Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Does anyone else feel this way?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I had a similar experience watching MTV a long while back, which I think is a mirror of what you are describing. It was the Thompson Twins, performing one of their songs, and I found myself becoming furious with the girl's appearance: she wore her bangs stiffened out straight in front of her with some sort of startchy stuff, so that they reached a foot in lead of her face. Atop her head was a matching hat, a cartoonish boxy thing with a baseball style brim that stretched out to just beyond the exaggerated hair.
I was mid internal vent when I suddenly realized i was the spitting image of the fuddy-duddies I'd protested in my own long-haired youth, and I spent the next while working to figure out if I had turned magically into my parents generation, or just had a brain tumor.
I recognized fairly quickly, that due to recent criticism of my friends, I had become sensitive to being thought of as 'out of it,' discardable. The exaggerated costumery of the Thompson Twins was an easy target to vent my resentment at.
Your situation has the same components: your focus on besting your peers, only to find that it didn't work out for you. You have both personal embarrassment, and personal pain mixed together, coming out as resentment of others who APPEAR to be rubbing your face in it with their public displays of affection.
I think if you can recognize what this dynamic in you actually is, in this kind of detail, you'll be able to adjust and do the most important FIRST thing to recover, which is to forgive yourself for thinking that love was so easy, that you make prove the rest of your family admire you for accomplishing it through rapid marriage. Then work on figuring out why you thought your family NEEDED to be shown up that way. After you work through it, you'll likely find that you can get down to the wonderful, basic, simple reality of being able to just LIKE other people for their day-to-day selves, and not for what you imagine they might do in the future. Then you'll be able to open up to love FROM yourself again.
 1simplyamy
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 22
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:39:03 AM
I was about to suggest counseling like many of the other female forum fishies . . . then I read igorfrakensteen's post and wow, just listen to him. He knows of what he speaks. Take advice from someone "who's been there done that", words of wisdom that work are good advice!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 24
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:42:05 AM
Dude, you are pathetic. The worst problem you have is that with that thinking, you will perpetuate that outcome over and over again.

But love, caring, feeling, passion are things that when you give them, you give them freely. The problem is that you do not know how to give, thus you do not know how to love. Take for instance that couple embracing, instead of feeling angry, you should have asked yourself, what do they feel that is so awesome. Then project that image into yourself, how does it feel when I hug my own daughter. It feels good, it feels like you are god, you are the protector of everything bad out there. That is an emotion. That is an emotion that now you project when YOU hug an old lady. You mean it and you hug her. YOu do not want anything out of that old lady other than for her to feel hugged and cared. What will happen is that muscle that drives passion begins to learn. And instead of attaching yourself to the negative, you start attaching yourself to the positive.

I remember a woman than when she was in Nadir (low point during Chemo) she would shrivel into a little bag of bones in the fetal position. She looked really bad, no eyebrows, no hair. I would hug her, and she would even get closer to me and I felt as if some of my own energy, my own love, my own whatever may be, would transfer to her.

You have not felt, because you have not allowed yourself to feel. And now you are angry and feel the whole world is going to end. Now if you think it's over, it is over. What you will fail to see is that there are thousands of women out there looking for a guy just like you (well, the positive version).
 MsYesterday
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 26
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:57:09 AM
I think that you have a serious problem when it comes to LOVE.You sound very angry and at this time you should take a pause from dating and focus on yourself first.
You are angry at the world because you do not love yourself first.Love is not a competition and you can not judge others by being in love.
Let others live and show affection to each other..........you can not control them.
Focus on yourself and make yourself fit in this world and get over your anger.
Love is a wonderful thing .
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:57:29 AM
I'll add another vote for counselling. Your perception of the world and your conclusions about how life 'really' is are deeply skewed. You need a professional to untwist your convoluted thinking so that you can observe and react rationally.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 29
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 8:19:17 AM

I guess that's better than the cold, heartless, empty, **stard

Give the thread time ..I'm sure some are thinking exactly that.

Get some help, you sound full of hate and have a constipated attitude towards women.
You seem to be choking on past sh1t.
You can't chase it with some "why not me?" and get it down.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 30
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 8:23:44 AM

Am I the only one who gets angry (it's very hard to descibe how I feel, angry may be too strong) when I witness a man and women in a passionate embrace? Ever since I found out things like that have no meaning it upsets me to see two people misleading each other in such a way, but if it does have some sort of meaning, what is it?


It is called affection (I like you).. I think you should see someone about the anger issue you seem to have.. This should bring a smile to your face not anger.

thecatsmeoww
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 8:26:14 AM
Having been in embraces with the one I'm fond of, the meaning is implicit. You like her and the way she feels, like a silky soft purse with a warm core...it's divine. If you don't get that, wow--you're really missing out on the fine pleasures of human interaction.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 8:36:44 AM
I dont know that you have ever experienced love, OP. So it would make sense that you would doubt it's existence. But it is very real, that's why we chase after it so long and so hard. We know when we do find it again, it will be well worth it.
I dont feel anger when I see a couple out together. I feel envious that my own past loves didnt work out.
About 2 1/5 months ago, I admitted a 9o year old lady into the long term care facility where I work. Dementia, some Alzheimers. Her husband could no longer care for her at home. That first day, they told me their 72nd anniversary was coming up, they had never slept apart from each other. She told him "You're not suposed to leave me. You're suposed to be with me all the time." He came in the mornings, stayed all day with her, took her to meals, activities till she went to bed in the evenings, then he would go home. After a couple of weeks, he had himself admitted into the facility. We were able to change beds around, and they share a room. He used those 2 weeks, getting all of their affairs in order, financial, personal, picked their POA's. He said all that stuff at home didnt matter. She was what matters, and their being together.
Yes, I was envious of them.
 Sacrificial Lamb
Joined: 9/20/2008
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 9:03:40 AM
I think it's sweet when couples are affectionate with each other. The other day, I saw a very cute older couple crossing the street, and affectionately holding hands. They both had short gray hair. The woman was small, petite, and nice-looking, and the old gentleman who held her close was this very tall, brawny, wide-shouldered fellow, who sort of protectively placed himself between her and the oncoming traffic, which I thought was a sweet gesture. It's hard to explain this exactly in a casual post, but I could tell from their body language that they were close to each other, perhaps even intimate. At the time, I remember thinking how great it would be if I have that kind of intimacy thirty or forty years from now. In all honesty, we should all be so lucky.
 MsYesterday
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 38
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 10:45:57 AM
Vinnie-now you are trying to place your anger on us who are trying to give you an understanding heart and feel for you..........you sound like a little boy standing on a bridge and throwing down snowballs on people -just because you do not like yourself.No therapy will help you unless you are willing to change yourself....are you?
It takes a lot of courage to get out of your "comfort zone"of unhappiness.You are actually comfortable in beeing unhappy............everything is just BAD in your life because you refuse to see anything positive in your life...........
Do not date -nobody wants to get together with a person who is angry at the world.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 43
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 12:01:06 PM
Classic case of sour grapes OP. Either try to get over it on your own, get counseling, or live with with the cancer/hatred inside.
It really does my heart good to see the happiness of others. Especially after reading these damn forums.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 46
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 1:39:12 PM
Why is it the men have the best advice and seem to care more how I feel than the women? The men are getting what I'm saying and the women don't want to hear about it! What a dichotomy.

The women GET what you are saying and are responding to it with their own feelings about it. I don't remember any woman here telling you to clam up about it. Sharing your feelings is not a bad thing, even if you don't get the answers you were hoping for.
Harboring resentment is not good for YOU, so it is up to you to do something about it unless you enjoy those feelings.

What is more pathetic, in my opinion, is women who want men that are sensitive, caring and real, as long as they don't cry or talk about feelings never let anything bother them, never get sad,... etc etc.

Revealing being filled with resentment, hatred, jealousy is not sensitive or caring. Life is not a Disney movie I know but it's the type of emotions you carry around or keep hidden that people that affect everyone around you, whether you talk about it or not.

If you are struggling with negative feelings you don't like, a counselor is not going to tell you you're a horrible person, but people that don't know you may come across as judgemental. You may be even suffering from depression.

I hope that you weren't hoping to find sympathetic women here determined to melt the ogre's cold heart. Men or women do not always get a gold star for sharing feelings.
I want a man to be sensitive, caring, and in touch with his feelings but if it's only negative then I can't be with him for the interest of my own well being.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 2:11:22 PM
Get some counseling. You had a bad relationship, maybe two, three, or more, doesn't mean all relationships don't work nor that there is no one out there for you. I don't suspect with the sterling attitude you will find anyone other than the type of person to reinforce what you think you know.

If you want to be miserable, keep espousing the defeatest, victim mentality or get over it and be happy. It is a choice.


Why is it the men have the best advice and seem to care more how I feel than the women? The men are getting what I'm saying and the women don't want to hear about it! What a dichotomy.

Perhaps men are, despite the claim that they are problem solvers, are more content to sit and spin rather than take responsibility for their own decisions and choices and accepting that someone wasn't who you thought she was.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 2:24:52 PM
Welcome every embrace, enjoy every kiss and stop looking for life's answers walking through the local shopping mall and observing strangers. You are separated and not used to being single, you do not trust because you got burned and you are suspect of everyone because you have lost trust.
Take a chance, its better than being a cynical old fart that has give up at 46.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 51
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 3:30:06 PM
Vinnie

It doesn't matter if you felt that way all of the time or recently...your posts SCREAM unhappy!!!

I'm sure many of us can relate to feeling envy at watching people be happy but your feelings are not the same. This is why so many people believe you need help.

You need to talk to someone--someone who won't judge you and will allow you to empty your head, heart, mind and soul of this hate that you're carrying around. It's toxic and will do nothing but keep eating at you until you have nothing left.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 52
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 3:59:47 PM
Vinnie, what you desperately seek is already inside of you. What you need to do is find it. Find not another person's version of it, but your version. What I am beginning to see is that you are a "Duty" type of person. You keep your emotions so in check, that you do not realize that you do get satisfaction from some of the things that you do out of DUTY. Which means, you are probably a saver. You like to save people. So now you are going to hook up with a person that has lymphoma? Is this where part of the anger comes from? Is she rejecting you, not wanting to share her pain? What about you? Can you commit to the pain an agony of Chemo? Of emotional downs for her and you? If you can, then be brave and be with this woman. Learn to love by loving her. And love her because you want her to get better. In the end it may rip you to pieces. But it will be worth it. Then the next time you see two people hug and embrace, instead of anger you may understand how beautiful and awesome that is.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 53
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/27/2009 4:30:53 PM
Stop trying to be someone that you are not. Your OP may be the most honest thing you have ever said.
 tjl2280
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 55
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/28/2009 1:37:06 AM
OP= original post. You need to get over your past and start focusing on the future. Sleep it off, you will feel better tomorrow bud.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 57
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/28/2009 9:21:54 AM

What cruel and enlightening people you all are. Truth is, I'm afraid to feel anything, but at the same time I desperately want to. I scream inside, when I see the joy two people bring each other, just by their presence, I weep inside knowing I should have felt that way, but I can't bring myself to face it.
I know love for my children, I know love for my mother( the only one left ) I know love for my brother, I gave him part of me and saved his life. I know the love of my dearest friends, who watch out for me, and lift me up when I am down, but,..I remember the way ONE made me feel before she was taken from this place, and it tore my soul in two.
Most are right, I thought I was ready, but perhaps I am not. I confess I never had the support to help me through what happened so long ago, before I married, and wasted her time, though it was not wasted time to be sure, but I only wanted to know if anyone else ever felt that way. I never said I always feel that way, you assumed it.


Awwww, now the story changes, and his tone goes all mushy.....boo-frikken-hooo.

You're a troll. You really do need counseling.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/28/2009 11:02:20 AM
Oh I get it alright and it's going to require some years of therapy and the whole effort of wanting to get out of the thinking you are in. This isn't anyone's problem but your own and lashing out at others is just a symptom of the problem. It's quite transparent to many even though it seems like a mile of muck & mire to you. Get the help or rage on, it's your own choice.
 PANDA423
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 61
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/28/2009 4:56:52 PM
Man---you need some help!!!! You are confusing Jealousy with anger - stop looking so hard and paying attention to everyone else...love will find you....once you stop focusing on everyone else.

Therapy, therapy, therapy!
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 62
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 12/29/2009 4:46:23 PM
OP - sounds more like you feel used than angry!
 rickxyz
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 64
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 1/8/2010 4:11:21 PM
Bitter, Table for one! Glad you saw the light Vinnie, when you're in a great relationship, and you see public displays of affection, it seems like there is alot of love in the world, and you generally feel more positive.....when outside of it, it seems dark, maybe makes you angry.....I say more power to people who have things I don't, and I just aspire to someday get what I need too....
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 66
Does anyone else feel this way?
Posted: 1/8/2010 6:06:39 PM

Am I the only one who gets angry (it's very hard to descibe how I feel, angry may be too strong) when I witness a man and women in a passionate embrace?
Possibly.


I don't know of any other people that get that passionately angry over complete strangers being affectionate to each other.


Carefull - bunnies and kttens or little children playing and singing could send him on a shooting spree.


Ever since I found out things like that have no meaning it upsets me to see two people misleading each other in such a way,
How do you know it has no meaning to them?

Maybe they're not misleading each other at all?


It's called projection.
You know, when someone lies or cheats, they assume that everyone else does it as well.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >