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 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 51
Should love be reciprocated?Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
There is the 'big love' where you have loving feelings in general about people and there is 'particular love' where you have intense feelings about another person.

I don't expect the people I may 'love in general' to reciprocate my feelings except in a very 'general way'. However if I do find myself loving a specific human being, it is a wonderful thing if they do return my affection. If they don't, I will most likely pout a bit and put that person in my 'closet of unrequited love'. Still loving them, but not requiring anything from them. After I stalk then for awhile, of course. LOL
 FMaj7
Joined: 4/24/2011
Msg: 52
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/12/2011 7:40:55 PM

I will most likely pout a bit and put that person in my 'closet of unrequited love'


LOL I used to do this also, but they would fight with the skeletons.

I read this post with great interest. I find it hard to understand the complexities and subtleties. Should implies an obligation. There is no obligation to reciprocate. And if there is no desire to reciprocate be up front about it. Am I missing something?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 53
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/14/2011 9:23:53 PM
it is a gift that you give, not an exchange that is to be bartered with. You should however find someone that has a similar mentality about it. Because if it is indeed a one way street and uneven relationship, the novelty will wear quickly.
It is a delicate balancing of chaos, and a maze of hope.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 54
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Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/15/2011 12:35:29 PM
This is a very interesting topic. I am currently writing a book on it. People don't realize that because we as humans can rationalize, and walk on two feet... that we are not like the rest of the kingdom of animals in the world. This goes back to our primal beginnings that are imbedded into our DNA ladders. Also another problem is that in this country, a lot of us are related by our DNA ladders. This is a cause that creates the reason why people don't get along, because we are too much alike. That's why opposites attract. Because of our DNA ladders. I could go into more detail, but I'm not sure if anyone is interested. This has to do with the bond of Love, and it's reciprocating properties.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 55
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/16/2011 8:27:32 AM

I am currently writing a book on it.


Is this book about DNA or evolutionary biology or about the relationship side of it?
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 56
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/16/2011 7:17:34 PM


Practically speaking there has to be some give and take.


You can't take love. You can only be the recipient of love. You can be open to love, and allow others to love you, and that's about it. So what exactly does love have to do with "give and take"?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 57
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/16/2011 7:26:10 PM
^^^Agreed. The best situation is two people who are generous in giving, and appreciate receiving but never withhold or expect. Unfortunately it's rare that it happens that way, but when it does - it's awesome.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 58
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Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/16/2011 10:38:25 PM

Is this book about DNA or evolutionary biology or about the relationship side of it?


Actually it's about DNA, and relationships. Just like doctors can find sickness, and disease in DNA, so can we find relationship problems.
 LoveHelper143
Joined: 5/7/2011
Msg: 59
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/17/2011 6:08:09 AM
I really think that it's sad that some people think that you should not expect for love to be reciprocated. SAD.

I think that if anything within a committed relationship isn't reciprocated, especially love why be in such a relationship? It makes no sense.

If a person is in a relationship where the reciprocation of love, sharing, respect, loyalty, commitment lessens or cease to exist, that person should consider leaving the relationship. I would never stay somewhere where I am not happy or always putting for effort to make things work and I get nothing in return.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 60
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/17/2011 9:48:15 AM

That soooo unrealistic WIP. You don't believe that really happens do you?

If you had quoted the rest of what I said you wouldn't have to ask - I addressed it. I do think it does, in all kinds of relationships, not just dating, but (yeah sure I'll repeat myself) it IS rare. It should happen more often.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 61
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/17/2011 9:57:40 AM

Take and allow to be taken from - not the same as giving as it’s passive and and less than voluntary, but it is a manifestation of love nonetheless. Give and take.

It think it's more correctly defined as Give and Receive.

You can show your love to someone else in countless ways but you also have to be "open and willing" to "receive" in how someone gives love to you.

It's not as passive as you think.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 62
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/17/2011 10:18:24 AM
Hey, you don't have to tell me. I was born from and raised by a woman who essentially manipulated her kids and expected them to do things for her in exchange for acceptance and love. So if anyone's jaded and cynical about that, it's me.

I learned once I moved out of the house though that there are people who actually love you for who you are, and even if you don't love them back - they are still there when you need them. They don't even have to be family. Shocking for me, but there it is. Being that I'm independent to a fault and would rather pull my intestines out with a fork than ask anyone for anything, I've not been the most grateful for it over the years, but there are a couple of people out there who truly do love me unconditionally and without question, no matter what I choose to do with what they offer.

And for me there are a couple people I am that way about. They are just people I love - even when they don't love me back...but I've never been a fan of obligation, so I don't tend to force it on people in the opposite direction.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 63
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/17/2011 11:01:14 AM
should we expect reciprocation?
Some days it's 50/50%
Some days its 10/90%.... or the other way around
and others maybe 30/70% or whatever number it is... variety is the spice of life I say.

What happens when one or the other partner does not get that reciprocation?
When stuck on a certain percentage or too much on one end of the scale, there isn't much of fairness within that relationship... is there?
Two things can happen, be aware of it, talk it out to work on improving the situation or...


show the door?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 64
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/17/2011 11:20:15 AM

My thinking is along the lines of what LoveHelper143 was saying. If I were to be in a "mate" relationship with a man, I certainly would expect to be loved back, or why be there? I have learned to be selfish that way. Otherwise I would just be in another one-way relationship and those are very painful indeed.


Very good points. I think is this discussion we mention the unconditional love, the one we feel and give freely to our children, to our mother and father (if you are in good terms with them), so brothers and sisters and many times friends. And reciprocation is not ever required. If you have a grumpy parent and you know they are going to b it ch at something you did for them, be it. It's their way to show their love.

But I would say that the demise of many, many, many relationships is the result of one partner giving, and the other one not giving. It's not so much that you want something back, it not the "should" word because you don't demand it back, but that at one point, that partner is felt empty, with nothing else to give and no one to recharge their own batteries.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 65
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/17/2011 11:42:58 AM

Should love be reciprocated?

Well, it kinda doesn't work too well if it's not reciprocated. Stalkers can love you to pieces but that doesn't necessarily mean it should be reciprocal. To love or even like someone else to the same degree as they do you is immeasurable, like trying to figure out where infinity ends. Some people are more lovingly demonstrative in a physical or materialistic way but it doesn't necessarily mean they love the person of their affections any more than the one on the receiving end of those demonstrations. Wouldn't it suck if there was a love barometer and you could visually see if it was an equal reciprocity? It would take some kind of hunting to find someone that matched you 100% on the love quotent meter. Close enough is good enough.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 66
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Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/17/2011 5:35:25 PM
Love means never having to say your sorry.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 67
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/18/2011 12:58:13 PM
In my book, yes.
If i loved someone who didnt return the feelings, i would think i was either desperate as all hell, or a stalker. Neither of those are things ui ever intend to be.
If someone loved me and i didnt love them, i would view them as desperate and/or a stalker, unable to go find someone who does want and love them.
I am not all loving or all giving. I am selfish to an extent. I do love certain people and enjoy giving, but i fully expect to recieve as well. And if i am not recieving, i am in the wrong place, and i move on to find the right place.
I find expectations to be a must for me. If i am dissapointed, oh well thats life, it happens. But by setting the bar, is how i attract people who meet my standards.

I think that my 2 children are the only people i could ever truly 100% love even if they didnt return the feelings (i sure hope that doesnt happen though!)
 ShellLadySD
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 68
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/20/2011 11:42:29 PM

Love means never having to say your sorry.


yeah... bad grammar and all...

I hate that word "should."

In a perfect world, we would all freely give love and accept love. Maybe we will, like tomorrow, given the prognostications...

But if not, then, if love is what we seek, we give it freely. We give it. We give it. We give it. The more we give it, the greater the likelihood that love will come back to us. The only guarantee is that in loving completely we live a life well-spent. That's all we get.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 69
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/21/2011 3:10:58 PM
"Should"? That word causes a lot of people a lot of grief.

No, requited love is not necessary to a healthy relationship. Some men dump women when the woman uses the "love" word. It doesn't scare me. I've been in a relationship with a woman who wanted someone to love. I didn't use or abuse her. She was bright and educated. I liked and respected her and I was fair. Her emotional involvement had it's ups and down but I rode them out. I think my restraint was a beneficial counter balance. I suspect that is probably common in relationships between men and women.
 larissan04
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 70
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/22/2011 3:49:44 PM
it isn't love unless it IS reciprocated.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 71
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/22/2011 4:11:44 PM


Love means watching your tongue so you don't have reason to apologize in the first place - something I struggle with - so I do a lot of apologizing.


If it is really love, you don't have to watch your tongue. Not a bad world could come out of your mouth, even if you tried.



it isn't love unless it IS reciprocated.


We have tons of examples where it is love but it isn't reciprocated.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 72
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/22/2011 4:33:24 PM

Should love be reciprocated?

Well, it would be ideal if love was always reciprocated, but that's just not likely going to happen 100% of the time. Or maybe better stated, love is not always reciprocated equally or even the "same." I know that I love several people at this very moment and I'm fairly comfortable knowing that I love them a little deeper than they love me and there is one person that loves me in a way and to a degree that I can't return equally. Love is a rare thing and I happen to treasure it when I'm lucky enough to have it in my life. I'd like to think that I love freely and honestly and all I can hope for is that some of that is returned to me. In the end, it really doesn't matter who doesn't love us ~ it matters who has and/or still does love us. JMO
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 73
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/22/2011 9:21:09 PM

It seems the law of supply and demand says that if something is given away in large quantities it no longer is seen as having any value.


This phrase made me feel sad, mostly because it's true. We never miss what we have until it's gone, and then we finally recognize how treasured it really was. If there was only one more day, or one more hour of your life to enjoy.............what would you wish for, that you had taken for granted before?

I believe that love should be reciprocated every day and there are so many ways to say it without even saying a word.
 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 74
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Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/23/2011 11:14:46 AM
That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he/she really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullsh*t. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 75
Should love be reciprocated?
Posted: 5/24/2011 3:40:28 PM
Jeezuz dood....... read "The Five Love Languages" and get off the expectation train.....

Whole lotta "I don't expect, but I expect" in your dissertation. We put out what we want in life, BY CHOICE, and if you're expecting ANYTHING back, then you are living someone else's life for them, along with your own.

*blech*


bullie~
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