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Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 9
Woman-led relationships...Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
scotty ~~ that profile is a whole month old today. I'd be a bit leery of changing my whole life around based on a less than month old insight. Though it does happen. Sounds like what you're looking for is a dom-sub path. While that topic is more wide open at the sex forums, I suspect you are right: that it encompasses a whole lot more than they'd be likely to handle over there.

It's not my cuppa, so I'll just quiet up now, and hope you find what you're looking for.

Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 11
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 12:12:07 PM
Ah. That's rather a different - and much more specialized - question than I'd thought at first you were asking... I agree, seeking out sites that cater specifically to this dynamic would be the most helpful, especially in the matter of how to bring it to your wife in ways that will seem palatable to her. Also, you will find that your "deeper" view is not uncommon at all!
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 13
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 3:14:04 PM
I've come to the conclusion that someone HAS to be in charge, or it is just a free for all fight between the couples. I'm naturally dominant, can't help it. But I've seen perfectly Happy couples where she was clearly in charge and they seem to do Okay for the most part.
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 14
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 4:25:09 PM
I think there are women like that. They're called Italian.

Seriously, it depends on the woman's personality. You might not be attracting that type.
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/7/2010 5:16:29 PM

rofl - and I thought it was just Italian men!

Its a complex question.
Personally, taking the really long view, I look at it like this;
Within each male is an aspect of the feminine, and within each female is an aspect of the masculine. In some people one aspect or the other is more noticeable or used more often, in every day life and making decisions etc.
At other times, the reverse might be true for that same person.

Perhaps you need to really analyze what you regard is "feminine" and what is "masculine" and how that impacts on relationships between males and females. Then take it another step and really ponder how you feel about these so called distinctions between the genders, and how it applies in your case.

There is really only superficial differences between males and females, and scientifically speaking, all life in the human uterus begins as female (talking at the very basic cellular stage). It's really divine intervention that males are formed at all. (or a mistake, depending on one's point of view!) The "Y" chromosome is really an "X" chromosome with something missing. :)

According to New Scientist from years back -
Original "Eve" can be traced back many many millions of years through mitochondrial DNA. "Adam", rather surprisingly, came many millions of years later. Later, I repeat.
So seriously folks, men are an after-thought, and that research effectively puts paid to the old notion that woman came from man. Quite the opposite.

Along those same lines, men have a much more difficult time maintaining male characteristics and behaviour, particularly if they are around a lot of women without male company - hence, ladies, the fact that the guys just HAVE TO go out huntin, shootin, and fishin to get their male mojo back.
All the better for us when they come back home! And especially if they bagged a huge dead animal; victory ups the ante for testosterone.
I could go on, since I made an impromptu study of this a few years back...
But you get the gist.

Scotty you might just be around too many women too much of the time.
Humans are RULED by pheromones, despite the fact we simply don't consciously register them; however your body does.
Nevertheless it takes all kinds, and if that's where you feel more at home, within yourself, than all good wishes to you (and your wife).
Ultimately all that matters is that both of you are happy with the arrangement, and the rest is nobody's business.
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 20
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/8/2010 8:17:18 AM
Whenever I read these questions about who is the "leader" in the relationship, I really struggle to understand how often this is an issue. Outside of major purchases that would require some sort of legal responsibility, what else is there? Are these people that need "leading" struggling with what the hell you have for dinner, what color shoes you buy for the kids? Why is this an issue more than once or twice a year if that much? Seriously, what could the day to day issues possibly be that someone "needs" to be a leader in order to not have the realtionship implode?
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 22
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/9/2010 2:08:51 PM
Scotty (OP),

I have a friend who's like that. A woman who's decisive and makes the majority of the decision and you follow her lead. Yeah. It's kind of like her being the mother-figure in a sense. Hey, a guy can be frustrated if he's in the dating scene for a while, and he has to play psychic to what a woman wants when she's an "I don't know" clone. Frustration builds if you pick a place to eat that she ends up not liking and gets upset -- that kinda stuff. I can see if ya go thru that, it'd be a breath of fresh air to have a woman not only not rely on you to decide on everything, but she does it for herself and you.

I think there's potential problems with it swayed that far, though. Many women like that can be bossy and difficult to deal with in times of disagreement. I would say go with laid back women who are not "traditional" and reliant on a guy, or have a silly requirement about a guy making decisions about everything in order for her to be attracted. Go for the middle!
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 23
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/9/2010 5:41:40 PM
I am sure there are people who would rather lead than follow. Personally I like a person who knows what they want, but is capable of sharing needs and wants.
Joined: 12/20/2009
Msg: 25
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/10/2010 6:31:34 PM
Most relationships I see, especially marriages, have the woman subtly leading and controlling the man. However, I have come to learn that most women are not happy making the decisions all the time and leading. They typically want the man to do these things. When a man just allows the woman to make all the decisions, it absolutely kills the sexual attraction she has for him. She doesn't want a guy to dominate her, she just wants a dominant man. Women want to enjoy being taken by a strong man who knows what's going on.
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 26
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/15/2010 4:36:10 PM
I'm not a psychiatrist, but maybe its something to do with "mummy". Or "mom".
They want "mother" to take charge, yet still be grown men having a relationship with a "mother-type" in their personal lives.
Deep unresolved issues...either way.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 27
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/15/2010 8:46:03 PM
Explain to me why a "man led" relationship is any better or more successful than one led by a woman.

I'm not a psychiatrist, but maybe its something to do with "mummy". Or "mom".
They want "mother" to take charge, yet still be grown men having a relationship with a "mother-type" in their personal lives.
Deep unresolved issues...either way.

So, a woman who allows a man to lead her has deep-seated unresolved issues with her father????
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 28
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/20/2010 6:56:18 AM

When I think of the man (a real man) being the leader of the relationship... I basically think of somebody with a backbone... nothing more. The man should have strong convictions on what the right thing to do is... and lead by example. I also believe that he should value his wifes opinion above all else though. She is his other half, after all. A man who is domineering for the sake of being domineering is only fooling himself... he is no leader.

In short, I don't think being the leader is so much about making all the decisions, having the final say, or dictating what to do, and not to do. It's more about the spirit of the matter. I believe a real man can still be a leader, even if he lets his wife/girlfriend make most or all of her own decisions. True leaders aren't dictators... they are followed by choice.

You know what I heard? Blah, Blah, Blah and not a real answer to my question. Exactly what is the "leader" doing in the relationship? Give me some clear examples of why the avergae, reasonably intelligent individual needs to be led by someone else. And why does someone feel the need to be the "leader" or decider which is really what this is about. Exactly what do these so called leaders do every day? decide on spaghetti vs. meatloaf? A 3" cut on the lawn or a 4"? I find this whole concept to be utterly bizzarre...
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 31
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/20/2010 10:41:56 AM
I don't want to be the boss in the relationship and I don't want my future partner to be the boss either.I am an adult and don't need a daddy. Any man I would get involved with would also be an adult and not need a mommy to boss him about.
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 34
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:26:08 AM
I have a feeling this is more about scotty wearing the pantyhose than it is about the lady "wearing the pants".

Please note the placement of quotations as well as the non-placement therein.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 38
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/21/2010 1:29:47 PM

Can't tell you how many women have told me "I don't care what we do."

but the one bringing home the bacon will always have a say in things like "make sure everyone is fed" and "plan the outing."

Doing what they don't want to do? Men do what they don't want to do all the time, mostly to keep you women quiet and not have you b!tching at us, often for pointless reasons.

Look, I was raised by a single mom, who loved us with all her heart, and she certainly made sacrifices. But, she needed a man (her bf of 20 years) to help her with money, and help her with parenting decisions. I can't tell you how many times she was crying in the kitchen, "overwhelmed with responsibility" and bashing the shiz out of my dad, to my face, almost daily, because she couldn't control the stress/anxiety/emotions of her being by "herself" (like I said, her bf supplied at least half the money for a good chunk of time).

The problem with giving personal anecdotes to support what you say is that for every person who gives his/her experience, someone else will give opposite anecdotal evidence!

The things that you cite here were the things that you have seen and experienced, but that is limited, no? To paint ALL, or even most, women AND men with such broad strokes is demeaning to both sexes.

Not ALL women do or expect the things of which you speak. You might label the other poster as a "man hater," but you come across as devaluing women and not recognizing that within our culture, there is a broad spectrum of individuals who don't fit your stereotypical aspects of women.
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 41
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/22/2010 2:52:00 PM
thesumofallparts said:
My point was, men and women depend on each other for survival, and always have.

Right!!! It's an evolutionary matter that can't be undone by simply wishing it weren't so. It's ingrained in the genes that men are logical and women emotional, when operating at their central cores.

The problem with women-led relationships is that each gender is away from its optimum brain center.

I see the OP's situation as one of a few possibilities.

Some may be wired the other way, so that the male needs to be cherished, to feel loved. At the extreme, he wants to be nurtured - mothered, mainly.

There are some men who have been unknowingly emasculated into living away from their normal mind centers.

And, there are female counterparts. Those women need to be trusted and to lead.

However, the evolution that has ensconced men and women into gender roles can't be wished away by those who don't want to deal with reality, but insist on trying to live in roles that they consider "ideal".

When a man and a woman are at home in their mind comfort zones, unless they have become "cross wired", as described above, it makes little sense for the person who enjoys living emotionally to run the relationship.

With the man as leader, both live in their best mind centers and the relationship functions logically, based on the best chance for survival, prosperity and re-creation, into the next generations.

Maybe in today's culture we don't need the evolved structure as it is. But mutations take longer to become adaptations, than our idealistic wishes. Our gender natures are what they are, not what we have aspirations for them to be.

We're happiest when we abide by our natures.

 Cape Sunshine
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 42
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/22/2010 3:18:29 PM
[I think it'll be hard for her to be a woman when she also has to take the traditional male role in the relationship and she'll end up resenting you on some level. Most definitely will end up cheating and/or leaving with someone more dominant. my friends and I were discussing how guys are forgetting how to be guys these days.]

Very true!!!!
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 43
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/22/2010 9:32:33 PM

My point was, men and women depend on each other for survival, and always have.

Yes, I missed your point.

Ya know, I was telling someone earlier that there was nothing new, but there is. We are dependent upon male and female to be conceived, but in reality, men and women do not depend upon each other for SURVIVAL any longer. I suppose men never really did depend upon women for survival, but in the used to be world when women didn't have careers (although poor women always worked), they did depend upon men to support them.

If you read these forums and read stats, fewer women need men in their lives to support them or give them survival. We need love and support, true, but that can come in many forms.

If I needed a man for survival, at this point in my life, I would have died about four years ago.

However, I want men in my life--not only my sons and platonic friends, but I enjoy sex with men and someday, I will want a more permanent partner.

I don't want men to go away, and I am "good" to my sons and my male friends--why else would they remain my friends?

You might find that they're good to you, even if you're a b!tch to them!

Whether or not this was directed at me personally, I resent that you assume ALL women--or me alone--are ****es to men. Perhaps if you didn't feel that you are "falling behind socially" because women are "gaining equality" you wouldn't show such overt hostility toward us.

And note, it is "equality" and not "superiority"--not like men "enjoyed" in the Western world for the last few millennia.
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 44
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/23/2010 11:14:04 PM
Most of the time it's the woman that wears the pants. All us guys can do is hope to keep her happy and entertained. Once things get too boring, they split, and there's nothing we can do about it.

Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 47
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/24/2010 10:45:59 AM
um no..i dont want to be the leader..that is not my place. im the nurturer, caregiver, mother, and wife.That is a full plate, so me making the hard decisions for us as a group that is up to my husband/partner....i dont really find myself attracted to submissive men..tell me what WE are doing, i will tend to you, but you have to be the king baby...
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 48
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/25/2010 5:39:20 AM
i personally want my woman to be the one in charge of our relationship, but i posted a thread about that a few months ago and got lots of negative replies.
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 49
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 5/6/2012 1:33:46 PM
I think there is a confusion on some guys as to this type of relationship and I focus on the term relationship. It isn't about the female leading you and you being nothing but a worm all the time. It is a true relationship where you believe in your woman and treat her how she deserves to be treated.

There are many levels of FLR on a range scale to put it out there. 1-4 and the title "above 4."
The main thing to remember is that it is a relationship. You are together because you love each other. Just that your woman is the lead when you are together. It is up to the couple to decide how far they want to go and what things to expect. The kink stuff is probably looked for by guys as a fantasy. But in a FLR it is usually for punishment for not doing something or just being an bad. It is understood ahead of time what things will be incorporated into your life.

Now I am no expert in this but was actually contacted on another site by a Lady. She pretty much in a nutshell told me that I am more submissive in relationships based on my profile, and it was true. I like the female taking the lead role, so it explains why I get so bored with dating other women that are equals or more submissive than I am in the relationship part. It also explains why most of my relationships failed, my woman didn't strive for me always attending to her needs. Don't get me wrong. I am a very successful man in the jobs I have had. Have always been one to strive for advancement and gets it usually there. I just am tired of that role at the end of the day and also know that women have a lot to deal with just like us. So, since I love women in this regard I prefer the woman taking the lead.

It just isn't about being a freak.
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 50
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 5/7/2012 2:14:49 AM
lets face it. there are a lot of naive women supporting a lot of loser guys. These guys want no responsibility and want nothing to do with taking the reigns in anything.

I personally want a teammate. I'm also old fashioned and no woman is going to support or control me.

I'm not going to be told how to think, dress, or do whatever.

One young lady emailed me the other day and said we were a perfect match. She seemed very pretty and sweet but I read her profile and she said:

-You better be a democrat; not an ultra liberal one or in the middle.
-You need to dress up nice because I like to wear heels all the time.
-my friends are my life; they need to be yours too; non negotiable
-I flirt and like attention; deal with it.
-The first date can't be coffee and a drink; how lame; I'm not opposed to expensive dinners though but it's not a necessity.

Ok she was a late 20 something in the OC in Los Angeles so that explains a little bit, but wow. Leave your spine at the door when you date her. She thought because she was a beautiful woman that I'd just lose my mind. Sorry, real men don't do that.

I told her that slavery was abolished a long time ago and that no one was going to control my thoughts and actions and that we were so different that it wasn't funny. I want a team player not a high maintenance control freak.

I don't want to date another me either. I want someone that is their own person. I like people that are the opposite of me to be honest but I dont want someone dictating who I am.

If/when I marry someone, I will wear the pants in the family but that means that as the man of the family, I need to make sure the needs of my future wife and kids are ABOVE my own. It doesn't mean you boss them around like a dictator. It means you take care of business and make decisions and keep your head when everyone else is stressed or worry. You man up.

Problem is men and women dont' know what a true man of the household is and that's why men fail at it, and women are terrible at picking a good man.
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 51
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 5/9/2012 4:02:54 PM
If a man wants the woman to take the lead, then he might as well wear the Dress. LOL
Man is the head; and the relationship should be equal partners in making decisions
Joined: 12/28/2011
Msg: 52
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 5/10/2012 10:47:40 AM
Everyone is unique but for me, equal partnership type didn't work for me.

I'm very alpha when it comes to relationship (actually anything) and when I've tried the equal partnership, I've retracted from being who I am. I became something I was not and in the end, I just became an agree-er. Will not let that happen again. I like being the male, decision maker, protector... that's how its going to be or it won't be me.

If it make you happier to be the follower, there are lots of women who will take the leadership role and your relationship will be healthier for it.
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