other on a lite or moderate level without jumping into things. You can still get "burned" -- but you avoid potential complications.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 511
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/22/2010 9:26:31 PM
Why do we find it "hard?"
Gawd, that question sounds like whining already...

In any relationship with women, they make the rules, men play along. If they don't, they get tossed aside.

If you're a "platonic" friend, you are obligated to listen to "man troubles" and hear all about that "b!tch at work." After all of your "yeah, uh-huh, right, sure" babbling, you're a "great friend" because you put up with hours of dribbling.

Then, by some craziness when you get a girlfriend (basically like above minus man troubles - some other friend gets to listen to her issues with you - plus sex) this so called "great friend" will hardly talk to you anymore.

No, ladies, not ALL of you are like this and maybe it's my age and/or the company I keep. But I have to admit, when I hear women say that it's much easier to be friends with a guy, I have to question the ways of the world.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 512
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/22/2010 10:15:21 PM
^^^^ interesting response from a young guy but this is how most men are, so for women to think most of their male friends are gay is quite insane. what else are guys going to want to get out of u besides friendship?

i've never trusted male friends with my ex's and it was proven that they can't be trusted. alot of guys will bang any girl they get the first chance with, attractive or not.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 513
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/22/2010 11:06:53 PM

I don't think being in a Relationship is the (only) way to give it that rush.

There's the ``sex for lust'' rush, but that's a different sort of rush.

But I think I know what you're saying -- not taking it slow, but going fast on all ends, right? I could see doing so physically, but emotionally?

The physical part I could get for $200-$300/hour with a phone call and without the hassle that goes along with a date. The physical part just wasn't enough.

But that doesn't mean you see each other every day and have dinner at their parents' and all that.

I've never been in a relationship with someone who didn't want to see me every day, so that's the level of interest I'm used to. On the first date, both parties will know if the chemistry is there or not. If it is, I can't see the point of going slow. If it isn't, I can't see the point of a second date. I also don't understand why dinner with parents is a big deal. It's like having dinner with anyone else I don't know. Since I know which forks to use, I have good table manners and I know how to listen and ask intelligent questions, I've never worried that I'd make a bad impression. (The only time I did make a bad impression, I did it on purpose.) Relationships either work out or they don't, so I can't see any reason to pretend you're just friends if you hit it off.

but you avoid potential complications.

Like what?

In any relationship with women, they make the rules, men play along.

Not exactly. The person with the most options makes the rules. That generally turns out to be women only because most guys will jump through hoops to get laid. If you have options for getting laid, you can't be manipulated with sex.




 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 514
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 6:50:51 AM

Not exactly. The person with the most options makes the rules. That generally turns out to be women only because most guys will jump through hoops to get laid. If you have options for getting laid, you can't be manipulated with sex.

I may have confused, but I was not referring to sex or sexual situations/innuendos. I'm talking about just talking, activities, and other things people do with friends. "She" makes all the rules and talks so much as to steer the conversation to her end. Discussing her man troubles, then saying "he" is a great friend for listening.
But then, when "he" gets a girlfriend "she" seems to disconnect herself, revealing her true colors.
With girls I've been friends with since elementary/high school, this isn't a problem.

But, since it's me who's the common denominator, the answer is probably staring back at me from the mirror and I haven't heard it yet.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 515
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History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 7:05:17 AM

i've never trusted male friends with my ex's and it was proven that they can't be trusted. alot of guys will bang any girl they get the first chance with, attractive or not.

Unless it was rape.......the girlfriend obviously couldn't be trusted either.

Amazingly enough, there are numerous of us women...and men.......that
know how to respect friendships and boundaries.
If you're dating someone that has a penchant for cheating.....won't matter
if it's your best friend or someone they just met.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 516
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 8:53:23 AM
Womens ideas of friendship is different than a mans idea on friendship

Yep. Ask yourself if you could be naked in front of your guy friends and not have them hit on you. If not, then they think of you in a sexual context. My best friend is a woman (and very attractive), but I'm quite sure that if she was standing in front of me naked, I wouldn't have any interest in hitting on her (nor vice versa). That's the only reason we can be best friends. Having her as a best friend is like having a sister. I personally think those relationships are rare.

Lost my best friend of 20+ yrs recently, because he now has a jealous GF who wont allow him friendships with females.. .. what kinda freakin friend is that to dump a friend cuz their new s/o is a jealous loser ?

I think you dropped the ball on that one. When I met my fiancee and started dating her, the first thing my best friend did was tell me that if my relationship with her was going to cause a problem with the woman I was dating, then she would be very sad to not have me as her best friend, but that she would understand and not call me any more because she was most interested in me being happy. Fortunately, I didn't have to make that choice. Although my fiancee was a little uncomfrtable with me being friends with the woman, the fact that my best friend was willing to do that for me without me ever thinking to ask her went a long way toward making my fiancee comfortable with my best friend. (My fiancee also has male friends, so she wasn't in a position to object had it ever come to that.)
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 517
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 9:03:10 AM

Ask yourself if you could be naked in front of your guy friends and not have them hit on you. If not, then they think of you in a sexual context.


So what?

No, seriously. I'm an unabashedly sexual woman. My friends know this, including my male friends. No doubt they see me as a sexual person.

So what? How does that make them any less my friends? They know where we stand, there's more to the friendship than some potential one-sided sexual interest, or we'd lose interest in friendship with each other. That they might consider me attractive has f*ck-all to do with whether they're actually my friends.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 518
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 9:25:49 AM

No, seriously. I'm an unabashedly sexual woman. My friends know this, including my male friends. No doubt they see me as a sexual person.

In your case, that's perfectly understandable, since you have expressed interest in polyamory. Most people are not as open as you are, so what I said applies to the lifestyle most people consider to be the norm. Life would be better if everyone was as open as you are, but the reality is that most people are not. Also, my best friend is an escort, so I see her as a sexual person. There are few people I've talked with more openly about sex. However, if she were to get naked in front of me (and she probably wouldn't think twice about doing so if she had to change clothes in a hurry and I happened to be there at the time), it wouldn't arouse any sexual interest in me. I don't see her in that way. She did show me photos of her after having a boob job because she wanted my honest opinion. (She was going to shown me in person, except we were out eating dinner at the time and didn't have enough time to go somewhere where she could take her top off.) I gave her my opinion with the same sort of detachment her surgeon probably had. It would be nice if no one had any sexual hangups and having sex with someone was more casual, but the world isn't like that, yet.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 519
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 10:13:21 AM
^^^^^ MY WORLD is very much like that....luckily!
I get female coworkers and customers asking me to feel their butts/boobs/legs whatever, but it in no way is taken as an invitation to sex... sometimes its done in front of my GF or their BF... OR they'll come up and grab my butt or something...

I used to have a friend who after clubbing, would want me to spoon her for the night. She'd wear a G string and tank top and would wrap my arm around her, putting my hand on her breasts and fall asleep like that! To this day we're friends and have never had sex!

My female friends and coworkers often tell me details of their sex lives/likes and proclivities.
I don't take any of it as come-ons...we're just that open and casual about it.
MOST of this activity is female driven BTW...contrary to what some here FANTASIZE about.... women are very sexual! The LIBERATED and EMPOWERED ones are comfortable GETTING sex or attention when they WANT it! They don't just use it to trade for love...

The women I'm around are the ones more likely to tell a guy that its not going to become anything if they have sex with them... These are very secure independent attractive young women who live their lives as they see fit!

My GF is one of them.... Oh, yeah... she just recently informed me that when she's bad, I need to punish her for it!
So now, I'M trying to learn how best to accommodate HER wishes!
I'm also trying to learn whether/when she wants to BE bad or whether/when I'm supposed to MAKE her be bad.... once I get it down, ill be in complete charge of this aspect of our lives, but it has nothing to do with me being sick, cruel, abusive or anything to that effect! It's about giving her what she wants and needs... not out of ME being controlling, but out of me loving her!

She's only letting me know of this stuff because she TRUSTS me... not only to deliver, but not to JUDGE her...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 520
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 10:15:43 AM

There's the ``sex for lust'' rush, but that's a different sort of rush.

Yeah it is, but just as there aren't only-two scenarios, being Friends vs Full-On-Relationship, there isn't just Just-Sex vs Full-On-Relationship either for excitement...

I've never been in a relationship with someone who didn't want to see me every day, so that's the level of interest I'm used to.

And I think that's it -- what you're used to. Some people are used to "playing house" as being just-friends... then one day, boom -- Relationship to see each other every day.

On the first date, both parties will know if the chemistry is there or not. If it is, I can't see the point of going slow.

Well, going too slow isn't good, yes, especially if you two like each other. But a lot of folks digging each other after a first outing, where from my experience is to be expected statistically, doesn't want to join at the hip so quick. It isn't about going slow -- it's about not meshing lives so fast before you've gotten to know them. That freaks a lot of women out. It's not an on-off switch like that with a lot of people.

I CAN see that happening if two people already did know each other very well previously. That may be due to them being in the same social circle, sexual tension builds up, they talk online and within their group of friends enough, then things "pop". That's what the "Friends First" tries to re-create, but you can't do that by picking people out of a Dating lineup, you'd have to play pretend-games, which isn't going to work either... or actually meet someone as JUST a friend -- which isn't for a Dating site, but I would advise them to meet PEOPLE at meetup.com or facebook or something -- that's what that's for.

And of course the normalized way that resonates with many folks is going the Dating route, if you met a stranger. That's not "going slow", slow being relative to the normalized "speed" of two interest parties. You get to know each other being more-than-friends, going out here and there... then Dating (meshing free-time parts of your lives; keeping in relatively close communicative contact otherwise)... then having that grow into a Relationship -- which doesn't necessarily take forever. Sometimes it can go about rather quickly.

Relationships either work out or they don't, so I can't see any reason to pretend you're just friends if you hit it off.

Oh, I agree. I mean, if you didn't meet thru the dating scene (like POF or a setup blind date), then sure, get to know them in that circle-of-friends when people go out, which would get that "Pre-Dating" phase out of the way if you did seem to click in that pre-existing circle-of-friends environment. But otherwise, don't play house to try and re-create that when you got a # from a gal at the bar or from POF - lol.

Relationships work out or they don't, but the situations surrounding the two people can be a factor as to whether it does or not, notably early on. Some people like to be joined at the hip with their Partner, but when they're getting to know someone, even Excited about them during that time, no, they don't want to be joined at the hip, and that will ruin their interest.... and pushing for that can throw off what would have been a great match because the two people do the early phases differently.

Like what? (avoiding complications)

Like above. Setting aside "just what affects me" for a second, but putting into perspective what tends to affect people in general (all it takes is 1 person in a party of 2 to throw things off).

1) One person's interest can tank because the other person is pushing for too much hip-joining... and spending many hours, 2 times a week and texting/emailing/occasional-call not being good enough for one can scare the other off... or ruin the excitement for them.

2) So early on, when excited about someone, other factors surrounding your life will play a role in judging how good of a match you are, a little TOO much. Throwing them into that scenario, it doesn't take a deal-breaker for them to lose -some- interest, if a million things come at them. Assumptions are made during that getting-to-know-ya phase. They don't know you, so they'll have to try and connect some dots, which can be a little off... which many times MAY not affect much at all. But many times it can a bit to just throw what was "so exciting" tumbling down.

The problem with such a high so fast, is that it if one Feels the other seems to lack interest suddenly, even if that interest isn't notably "lost" much at all, it can push things to spiral away for both and all excitement then ends up lost.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 521
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 5:15:43 PM


No, seriously. I'm an unabashedly sexual woman. My friends know this, including my male friends. No doubt they see me as a sexual person.


In your case, that's perfectly understandable, since you have expressed interest in polyamory. Most people are not as open as you are, so what I said applies to the lifestyle most people consider to be the norm.


Valid points, though I'll also note that I felt this way when I was looking for something more monogamous as well. Additionally, I have many male friends with whom I am not at all interested in being sexual with. Some of those are interested in being sexual with me, but we've talked about it and they know what my boundaries are. Regardless of one-sided interest, they are my friends. That one-sided sexual interest doesn't change the quality of the non-sexual connection that we have.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 522
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 7:59:58 PM
"I have many male friends with whom I am not at all interested in being sexual with. Some of those are interested in being sexual with me, but we've talked about it and they know what my boundaries are. Regardless of one-sided interest, they are my friends. "
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They're "friends" on YOUR terms. Here's just another example of somebody who can't see the forest for the trees. This thread is basically about why men can't be friends with women in the first place and we know why... Just like in your case, they'd get into your pants the second you'd give them the "okay flag" - and that's not good enough, i.e., if it only depends on you. It doesn't surprise me one bit that a lot of guys have a hard time with so called male "friends" that his girlfriend might have.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 523
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 8:17:00 PM
^^^^ lol! just because most guys WOULD bang their female friends, given the chance, doesn't mean that they aren't true friends or that potential sex is the only reason they're friends!

That notion cracks me up and is very telling!
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 524
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 8:25:58 PM
^ Maybe because you belong to that category.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 525
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 10:20:45 PM
^ Maybe because you belong to that category.



...Oh REALLY? And just what evidence do you have to back that up?

I have consistently upheld both in forums and IRL that men an women can be friends, lovers, BF/GF, husband/wives or all of the above... and I am a big proponent of genuine friendships..... your posts on the other hand suggest a very tainted view of relationships in general and especially when sexual in nature.

So... I say to you: Back up your assertion about me!
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 526
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/23/2010 10:29:28 PM
Why do men find it hard to be just friends....funny thing though, Ive met alot of women out there that find it equally just as hard to be JUST friends as well.
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