Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why do men find it hard to be friends?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 754
Why do men find it hard to be friends?Page 43 of 44    (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)

There are some women who believe that the men they rejected should place a high value on their platonic company, and are surprised and disappointed when they don't.

Why should I care about that? Their stress is not my problem.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 755
view profile
History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 5:50:35 AM
Maybe I am misreading. Why would this cause more stress? I actually think it causes less stress.

How is going on 1-2 dates with a women, her rejecting you(for whatever reason), you deciding not to have contact with her cause stress?


No contact after a few dates shouldn't cause any stress (and I'm not sure 'stress' is the word I would use); but there is always concern for someone elses feelings if one person is attracted and the other is not. If their concern is a little over the top, I guess that could be stressful for some.

But not for this reason:

I'll say this respectfully...

There are some women who believe that the men they rejected should place a high value on their platonic company, and are surprised and disappointed when they don't.


Cindy Crawford or Keira Knightly maybe, but the normal, average women... not so much, lol.
 Spank_Me_Honey
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 756
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 9:25:05 AM
So you are romantically interested in a woman and she rejects you and says lets be friends

may as well cut off your testicles with a blunt spoon if you as a man accept that arrangement
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 757
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 10:21:29 AM

Maybe I am misreading. Why would this cause more stress? I actually think it causes less stress.

How is going on 1-2 dates with a women, her rejecting you(for whatever reason), you deciding not to have contact with her cause stress?

Exactly. Someone who's not attracted to you in the first place or isn't interested in dating after a couple of meetings shouldn't cause a second thought - unless you take things too personally or make things out to be more than they are. It's simply a mismatch in interest. That's my point. It's not even a qualification of rejection, it's simply a disinterest in continuing. You shouldn't take it that personally so early on.

Even 98 of these people shouldn't make a difference - because it's not about you. Just as the two who are interested aren't about you. Most interest or non interest is random and part of dating. If you start judging your worthiness on that randomness, you'll be stressed.

I totally agree that's silliness.

There are some women who believe that the men they rejected should place a high value on their platonic company, and are surprised and disappointed when they don't.

That's just as silly. Refusing to accept friendship from someone who offers it in place of dating is a choice. No hard feelings in either situation - lack of interest in dating and friendship happens a lot in life. It's not really that big a deal.
 1sweetsoul
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 758
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 12:23:57 PM
Probably for the same reason women feel when a guy wants to just be intimate with them but not date them. It's kinda like saying they're not good enough.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 759
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 3:17:52 PM

I'll say this respectfully...

There are some women who believe that the men they rejected should place a high value on their platonic company, and are surprised and disappointed when they don't.


(ICtheLite) Cindy Crawford or Keira Knightly maybe, but the normal, average women... not so much, lol.


Neither Cindy Crawford, nor Keira Knightley, posed the question: a "normal, average" woman did...


But not for this reason:


I'll say this respectfully...

There are some women who believe that the men they rejected should place a high value on their platonic company, and are surprised and disappointed when they don't.


Stuff and nonsense. There are some people (men and women) who get peeved when others don't slavishly accept whatever crumbs they deign to give them, and those others are OBVIOUSLY too stupid to recognize their semi-divine status. Never rule out breath-taking egocentricity as a motivating factor for SOME people.

Arlo...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 760
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 3:42:01 PM
*shrug* I don't get all this agonizing over the term "friends". When a woman hits me with the LJBF speech, I just say, "Great! I have sex with all of my friends! So, let's get cracking!"

Arlo...
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 761
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 4:24:35 PM

Cindy Crawford or Keira Knightly maybe, but the normal, average women... not so much, lol.


K.K.? are that many men into an ironing board with a head attached?
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 762
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 5:35:51 PM
I do not play the friend games...I am no back-up for no woman..I will gladly let the next "CHUMP" play that game..And i wish you luck..I got better things to do with my life to hear about some miserable relationship you have with your loser boyfriend..Go tell that to the next "CHUMP"/GUY FRIEND.....
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 763
view profile
History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 6:18:21 PM

Neither Cindy Crawford, nor Keira Knightley, posed the question: a "normal, average" woman did...


Uhhh, yes, my point exactly.


Never rule out breath-taking egocentricity as a motivating factor for SOME people.


Hence the Cindy Crawford/Keira Knightley analogy.



"Great! I have sex with all of my friends! So, let's get cracking!"


Awww... & I was going to ask you if you wanted to arm wrestle just so I could see you whine !!!
 Spank_Me_Honey
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 764
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 7:18:33 PM

I do not play the friend games...I am no back-up for no woman..I will gladly let the next "CHUMP" play that game..And i wish you luck..I got better things to do with my life to hear about some miserable relationship you have with your loser boyfriend..Go tell that to the next "CHUMP"/GUY FRIEND.....


Mr Nova - I agree and support this view you have expressed
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 765
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 7:28:22 PM
I don't have any objection to just being friends with women....in fact I'm usually the one suggesting we just be friends....its the best way to really get to know them. If they try to treat me like their Sherpa then.....
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 766
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 7:38:37 PM
^^^the problem is most women (outside of most of us regular female posters) do not get it.

But I also blame the men who allow women to do this and do not speak up. Many women do not do this out of spite or selfishness, they just don't know how men feel. And prior to coming on these forums, I had never ever heard a man say how he really felt about being friends with a woman.

However, once you reach a certain age, you should get it. At least I think so. I've known for many many years that I shouldn't ask that question or expect that. If a man requests it of me, I am very careful and I have only agreed to be "friends" (I call it more like acquaintances) with one man who I dated other than my high school friends. I totally get why a rejected man wouldn't want to remain in her life and be friends.

But I do know many people that are capable of being friends with the opposite sex and by friends, I mean close friends. I've only ever managed to do that with my high school buds. Any new guys, we always ended up well in bed. LOL.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 767
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/12/2011 7:49:48 PM
^^^^ I will admit to having been in bed with most of my female friends though at some point!
 You_are_not_alone
Joined: 3/10/2010
Msg: 768
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 1:51:09 AM
Non-sexual platonic cuddling does not count.
 recreator611
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 769
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 3:57:51 AM
REAL friends are hard to find....while Ive got many "on line" friends....many times after chatting they want to meet.....and take it further....which isnt what im looking for as a steady relationship,everyones dream I geuss...lol.As for physical friends....it can be done and Ive experienced it but again its rare....listen to many woman cry and complain and also laugh wth thier life experiences....but both sexes are guilty of wanting more.....
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 770
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 4:27:22 AM


(AT) Never rule out breath-taking egocentricity as a motivating factor for SOME people.


(ICtheLite) Hence the Cindy Crawford/Keira Knightley analogy.


I didn't think that CC or KK were particularly egocentric. Maybe they are; I confess to not having knowledge in this area... (shocking, I know...)



(AT) "Great! I have sex with all of my friends! So, let's get cracking!"


(ICtheLite) Awww... & I was going to ask you if you wanted to arm wrestle just so I could see you whine !!!


1. Arm-wrestling doesn't preclude us from being, uh, "friends"...
2. When people say, "But, Arlo, aren't all your friends male?", I come back with, "Yeah. So, what's your point?"
3. You can get a fair approximation of what I sound like in full-whine mode by letting the air out of a balloon...

Arlo...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 771
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 4:31:16 AM

2. When people say, "But, Arlo, aren't all your friends male?", I come back with, "Yeah. So, what's your point?"

I guess if you're sleeping with all of your male friends, then there isn't a point in discussing much is there? You're right. LOL
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 772
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 7:15:17 AM

Non-sexual platonic cuddling does not count.


No, I'm talking about Sweaty Jungle,Freaky Monkey Sex!
I've only ever cuddled two of my female friends in a platonic fashion...the rest.....SJFMS all the way!
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 773
view profile
History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 7:30:53 AM
SJFMS! TOOO funny! I am totally rippin' that off!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 774
view profile
History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 4/13/2011 10:34:17 AM

No, I'm talking about Sweaty Jungle,Freaky Monkey Sex!

I've only ever cuddled two of my female friends in a platonic fashion...the rest.....SJFMS all the way!


Cutting and pasting right now to add this to my list of acronyms.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 775
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 5/18/2011 2:46:29 PM


I'm not sure why a woman would say no to this? If she's not into you - she'd not only be fine with it, she'd prefer it so that you'd move on to someone else, who they are to her isn't relevant. - WomanInProgress



I agree. I've even encouraged my ex to contact a female friend of mine here, that I thought might be a good match for him.


You didn't tell us the result but I'll bet one or both wouldn't go for it. Him because he still had his eye on the prize and her because it is unseemly to take your friend's discards.

Everything might tabulate up and cross match just fine. Still who they are is often more important than what they are.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 776
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 5/19/2011 4:10:27 PM
I have made friends in the forums that we met together for POF events and stuff (both male and female). It is possible and just depends on the mindset of the other people.
 codemiester2006
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 777
view profile
History
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 5/20/2011 7:30:35 PM

You are disrespecting the fundamental drive of men. Many if not most don't want to spend their free time making and being occupied by female "friends" when they NEED to be making "GIRLFRIENDS" which will lead to SEX which is a main motivating factor of what guys want. Women LOVE to "talk" and have sounding boards and use men for emotional gratification which can often be more important to them than sex. If you want male friends find gay guys

Amen to that... I am sorry ladies I am looking for "A" girl not a whole bunch of emotionaly leaching talk to me about my relationship vampires... I say it this way... a man has man friends and women aquaintances and a Woman has women friends and men aquaintances YA DIGG... I would never have a best friend thats a woman... cause its simple I would eventually have feelings for her...that she would not reciprocate!
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 778
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 5/21/2011 8:46:38 PM
how often do you hear 'lets be just friends' before you place no value on it what so ever. So the simple answer for me, is put it up on Facebook, and that is about as friendly as we gonna get. And when I clean house (usually every other month) the rotation goes off of people that I havent heard from or talked to in 60 days; because they obviously werent that interested in being friends anyhow.
you were a coffee doily cozzy incase she needed to 'share' her latest crisis, or a safe night out. meh.
go get a gay guy.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why do men find it hard to be friends?