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 Gideon_70
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 11
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I keep mementos from past relationships. Just because she is gone, I still care for the ladies. The memories are real, the past is real, and I like to think on them on occasion. Do I care for them? Of course I do! Am I going to run out and sleep with an Ex? If I were going to do that, I would not get into a new relationship.

Do you know that there is a difference between jealousy and envy? Envy is a destructive emotion, a feeling of discontent and resentment caused by the possessions of another. Jealousy is the fear of being replaced and a good emotion that protects you from having your relationship destroyed by an outside force. Which are you feeling?

If a girl came to me and asked, and it's happened, I show her with pride the things from my past. Each of those objects, and each of those memories are special. When she asks (as she will often do) if I care about her more than the past, I say that the past is the past, and while I cared about them, she is a new and different person and I care about her in a totally unique way. When she asks why I don't dump them, I ask simply, "Would you destroy pictures of your first prom if I asked?

Ladies, sometimes you are just too sensitive and selfish.
 Gideon_70
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 12
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/8/2010 8:14:04 PM
Wow, I read this and was so glad that I was not your ex. It's bad enough to lose a love, but even worse to know that she flushed the time you spent together down the toilet. What a waste.
 Gideon_70
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 13
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/8/2010 8:19:22 PM
I disagree!

I don't mornally keep pictures, just simply because I'm a photographer and I see enough of the things. But, I keep other memetos and are proud of them! I ahve a racecar that my ex gave me, and I love it. It's cheap, plastic, and lives in my closet. It was a good memory.
I have other thigns liek that as well. If someone asked me to get rid of them or hide them under a bed, I would think of it as her trying to hide a part of my past that I should be ashamed of, and that is just not right.
 bluesunshine_33
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 14
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/8/2010 8:25:15 PM
People have the right to keep anything they want to around. I've never understood the need in relationships to try to erase the past. It's not strange - it's part of who we are - and sometimes stuff just hangs around - when we don't need it anymore it gets put in a box. Some people really dig what their ex got them. For instance - I got my ex husband a major gift - the Red Sox won the World Series, so I got all these photographs and headlines from newspapers and had them framed - the cost was great and a lot of work went into the gift...it's something I knew he would love, probably forever. I guarantee that he has them hanging up to this day. It would be retarded for someone to find out that they were from me and insist that he put them away or worse, throw them out..... think about it.... silly. Get some confidence :) It's ok.... I promise you.
 ~*Isabel Kitty*~
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 15
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History
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/8/2010 9:34:03 PM
I throw out mostly everything. Unless it's a gift I really liked...jewellery or something. Pictures, letters, cards, usually go in the trash. I don't care if a guy has stuff from the past, as long as it's not on display.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 17
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/8/2010 9:58:30 PM
Some people have a really emotional attachment to things or objects. They represent memories and pieces of their life. Especially pictures. It is still HIS place and he should be able to do as he pleases. I wouldn't ask him to throw them away, but having them out, I would tell him, makes you feel uncomfortable. Just curious - does he have YOUR picture up? or does he reserve that honor only for exs?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 19
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is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/8/2010 11:38:18 PM
The girlfriends are gone, why do you give a crap whether he has things that people gave him. You are almost 30, this isn't worth bothering to think about and illustrates your insecurity not something amiss with him. If it bothers you, you can ask that they be put away but he doesn't need to get rid of them to assuage your discomfort.

I find it bizarre that people believe they need to erase every sign of the other person in their life, kind of like they aren't equipped to move on emotionally so they must pretend he/she never existed. Give me someone that is so well adjusted they don't really notice the stuff over that b.s. any day.

It happened nearly 30 years ago now, every time I hear this I am reminded of a girl I went to high school with. She had broken up with her boyfriend of around 4 years like the 3rd or 4th time. She threw away all of their pictures to help her to stick with her decision that time. A few weeks later he was murdered and I suspect she has regretted that decision a great deal given this was before digital imaging and the only copies you had came from actual negatives. If it was gone, it was gone.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 20
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/8/2010 11:56:31 PM
lets say we are dating... (just for hypotheticals)
I didnt go to highschool prom with you. should I burn those pictures? I didnt have you in classes in college, should I burn those annuals? Should I erase all my female frinds out of Myspace, Friendster, Facebook, Twitter? .....Should I quit going to lunch with the gals from the office ?

Get over it. You are with him now. He is obviously making the decision to be with you, and not them. Now if he starts pining over the ex.... then you can worry.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 22
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History
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/9/2010 12:11:56 AM
I keep anything I like, I don't see the problem. I would never ask someone to get rid of his things, no matter who bought them for him, nor would I want or expect him to get rid of pictures he has. Now if he had them hanging on the wall, pictures of exes, or a big oil painting of an ex over his fireplace, I'd think it's time for me to move on, but past mementos, I'm not that insecure or petty. I will not be getting rid of anything I want to keep, I don't date men that insecure & jealous.
 renoirs_dream
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 23
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is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/9/2010 1:38:17 AM
Control freak??? yep.......... Nuff said
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 24
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/9/2010 1:53:52 AM
I expected this to be a 20-something OP. Sorry, just seems like a VERY weird question from a 30 year old.

~OT~ Someone will have to pry my photographic memories out of my cold dead hands. I don't get rid of evidence of my life for anyone. I don't keep them inappropriately displayed, they are not used as a tool against anyone, and they aren't going anywhere. They are remnants of the life I lived with people I obviously cared about and likely still do hold dear to my heart. Fortunately for me? I'm wise enough to catch on quickly ~ if the new "he" in my life has issues with things of this nature? He will likely not have to worry about my past because it won't be any of his business as I will politely decline any more involvement. Likewise? I wouldn't have the right to ask "him" to rid his life of the things he has saved from his past. JMO
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 27
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is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/9/2010 7:37:40 AM
It depends.....

I had an ex once who told me she would love me forever, we were soulmates, yatta, yatta, yatta.
None of which kept her from screwing everything male and female she could get to gether with behind my back. Eventually she left me for an illegal alien half her age who I think lusted for her green card and bank account more than her.

I held onto the letters and photos to remind me never to trust her. I held onto a gold chain she gave me because in a relationship where I spent about $3,000 one year alone on gasoline, hotel rooms, meals, gifts and etc....that and a broken heart was all I got in return.
Talk about a poor investment in your time and money.
Recently I ran into her again and got suckered by her into what basically amounted to a booty call.
Imagine my surpise a few weeks later to find out that she was not alone like she said and was in fact still with Mr. Hindu, who had found some text messages on her cell phone to cause him concern.
See, if I had focused on those old pics and letters I would have known better than to trust her.
I find it ironic that a guy who grew up in the culture that invented Karma never realized when he was screwing her behind my back that one day fate would return the underhanded compliment.

There are reasons why people hold onto this stuff that women may not comprehend. Basically good or bad, these relationships are our HISTORY and its the history of our lives.
I think of some of my mementos from bad past relationships as like my version of the Holocaust Museum.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 32
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is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/9/2010 11:30:55 AM
OK, I'm assuming that you are implying that keeping the porsche is okay because I would be way behind that decision.


I don't keep them inappropriately displayed

This is the caveat, if there are like candles around the pictures, or perhaps even more telling a voodoo doll that has less unoccupied space than pins, you might have a problem.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 33
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/9/2010 11:58:10 AM

Jealous of old photos, ticket stubs, c0cktail napkins and other miscellaneous ephemera tucked into a memory box or scrapbook? Oh, Prunella! IMO, anyone who is jealous of a MEMORY and the past personal effects of a mate’s life BEFORE THEY MET THEM will more than likely be the one to MAKE such things an issue in the future relationship. As long as there is no “shrine” to an ex, or pictures of them plastered all over the place as if they STILL lived there, who cares? I think the red flag in this scenario would be the incredibly selfish, immature and insecure expectation that a new sweetheart should ERASE their past as if it never transpired; as if they NEVER loved or cared about anyone else, or never had anyone else ever love or care about them UNTIL this new person arrived in their life.

I agree - you can't just erase your past to suit someone else. However I bet if a woman tells her BF she's had over 100 lovers before she met him, many men would take issue with that.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 35
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/9/2010 12:25:41 PM
I NEED an ex that will leave me with a Porsche when she goes. I am taking applications.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 38
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History
is it ok for him to keep everything from EXs in the past?
Posted: 1/10/2010 11:45:19 AM
i keep nothing from my past relationships,a few pictures in a photo album, but i must say, you sound like you have issues, serious mental issues, see a doctor, do not ruin this mans life by dating him, yet alone becoming serious with him, until you get your control issues resolved
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