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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why are successful attractive women" intimidating" and can't get a da      Home login  
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 Bimini2020
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 26
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a datePage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Well my apologies if I seem snobbish and cold. I am not that way in my personal life. I am Hurt and confused at the moment thank you for your advice..
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 27
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Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 7:06:47 PM

The concept is that you playfully bust on a high esteem woman

what i'm saying is she doesn't sound like one; she talks herself up too much. as the old adage says, those who talk the most do the least.

op, if it all sounds harsh and unfair, know that the answers you get here are often to the questions you won't ask, or don't know to ask.
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 28
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/7/2010 8:19:26 PM
Can't you find people who are beyond these little hang ups? It seems to me that nowadays there are a lot of people who aren't bothered by that anymore. Find your prospects among an educated, curious, learning population.
I'm sure you'll find a lot of more advanced specimens who aren't caught up in the old patriarchal-bread winner patterns.

I'm 46 and I find that mentality incredibly outdated. I'm sure you can find others, younger than me.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 29
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Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/8/2010 4:51:00 AM

I'm a very successful CEO and I really try to avoid the job topic because as soon as the men who have average jobs hear this. Seem to get nervous around me and talk about how much more they want in life and hate their job etc. They end up saying they don't think it's a good idea to date anymore because they aren't comfortable with my success while they have nothing to give me.. They say I deserve better and can get better.
I'd be inclined to think the same way.

People tend to have a good time in my company. But I don't live like a lawyer, and I don't act like a lawyer. I have no airs and graces. I'm not diplomatic. I'm not sophisticated or "cool". I am what I am. But a lot of people like to say they are dating a lawyer, or a doctor, or a rich businessman, or someone important. They like that stuff. That's not me.

But they tell me how they feel about matters. If they say they have a job in the fruit trade, then that's all they have. If they happen to be the CEO of a chain of 150 fruit stores, then they still have a job in the fruit trade, and they are just showing how they see things. But if they start out announcing they are a very successful CEO of maybe 1 company, which maybe has 10 stores, they are telling me right off the bat that it's important to them that I see them as a CEO, and as very successful.

Letting others know they are a CEO means it's important to them that others know that they are a CEO, as they see themselves as better people because they are a boss. That is because they see an employee as lesser than an employer, when the employee can always get another job. But without the employees, the employer has no job.

Letting others know they are very successful means it's important to them that others know that they are very successful, as they see themselves as better people because they are very successful, that they get what they want out of life. But life is what happens when you are busy making plans. The best times we have are the great times we never expected. This person doesn't get that. This person always has to win. They always have to be in control. It's nice to be in control sometimes. But it's totally unrealistic to be in control all the time. But this person wants others to think they are in control. They're putting up a front.

If they talk about "average" jobs, then I have to wonder at them, because an electrician is an "average job", but if an electrician doesn't do his job right, women and children DIE. It's a very responsible job, upon which the lives of children depend. Is that only "average"? No. It's commendable. The same is plumbing, or lots of jobs.

I'd not make an instant decision about a person based on one sentence. But I'd keep it in mind, and if a lot of other things implied it as well, I'd have to consider if this is actually how they think. If they think success or being a CEO is meaningful, they are in that kind of mindset. I grew up with some people like that. I could have been one. But I would have had to become very self-motivated, and uncaring, and it was not something I wanted to be. So if someone talks that way, then I know that we're not likely to be compatible. She'd want to go to parties and have airs and graces, and I'd want to ask these people why they are not giving the party for the homeless? She'd want to go on holiday at a 5-star hotel, and I'd be eyeing up the camping equipment. I'd want to have my old jacket repaired, and she'd want me to get a new one.

I try to be bubbly and focus on the good and ignore the job thing.
Don't try. Trying means you don't want to do it. Why do it if you don't want to?
Either you want to ignore the job thing, and you do, or you don't want to ignore the job thing, in which case don't.
It sounds as if you don't want to ignore the job thing, but then the men you are looking at don't want you, and you don't like that. You cannot have everything your own way.

I really need the fun guy in my life.
No-one needs the fun guy in their life. No-one can make you happy. Only you can do that. Having the fun guy in your life doesn't make you happy. It just means you see the fun guy as a clown for your amusement. You cannot have a real relationship with someone you condescend to. You can have sex with him. You can do stuff together. You can tell him you love him. But when push comes to shove, and you argue, you will want your way to come first. In a real relationship, you're equal in that regard. You don't get your way in a relationship.

I think the real reason why you have problems in dating is because you describe yourself as a "very successful CEO". The very best thing you can hope to be in a relationship is a 50%-successful partner. Partners are the opposite of a CEO. A CEO is always in control, or, when he/she isn't, it's not his/her problem at all. A partner is always only partially in control, and when he/she isn't in control, it's still his/her problem and responsibility.

So in a way, these guys are telling you that you aren't good enough for them. Money-wise, you are more than enough. But you need to work on your relationship skills before you are up to the standard of their average dates.

The guy works at a convenience store and is fun and intelligent. How can I get past this job/income thing with men?
Stop making out like you are cool. If the guy likes you, it's for your looks and personality, not your money or your success.

Just imagine you were offered the biggest deal of your career with the CEO of a company 100 times the size of your company. Only he despises people who think they are more important than the mail-room people. You will only get the contract if you convince him that you are 100% sure that the people in the mail room are more important to the company, and to the world, than you or any other executive. Convince him. That's all you have to do.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 30
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/8/2010 10:17:02 AM

(Gingergirl09) An intelligent answer would be nice thank you. Thank you for those who did. I did not post for insults..this an issue I would like insight with.


This line, from the OP's follow-up post, clearly identifies the troll-nature of her post. A "successful attractive woman" wouldn't have a mini-meltdown over non-sycophants.


..this an issue I would like insight with.


And, you got some. I find it nearly impossible to believe that a "CEO" would not know the difference between "insight" and "telling her what she wants to hear"...

Is it just me, or has the quality of troll posts gotten hella low lately?

Tozaar...
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 31
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/8/2010 12:04:10 PM
"Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date"
------------------
Simple. They think that they're so great that no one's good enough for them. Also, you can't be successful in every area of life. That's a fact. At the end of the day, the rich and the successful is sitting in his castle - alone - and no one gives a shi.t.
 Bimini2020
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 32
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/8/2010 2:06:36 PM
Thanks VicShe and others who have productive advice.
I am not sure why negative comments need to be voiced however, in the corporate world the bad comments can be constructive also, unless it's productive, I dont really pay any attention too.

I am not sure where the average guy comment came from. I dont date average men the men I date are extaordinary, wonderful hearts and very intelligent! They have average jobs that's all. The men are NOT average.


I think that is good advice about choosing an inexpensive place (discreetly and tactfully of course) when given the choice

Offer to pay the tip and later go dutch

Never mention the job or downplay it

dress down

Never let them pick me up from work or visit the office

Dont pay for any more vacations or allow them to pay for the transportation or dinner

As one new wonderful POF friend had recently suggested was to ASK for help and advice on a skill I know they are good at.

I really appreciate the productive advice and comments. This forum has shown me some of the things although I had good intentions by paying for everything, was imasculating the men I was dating.
 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 33
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Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/8/2010 2:32:38 PM

I think that is good advice about choosing an inexpensive place (discreetly and tactfully of course) when given the choice

Offer to pay the tip and later go dutch

Never mention the job or downplay it

dress down

Never let them pick me up from work or visit the office

Dont pay for any more vacations or allow them to pay for the transportation or dinner

As one new wonderful POF friend had recently suggested was to ASK for help and advice on a skill I know they are good at.

You can follow all that advice you want but it will only work temporarily at best. Soon as the guy finds out you're situation, it's adios. I'm sure you participate in activities that only someone of your financial means can afford. Your success affords you a lifestyle that he can't match not to mention you probably travel in different social circles. You need to stick to guys in the same league or guys who are on track to being in the same league as yourself. Just my $0.02.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 34
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Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/8/2010 3:08:31 PM

You can follow all that advice you want but it will only work temporarily at best. Soon as the guy finds out you're situation, it's adios. I'm sure you participate in activities that only someone of your financial means can afford. Your success affords you a lifestyle that he can't match not to mention you probably travel in different social circles. You need to stick to guys in the same league or guys who are on track to being in the same league as yourself. Just my $0.02.
I agree with this and it is what I meant by "the bait and switch" comment I made. [I think] It's only fair to go dutch or, to offer to pay the tip.. anyway.. the thing is, unless you're just looking for short term type relationship(s) eventually, he's going to know where you work, what you do, where you live etc. so, it is temporary at best. I think you're looking for a regular guy with an edge (just like what most people want.. ;0) and you're not finding that guy in your immediate world.
Do you think that perhaps if you looked on a different type of site, one for young executives for instance, that you may find someone who has more in common with you? Or, perhaps going to events and things where there are other single executives where you might find a kindred spirt? ..

In any event.. good luck, I hope you figure out a lasting and successful strategy..
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 35
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/8/2010 3:16:25 PM
I think I'd focus on fixing the "prefer not to say" next to your drinking habits before I'd worry about my lofty status as a CEO ... I'm just sayin
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 36
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Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/8/2010 4:19:32 PM
This is a tough one.
I know I stay away from women whose profiles show their income and job status to be way higher than mine. For me, it's because I've never seen such a match work outside of a movie.
Even if you do care for a guy (like me), the simple fact that you are used to being able to solve problems with money that I have to attack personally over a long period of time, means that our views of life will be very different. People with your resources tend to get impatient with people who, for example, have their car break down, and so can't come see you for a week. Unless all of the fun things you like to do already are cheap date stuff, I would feel like a fish out of water going with you to your kind of entertainment. On a daily basis, your life experiences are going to be totally different from mine, making it difficult at best to have normal, relaxed, friendly conversations about anything.
The way you say "I really need the fun guy in my life..But the thing is I want him." sounds exactly the same as what wealthy guys say, who want to pick up a cute cashier as a plaything. The fact that you see him as "fun," and not as an equal MATE, is off-putting. You don't want him in your life to help you with your life, or to live your life together, you want him to be your entertainment, your relief from the stress of your job.
Now I know I'm making some assumptions based on a tiny amount of information here, and you might deny that he's simply a tempting morsel for you, but that's what I'm reading here.
Oh: and you aren't too "intimidating," you are too DISSIMILAR.
 bsp71
Joined: 11/18/2009
Msg: 37
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/8/2010 11:09:03 PM
Here is my take on it for what its worth-

Most (not all) women marry or date above their level. Meaning that if a woman is a VP, she usually wants a CEO or billionaire for be involved with or a movie star or pro athlete. Here is one clue- look at young attractive women that work in Hollyweird- they all date famous actors or pro athletes. Like I would never get a super model unless I was a famous billionaire or movie star or pro athlete. Jus the way it works. Me- I would not mind dating a woman who makes more cash than me. Thats fine :-)
 cion3
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 38
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/9/2010 4:45:28 AM
Hi Ginger,

First, I like to tell you that I admire women in power, i.e., successful in their careers such as yourself. Unfortunately, there is a price to pay for success specially in this culture where success is measured somewhat on accomplishments, material things, who your friends are, etc...

Let it go. Sometimes its in our head too. Who cares what you have or accomplished or what that person does not have. If you fall in love with someone, nothing really matters but to be with that person. You will not discover you are in love unless you go out with that person. Go for what you wanted and worry about the rest later.

Lastly, there are many successful men who are with less successful women:) I do not believe in double standard.... this is just my opinion and i am very open-minded. Good luck!!!

Cion3
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 39
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Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/9/2010 6:02:07 AM
With no pic, I wouldn't reply at all, as I have no clue what you look like. Once I found out your position, I would just feel that we wouldn't be a good match, as we are from two different worlds. I wouldn't have the freedom of time or money to do a lot of the things you enjoy, I imagine.


Good luck though. There must be people around, in your social circle, one would think.
 abandonedbycupid
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 40
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/9/2010 11:08:00 AM
Come on... Seriously. I had to laugh when I read this post. Although, it's true that there are people with certain insecurities who are worried that a potential mate has far more options than he/she may have themselves, I think those feelings tend to grow more farther down the road in a relationship as opposed to a first or second date.

The following phrase from the Op says it all:

"Guys with average jobs old pick up trucks etc are so much sweeter and attentive..I fell in love with a guy from Home Depot but I get sooo tired of hearing how much they plan on bettering them self for me."

To me, that reeks of condescension. Maybe if I can smell it, her dates can as well.

Those "average jobs" and "old pick up trucks" are part of the lifeblood of society. If you can't respect what your man does then perhaps you need to move on.

Oh yeah... I must add that I think IgorFrankenstein is right on the money.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 41
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/9/2010 12:26:54 PM
I tole ya gingergirl09.

Alphas always are annoyed by the same.
"You're too much into yourself" is how they see and greet each other.
at any income level.

If you're all that,
be all that.

Just find a guy that will let you shine.
Every Hyacinth, needs her Richard.

:-P
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/9/2010 12:31:08 PM
Hi Gingergirl, I work p/t as a professional driver. You'd be happy with this?
The following is as I see it:
For many years, our culture has placed worth upon a man by his profession or occupation. Years ago he alone was in the work force and had a family to support.
The more materially successful a man the better his chance of mating. The degree of success he had determined the quality of his spouse - at her insistence and that of her family. This was the way it was years ago and men are still somewhat aware of this. This still holds true today otherwise most women would be comfortable with a man from any socio-economic status, including the lower ones, if there was a personal connection. But this seems to not be the case. Women appear more hypergamous than ever today plus wanting the image of that strong man to protect and look after them. Could it be such that women feel they won't get what they want because a man earns less money than her? Men appear to be aware of this, too, although they may not verbalize it in this way.
Gee, I guess the reverse of your question could be true as well. Why are materially unsuccessful men intimidating to women?
That gals are not secure and intimidated by men with less money and education or perhaps think them to be inferior creatures because of such? Many people forget that men have been unfairly kept out of careers and occupations because of Affirmative Action.
Women have held most of the cards in the dating/romance deck that was stacked in their favour. It is all too easy to just look pretty and not do much else before marriage. Now that women are in the work-force and prefer men with similar or higher income levels there is either going to be a lot of single people (like we see today) or there will have to be a lot of changes made. I see more of the former happening than the latter.
Then again, I can be pleasantly surprised. I'm all here, you rich and good looking down-to-earth gals (but I don't take orders).
 ~Sexiest User~
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 43
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/9/2010 2:01:08 PM
Please, read my Msg:30
done some research at work, and this is the follow up.
Hey OP,
Gingergirl09....intelligent, successful, attractive woman a member POF Free online dating site....Men are not intimidated by a person's success.....but they are turned off by negatives attitudes and personality.....who cares what you have or accomplished and what that person does not have, material things, college degree, stocks and bonds, or a gateaway vacation homes.....It's all materialistics, so speak.....If you fall in love with someone.....nothing really matters, but, to be with that person.....I know countless of couples in my medical field position where the women is with a successful career with higher income bracket (top $) or husband.....They feel joy and honor at their partner success and not intimidated by it.....why would an average Joe complain??.....it's irrelevant.....If they have true loves between them, then her earnings more than he does, it did not matter.....It's all in you and your negativities. We wish you very best of luck.
lea in west tn
 Feasterner
Joined: 12/13/2009
Msg: 44
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/9/2010 5:04:24 PM

I try to be bubbly and focus on the good and ignore the job thing. I really need the fun guy in my life..But the thing is I want him. The guy works at a convenience store and is fun and intelligent. How can I get past this job/income thing with men?

It's enough to act like a naive girl......................
BTW, an intelligent man is confident.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 45
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/9/2010 5:34:17 PM
I am not sure, it is such a good idea to divulge everything about yourself right off the bat.
I am not sure what kind of time you have available for men, maybe it would be good to pick someone that has about the same ratio of work to down time.
As far as the convenience store guy, start shoping more often.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 46
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/9/2010 5:36:38 PM
I am not sure, it is such a good idea to divulge everything about yourself right off the bat.
I am not sure what kind of time you have available for men, maybe it would be good to pick someone that has about the same ratio of work to down time.
As far as the convenience store guy, start shoping more often.
I hope that you have a pic available on request, most people want to see someone first.
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 47
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/9/2010 6:04:20 PM
Wow!!! Its a job for goodness sake... It doesn't have to define a person... The OP is only a CEO not a god! It does not make her better or worse than anyone else. If a person is intimidated, seriously it is their own problem...

I give IQ tests in my job, but that doesn't mean I look at every person and measure their IQ! Although, many guys ask if I will be measuring their IQ when we meet... I simply say, I leave my work behind each day and try not to think about it in my own time... My job doesn't stop me from getting dates at all...

I am an expert in my job, but know little about many other things......so how could I be intimidating.... probably the same as the OP...she only knows a lot about her specific area of expertise....

 Feasterner
Joined: 12/13/2009
Msg: 48
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/9/2010 6:20:47 PM
Too hilarious. Whatever floats your boat, lady.

Water or wind!!! Otherwise, it's a convenience store clerk! Maybe he handsomely gave her a big discount!!!
 JesterMDC
Joined: 12/20/2009
Msg: 49
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/10/2010 6:23:45 PM
Unfortunately, most men cannot handle a woman who makes more money than them. Only a guy who is self-assured and confident would be able to handle a woman who has her act so together. Insecure men want a woman they can dominate, control, and figure out easily.

So, you should really start to see your assets as a great thing. You will weed out the insecure men from your life. Unfortunately that means you will be weeding out A LOT of guys. Either you can date a lot of younger guys in their twenties or you will have to buckle down and let yourself weed out the insecure men if you want to find a long term relationship. I'd recommend you mention that you're a CEO of your own business in your profile so you don't have to waste time going on dates with insecure guys.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 50
Why are successful attractive women intimidating and can't get a date
Posted: 1/10/2010 6:58:09 PM
"Are you SURE you want someone who works at a convenience store? I wouldn't. They make minimum wage, usually. Unless there are unusual circumstances, ie: 2nd job, going to school, etc. Where is the motivation to improve, move up or do better financially? It's VERY difficult to even make ends meet on minimum wage, right?"
---------------
What kind of bullshi.t is that? And what makes YOU so much better? The OP described the guy as fun and intelligent and wasn't too worried about getting more money in her pocket. Personally I couldn't care less how much money someone makes.

There's no reason to start dating brats decades younger either. Insecurity is not the reason why some men back off. It's a lot "deeper" than that. Traditionally the man has been the provider but in a scenario like this it's reversed and requires a new way of thinking. Materialism to me means nothing more than as long as I have what I need it's Okay. I don't need more than 1 car, 1 house or whatever. Things don't make me happy. They don't speak to me, they don't comfort me when I feel down, etc.

Just like all the other millions and millions of people around the world are complaining about their worries and problems in their love life, this is yours and there is no answer. That happens to be YOUR "problem". If you'd made less money and had a regular job, then you would've asked another question and I'm sure that no one could've provided a universal solution to you then either.
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