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 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 742
Why do men find it hard to be friends?Page 32 of 44    (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)

I agree MRCS84 100%..Then you also have guys that will be more than glad to fill that need..It is called a CHUMP...I do not know what is worse..The guy or the woman..I go for the waman..It becomes a MORAL issue....Nobody has the right to take advantage or lead someone on..This is who somone gets hurts,But then again it is not the evil one getting hurt..So why should they care...Then it is on to the next CHUMP...It is all about their self rightous, insecure .selfish,immature ego.."OH !!!!I GET ALONG BETTER WITH GUYS..YEA!!!RIGHT!!!!!

Someone's been placed in the friend-zone a time or two I see.

~OT~ When I read these threads, I'm just happy to have the men in my life that I have, and have had for years and years. They don't feed my ego, they hold my hand when things are rough, laugh with and at me, and generally just add a whole lot of depth to my life. And they must feel the same about me, since I'm very much welcome to remain in their worlds.
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 743
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/10/2011 1:43:57 PM
^^^^^I see someone that does not know me or my 45 years that i have been living on this earth ..You do not have a clue...
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 744
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/10/2011 1:59:39 PM

~OT~ When I read these threads, I'm just happy to have the men in my life that I have, and have had for years and years. They don't feed my ego, they hold my hand when things are rough, laugh with and at me, and generally just add a whole lot of depth to my life. And they must feel the same about me, since I'm very much welcome to remain in their worlds.


That's a nice sentiment. Sounds like you have good kind people in your life. This is what a friend does, gender irrelevant.

I'm wondering if as men and women age that they are more able to be friends? They have matured and can be upfront and honest vs. when you are younger and "playing games". Although, I still do not ask men to be friends because I understand POV that men have on this and I agree in the majority of cases, I can see how this changes in different ages and dynamics as well.

When women are younger, many go on about how they can only relate to men. Frankly, I never got that. I think it is simply because they can't relate to anyone or even to themselves?


I see someone that does not know me or my 45 years that i have been living on this earth


Thank goodness for small favors.....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 746
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/10/2011 3:19:11 PM

Given that, exactly how would keeping 98 witnesses around who'll testify to a guy's undesirability going to build up his self-confidence in dating?

(Some) guys need to stop banking self confidence on which women or how many women want to date them. Even 98 women out of 100 don't matter if 2 are interested. Obviously a majority of people we find attractive won't find us attractive in return. They are not proof of our general worthiness as humans or romantic prospects. They are just people who aren't interested in us. It's just odds, plain and simple.

There's a difference between non mutual attraction and being undesirable as a person. If you take one as the other, that's on you. Perception is reality in this case.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 747
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History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/10/2011 4:36:07 PM
ICtheLite:



I'm not picking on you LinusD but if nothing else, this thread should be evidence that some women think differently about this topic than men do. Neither is right or wrong. For those of us that have made what we feel are real friends here, there would be no reason not to 'help a guy out'. JMO, but gender doesn't make a difference, you want your friends to be happy, you help them if you can, and offer advice they haven't asked for, lol.



I understand you were not picking on me. It's not take that way.
My post that you replied to was done with a bit of sarcasm.. It's hard to pick up sometimes just thru text.
My previous posts on the thread stated that yes I do have female friends.
I have no problems being friends with gals. I am at my capacity for female friends.

Female acquaintance's I have no problem being friendly towards. There is a difference between friends and acquaintances,for me at least.

A friend can call me at 3 a.m. when her heart is broken,needs a lift home ,etc. Will meet me for a cup of coffee or a beer go see a movie, be a "date" to each others social functions if they would feel out of place going alone,borrow 50 bux,etc Friends are more than a passing hey! how ya doing? great to see you online.


Acquaintance in real life or online : Hey! how ya doing? Life treating you well? GREAT!
How about those Red Sox eh? Well nice seeing you.. Have a great day!

People blur the line between friend and acquaintance way too much IMO and get butt hurt if you do not consider them your "friend" when in actuality they are an acquaintance.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 748
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/10/2011 5:09:14 PM
Given that, exactly how would keeping 98 witnesses around who'll testify to a guy's undesirability going to build up his self-confidence in dating?


True self-confidence comes from within you, understanding who you are and what value you bring to social situations..
The more experience in social situations the more relaxed you are, becoming much less self-conscious and able to maintain your composure come what may..

Your perspective can change from always going out seeking a simple quick hookup and mostly being disappointed, to relaxing and enjoying another's company without investing too heavily in any specific outcome..

"As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all acquaintances.."

Some of them will remember you when they need a fourth for tennis, or another guest for a dinner party..
AT those future dinner parties may be one of the two you ignite sparks with!
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 749
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History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/11/2011 8:12:47 AM

A friend can call me at 3 a.m. when her heart is broken,needs a lift home ,etc. Will meet me for a cup of coffee or a beer go see a movie, be a "date" to each others social functions if they would feel out of place going alone,borrow 50 bux,etc Friends are more than a passing hey! how ya doing? great to see you online.


LinuxD.... Yes, exactly. I guess I didn't read far enough back, sorry about that. I do know what you mean about friends vs acquaintances. In the real world, it seems to be more commom... you are introduce by an acquaintance to one of their friends as their "friend" and in your mind your thinkging "huh?", but ok, it doesn't really matter. Or an acquaintance all of a sudden acts a little more friendly because they want something, lol.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 750
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/11/2011 9:45:35 AM

Success breeds self-confidence. If you’re 0-for-98 at ANYTHING, IMHO, it doesn’t inspire confidence, much less with women.

True, but when it comes to dating, you're not in total control of it, so to take the outcome personally is to hurt yourself, basically. Success in dating and other social situations, anyway is in the trying and putting your best foot forward, not in what comes of it.

And that’s the difference between men and women, IMHO, at least when it comes to sex and dating.

Well that's fine, so long as men realize that particular way of looking at it will cause them more stress.

When I first see a woman, my very first thoughts aren’t whether she’s a benefit to society, or if she’ll fight with my family at Thanksgiving dinner.

Why would it be? I don't think about that when I see a man, either. But when a man's not into me, I don't make an overhaul assessment of myself personally. It's not about me personally - he's not into me because not everyone is. Some will be, and that won't be about me either.

Second, unless you’re one of those rare women who always does the approaching, how on Earth would you know that the majority of men you encounter won’t find you attractive? It really depends on what the guy considers you “attractive enough for.”

I do a lot of approaching so I do know. A majority of people I approach won't find me attractive because I won't know unless I ask (though sometimes I can catch enough body language not to bother). By the same token a majority of the people who approach me, I won't find attractive because they don't know unless they ask. The odds are more in your favor if you don't approach that the person walking over to you likes you, but it's no guarantee you're going to like them. This isn't rocket science.
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 752
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/11/2011 6:22:36 PM
This is true^^^^But i must warn you that women on this site think that only men act in spite or users..They will attack you if you do not agree with their agenda...For a man it is a lose lose situation....I wish you luck with this sight...Just remember on this site men are the only haters...Women????NO!!NO!!!!They are goody two shoes
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 754
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 4:24:47 AM

There are some women who believe that the men they rejected should place a high value on their platonic company, and are surprised and disappointed when they don't.

Why should I care about that? Their stress is not my problem.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 755
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 5:50:35 AM
Maybe I am misreading. Why would this cause more stress? I actually think it causes less stress.

How is going on 1-2 dates with a women, her rejecting you(for whatever reason), you deciding not to have contact with her cause stress?


No contact after a few dates shouldn't cause any stress (and I'm not sure 'stress' is the word I would use); but there is always concern for someone elses feelings if one person is attracted and the other is not. If their concern is a little over the top, I guess that could be stressful for some.

But not for this reason:

I'll say this respectfully...

There are some women who believe that the men they rejected should place a high value on their platonic company, and are surprised and disappointed when they don't.


Cindy Crawford or Keira Knightly maybe, but the normal, average women... not so much, lol.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 757
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 10:21:29 AM

Maybe I am misreading. Why would this cause more stress? I actually think it causes less stress.

How is going on 1-2 dates with a women, her rejecting you(for whatever reason), you deciding not to have contact with her cause stress?

Exactly. Someone who's not attracted to you in the first place or isn't interested in dating after a couple of meetings shouldn't cause a second thought - unless you take things too personally or make things out to be more than they are. It's simply a mismatch in interest. That's my point. It's not even a qualification of rejection, it's simply a disinterest in continuing. You shouldn't take it that personally so early on.

Even 98 of these people shouldn't make a difference - because it's not about you. Just as the two who are interested aren't about you. Most interest or non interest is random and part of dating. If you start judging your worthiness on that randomness, you'll be stressed.

I totally agree that's silliness.

There are some women who believe that the men they rejected should place a high value on their platonic company, and are surprised and disappointed when they don't.

That's just as silly. Refusing to accept friendship from someone who offers it in place of dating is a choice. No hard feelings in either situation - lack of interest in dating and friendship happens a lot in life. It's not really that big a deal.
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 761
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 4:24:35 PM

Cindy Crawford or Keira Knightly maybe, but the normal, average women... not so much, lol.


K.K.? are that many men into an ironing board with a head attached?
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 762
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 5:35:51 PM
I do not play the friend games...I am no back-up for no woman..I will gladly let the next "CHUMP" play that game..And i wish you luck..I got better things to do with my life to hear about some miserable relationship you have with your loser boyfriend..Go tell that to the next "CHUMP"/GUY FRIEND.....
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 763
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History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 6:18:21 PM

Neither Cindy Crawford, nor Keira Knightley, posed the question: a "normal, average" woman did...


Uhhh, yes, my point exactly.


Never rule out breath-taking egocentricity as a motivating factor for SOME people.


Hence the Cindy Crawford/Keira Knightley analogy.



"Great! I have sex with all of my friends! So, let's get cracking!"


Awww... & I was going to ask you if you wanted to arm wrestle just so I could see you whine !!!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 765
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 7:28:22 PM
I don't have any objection to just being friends with women....in fact I'm usually the one suggesting we just be friends....its the best way to really get to know them. If they try to treat me like their Sherpa then.....
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 766
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 7:38:37 PM
^^^the problem is most women (outside of most of us regular female posters) do not get it.

But I also blame the men who allow women to do this and do not speak up. Many women do not do this out of spite or selfishness, they just don't know how men feel. And prior to coming on these forums, I had never ever heard a man say how he really felt about being friends with a woman.

However, once you reach a certain age, you should get it. At least I think so. I've known for many many years that I shouldn't ask that question or expect that. If a man requests it of me, I am very careful and I have only agreed to be "friends" (I call it more like acquaintances) with one man who I dated other than my high school friends. I totally get why a rejected man wouldn't want to remain in her life and be friends.

But I do know many people that are capable of being friends with the opposite sex and by friends, I mean close friends. I've only ever managed to do that with my high school buds. Any new guys, we always ended up well in bed. LOL.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 767
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 7:49:48 PM
^^^^ I will admit to having been in bed with most of my female friends though at some point!
 You_are_not_alone
Joined: 3/10/2010
Msg: 768
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 1:51:09 AM
Non-sexual platonic cuddling does not count.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 771
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 4:31:16 AM

2. When people say, "But, Arlo, aren't all your friends male?", I come back with, "Yeah. So, what's your point?"

I guess if you're sleeping with all of your male friends, then there isn't a point in discussing much is there? You're right. LOL
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 772
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 7:15:17 AM

Non-sexual platonic cuddling does not count.


No, I'm talking about Sweaty Jungle,Freaky Monkey Sex!
I've only ever cuddled two of my female friends in a platonic fashion...the rest.....SJFMS all the way!
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 773
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History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 7:30:53 AM
SJFMS! TOOO funny! I am totally rippin' that off!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 774
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History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 10:34:17 AM

No, I'm talking about Sweaty Jungle,Freaky Monkey Sex!

I've only ever cuddled two of my female friends in a platonic fashion...the rest.....SJFMS all the way!


Cutting and pasting right now to add this to my list of acronyms.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 775
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 5/18/2011 2:46:29 PM


I'm not sure why a woman would say no to this? If she's not into you - she'd not only be fine with it, she'd prefer it so that you'd move on to someone else, who they are to her isn't relevant. - WomanInProgress



I agree. I've even encouraged my ex to contact a female friend of mine here, that I thought might be a good match for him.


You didn't tell us the result but I'll bet one or both wouldn't go for it. Him because he still had his eye on the prize and her because it is unseemly to take your friend's discards.

Everything might tabulate up and cross match just fine. Still who they are is often more important than what they are.
 codemiester2006
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 777
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History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 5/20/2011 7:30:35 PM

You are disrespecting the fundamental drive of men. Many if not most don't want to spend their free time making and being occupied by female "friends" when they NEED to be making "GIRLFRIENDS" which will lead to SEX which is a main motivating factor of what guys want. Women LOVE to "talk" and have sounding boards and use men for emotional gratification which can often be more important to them than sex. If you want male friends find gay guys

Amen to that... I am sorry ladies I am looking for "A" girl not a whole bunch of emotionaly leaching talk to me about my relationship vampires... I say it this way... a man has man friends and women aquaintances and a Woman has women friends and men aquaintances YA DIGG... I would never have a best friend thats a woman... cause its simple I would eventually have feelings for her...that she would not reciprocate!
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