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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?      Home login  
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 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 42
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I don't think it would have mattered in this case. No matter what this mom seems to do, her ex is always going to find something to rant to his kids about towards her. He gives off that impression.


He isn’t here to give any impression. She is giving the impression based on what she wants you to believe about the ex.

I think this is just another example of a father’s role being usurped. If this same OP had posted about how the father had taken the money out of this account because she wanted to spend the money on a game system and he didn’t agree. He wanted to save it for college. The same people would be posting about how wrong he is for stealing this money!


The ex was going to take the money out and let the child spend it AGAINST my wishes so why am I the only one doing wrong?


You did exactly what you didn’t want him to do. You took the money out AGAINST his wishes. Why do your wishes trump the father’s wishes?
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 43
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:30:48 AM

You did exactly what you didn’t want him to do. You took the money out AGAINST his wishes. Why do your wishes trump the father’s wishes?


I didn't spend the money, it's still there being saved for the child's future.
 big pacific
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 44
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:46:23 AM

I didn't spend the money, it's still there being saved for the child's future.


Riiiight, but then again you took the money to unilaterally make a decision without consulting your child or the ex. How is this supposed to be the mature answer? Let me ask you a quick hypothetical, if the ex removed all the cash from the account and bought the xbox behind your back, without talking to you, how would you feel?

Or better yet.

What if he took out the money and just TOLD you that he set up a newer BETTER account so the kid could save his money, would you believe him?
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 45
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/4/2010 11:57:49 AM
What if he took out the money and just TOLD you that he set up a newer BETTER account so the kid could save his money, would you believe him?



As I said I showed my ex where the money was once and the child is fine with it being in mommy's name since he was not allowed to spend it anyway. The ex has set up new accounts that I know nothing about.

Since it is the child's money even though it is being controlled by a parent until he is 18, shouldn't the child's opinion be the most important one? Meaning he understands now it is for his future and doesn't care if it is in his name.




Those that aren't in your favour are suggesting you autocratically vetoed your ex's opinion. YOU took it upon yourself to ensure YOUR opinion is the correct opinion.


Just like my ex was going to let the child spend the money to make HIS the only opinion that was correct. Yes the child is fine with my decision and the only problem I have is the ex telling me and the kids over and over mommy stole it. If the ex wants to think that it is one thing but don't bring the kids into it.



You may suit yourself on how you deal with it, it is only you being judged. And other than this random group of strangers , it is between you and your ex ( and your kids - who you say have already accepted your point of view).



Exactly, I expected a few judgmental people to turn it around on me but this is getting old repeating myself.


Edit: Repeat one more time

The child KNOWS where the money is, he doesn't care.


It IS about the money. I want the child to have it when he is older not of spent it on another game system he clearly doesn't need.
 big pacific
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 46
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/4/2010 12:14:11 PM

Just like my ex was going to let the child spend the money to make HIS the only opinion that was correct. Yes the child is fine with my decision and the only problem I have is the ex telling me and the kids over and over mommy stole it. If the ex wants to think that it is one thing but don't bring the kids into it.


Not quite, the ex was going to let the kid do what he wanted with their own money, doesn't sound unilateral to me. The kid wanted an xbox, the ex was gonna let him. Plus, just because he was going to do it, doesn't mean it's right.

BTW, if he did that without talking to you about it, he ALSO would have been wrong. As it stands, i see no difference between you "commandeering" the money or him taking it and buying an xbox.

When a kid asks where the money went what is he supposed to say?

"well jimmy, you're mom thought your spending habits were illogical at best, so to protect you from yourself, she took the money and put it in a place where you can't spend it"
 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 47
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/4/2010 12:15:51 PM


What if he took out the money and just TOLD you that he set up a newer BETTER account so the kid could save his money, would you believe him?


As I said I showed my ex where the money was once and the child is fine with it being in mommy's name since he was not allowed to spend it anyway. The ex has set up new accounts that I know nothing about.


So this isn't really about the money being saved or spent! It's about who has control over it. That was the point many were trying to make. YOU did exactly what you didn't want your ex to do.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 48
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/4/2010 2:27:46 PM
MY I


I am done arguing my side but I will say the money I let the child spend came from his father as a gift. It was a check not cash so I deposited it in the bank hoping he would save it. His father wasn't completely happy he spent it but it was a gift. Unlike the other money that was specifically given to him to save for the future.


As I said before, I'm tired of repeating myself. You people who are being judgmental over me can continue to do so. Nothing I say will change your opinion.



There isn't a whole lot to say in this matter any more.



We agree on something, lol.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 49
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/4/2010 5:11:24 PM

As I said before, I'm tired of repeating myself. You people who are being judgmental over me can continue to do so. Nothing I say will change your opinion
I hope that you can look at most of the advice you were given that didn't exactly agree with you. Sometimes it appears that you are being judged when in fact, it's just people who are impartial and therefore able to see the forest through the trees. You're in the middle of it so you aren't able to do that.

Although I don't think your motives were malicious and you thought you were looking out for your son's best interests.. you did fail to see how this would impact your husband and didn't calculate how he would react and, continue to react to your arbitration.
As was mentioned before; I would imagine you would be just as angry if he beat you to the punch and withdrew the money without you having any say in the matter .. I don't however think you would involve the children in the middle of the dispute that would follow.. That would be the only difference..
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 50
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/5/2010 1:23:37 PM

Ugh, stealing from your kid AND your kids father.




Ugh, still having their fun attacking people on this forum.


Steal to take or appropriate without right or leave and with intent to keep or make use of wrongfully


My kid knows I did NOT steal it, it wasn't his to spend and not the father's money. I am the parent so it was my right to move it just as much as the other parent thinks he had the right to let the child spend it. I am saving it for the child, for the last time HE doesn't care.


 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 51
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/5/2010 2:34:13 PM
This hits a very particular vein for me.
When I was 10, my grandmother gave me a saving account with money in it. It was one of the best birthday present I've ever got. Why?
Because I used the account not only for spending, but I would put money in it myself.
So the money was truly mine to do whatever I want to do with it.

I'm not truly understanding the nature of this account. If it is his account, was he putting money in it? If not, was this money suppose to be for the future?

Sound like this was a "gift savings account." You can't say "this is your money, but I think you can only spend it on what I think you should spend it on".
Part of growing is learning to make decisions. If he wants to spend his money on stupid stuff, then so be it.
It's his money or not his money. If it is his money, then you behaved BADLY and taking the money and putting it in your personal account and if I were your husband, I'd be pissed if you did this.
I'm not excusing his attitude. Telling his child you are stealing his money not a cool thing to do.


I moved it because I didn't want it wasted on unimportant things that the child was not old enough to understand. So to think I stole it then is ridiculous to me.

If you can't trust your child to do the responsible thing with money given to him, then don't give it to him.
You want him to have an account that he can access in later years, then set up a trust fund of some sort.

You both handle this extremely badly.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 52
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/5/2010 2:41:02 PM

I'm not truly understanding the nature of this account. If it is his account, was he putting money in it? If not, was this money suppose to be for the future?



Yes, it was to be saved for the future, money had been put in from various relatives for this purpose. His gifts of money from birthdays, Christmas etc he is allowed to spend how he chooses.



Echo, echo, echo
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 53
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/5/2010 4:14:20 PM

Yes, it was to be saved for the future, money had been put in from various relatives for this purpose. His gifts of money from birthdays, Christmas etc he is allowed to spend how he chooses.


Then if he is allowed to "spend how he chooses", then you don't really have a say on how his spends it. You can advise and give suggestions, but ultimately it's his choice, regardless on whether he is 10.

Sucks that he decided to spend it on something you don't agree with, if you really want play by the rules, you were wrong to transfer the money.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 54
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/5/2010 5:13:38 PM
bmore goat


The gifts of money I was referring to are separate from the money that goes into the Savings account.


My I


The relatives who gave the money wanted him to save it for his future and that's exactly where it is.



I'd be willing to bet they won't be doing that again, anytime soon.... especially the ex in-laws.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 55
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/5/2010 5:57:25 PM

OP - Do you ever admit you are wrong? Not saying you are wrong in this case (well actually I am) but has anyone ever gotten you to admit you were wrong...ever?




Yes I do admit when I'm wrong but I have plenty of people who know the facts and agree with me. A few strangers online do not know everything though they like to think they do.


I was just answering the questions for the last few posts not arguing anything, those were facts I simply restated them for the late posts who didn't feel like reading the entire thread.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 56
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/5/2010 6:13:07 PM
Like I said you do NOT know all the facts.


The purpose of the thread was to ask if I should show my ex a bank statement not to ask if transferring the money was wrong.


The child is fine with it so how did his rights get trampled? Would you let a 10 year old stay up all hours of the night just because he wanted to? A parent has to set boundaries and have rules.


It wasn't about winning but again a few strangers read into it what they want for the sake of arguing. It seems to be a fun pastime to attack people on this forum.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 57
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/5/2010 6:44:00 PM

By and large, most of us have said that in the situation you described, the child's rights got trampled on as you and the Ex played a game of who's in charge


Exactly right. It was his his money in his bank account until he decided to spend the money on something she didn't approve of. Then she decided to remove the money "for his own good".
Its either his money or a saving account in his name for his use at a specified age and the parents are the "executors" of the account.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 58
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/5/2010 6:53:05 PM

My question is he thinks it is his right as a parent to see the bank statements even the one in my name. I have shown my children and they trust me despite what he says. They know I would never steal their money. I moved it because I didn't want it wasted on unimportant things that the child was not old enough to understand. So to think I stole it then is ridiculous to me. I have physical custody of the children so does he have a right to demand to see the bank papers? He says showing the kids proves nothing as anyone could fool a 10 year old.


People answered your question in the nature of the situation. So to answer your question, no you don't have to show him bank statement if the new account is in your name and your name only.
Even if the original bank account was a joint account, both of you have right to the money and if you want to draw all the money out, that is your right....legally.
Morally, you should have consulted your EX on your decision.

Seem like a lot of drama over a couple hundred bucks.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 59
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/5/2010 9:52:23 PM
{quote]Your piss poor behaviour and bitterness will come back to bite you in the ass.


As I said you don't know the whole story and as someone else stated seem to have something against women in general, at least the ones on this forum.lol


My ex is the bitter one and most everyone I know would agree with me. I am not bitter but do not like my ex telling our son's I stole their money. My son's in no way believe him but it is still wrong. I'm not rushing out to start a new account because my son has no problem with it where it is. He knows it isn't stolen and was an account meant for his future.

Why do you care so much about this one thread, aren't there other people to attack on here?

As I tried to end this before....
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 60
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/5/2010 10:53:33 PM
Well thank you, I wish I could say the same of you.


<div class='quote'>You resort to insults every time someone calls you out and asks for responses to direct questions. I think that's deemed as a bullshitter.


I went back through the thread and I can't find one insult by me but I did see plenty from you after all I did was answer questions.


I tried to answer everyone's questions honestly, when have I insulted anyone here? It is a few posters doing that, including a few insulting you.


See you don't know me at all, I am actually the kind of person that gets walked all over because I don't speak my mind. I guess it is easier on the internet.lol I have low self esteem and even attacks by strangers bothers me. That is the truth. The ones who said I was wrong without being demeaning did not but then there were the few like you that resorted to put downs just like my ex. I even received a few messages from one guy who in his posts said I was wrong but we were still able to have a friendly conversation because he never used insults to state his opinion.

I don't see what you mean about comparing my two sons?
 big pacific
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 61
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/6/2010 6:44:12 AM

See you don't know me at all, I am actually the kind of person that gets walked all over because I don't speak my mind. I guess it is easier on the internet.lol I have low self esteem and even attacks by strangers bothers me. That is the truth. The ones who said I was wrong without being demeaning did not but then there were the few like you that resorted to put downs just like my ex. I even received a few messages from one guy who in his posts said I was wrong but we were still able to have a friendly conversation because he never used insults to state his opinion.


So you come on the internet looking for validation. You make a post to double check your logic, why? Because deep down, you aren't 100% sure about this being the "right" thing to do. Be honest with yourself, you don't see many threads saying "is murder ok?" because EVERYONE is 100% sure it isn't.

You don't make a thread ASKING if what you did was right, unless you have at least SOME doubt. 90% of the posts I've read have agreed that your actions were in the wrong, and that's based on the information YOU provided. To chastize people who's opinion YOU sought in the first place for not agreeing with you is silly.

We didn't ask you if it was ok, you asked US. If we don't know the whole story, well who's fault is that? You are the gatekeeper of info, given what you have provided, you were wrong, if theres more that you feel will justify and that's important to you, post it.

Otherwise, next time at least be open to the idea that you could POSSIBLY be wrong, threads just for validation rarely yield the results sought.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 62
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/6/2010 10:51:16 AM
Its funny that everyone but you has the same basic opinion but all you can say is we dont know the whole story.




You don't make a thread ASKING if what you did was right, unless you have at least SOME doubt. 90% of the posts I've read have agreed that your actions were in the wrong, and that's based on the information YOU provided.





There were others who agreed with me the only difference is the ones who didn't keep posting, fishing for arguments.
Because you're entertaining.


It's not entertaining to me.

I just tried to honestly answer any questions and get told I am a control freak etc. I have not insulted anyone here. I came on here simply to find out if the bank statements should be shown to the father not to be attacked for being morally wrong for not letting my child spend money intended for his future.


Thank you to those you were able to give me their opinion whether they said I was right or wrong but did so in a pleasant manner rather than resorting to insulting me when no they don't know everything. Everything is not needed for the simple question I asked. More details would be for another thread, different question.


Thank you "Soul" for a more understanding answer than your previous ones, yes I have self esteem issues but that doesn't mean my ex wasn't abusive. Others have witnessed it including the FOC. As I said that is NOT what this thread is about.


I do not stick to my guns either, I am usually the first one to say I am sorry in an argument if I know I was wrong. Just because a few people on the internet tell me I am controlling doesn't make it true. My ex on the other hand gets in my face if I don't agree with him. No one can know my personality from a few things I said on here, because I am not at all like you described.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 63
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/6/2010 11:25:17 AM
Id have just changed the account so that it required both parents to sign off on any withdrawals. This way it forces you two to agree upon any expense that arises, and work as a team to get the funds.



This is the ideal solution, however, my ex and I can not work as a team. It is not because I am controlling either quite the opposite despite what some of you want to believe. When he called to tell me our child wanted to withdraw the funds it wasn't to ask my opinion it was to get me to go to the bank for him. When I disagreed he said he was going to let the child have the money anyway. Maybe the way I went about it was wrong but my other choice was to leave it there and worry the child would spend it. The money was given to him or the parents FOR him to be saved. My ex has another account set up that only he has control of which is the way it has to be. He has had one set up for the younger child for years but the older one didn't want two and still doesn't. The ex is fine with separate accounts but thinks I spent the other money or at least wants our children to think I did. Once this is settled he can look for something else to rant about. lol


Sorry if I'm repeating myself.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 64
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/6/2010 2:10:08 PM

As hard as it was to stand up for myself with my ex, that is precisely what I did do...the hardest thing for me was convincing myself that just because I refused to fight with him, didn't mean that I was letting him abuse me. That may not make a lot of sense to others that read it, it may make a lot of sense to you.



You cannot co-parent with someone when there is a lack of mutual respect...when you don't even "like" each other.




Your entire post makes sense to me, I never thought about the phone call being a way to find something else to rant about but you could be right. I try to not fight with him or let him still get to me but when he brings the children into it, I sometimes let him still see he is pushing my buttons. I walked away from that other incident instead of playing his game you may of read about and he didn't know what to think.


Thanks.

derfofraleigh

This will not work. It will be a never ending power struggle if one refuses to sign. Prolly need a mediator everytime the kids wanted to spend some money. Obviously they don't see eye to eye on their decisions, so not going to work.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 65
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/6/2010 3:58:13 PM

I do believe that both of you should each open a seperate account for the child/ children that only contains one parents signature( dad has a joint accountw/junior, and mom has a joint account w/ junior) . That way if dad wants junior to use the money for what junior wants he can do so and the reverse is also true. While not a perfect situation it will avoid what has happened at this point in time.



Having an account where both of you have to sign is also not going to work for you as another poster pointed out as you two cant get along at this point in time. Another reason for this not working is that either party can use this to manipulate any situation if and when they so choose. Basically your asking for the same situation to arise with the same ( more than likely at this point in time) kind of results only NO money will be withdrawn.


Yes, this has been done. I believe it is the only solution at this time.




Thanks



 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 66
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Access to child's bank account is it the right of both parents?
Posted: 1/7/2010 2:59:42 PM
I don't know WHY you want to spend so much time and energy arguing with your x about a total of $400 . You should turn it all over to the x and let him handle that for his son. You can always start an account for your son in your name with f/b/o your son's name.
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