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Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 47
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Ex wants me back after 13 yearsPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I don't know exactly how old he is, but just guessing from your age, he was only around 21 when he cheated on you when you were pregnant, and now he's in his thirties. Being young is no excuse though. It's still a scumbag thing to do. And I truly believe there is at least a small segment of the male population out there that will never cheat in their lifetimes, and that's where I have always chosen from, so there's something to be said for just searching for one of those rare gems.

But at the same time, I can imagine a man growing up and changing a LOT between early 20's and mid thirties to the point where he becomes ready to settle down and stop running around. But he's no angel, how do you build trust with him again? I know I wouldn't try again. If you two have been able to be apart for 13 years, it doesn't really sound like a great match. But then again, if I met my sweetie when we were in our early twenties, I don't think we would have made it. We both needed to be older to settle down. But neither of us would have cheated on each other, no matter what. We just would have broken up quickly. But he couldn't break up with you because you were pregnant with his child. So maybe now he thinks he's ready.

How about giving it a shot if he agrees to go through couples counselling with you? Or go through a few sessions with him with a couples counsellor and then decide whether you want to give it a shot or not. I'm sure it's not easy, but there are couples that do forgive cheating and stay together. But that's if there's something there worth fighting for. If you two have already spent 13 years apart, is there enough there worth fighting for?
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 48
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 11:08:19 PM
Nope. Do not go for it. on one side, may be it could work, but I truly believe that you have second chances in life but it you give somebody that change, you may end up being the fool. Do what you think is right for you but I would say your well within you rights to have him be more fourth-coming with where he is, and what he's doing until your confident that cheating is not his thing. BTW, once in awhile surprise him with a friendly hello someplace he doesn't expect to see you. My 2 cents.
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 49
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/30/2009 11:39:01 PM
thank you for your responce, and everyone else's this is alot of help, thing is he has been single and never found a woman since with me ( not my fault) that can tolerate him, no him being a father to my kids, which we do share custody with, i do agree on taking it slow, that is something i know for sure, but I have been dating and believe it or not, nobody from this site has emailed me ever, i keep trying too.

Us sharing custody with the kids is a total another story, but im not thinking of that, my kids are happy and so am i, but i feel like i should should step in, Gosh darnit, all i want is a man to step up,,,, you know what im saying ( woman ) peoples
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 50
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/31/2009 12:04:49 AM
O no Im not saying it is because one of his houses is paid off, Im saying maybe that all his family is gone that he has nothing and he is relizing the family values that I have been Im on ( or been raised on ) money dont buy love, I know more then I wrote, i have dated rich people and people that are well set, that dosent matter to me, family does, and fishing, bbqing, and memories
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 51
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/31/2009 12:07:28 AM
Only one way to find out.

Go for it.
 Southern Artist
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 52
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/31/2009 1:52:20 AM
Its good to forgive but NOT good to forget. There's a reason for that one.
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 53
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/31/2009 8:56:25 AM
Maybe the reason he hasn't had a long-term steady since you is that he's never gotten over you. Since he wants you back, I'm thinking that's pretty likely.

I really think he deserves a shot - and so do you. If you turn it down and it later becomes too late (at some point it will!), wouldn't you always wonder what would have happened if you'd tried? That'd be awful.
Joined: 5/28/2008
Msg: 54
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/31/2009 8:59:36 AM

I know how i feel about this whole thing, but I maybe wrong

Trust your gut instinct......
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 55
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/31/2009 9:32:59 AM
he didn't cheat all weren't together. you're just upset because he didn't come crawling back to you when you were pregnant probably after a huge fight and he was getting no sex and so...he went and got some while you were waiting for him to crawl back to you but you all were seperated.

what's the issue here? i don't understand, there is no issue here.
Joined: 12/6/2004
Msg: 56
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/31/2009 10:11:34 AM

I have been cheated on more than by him.
Maybe you have a problem here which needs to be looked at.
Why did you part all those years back? Thinking about that may clarify the issue for you and help you decide if those issues can be overlooked (or no longer matter) in a future relationship.
Who decided to split? Was (one instance of?) sexual fidelity more important than the rest of the relationship you had with him? Mutual respect, admiration, the simple joys of being together? More important than bringing kids up in a proper family environment? Were there other issues too. Will you prioritize a future relationship any differently? Look at it from both of your perspectives.
And what are his motivations for getting together? Is this just a recent development? Is it a reaction to losing family. Give him time to adjust before getting too involved.
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 57
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/31/2009 3:17:35 PM
all his vehicles and motorcycle are paid off,

hes got a motorcycle ..he cant be all bad

You can believe all the crying women on here ..that a cheater never changes if you want .. but in reality ..we are none the same people we were 13 years ago .. yes they are partially right .. a guy or woman who cheated recently ..probably wont change if you give him a second chance but 13 years .. he may well have grown up and see the error of his ways ... you cannot hold the fling with the ho against him he was single and had every right to have a fling ... he may even have thought you didnt care ....and no mater what you think or how long you have known her ..she is not your friend...
.after all you introduced him to the ho ..if he has held onto a thing for you for 13 years ..he may well be ready to be true to you ...and it dont sound like you have found anyone you like like you do him

some cheaters never change ... but something tells me that yours has ... many of us cheated on relationships when we were in our twenties ..when we were immature ...but went on to value fidelity in our later years ... nothing says it could not be with the same woman

actually me tends to think relationships for people under 30 should be outlawed
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 58
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 12/31/2009 7:16:47 PM
As I once said to a friend one time when she contemplated taking an ex back......

do you want me to shoot you now or later?

What are you smoking???

Why in the world after 13 years without him would you even think about it?????

Sure, he is wonderful with the kids, but how many exes out there are???? OP, you need a good strong dose of reality if you think he wouldn't cheat on you again. Trust me, if you take him back, he will do it again. Never ever break it off with someone more than once. For if you do, you are just in the on/off again shit that can last for years and years on end. - Not only that, but it will just give him an opening to hurt you again.
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 59
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/1/2010 10:30:23 AM
I like that...... You opened my eyes with the reality,,, I get it!
I think I wont even date anyone, (being that nobody sends me emails on this site) I'll just forcus more on myself and maybe my prince will show up.

Thanks all for your opinion's, I deciced on not doing it! Nope.

Happy New Year
 on a wire
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 60
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/1/2010 9:03:03 PM
Ex's are ex's for a reason.... RUN AWAY....... RUNAAWAY!!!!!!!
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 61
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/1/2010 10:56:27 PM
Apparently OP, you are considering a reconciliation.
Make him date you. Take your time and have your eyes open wide.
Good luck whatever way you decide to swim.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 62
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/1/2010 11:12:33 PM
~OP~ Post-affair number 1 in my marriage, we went to marriage counseling. The counselor told me that if I intended on staying married (which the ex wanted to do) I would need to forgive AND to forget. Once the reconciliation was established, I had to let it go, as it was my choice to remain married (of course, there were a lot of things that had to happen to get to the forgetting stage.) I forgave him, eventually had enough mental torturing and self-worrying about it and moved on, never to ask/speak of the affair again. It was amazing how much better I felt and we were happy.....for a while. Finally, he had an affair that was so public it was insane, I moved his sorry ass to her house 10 years ago today. To this day, he has not changed. He's still the same cheating ass he was 16 years ago. Only you can determine what you are willing to put up with. I wouldn't return to an ex ~ no matter why he's an ex. Things end for a reason, no reason to revisit that just to do it all over again. Life is too short for that silliness. Good luck to ya.
Joined: 11/4/2009
Msg: 63
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/2/2010 4:01:54 AM
I'm not someone to try and redo something. But 13 years is a long time and we all grow from our mistakes. I would say yes you can trust someone again but over the last 13 years did he earn that back? If you can't answer that question than your not ready. The issue was your friend women aren't suppose to do that to other women that they know. But that's in the past. Husband or Ex.... Shitty thing to cheat on a someone who is about to give birth to your child. My grand father told me a little saying years ago I jazzed it up to make it a little funny but also something you can remember "Sometimes the F---ing you do isn't worth the F---ing you get" He mad a incredibly poor judgement and showed no respect for you. For me that would be enough not to redo. But if you ended the relationship because of other issues I believe you can find that bond again because there are many reasons why you both got together in the first place. It's too bad he had to be a Tiger with Wood... lol... As my Grand father would say if you want to play ball play ball if you want a marriage than that takes work, respect, honesty, trust, selflessness, unconditional support and a bunch of other adjectives to describe not being a duce. As we get older people tend to want to jam in something that isn't a fit but close enough... You know what you need to do sister.... Your doubt and questions means he hasn't given you enough reasons or his actions over the last 13 years isn't enough to rebuild the trust and respect for you. If he was able to do that you wouldn't be asking the forum. So that's your answer. Maybe you take it slow and see where it goes and if he still can't rebuild trust than you have your answer. Betrayal is a biotch and hard to get past and many people can't get past it but many people do. Bottom line you know what you need to do.

Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 64
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/2/2010 4:40:43 AM He did cheat, when she was pregnant.
He didnt cheat when he "did" the OP's friend just some time ago. They were not married back then.
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 65
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/23/2010 2:12:48 AM
My ex now wants me back after 17 years of divorce. He realizes he did wrong by cheating on me. Yesterday was his birthday and he had asked me out to join him but I am currently dating someone else.

I also had dated a man and haven't heard from him since August, he contacted me this week and wants to get back together but I told him I am dating someone else. He started emailing me again thinking he will win my heart?

I don't like the game men play. They leave you then want you back, I don't get it! I guess the grass wasn't greener on the other side.
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 66
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/26/2011 9:10:59 AM
OP is gone, I assume she decided to give him another chance. Best of luck to her and her child.
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 67
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/26/2011 3:50:56 PM
Don't know if this was asked or if you covered it..

but why did it take him 13 years?

Did you say he then had sex with your BESTFRIEND.. just a year ago? If he cared about you, I truly believe he wouldn't have done that.
Joined: 11/16/2010
Msg: 68
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/27/2011 9:58:28 PM
WTF do you have contact with an ex? I never do. Once a cheat always a cheat. When you take him back, and he does it again, do not whine to me.
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 69
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/28/2011 4:47:34 PM
Whats your heart tell you?

Once a cheat always a cheat, I have said that my self when bitter.

But, you have no idea, you meet some one else,if they are prone that way. And there are very good odds they are too.

Sad, but the odds are? Any one you meet might be a cheater,

So, does your heart tell you, that you are ready to forgive, forget, and maybe with age, he las learned?

Its nice, that you are still loved after all these years. So, you definately have some qualities that make you special. I have no doubt, your heart will be right no matter what you decide.

Its a long life with out love. Some never have it, some get it twice if fortunate.

So, is it worth a risk?

Good luck.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 70
Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/28/2011 7:22:38 PM
The best thing to do is to make him wait another 13 years.
 pretty greeneyes
Joined: 2/5/2007
Msg: 71
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Ex wants me back after 13 years
Posted: 1/31/2011 12:42:33 PM
Ok I have to say this. The post was started in 2009 and was unactive till now...The OP Is gone .. She is not seeing any of this..
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