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Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 49
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Woman-led relationships...Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
thesumofallparts said:
My point was, men and women depend on each other for survival, and always have.

Right!!! It's an evolutionary matter that can't be undone by simply wishing it weren't so. It's ingrained in the genes that men are logical and women emotional, when operating at their central cores.

The problem with women-led relationships is that each gender is away from its optimum brain center.

I see the OP's situation as one of a few possibilities.

Some may be wired the other way, so that the male needs to be cherished, to feel loved. At the extreme, he wants to be nurtured - mothered, mainly.

There are some men who have been unknowingly emasculated into living away from their normal mind centers.

And, there are female counterparts. Those women need to be trusted and to lead.

However, the evolution that has ensconced men and women into gender roles can't be wished away by those who don't want to deal with reality, but insist on trying to live in roles that they consider "ideal".

When a man and a woman are at home in their mind comfort zones, unless they have become "cross wired", as described above, it makes little sense for the person who enjoys living emotionally to run the relationship.

With the man as leader, both live in their best mind centers and the relationship functions logically, based on the best chance for survival, prosperity and re-creation, into the next generations.

Maybe in today's culture we don't need the evolved structure as it is. But mutations take longer to become adaptations, than our idealistic wishes. Our gender natures are what they are, not what we have aspirations for them to be.

We're happiest when we abide by our natures.

 Cape Sunshine
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 50
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/22/2010 3:18:29 PM
[I think it'll be hard for her to be a woman when she also has to take the traditional male role in the relationship and she'll end up resenting you on some level. Most definitely will end up cheating and/or leaving with someone more dominant. my friends and I were discussing how guys are forgetting how to be guys these days.]

Very true!!!!
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 51
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/22/2010 9:32:33 PM

My point was, men and women depend on each other for survival, and always have.

Yes, I missed your point.

Ya know, I was telling someone earlier that there was nothing new, but there is. We are dependent upon male and female to be conceived, but in reality, men and women do not depend upon each other for SURVIVAL any longer. I suppose men never really did depend upon women for survival, but in the used to be world when women didn't have careers (although poor women always worked), they did depend upon men to support them.

If you read these forums and read stats, fewer women need men in their lives to support them or give them survival. We need love and support, true, but that can come in many forms.

If I needed a man for survival, at this point in my life, I would have died about four years ago.

However, I want men in my life--not only my sons and platonic friends, but I enjoy sex with men and someday, I will want a more permanent partner.

I don't want men to go away, and I am "good" to my sons and my male friends--why else would they remain my friends?

You might find that they're good to you, even if you're a b!tch to them!

Whether or not this was directed at me personally, I resent that you assume ALL women--or me alone--are ****es to men. Perhaps if you didn't feel that you are "falling behind socially" because women are "gaining equality" you wouldn't show such overt hostility toward us.

And note, it is "equality" and not "superiority"--not like men "enjoyed" in the Western world for the last few millennia.
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 52
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/23/2010 11:14:04 PM
Most of the time it's the woman that wears the pants. All us guys can do is hope to keep her happy and entertained. Once things get too boring, they split, and there's nothing we can do about it.

Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 53
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/24/2010 6:07:47 AM

Whether or not this was directed at me personally, I resent that you assume ALL women--or me alone--are ****es to men. Perhaps if you didn't feel that you are "falling behind socially" because women are "gaining equality" you wouldn't show such overt hostility toward us.

No, not assuming ALL anything here...
Just saying that I see men treat women like godesses even though they're demanding and pushy in the relationship. I'm not nieve enough to think it doesn't go the other way...

And yes, by "survival" I meant for pro-creation. I don't NEED a woman, and she doesn't NEED me, per se...

I'm outa this one, since everything I'm saying is being taken out of context by someone who is VERY resentful, evidently.
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 54
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/24/2010 8:43:34 AM
I've led, and followed, and volleyed back and forth.

Too much control and not enough control is stressful. After 100s of relationships, platonic or romantic, I would like a balanced relationship. We both contribute equally.

I found a friendship, recently, that is balance. Whewwww....never thought that day would come. Its comfortable and healthy.
Joined: 12/28/2009
Msg: 55
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/24/2010 10:45:59 AM
um no..i dont want to be the leader..that is not my place. im the nurturer, caregiver, mother, and wife.That is a full plate, so me making the hard decisions for us as a group that is up to my husband/partner....i dont really find myself attracted to submissive men..tell me what WE are doing, i will tend to you, but you have to be the king baby...
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 56
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/24/2010 9:18:36 PM
I believe women do wear the pants more than guys now a days....I don't have any studies but from what I've seen I believe so....

I only like it when in bed, otherwise I still go by True equality and i like it when a women plans on where to spend the next date...
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 57
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/25/2010 5:39:20 AM
i personally want my woman to be the one in charge of our relationship, but i posted a thread about that a few months ago and got lots of negative replies.
 Spoken For
Joined: 12/26/2007
Msg: 58
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 1/26/2010 6:08:08 AM
I know those kinds of relationships exist, but I would never be comfortable in one of them. On the flip side, I wouldn't be in a relationship where the "final say so" fell on the man, either. I am more comfortable when people make a decision together. If I "wore the pants," I wouldn't respect the man that let me make all the decisions without putting his foot down occasionally...and if I let someone walk all over me, and my opinions had no value in decision making, I would feel disrespected myself.

Like I said, I know that kind of thing works for some people, but it would never work for me. If you do decide to go into something like this, just make sure you keep your ability to voice those strong opinons, and never completely give up your right/ability to contribute to the major decisions.
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 59
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 5/6/2012 1:33:46 PM
I think there is a confusion on some guys as to this type of relationship and I focus on the term relationship. It isn't about the female leading you and you being nothing but a worm all the time. It is a true relationship where you believe in your woman and treat her how she deserves to be treated.

There are many levels of FLR on a range scale to put it out there. 1-4 and the title "above 4."
The main thing to remember is that it is a relationship. You are together because you love each other. Just that your woman is the lead when you are together. It is up to the couple to decide how far they want to go and what things to expect. The kink stuff is probably looked for by guys as a fantasy. But in a FLR it is usually for punishment for not doing something or just being an bad. It is understood ahead of time what things will be incorporated into your life.

Now I am no expert in this but was actually contacted on another site by a Lady. She pretty much in a nutshell told me that I am more submissive in relationships based on my profile, and it was true. I like the female taking the lead role, so it explains why I get so bored with dating other women that are equals or more submissive than I am in the relationship part. It also explains why most of my relationships failed, my woman didn't strive for me always attending to her needs. Don't get me wrong. I am a very successful man in the jobs I have had. Have always been one to strive for advancement and gets it usually there. I just am tired of that role at the end of the day and also know that women have a lot to deal with just like us. So, since I love women in this regard I prefer the woman taking the lead.

It just isn't about being a freak.
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 60
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 5/6/2012 3:26:25 PM
I don't find this appealing at all. There's nothing in it for me. I have to function as a man so often in my daily life, that's the LAST thing I want in the bedroom.
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 61
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 5/7/2012 2:14:49 AM
lets face it. there are a lot of naive women supporting a lot of loser guys. These guys want no responsibility and want nothing to do with taking the reigns in anything.

I personally want a teammate. I'm also old fashioned and no woman is going to support or control me.

I'm not going to be told how to think, dress, or do whatever.

One young lady emailed me the other day and said we were a perfect match. She seemed very pretty and sweet but I read her profile and she said:

-You better be a democrat; not an ultra liberal one or in the middle.
-You need to dress up nice because I like to wear heels all the time.
-my friends are my life; they need to be yours too; non negotiable
-I flirt and like attention; deal with it.
-The first date can't be coffee and a drink; how lame; I'm not opposed to expensive dinners though but it's not a necessity.

Ok she was a late 20 something in the OC in Los Angeles so that explains a little bit, but wow. Leave your spine at the door when you date her. She thought because she was a beautiful woman that I'd just lose my mind. Sorry, real men don't do that.

I told her that slavery was abolished a long time ago and that no one was going to control my thoughts and actions and that we were so different that it wasn't funny. I want a team player not a high maintenance control freak.

I don't want to date another me either. I want someone that is their own person. I like people that are the opposite of me to be honest but I dont want someone dictating who I am.

If/when I marry someone, I will wear the pants in the family but that means that as the man of the family, I need to make sure the needs of my future wife and kids are ABOVE my own. It doesn't mean you boss them around like a dictator. It means you take care of business and make decisions and keep your head when everyone else is stressed or worry. You man up.

Problem is men and women dont' know what a true man of the household is and that's why men fail at it, and women are terrible at picking a good man.
Joined: 10/31/2011
Msg: 62
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Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 5/8/2012 10:34:03 PM
I don't understand why someone would want to "be led" by another. If you are capable of maintaining a relationship of any quality, it must be a true partnership.

Are you looking for a woman to dictate every aspect of your life? What you wear, do, etc..? Why??
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 63
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 5/9/2012 4:02:54 PM
If a man wants the woman to take the lead, then he might as well wear the Dress. LOL
Man is the head; and the relationship should be equal partners in making decisions
Joined: 12/28/2011
Msg: 64
Woman-led relationships...
Posted: 5/10/2012 10:47:40 AM
Everyone is unique but for me, equal partnership type didn't work for me.

I'm very alpha when it comes to relationship (actually anything) and when I've tried the equal partnership, I've retracted from being who I am. I became something I was not and in the end, I just became an agree-er. Will not let that happen again. I like being the male, decision maker, protector... that's how its going to be or it won't be me.

If it make you happier to be the follower, there are lots of women who will take the leadership role and your relationship will be healthier for it.
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