Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 51
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engagedPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
On what people think, I think it matters where you live.

When I lived in Downtown Toronto and New York, it was accepted because there is a big chunk of people who are in the mid to late 30's and worry about their careers, not a ring on their finger. It's almost the culture there.

When I lived in San Diego, there were alot of singles never marries there as well as alot of divorcees with no kids. It was not a big deal to never have been married with no kids.

Now I live in Kansas City....It's like "what the heck is wrong with you? You're so old to never have been married!".

The culture here is marriage by 24, kids by 25.
 Mel1509
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/13/2010 4:45:19 AM
On what people think, I think it matters where you live.

When I lived in Downtown Toronto and New York, it was accepted because there is a big chunk of people who are in the mid to late 30's and worry about their careers, not a ring on their finger. It's almost the culture there.

When I lived in San Diego, there were alot of singles never marries there as well as alot of divorcees with no kids. It was not a big deal to never have been married with no kids.

Now I live in Kansas City....It's like "what the heck is wrong with you? You're so old to never have been married!".

The culture here is marriage by 24, kids by 25.

Yeah I live in a small town and a lot defo have that small town, small mind mentality
 d6racer
Joined: 3/12/2009
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:32:50 PM
I don't think it has much to do with anyone here doing anything wrong.
Maybe it is just the opposite and those who are in their 30's did everything right.
After all, we have not been married 1 or more times to the wrong person(s) and are now single.

Myself, it was a combination of things from always choosing the wrong person to be with or just choosing to live for the moment.

Now, I am at the point where all my wild oats have been sewn. Maybe it is too late, maybe not but I am not going to settle for somebody that I feel a spark. If that causes me to remain single then so be it, but at least I have not had to have gone through divorce.
 idleinattleboro
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 54
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/13/2010 11:32:15 PM

I must say I am heartened by the amount of smart, attractive people in the same situ as myself. Even tho I have a couple of single girlfriends sometimes you do feel it, myself mostly at work.


It's not really any different for us men unfortunately. I'm 36, never been married, have no kids, etc. I've dated a few times but I always seem to find women who have a few screws loose (the last one loved her chihuahua more than me. no I'm not kidding). Virtually all my friends are either married and/or have friends who are already married, meaning that my friends can't exactly play matchmaker either. It makes it really difficult, especially around holidays, to spend time with them too. I'm not unhappy being single, but the constant reminders get tiresome at times.

I've never been a serial dater. I'm not "picky" (in the sense of the word), but it's getting really hard to find a woman in my area that I'm attracted to that isn't divorced and/or has kids, or isn't married already. I'm seriously considering moving to a different area of the country just to see if I have better luck elsewhere. :/ It's not that I'm not looking around my area; it's just that I seem to be batting point zero for the last couple of years.

Oh well... I guess I'll just keep fishing till I find a keeper. :)
 hazeliz0414
Joined: 1/8/2010
Msg: 55
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/14/2010 12:23:35 PM
your not alone!
 smileatjen
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 56
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/14/2010 3:07:53 PM
I agree living in KC is an interesting experience, but then again I've been here most of my life.

I look at things differently. Even though I've never been married, I've travelled a lot and done a great number of things that many of my married with kid's friends have. So I've been fortunate. Now it is just my turn :)
 beatriceismydog
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 57
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/14/2010 5:25:52 PM
Mel:

Never married, never procreated by choice. Society makes you feel like a freak show but I've long been a non-conformist. I can't imagine working the long hours I do, coming home and have yet another demanding human to have to entertain and yap to. How I love my alone time. The only company I have barks and meows.
 singlewith2kids
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 58
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/14/2010 8:50:46 PM
I am 30 and in the middle of a divorce. I got married at 23 and was married for 7 years and with my ex for 9 years and we have a 4 year old and an 18 month old. I think it is better to wait until you are older and wiser before getting married because you have a better idea of what you want out of life. If I knew then what I know now I never would have married so young and it would have saved us a lot of heartache and grief. On the plus side I got 2 amazing kids out of it but my life will always be a little harder now, especially trying to meet someone new. So I definitely don't think it is a bad thing to have never been married or engaged at this age for women in that position.
 fiestywmn2
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 1/18/2010 5:57:09 PM
I will go with it perhaps it being we did everything right!
 ann-orchids
Joined: 9/27/2009
Msg: 60
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 2/2/2010 4:46:44 PM
People assume that there is something wrong with a woman who has never been married. Perhaps she is too picky and needs to lower her standards. I rather spend the rest of my life single than to be in a loveless marriage or get married just to be married.

For the last couple of months, I have been dating a guy that has been married twice. You should hear the comments my sisters are making. "Third times the charm." I just started dating the guy. Marriage is the last thing on my mind and to tell you the truth I don't know whether I want to get married, but I can already hear them planning a wedding.

There was a time that I felt like you do, but there is nothing wrong with us and when you think about it, I mean really think about it, we are a lot better off than they are.
You need to stop comparing yourself to your friends and family.
 Ghost Nation
Joined: 12/30/2009
Msg: 61
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 2/4/2010 5:21:40 AM

Females are better off financially when they are working and single...




errr duh thats a no brainer --- any simpleton would realise its because married with kids are more likely than not to work part time or reduced hours due to family commitments

whereas "wanna be male " ballbreaker miss single career gal - doesnt have those time constraints and commitments
 smileatjen
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 62
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 2/4/2010 6:51:47 AM
I think that people assume too many things of why someone is single over 30. For me, I spent a lot of time doing the "fun" things in my 20's like traveling and just focusing on my career. I never really seemed to have a lot of personal time. However, I don't think there is any "issue" with someone if they aren't or haven't ever been married or been engaged.

I know for relationships I've been in, I ended them if they weren't going anywhere or weren't for me. I know that I could have been married, but I made choices to make the right choice.
 rav-ee-na
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 63
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 2/4/2010 10:39:41 PM
I'm in ur boat sista...and ain't nothin wrong with how it is! It's the way the cookie has crumbled..for now! I'm sure you've heard all the cliches...like 'it will happen when you least expect it' and blah blah...but there might be some truth to that. who knows...just stay positive and learn from each encounter...and as 'they' say: your time will come ;)
 Bullies.Rule
Joined: 1/5/2010
Msg: 64
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 2/5/2010 11:11:05 AM
Being married and divorced means you made your mistakes and you learned good lessons from it...

Rather presumptuous aren't you? All being married and divorces means is that someone (or two someone's) made a mistake. Not everyone 'learned good lessons from it' - that's why some people have multiple marriage failures. Also, a shmuck doesn't stop being a shmuck unless s/he sees a reason to change themselves... which is a very hard thing to do at the best of times. Few people look at themselves and say 'Oh! I'm the reason so-and-so left! I must change!!'

As for
Never been married you lack experience and you need to do your mistakes to learn.
I disagree. Never being married means (to me), that I know myself, and am comfortable being myself by myself... I don't need another person to complete me. To compliment me and share my life with, sure. But marriage (at the moment) isn't for me. To get married would be a mistake - I don't need to go out and do it to figure that out! Also, how is not being married lacking in experience? Many people live together nowadays... how is that not like being married? Except for the wee piece of paper, and the $$$ wedding...

No one should take another person for granted, married or not.
 kathie79
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 2/5/2010 1:16:14 PM
Im 30 never been married,engaged and don't have kids..its not that I don't want to just havent met anyone Ive wanted to marry and would like to be married before I have kids,that said If it doesnt happen dont think it would bother me.
 TCK781
Joined: 6/16/2009
Msg: 66
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 2/7/2010 6:59:46 AM
Personally I don't see anything wrong with your situation....it is what it is. If you allow yourself to be swayed by what other people around you think then of course you might end up feeling bad about your situation - my advice...DON'T worry about what others think about your situation. Just learn to enjoy your own company and to heck with what anyone else might say or thing. I.e. if you learn to LOVE yourself for who you are then more than likely some really great guy is going to come along who will love you in the same way.

Keep your head up high and don't pay too much attention to those around you....everyone is unique in there own way and therefore when you compare yourself with others it doesn't usually work out all that well for you.
 sweetlikesugarcane
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 67
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 2/7/2010 9:43:32 AM
Years ago women had no choice but to get married to whomever came along. They could not support themselves and would be ostracized and called "old maids." You found women marrying much older men for this reason. The guy was financially stable and the woman was totally dependent on him. Men could do anything that they wanted and the woman had no choice but to put up with it.

What would she do if they divorced? No one else would have her and she had little earning potential. She also most likely had children within the first two years of marriage due to limited availability of birth control.

As an example, when my grandfather died suddenly my grandmother had no career. She was left with two little girls and no income because respectable women did not work in her community.

Nowadays, a woman does not have to get married to be financially secure. Some even plan families out of wedlock. We don't have to "settle". We can choose a man because we WANT him instead of because we NEED him.

Most of my female friends are lawyers, doctors, scientists, etc and most of them who have married did so in their 30s. And they were all able to find successful, age-matched (or younger) men. Also, those who wanted children are having families without difficulty.

Personally, I would have gotten married ten years ago if I had not been planning to become a career-woman.

Thank God for the 21st century!

Don't settle ladies.
 LovelyNSweet76
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 68
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 2/7/2010 12:28:42 PM
I am over 30 and have never been married or engaged. I don't think of it as being good or bad. It just is.
 Mxchic
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 69
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 2/9/2010 5:57:45 PM
I'm 47, never married, never engaged, no kids. Why? Haven't found a man who's got his act together as much as me who is single and interested. By now men my age have lost everything to their first few marriages and are simply burnt or they've never been married and are probably as weary as I am...

don't be ashamed, that's a waste of energy. There's nothing wrong with you, you're just living your life and hopefully, enjoying your independence!
 gosabres
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 70
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 2/12/2010 2:48:18 PM
I just turned 33y/o, never married, no kids. I know exactly what the OP is feeling like. I feel ashamed too that my younger cousins in their mid 20's are engaged and already married, however, I have realized my time will come and being a little older and wiser, I know for sure what I'm looking for and am not going to just jump at the first opportunity for love. Been there, done that, ....left that.....twice! I was in a horrible 4 year abusive relationship from 19-23 and lost a lot of self esteem, but I recovered and had "fun" so to speak with my single friends. You know, the happy hour fridays crowd. Now at 33y/o, I just purchased my first home...on my own, still play coed sports, and work 40+hours a week so I can travel the country and catch up with old friends and family. I date occasionally, but honestly, i barely have time. I'm not going to waste my time on someone that I'm not attracted to, just wants to have sex, or be a FWB. No thanks...I am happy, and that's all that matters. Let others in my family talk about me being single at 33y/o...I don't care!
 ANGELL101
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 71
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 3/8/2010 5:26:21 AM
single life definatly has its advantages , as does being married providing you are in the right frame of mind and with the right person,

I personally have been engaged and backed out when thing changed for the worse , ...and no a marriage wouldnt have made the problems go away.

I have enough to do without having to babysit or counsel an adult , as well as I can mess up my own house , and dont need someone to help me with that.

thats to say id rather be a little bored or even lonely from time to time, than just downright miserable and trapped in a marriage that leads to a greuling divorce and then when people ask , to say im divourced !

more ashamed myself in as to why i couldnt make my marriage work instead of waiting for the right one, getting married and staying married! being with someone who will work with you to make it work .
 AmethystInBucks
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 72
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:31:10 AM
I'm in your boat, Mel - never married or engaged and no kids. I'll be 35 next month. I see nothing wrong with it. I've been able to do things my friends never did because I stayed single. When I was a kid, I just assumed by now I'd be a sheep like everyone else - the white picket fence, kids, married, career. I realized that's just not for me. Or at least not any time in the near future.
 evrybdy
Joined: 12/14/2005
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 11/15/2010 4:44:03 PM
Gonna be 38 in a week and never been married, engaged or have any kids, so yes, I am in the same boat with all of you! I look back on my early times and two different cultures upbringing had something to do with being forbidden to date or meet people until my mom got a divorce from my dad, then I was still very socially awkward because of it. I think that case of arrested development meant I was a good 10 years behind everyone and I didn't start really dating till mid to late 20's due to it.

At that point, I was in my "fun" stage and even though I wanted something serious, I gave off that vibe most surely and men looking for someone serious, wouldnt have thought of me. I also seemed to attract a lot of guys ten years younger than me when I was in my early 30's because of that 10 year gap I had.

This last year I finally had someone my age ask me to marry him, and I was so shocked I said yes, first timem anyone ever asked me.lol But it didn't work out and I am once again single. I tend to people please too much and men don't take that seriously either. Wonder what is wrong with someone that is only to happy to do everything for ou all the time, the old "nice guys finaish last" mentality. But it's often true.

I have enjoyed my life fully. I traveled, went to concerts, events, have loads of friends, and have done some really amazing things with my life, indlucind my education and volunteer work. I don't really feel sad if I miss out on marriage, just if I miss out on someone who I love and they don't feel the same, I love people, not titles. So, yeah, until I feel that wonderful feeling again, it's just three people in my life, me, myself, and I! LOL

M
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 74
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 11/15/2010 5:39:02 PM
There realstic expections (a man with an education, solid job or getting there etc) and pie in the sky expectations (this is the one that keeps most women never married and never engaged). The OP makes it clear she wants a 6'2 rugby player, nothing wrong with that except 6'2 ruby players arent trolling on dating sites to connect with someone . If there a professional rugby players.....there dating models, or pop starts. Any quality guy isnt going bother with a woman with unrealstic expecations anyway.

If you're a woman with no desire to get married and that's your current position, congratulations, mission accomplished.

For those of you who do desire marriage and kids and hasnt happened...well... it it's time to let go of the notion that reason why is becuase there isnt a man good enough for you. Your fablousness and greatness isnt translating into men who want to marry you. In other words...your ideal Mr. Right doesnt see you as wife material.

For quality men whats great on paper (excellent body, highly educated, great career) doesnt always equal great wife.
 Busminster
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 75
Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged
Posted: 11/16/2010 4:30:58 PM
Never married, never engaged here. I could come up with all sorts of reasons or excuses or explanations but the plain truth of it is, I haven't yet found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with who also wants to spend the rest of his life with ME. It's a reciprocal thing, dontcha know.

And yeah, I get looks & mild crap & comments from family (not so much friends, though, many of whom are like "God yes WAIT for the right guy") but would I rather have dashed into it and now be on my 2nd marriage like a lot of people I know? Doesn't make me or them better or worse ... it just is the way it is.

Fortunately I do not live in Jane Austen's England and I don't need to regard marriage as a business plan ...
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Any other ladies over 30 never been married or engaged