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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why do men find it hard to be friends?      Home login  
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 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 101
Why do men find it hard to be friends?Page 5 of 44    (4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)
again, I will say it...

I just dont understand why I would come to a dating site, find an attractive woman, have all the same intrests as me, and just want to be friends...If the excuse is that you are not ready for any relationship, then I dont know why you would want to torture yourself and hang out with someone you COULD date...

why would I do this to myself?...hang out with a women I find attractive and NOT want to have sex with her...

On the flip side, do I go to profiles of woman who are not attractive to me with all the same intrests and become there friend?

but then again...I have tons of friends that share a lot of different intrests as me, hence why they are friends, so I dont need to come to a dating site and have more friends...
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 102
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 3:01:25 PM

I just dont understand why I would come to a dating site, find an attractive woman, have all the same intrests as me, and just want to be friends...If the excuse is that you are not ready for any relationship, then I dont know why you would want to torture yourself and hang out with someone you COULD date...


You wouldn't, because for you it would be torture. But for me, hanging out with an attractive woman with similar interests is not torture at all. I actually quite enjoy it.

But then again, it is exceedingly rare for me to meet a woman that I would seriously want to date, so maybe that's the difference.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 103
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 3:10:04 PM

Using that logic, you wouldn't need to go online to find more dates either. Isn't the reason to go online to have more options, and be more likely to find someone who is looking for exactly the same thing you are?


I go online to find someone who has the same intrests as me, date, and then have sex and a possible relationship...

the buddies that I play raquetball with on wednesday afternoon cant provide that...
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 104
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 3:14:16 PM
This friend shi.t is beyond me really. I see point or reason why I'd seek female friends on a dating site either. Besides, I doubt that a good-looking woman would even WANT to hang out with a wuss who's looking for friends. Why waste time on a person like that in the first place?
 ICMUD
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 105
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 3:52:45 PM
i have no problems being friends with a female? in fact it says that in my profile..
but when i read profiles that have stuff like this

QUOTE: Some things that turn me off:
Snoring, overweight, bad breath, racism, old fashioned, never traveled, rap, heavy metal, atheism, married men...

well when shes not exactly slim her self, straight off the bat you know shes very judgmental and likes to call the kettle black, so what sort of friend would that be telling me? not a very good one?
 MakeYouSmile26
Joined: 10/6/2009
Msg: 106
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 4:04:12 PM
No one has brought up the fact that I am sure just about everyone on this sight probably aready has enough friends. In a given week after work, working out, and cleaning my house I have about 16 hours to my self to enjoy. Saidly I probably spend 8 of that on PoF lol. But the other 8 are pretty much reserved for my best friend. I already dont get to spend enought time with a guy that I have lot of fun with, common interest, trust, and respect for why would I give you any of that time to a girl I have less in common with, makes me feel like it is my job to entertain her, and I dont know her well enough to trust or respect her when there is no possiable payout of sex?

If you do really want to be friends with some of these guys you have to ask your self why do I want to be his friend and why does he want to be mine (if he is not going to get sex you need to let him know why he should be your friend) Either you have to entertain him, buy him stuff or hook him up. Even then male friendship are strongly based off trust so your probably still dont have a chance to develope one off the internt
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 107
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 4:14:58 PM

What is the big drama about not being able to spend time with a woman unless there is the possibility of a relationship?


Its no drama at all as long as the following applies...

1. He is gay
2. He is not attracted to you in any way
3. He is getting sex from someone who he thinks is better than you

If none of the three apply above then your just another girl he hasnt had sex with.......yet
 ICMUD
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 108
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 4:37:41 PM

Where is the guy that can just relax and be a movie buddy? What is the big drama about not being able to spend time with a woman unless there is the possibility of a relationship?

Surely having a "female friend" takes away the hassle of whether or not there's an attraction etc. and you can just hang out and do stuff. Takes the pressure off and if in the meantime you do meet someone you really fancy then you let your female friend know.

Personally I would LOVE to have a male friend like that. I'm at that point in my life where I don't really know if I can deal with all the trials and tribulations of a relationship.


if a movies buddy etc is what you seek, there every where to be found, there in all shapes & sizes, big,fat,tall, bad teeth, good teeth, married, not married, single or has a girl friend!!!!

what i dont understand is, if your seeking a friend, what difference does it make when either of you found or have a partner and why does the friendship end? yes you can discuss either meeting someone as it gives you something to chat about.. but you dont need to stop the friendship just because one of you met someone..i have a girl friend and i have female friends and i go do things with my male & female friends and my girl friend is kool with that & she is the same, she has male friends & female friends and im kool with that also.. we are NOT small minded people and live in the real world.. seek and you shall find it...

its places like this that i shake my head at.. i cant believe half the things i read on here & in all honesty it shows me how stupid some people really are & its no wonder they cant find there perfect partner!!!
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 109
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 4:52:22 PM
Bronc's under some heavy fire here it seems. It's really amazing that a lot of women simply don't get that through their head. When a guy steps out and just lays it all out, and yes, I'm with bronc on this one as well as many others (google "ladder theory"), then it should be perfectly clear that the criterias shown earlier must be applied if a friendship's ever going to work out. Why is it so hard to understand that if there's attraction and the guy wants MORE than just a friendship, that it's NOT going to work out for him? If he's still hanging in there it's only because he's waiting, hoping, for her to finally come around and say "okay, let's give this a chance".

Now, first of all, no guy with SOME self respect will waste his time on a chick who's banging other guys when HE wants to sleep with her. Second of all, it's an emotional torture just as stated before. He's not getting anything out of it. The fake friendship that he's trying to hold on to is just that - fake and a torture. She gets it all and he gets nothing. He entertains her like a clown at the circus. I just feel feel sorry for bozos like that.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 110
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 4:55:05 PM
benedanti,

<div class="quote">What you're saying is if you can't have sex with them...what's the point of being around a woman?

really?...thats what you got out of it?....
I have three female friends that mean the world to me. We have never dated, never kissed, never been attracted to eachother in anyway, hence why we are very good friends, and it doesnt get awkard at any point in time.


<div class="quote">As I'm reading your posts, I'm just wondering if ****ing a chick is your only goal here and until you find that proper slut in the bedroom and queen on your arm...

If you are gonna quote me and try to break me down, at least say something that is true. NOWHERE did I mention this...nowhere at all. I dare you to find ANY post where I said this.
I come to a dating site to do the following...meet women, date, and eventually have sex and a possible relationship with her. I am not here to "make friends", I have plenty of them. I want to find a partner, along with a friend...big difference..


<div class="quote">Because looks fade...on you at some point too. come 40 years from now, if you live that long, you're going to sag and be pudgy too...it's just the way the body works. DNA has nothing to do with how you take care of yourself. You could be a health and fitness Expert to many...Your'e still going to wrinkle and sag and break down. Those guys just end up being the "sweethearts" or "old grouches" that nurses aides have to constantly wipe and reposition...some of them die alone.

your right..im so wrong to find someone that is attractive to me. Shoot me, I need therapy..heaven forbid I find someone that is attractive....I should only date really ugly, non-attractive women, that will make me so much happier...

just remember, what is attractive to me maybe be different that what is attractive to someone else...your assuming because I said "attractive" I mean that it has to be a slim, big boobed, athletic toned body...NOWHERE in any of my posts did I mention what I find attractive in women, so how would you know?

You should really read what I said.

No man can be friends with a woman he is attracted to. hence why the ladder theory applies...
1.He is gay
2. He is not attracted to you
3. He is getting sex from someone else who he thinks is better than you

If your friends with any male and one of the three doesnt apply...your just another women he has not had sex with....yet

stop trying to overthink it....
 MakeYouSmile26
Joined: 10/6/2009
Msg: 111
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 4:59:59 PM
Benedanti

The sex is the here and now, a 3-5 years into the relationship the trust is solid. Like I said earler why would I want to be your friend, what do you bring to the table. I am guessing that the OP is a rather boring person in addition to having no typical male hobbies. Take sex off the table and sudently a girl that was dateable due to looks all of a suddent isnt friendship material. And before you judge me I have messaged girl on PoF that are both datable and friendship material but they dont seams to message back becuase that is what every guy is looking for.
 ICMUD
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 112
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 5:07:17 PM

^^^^^^Um before you start jumping down MY throat I should point out that you are very lucky that your girlfriend and yourself have other friends and are ok with that. But not everyone is from my experience.

For the record I was friends with a guy who suddenly started dating a woman and told me HE didn't feel right seeing me (even as a friend). So calm down and think before spurting your mouth off please.

I wasn't the one who called it quits and I'm not the narrow minded one here.

Also you are very naive if you think that married men or overweight men or any men for that matter that have girlfriends are happy to just go to a movie with me................I live this stuff and I can tell that most of them are looking for something on the


um i think you read that all wrong and got your knickers in a little twist ova nothing lady..

#1 im not even remotely having a GO at you, im stating i dont understand why the friendship has to end.. EXPLAIN: i value my friends and friendship and if thats all thats in it, i wouldnt DUMP my mate.
#2 if he found someone and let your friendship go, thats his loss and wasnt a very good friend after all, BUT thank you for pulling me up and stopping me from SPURTING my mouth off...
#3 naive? nar lady im far from naive, im straight down the line and say it how it is..
if friendship is what you are after, as i said, there out there and come in all shapes & sizes.
one of my mates is the size of a house, great guys but others would judge (small minded) i have over weight female friends, great people and make me laugh for hours, but end of the day there my mates and my girl friend excepts my friends and excepts i talk with them and go see them or maybe even squeeze in some lunch with them.. my longest female friendship has been for 16 years now, so im pretty sure i have my sh1t together and far from naive thanx..

p.s: be a little more open minded next time and try read the way a friend would rite it rather than just think someones trying to bash you as i notice that seems to be the way these days and unless its said in person where a voice can be herd, its usually miss understood!! like now..
 ICMUD
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 113
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 5:25:35 PM
benedanti
QUOTE: I'm not looking for Mr. Right right at this time. However I'd like meeting new people, I just am not actively looking for someone right now. Unless you are a mechanic, then ofcourse you are my new best friend.. .

IM A VERY GOOD MECHANIC so wheres my ??? lol
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 114
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 5:32:43 PM
Benedanti...

I think me and you could have some very long dicsussions and stay up to the sun comes up, and still want to talk more...

 LongAfterDark
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 115
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 5:42:38 PM

Using that logic, you wouldn't need to go online to find more dates either. Isn't the reason to go online to have more options, and be more likely to find someone who is looking for exactly the same thing you are?


This is a DATING website. Look up, way way up, it says it right there!! Why aren't you getting this??
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 116
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:44:45 PM
I understand men (and some women) who don't want to remain in contact, much less build a friendship with someone they have attraction to who doesn't feel the same.

However I think this is just a matter of circumstances and personalities. Some can find out there's nothing mutual and switch gears, some can't. I can do this because a requirement of me wanting to date someone is mutual attraction and intent. Without those I can't consider them - so a friendship is fine with me - and as another poster mentioned earlier, I can't be all THAT broken up over a guy I don't know that well yet, so it's not gonna hurt me.

My problem is with people who are on the unrequited end who make themselves out to be victims, and/or make the person who's asking for friendship out to be a villain or someone who's trying to torture them on purpose. Bottom line is not all who we like will want to date us, however some of those people will find us good people and interesting to know.

Calling an offer of friendship an insult just because it's less than you want is sort of...childish. Understand that someone who wants to be your friend isn't a bad thing in a general context - you may take it as offensive, but that's on you.

A question for the ladies - how would you feel comfortable being friends with a guy who you KNOW wants to have sex with you? If he wants to date you, obviously there is an attraction there and you know he wants more...
Wouldn't you always have to be questioning his motives for doing something nice? If he helps you move, is it because he's a good guy, or because he's still trying to get in your pants and thinks being a good guy will help him achieve that? Every sweet or nice thing he says or does may have an ulterior motive. If he invites you to a party or out for drinks (as friends), do you really think he's not hoping that alcohol will loosen you up and "one thing will lead to another"? If you go to the pool or the beach and he sees you in your bikini, are you cool with the fact that he's going to be ogling you lustily the whole time? etc etc etc

I assume any guy over maybe 16 will know when I say I just want a friendship that it's what I mean. From there it's HIS choice to hang around for something that won't happen, become an actual friend, or decline the offer if one is presented by telling me it's not something he can handle.

Or do you just like the attention of having men who are attracted to you hanging around? It must give quite a feeling of power to keep these men hanging on - they'll probably bend over backwards to make you happy, hoping you will one day see the light and want to date them.

There's that undertone of villain/victim again. Just because someone isn't into you, it doesn't make them attention seeking or manipulative.

This is an honest question, not meant to bash or offend - I am curious. I know that personally, when a girl likes me but I don't feel the same, I am uncomfortable around her. I am worried that I'm leading her on by continuing to hang out with her, I don't want to hurt her more, and I do question her motives for doing anything nice.

That's really her problem - if you are clear that there's never going to be any mutual interest from your end and she continues to talk to you, assume she knows and is cool with it. Have faith that she's adult enough to handle her business.
 ICMUD
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 117
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 6:58:15 PM

FANTASTIC!!!!

You'll get your :peck on the cheek"when I get my car winterized and ready for inspection...sound good?


sweet, all you have to do is ship the car to me here in melbourne australia and your wish will come true lol
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 118
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/28/2009 11:07:01 PM

Because that is an option.

A contradictory one, actually, not in "Not Single/Not Looking", on a DATING SITE, and select 'Friends' in the spirit of being platonic. Not Single/Not Looking means you're not looking for anything (if anything) more than platonic. Go to facebook, friendfinder, or myspace if you're looking for platonic friends... or mark your profile as Not Single/Not Looking on here in the very least -- otherwise, everyone's got free reign to point out how silly you are! :)

hence the name PLENTY of fish - the site to go to when you want to find people that have similar interests to yours

No... hence the name "Plenty of Fish - Free Online Dating" (see that headline graphic above?)... Plenty of Fish, in reference to the phrase "there's plenty of fish in the sea" when it comes to DATING.

No need for ruthlessness, but it is a mistake to try to make friends of people who initially met you because they were interested in you romantically.

Exactly. Now, one can say "Hey, I have 'Friends' as what I'm looking for!" or "I told them I just wanted to be friends!" Well, that doesn't cut it for many of course, because actions speak louder than words, and if you're meeting someone off a dating site who is attracted to you, they have hopes they can turn it around. Combine that with many women wanting just to start out as "Friends" (more than friends w/o benefits), again, you're not just friends there either. It's a Dating Site.

And if someone's insane enough to go to a Dating Site to pre-meditatively pick up PLATONIC FRIENDS of the opposite sex, they're barking up the wrong tree, and are acting like the kind of creeps who spontaneously cross and strut slowly across the street during traffic at some random point, like they own the whole road.

If a guy's attracted to you, you can't complain about him making moves if you decide to hang out with him one-on-one. If a guy agrees to go out with you one-on-one, and he expressed interest in you on a dating site initially, he's attracted to you -- regardless of what he claims to be cool about (being just friends). Doesn't mean it's a dangerous situation or anything -- just that yes, he isn't out of place for making a move at some point down the line if you agree to see him one-on-one.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 119
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/29/2009 8:48:44 AM
^^^It's only wishy washy if you don't like hearing it. Our only options are to want to marry you or never speak to you again? Ok...we'll make sure to note that.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 120
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/29/2009 9:04:22 AM
^^^It's only wishy washy if you don't like hearing it. Our only options are to want to marry you or never speak to you again? Ok...we'll make sure to note that.

Or in other words.. a man should forget what he wants which is romantic partner so the woman who just rejected us has one more friend. All successful relationships are based on BOTH parties getting their wants and needs met.

Men may be used to be rejected but it doesnt mean we stop being human. Their is still a matter of pride and ego and the last thing we want to do is hang out with the person who just rejected us. Plus what guy wants to be part of a menargie of men that Suzy dated but wasnt interested in romantically.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 121
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/29/2009 9:34:10 AM
^^^In that case, S.O.U.L, wouldn't you say, "I'm sorry, but if we're not going to date I'd prefer not to have a friendship either. Best of luck to you" or some such thing? The OP is talking about men who agree to be friends and then can't seem to understand that friendship means exactly that.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 122
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/29/2009 9:44:59 AM

The OP is talking about men who agree to be friends and then can't seem to understand that friendship means exactly that.


If your a man who stays friends with a female that your attracted to, or have some sort of feelings for then that is on the male.

A smart man would NEVER be friends with a female who he is attracted to....you will drive yourself nuts...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 123
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Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/29/2009 9:46:06 AM
3 years ago I went on a date w/ John from here.
We decided we weren't a good match for a relationship.....but we really enjoyed hanging out with each other. We decided to stay friends. We have hung out, went to Colts games, camping together, etc....but we have never had any kind of intimacy between us.
He is now married w/ a baby on the way. (I went to the wedding)
I am now friends w/ his wife.

I felt I needed to let John and his wife know that I was onto him.
I let them know that John has stayed my friend these past 3 years because
he wants to have sex with me.
I showed them this thread as proof......and let them know this must be a fact
because the guys in this thread "said so"....and we all know that every man
thinks exactly alike.

 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 124
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/29/2009 9:55:13 AM
Sure. And I'm not saying that a friendship couldnt happen down the road despite being rejected on a romantic level..it's just not going to happen right away. The guy would have to stop having a romantic interest in the woman first to have a genuine friendship with her.


The OP is talking about men who agree to be friends and then can't seem to understand that friendship means exactly that.


That's not a real friendship because the guy has ulterior motives that he's not being upfront about . It's like being friends with someone only becuase they can get you front row seats to football game or a discount to a store you shop.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 125
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 12/29/2009 10:04:38 AM

I let them know that John has stayed my friend these past 3 years because
he wants to have sex with me.
I showed them this thread as proof......and let them know this must be a fact
because the guys in this thread "said so"....and we all know that every man
thinks exactly alike.


He falls into one of the categories, this is why he is your friend...

1. He is gay
2. He is not attracted to you
3. He is getting sex from someone who he thinks is better than you<<<
I never said all men want to sleep with there female friends, I simply stated that no man can be friends with a female he is attracted to. It really CANT be disputed....
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