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 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 653
Why do men find it hard to be friends?Page 22 of 44    (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)
There is NO way in hell I would allow a man with whom I had already had a relationship convo and had also been on dates to pay for a weekend away and think we are only friends. Sorry, but any woman who thinks that is an idiot. I don't profess to understand everything about "men", (there are things about each other that men and women will never understand), but I definitely get that.

Heck, I prefer not having a man pay for dates for me until I am sure I am interested.
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 654
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/10/2010 5:05:20 AM
But her expression of any level of interest has to be pryed... .
Let me ask you something. A women who comes across as a mature person, performs oral,on the 2nd date, sexts you for the next 3 days telling you "she`s horny, can`t wait to see you again, and i`m wet,just thinking about you". How would you or anyone interpret what that means?
During the week, we talk on the phone, i discuss our next date, she wants a romantic interlude and tells me to improvise..
OK, i`m a grown man, when a women tells you she`s into a romantic weekend do i really have to ask up front "the terms and conditions" of what that means?


When we left for the Gulf, we were having a great time,laughing and having fun on the ride up! We made a stop for lunch, she received a call, she told me it was from her office and got up and excused herself. After a few minutes she returned she had a look on her face which looked like she heard some bad news...Who knows maybe it was someone who she was seeing,besides me! Too hard too tell. Still, we get to the hotel and thats when she gives me the bad news... At that point, i`m a bit freaked out with her and her attitude, its as if she changed and now, all bets are off, and i should accept her as a friend...


Would it matter, if we stayed the entire weekend, if i thought our situation would change i would have,but, she kind of took the wind out of my sail and ruined the entire weekend festivities.
I did what any normal self respecting person would do, i expressed my feelings, told her i wasn`t into the friendszone,and was seeking a relationship. Which was something i discussed from the onset.I felt she mislead me by saying one thing and demonstrating another...
There are men and women out there who do selfish things. They care only about themselves and how things benefits only them.I have no issues with that,but, it doesn`t mean, i or anyone has to accept it!
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 655
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/10/2010 8:55:02 AM
Aquangold: it would seem like that phone call changed everything, doesn't it? Yeah, she held you as a backup plan and her no. 1 priority turned her down. She got upset because she wanted it all - go behind the other guy's back, have a "sex weekend" with you and then blow you off. That's ONE possible scenario. If not, then what put her in that mood in the first place? At least she could've offered an explanation but I take it that she didn't...

This is what happens when you try to manipulate other people and lie yourself through life - it all comes back and slaps you in the face so many times that it'll make your head spin. She was a worthless woman with no integrity and be glad that she's out of your life. These people are sick about themselves and they spread their "disease" to others as well. You were in for the sex and you paid the price for it. You thought that you could spend the weekend fuc_king her but it didn't happen. Without defending her one bit, but had you looked for a quality woman instead of using the radar on top of your d|ck, this never would've happened. Use this experience and learn something from it. She's not the only worthless woman out there.
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 656
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/10/2010 1:31:54 PM
Thanks Robert,
You were in for the sex and you paid the price for it. You thought that you could spend the weekend fuc_king her but it didn't happen. Without defending her one bit, but had you looked for a quality woman instead of using the radar on top of your d|ck, this never would've happened..
Please understand! I`m a professional man. I`m into meeting someone for a possible lasting relationship,which is the reason i`m on this site.
The women, i met, was a professional or at least she indicated on her profile. I didn`t ask her for references,nor did i think i had too.
I planed a romantic weekend, not a "wham bam thank you, zip my pants, call you tomorrow baby, weekend".
I liked this gal. She appeared to be a quality women, great job, good income, independent. She and i spoke on many different levels besides sex talk!
I didn`t let juniordi_cktate to me .
I admit she knows how to talk the talk, has a sexy appearance and a fantastic bode. Any man, would want to have her as a GF..

I assume, the call was from another guy she was stringing her along. Maybe, he issued her an ultimatum, i don`t know. To my knowledge, she`s still fishing on POF,so who knows what her game is..
There are some women, who are always seeking the best offer any man will offer and will say and do anything to have fun!
I don`t believe this women is ready to have a relationship and is as much as a player as some guys are! in her case, she decided to change the game as i was marching into the red zone.. Only thing was, i wasn`t into playing her game and used a different psychology, one in which she wasn`t accustomed to seeing from a man!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 657
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/10/2010 3:36:07 PM
I think it's safe to say that if you're not in a serious committed relationship with a woman, don't take her on a trip and pick up the tab unless you know there's no interest and you don't care. If you're not sure, save that stuff for at least a couple months down the road when you know where you stand. And be kind of leary of a woman who'd sign up for such a thing.
 safn1949
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 658
view profile
History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/10/2010 6:44:47 PM

Why is it immaturity? Perhaps, as one fellow stated about the woman that was mad at him for not buying her a ticket, it is a lesson learned. Every guy has a reason for not staying friends with someone that they are attracted to. It is no more a sign of maturity than a guy that plays paintball with his buddies. Throwing a tantrum when you don't get your own way, or keeping that safe person, man or woman, close by incase you have a bad relationship, is a sign of immaturity in my opinion. There are people that will string someone along just for such cases, or for other gain. This is done by both men and women.


I didn't make myself clear,I was referring to a woman wanting to be just friends but a guy wanting more then that and moving on it.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 660
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/11/2010 12:09:07 PM

I didn`t let juniordi_cktate to me


I beg to differ.


performs oral,on the 2nd date, sexts you for the next 3 days telling you "she`s horny, can`t wait to see you again, and i`m wet,just thinking about you". How would you or anyone interpret what that means?


LOL, sorry but you WERE thinking that way and you know it. I'm not saying it's wrong, but stop trying to defend it - whether it would become a relationship or just a great sex weekend, why do you keep trying to "nice" it over? Lust is a strong emotion and we all have fallen prey to it.

What she did was wrong, but as Robert said be more choosy over the women you pick. I've heard your story a million times from men with the same type of women.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 661
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/14/2010 6:07:37 PM
Of course he was in for sex, or let's say the POTENTIAL of it, especially when he received text messages, etc. indicating that chances were rather high that it was going to happen. Had he truly been looking for a "quality" woman with integrity, etc., he never would've met her in the first place. Also, he never would've paid for a hotel room with a "fantastic" view either and so forth. All that makes perfect sense. But, does that make him stupid and pathetic? Not the least. I think that a lot of men, AND women, have experienced this in one way or another - myself included.

Depending on what you're looking for, it's very easy to fall for the temptation, the adventure, etc. An "adventure" like that happened to me late last year and (it also started out in a hotel by the way) ended up in a hearthache - a painful story with arguments and bad feelings that stretched into months. As the story often goes it started as a game on a dating site, MSN, phone calls and then the "BIG" plan so to speak. Anyway, the troubles began when the "game" was supposed to turn into something serious. Now, if you weren't looking for a quality person you'll never find those traits in him or her because they didn't matter to you from the very start. She lacked the characteristics for a long term relationship. I knew it from the beginning but decided to ignore it because the game took over - for both of us I should mention.

So the moral of the story is obvious - if you just KNOW that he or she isn't the ONE for you and it's all just a game, you have to make a decision: you can either go along and enjoy the ride, i.e. the time it lasts, OR, you can decide not to go because you want more than that. If you go ahead with it chances are slim at best that it's going to work out long term.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 662
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/15/2010 2:52:05 PM
Let me ask you something. A women who comes across as a mature person, performs oral,on the 2nd date, sexts you for the next 3 days telling you "she`s horny, can`t wait to see you again, and i`m wet,just thinking about you". How would you or anyone interpret what that means?

That's a different story than the original told. Said type of woman freaking out about separate beds could just be a gal wanting her personal space and wanting distance, followed up by "we're just friends" as in "I dont want to be a couple". Strange? Yes. But I wouldn't interpret that as "no sex", despite her worded contradictions, since (immediately previous) actions speak much louder than words.

I would follow up a wanting separate beds and the friends clause with a question to her to be on the same page like "Well, we are more than friends, but you mean you like your space and are picky about your comfort zones, mainly since we're not 'a couple' per se, right?"

What you describe is no different than her giving you a BJ... then the next day sexting you telling you she's horny then you replying with "Yeah, I'd like to go down on you", then she replying with "What? We're just friends!"

If she was serious about the "we're just friends" as if nothing happened shortly before, I'd tell her that it's actually insulting any person's intelligence to say that after what's just happened like it didn't and expecting them to buy that... to say that you're not ready to Date and we're not "a couple" or aiming to be one -- okay. You threw a curveball there, but I got it, fine. But to say we HAVE been -just- friends? Uhh, that's factually incorrect, not an opinion, so it's you who's missing something not me. A BJ and talking about desiring me is outside the friend-zone, and we both know that. Now, if you suddenly want to BEGIN being friends, that's different -- and it's shady or at best really weird during our trip here -- but you're paying for half the trip and getting your own separate room.

IMO, she had a change of heart and rushed into the trip if all that's true, and somewhat suddenly wanted to be friends. She didn't know how to handle it and went wack. OR you've been coming off as a sugar-daddy and she's clearly out of your league and for some reason thought that you two wouldn't be a couple, and it was just a situation one-step short of an escort service and she (stupidly) thought you were on the same page with that.

You did nothing wrong if you didn't show/reveal something about yourself to make any regular Jane want to walk away to cause that or something. If she did do all that in the beginning, no, you had no bad assumptions. I'd find it hard to believe though, that said type of situation would repeat itself for one guy in one generation of time if he had any game in reading women's interests and all that. I could see a sugar-daddy like guy getting a hot model-type who's fancying with sexual talk & a few relations to get more cha-ching, but a guy with game could (almost always) read that.
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 663
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/18/2010 12:07:17 PM
The question should be 'Why do smart men refuse to play the FRIEND game that women play"..Here today and gone tomorrow searching for the next chump.Then when Mr.Loser arrives she drops Mr.Chump like a hot Potatoe.But meanwhile back at the ranch Mr.Smart guy sees these POS a mile away....I am far away from that intersection..I do not know what is worse the Chump or the POS that takes advanage(SP)of guys..I will go with the POS that strings guys along..It becomes a moral issue....But the POS usually ends up with Mr.Drama king(Mr.Convict,Mr.Abuser,Mr.No job,Mr.Loser)..So it is all good..The POS get everything she deserves and then some..The best ones are the ones that are the abusive drunks that likes to use them as a punching bag...I just told my best friend to stay away from this POS of a lady..It would not listen to me..I told him she is leading you on..He still did not listen...Well fast forward 1 month..You guess it..She drop him like a hot potatoe..Here he is all hurt over some POS..Then about 2 weeks after that we get news that she was a passenger of one of her winner boyfriends drunk diving accidents...She has 225 stitches all over her body with her face mangle up.Well i guess he will not be leading anybody else on...I wonder how many more winner boyfriends she will have.OH!!!About the great boyfriend..He came out of the accident just needing a band-aide..And guess what..Never once went to see his girlfriend while she was in the hospital...Needless to say..My bud learn a valuable lesson..Never trust POS and they always get what they deserve..YOU REEP WHAT YOU SOW!!!!!!!!!!
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 664
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/18/2010 10:57:58 PM

When we left for the Gulf, we were having a great time,laughing and having fun on the ride up! We made a stop for lunch, she received a call, she told me it was from her office and got up and excused herself. After a few minutes she returned she had a look on her face which looked like she heard some bad news...Who knows maybe it was someone who she was seeing,besides me! Too hard too tell. Still, we get to the hotel and thats when she gives me the bad news... At that point, i`m a bit freaked out with her and her attitude, its as if she changed and now, all bets are off, and i should accept her as a friend...

Would it matter, if we stayed the entire weekend, if i thought our situation would change i would have,but, she kind of took the wind out of my sail and ruined the entire weekend festivities.
I did what any normal self respecting person would do, i expressed my feelings, told her i wasn`t into the friendszone,and was seeking a relationship. Which was something i discussed from the onset.I felt she mislead me by saying one thing and demonstrating another...


The phone call from her husband reminding her that he's having her watched and the pre-nup says if she cheats on him she gets nothing... ?
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 665
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/21/2010 4:27:27 AM
Like i mentioned anything is possible.. I`ve moved on from that experience. don`t plan on doing something that stupid again...lol
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 666
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/21/2010 10:56:53 AM
Yeah, it's hard not to go with the fast-paced flow with a gal who's really attractive and sexually fraternized with ya already. Of course, IMO, if a gal seems "out of my league" so to speak, warms up to me very very rapidly, and then wants to go out on a weekend trip with after I wined & dined her for a date or two, it'd be a yellow (ie caution) flag.

I guess the lesson to be learned is that a gal's "feelings" can change, notably when you're in a situation where she seems on the surface to be a very great catch, the known positive attributes about you to her were wining & dining, and she wants to move fast with you. I think every guy should have a "plan B" when it comes to a gal wanting something like a weekend trip together after two dates of knowing each other -- maybe instead a drive out an hour away instead to go sight seeing or something.... that way, realizing her lack of interest wouldn't have been a much wasted investment, and you'd still have the option to get a hotel room at night and have a bit of that getaway experience.
 BrookfieldMan
Joined: 2/6/2011
Msg: 668
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/5/2011 6:39:23 AM
i personally find it very difficult to look at women as friends.

if we're friends that means we're probably having a good time, maybe laughing and enjoying each other's company.

i always want to take it to the ultimate level and
bang em like a screen door in a hurricane.

i guess i have a low maturity level.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 669
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/5/2011 7:25:44 AM

First of all there are men out there who think sex is not the most important thing in starting a relationship. I have saved myself for 40 years for the woman who will be the love of my life.


of course sex is not important to you, you have never had it.


After a few months of picking up the tab and being romantic I/E buying flowers, planning special evenings and the like. She tells me she thought we were just friends.


If your going a "few months" always picking up the tab and not know where you stand in the relationship, sorry bro, that is YOUR fault. I go on three dates, if she hasnt AT LEAST offered to pick up the tab, then I stop paying or stop asking, one or the other...


Hope I didnt offend some of you but I have lots of female friends so I have expieriance with this topic.


what topic?...sex?...um no, you cant tell anybody what sex means or doesnt mean if you have never had it.

It sounds to me you have lots of female friends cause you wont sleep with any of them. They probably enjoy you as a friend cause you dont make any moves on them.

Im not crapping on you or your reasons for "saving yourself"....but with all that said...please go and get laid...
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 670
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/5/2011 12:52:08 PM

If your going a "few months" always picking up the tab and not know where you stand in the relationship, sorry bro, that is YOUR fault. I go on three dates, if she hasnt AT LEAST offered to pick up the tab, then I stop paying or stop asking, one or the other...


Just wanted to say I totally agree with this.
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 671
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/5/2011 12:55:33 PM
Like i stated in a earlier post..I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS WORSE..The Chump or the POS of a woman..I will go with the MORAL issue..The user...But it is all good..Usually the POS of the woman ends up with the biggest loser(drunk,druggie,jail bird,woman beater,no life)..They deserve everything they get from these losers and then some..I do not give a crap who they are..NOBODY do not have a right to lead other people on...
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 672
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/5/2011 1:41:45 PM
I agree^^^^^The bottom line she used you..As far as i am concerned she is a POS..She was no friend..Most women have this mentality(SP)..Then the good guys have trust issues...And my favorite ones are the ones that claim to have all these guy friends...YEA!!!RIGHT!!!Ask any of these POS if they ever set up one of their guy friend up on a date..I mean if their such great friends and all,Then what is the harm...Personall i stay well clear of women that claim she has guy friends...They are very dangerous...
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 673
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/5/2011 2:49:56 PM
why do certain men find it hard to be friends? most cant separate the physical part of the relationship, how can certain men be friends with a woman when every time he looks at her he desires her even more....
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 675
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/5/2011 7:16:28 PM

Sometimes.. Friendship is all that is offered.. he can take it.. or leave it..

a choice.

its ok to just leave it!


Ah, but what started this thread was the OP (long gone now) being "offended" by the fact that men either still tried to get with them, or (gasp!) "refused" her offer of friendship.

Her offense at them refusing is then, in many ways, her own 'selfishness' - that she wants to keep these guys hanging around as "friends", but doesn't seem to want to respect *their* choice in the matter.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 676
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/5/2011 7:41:09 PM
What's really funny is how these "POS" women always have a ton of men as "friends" and many of these men think these women are the cat's meow, so nice, so pretty, so this, so that.

I'm sure you all know the type I'm talking about too.

Women are not going to stop this behaviour because men allow it. Until all men stop being weakened by sex, this stuff's gonna continue. So, what I'm saying is, it will never end.

I've never kept men as friends and I'm very very leery of men who ask to be my friend. Other than the guys I've known since childhood, I've only added one man I've dated to my facebook as a friend (everyone else is part of a large group) - we both agreed there was nothing there, but we still don't hang out alone and we rarely see each other. I think it was an unspoken agreement that we would invite each other to parties where we could meet other people :)

Because I have strong principles on this, some men even consider me cold and unfeminine. I'd rather be cold to a man than lead him on, but whatever.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 678
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/5/2011 8:09:38 PM
But isnt that the point Debi, Happy, if the man and woman have no attraction to each other friendship can work, but if one has a attraction to the other person, its never going to work.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 679
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/5/2011 9:21:32 PM
^^you won't find me arguing this one with you Cdnice and I've been the situation before. But I still maintain that I see some pretty hot women with a ton of male "friends". Maybe people are just weak. Shrug.

I don't have a problem with men doing this, what I have a problem with is them then b*tching afterwards about how they got used etc., as if it was all the woman's fault.

This is yet another example of people not learning anything from their past relationships.
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 680
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/6/2011 2:49:30 PM
I agree again^^^It would be nice if women would be more up front insted of leading gus on..But it is all good..They end up with men just like them..POS..They deserve everything they get.It is funny how KARMA works..And beleive me karma works overtime on these POS!!!!!!!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 681
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 3/6/2011 3:18:26 PM

But isnt that the point Debi, Happy, if the man and woman have no attraction to each other friendship can work, but if one has a attraction to the other person, its never going to work.

More like if one has an attraction they can't get past, then it's a problem. I'm sure there are people who can get past it (with someone they've known a while - a complete stranger would be sort of pointless). Rare, I'm sure - but possible.
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