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 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 59
Cigarette smoking around kidsPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
be persisten with court order


it does not matter if you were with the person and he smoked before or did not
we are talking about an innocent child
does he not have a choice? to be in a smoke free-environment
if it was my child...i would not tolerate that behaviour
if he did not want to disrespect me
he would only see his child supervised or not at all
my son's health is more important than his habit
 VAJosh
Joined: 2/20/2010
Msg: 60
Cigarette smoking around kids
Posted: 2/24/2010 8:45:39 PM
I must say I am on the fence about this one. Threatening your child's and his fathers relationship because of this could cause major custody issues for you. Damaging a relationship due to personal life style preference, doesn't sound wise. To be honest I would never sign or agree to any stipulations such as that. If by some odd chance you tried something funny, he has good rights to take your to court over it.

Think if the courts did side with you what flood gates it would truly open up. You would have so many off the wall claims that could fall under the same president. Sonso's child can't eat any non homegrown fruit, the pesticides could give him cancer. Sonso's ex is obese and feeds fatty foods that will kill or damn my child for life. You can't prove that the smoke is killing your child, nor could you prove that pesticides give him cancer. I would talk to an attorney but not jump the gun to quickly or ever making threats.

Now onto the next. I don't believe blowing smoking in your child's face is right but it isn't illegal to smoke cigarettes. From your post (I don't hear or see every word) you have gone at this with the wrong angle completely. When has forcing an adult ever had good outcomes? Or threatening for that matter? Why not sit back and use that noggin.

Here is an example of a solution. Go online or to a local smoke shop and buy an E Cigarette for him. I mean you can't complain about price, its your child safety right? Give it to him and ask him to try it out, and be civil with him about it. Just explain your concerns and explain how you are trying to help and not control. From what I hear the blu brand is great for any real smoker, hits a little different from a cig but very close to real thing. Not a potent odor or harmful smoke. People smoke them all day long in non smoking bars now (plus for him, right? public smoking again!). This is just an example, sometimes you have to be creative. Good luck.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 61
Cigarette smoking around kids
Posted: 2/25/2010 5:00:54 AM
As a smoker, I know I have made bad choices for my own health, and I scoot away from anyone who doesnt smoke, so as not to inflict them with my bad choices...but I go get a little ticked at these types of debates. I would have no issue with a parent wagging thier finger at me, if they could HONESTLY say they NEVER expose thier children to bad choices. Like they can honestly say they have never served thier child ready to serve foods, laden with chemicles and preservatives, or zipped thru a drive thru on thier way home because they are tired/busy. The truth is, there is no such thing as a perfect human, or a perfect parent. We are all guilty of exposing our children to SOMETHING that can be harmful, and Id rather see folks work together then point fingers, because we all live in glass houses surrounding these issues.

Some people expose thier children to a dozen step daddies/mommies in a 10 year period, some live off garbage food...before you point your finger at anyone, even a lowly smoker, make sure you are the perfect parent, cause if you are not, you will find your actions under scrutiny, as it should be.

Pick your battles carefully, and only worry about that which you can control. You have every right to ask for cooperation, but you dont have the right to demand it. From anyone. Is it frustrating when you know the ex does things you dont like? Yes it is. But when you two chose to try and raise the kids seperatly, you should have known this was one of the consequences, you lose control. You need to figure out how to arm your children so they can make good choices, and thats all you can do. They are going to enter friends homes, where a smoker may reside. They are going to make friends who may end up smoking one day. You dont have the level of control you think you do to begin with. You never did really, only while they were too small to walk away from you. You need to deal with that.
 BLUEMISS
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 62
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Cigarette smoking around kids
Posted: 2/25/2010 6:25:01 AM
To the last 2 posts...It was my son that said the smoking was bothering him, and he said he wants his dad to quit. I brought it up to begin with and when he didn't listen to me, my son talked to his dad about it.This post is not about parents giving their kids garbage food or not being perfect, it's about smoking around kids.It sounds like you are trying to justify your smoking to me.I don't try to control my kid, he is a very smart and level headed boy and capable, at 12 ,of forming his own mind.

When he comes home from his dad's smelling like a cigarette, it does irk me.His dad told me on Sunday that he is down to half a pack a day because the boy wants him to quit and he is giving it an effort.This is a good thing, and says to me that he can see his smoking is not good .How many smokers have you heard say,they want to quit, but .....one excuse or another, or can't find the willpower it takes to quit.I've heard plenty.
 VAJosh
Joined: 2/20/2010
Msg: 63
Cigarette smoking around kids
Posted: 2/25/2010 8:10:12 PM
First, I would like to say no I'm not trying to justify anything. I'm perfectly happy with my rights as an adult and single parent. As I said I'm on the fence. I don't think its right what he is doing, but your ex is justified to tell you (and everyone else) to go fly a kite.

".It was my son that said the smoking was bothering him, and he said he wants his dad to quit." <--- This, can you show me where in your initial post this was? Take the time to read through your post, even in the previous one. You speak for your child and most sentences are concentrated around the words "me" and "I". Yes, it does irk you. Yes, you did threaten him. Yes, you did talk to him. Yes, you've heard plenty.

Your son, as you put it, is level headed and capable. Why not do it properly and file the paper work with the courts. Get your son to speak to his "Guardian", behind closed doors, about this. Let him explain if he no longer wants to see his father based on smoking habits. If he doesn't care enough to let the relationship go, he will move on past (you will have to also). If he would rather have less involvement with his father based on that, then he will speak up. It is very easy to hear what you want from a child. It's obvious they love you and try to please you. I would never give my child the rights to make choices about my life (this is why I am the parent), but at least I know I can listen to what my child really wants and make my own decisions.

Yes, this post has a lot do with making poor choices that affect your children. Be it junk food or smoking a cig. You are trying to control what is taken into your child's body while under the care of a parent. You say blocking a child's lungs is bad, I say blocking their veins is worse! How ridiculous would it be if his father said you can no longer see your child until you provided a detailed menu of everything you plan to feed him? Or had your child refused to eat dinner with you (because his dad said it was bad for him)? This is to prove a point. Your concerns are valid, but your means are horrid. Instead of trying to take the law into your own hands have a third party make that decisions. I doubt you will find the outcome you are seeking. Your threats to this gentlemen honestly sicken me worse than a child inhaling smoke.

I would also like to point out your poor observation skills and the way you put words in people's mouth. "It sounds like you are trying to justify your smoking to me." From your last post. Do you do the same with your child? Please reread my post and show me exactly where I defended me smoking? I just didn't say what you wanted me to. Good day.
 BLUEMISS
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 64
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Cigarette smoking around kids
Posted: 2/26/2010 6:28:39 AM
Vajosh, I am wondering if you read all the post here. I' threatened' him once, as you say.Iknow threatening ,from experience, does not work.He quit smoking around the boy,because the boy, told his dad he didn't like it!

The answer is not to bring the law into this and spend even more money on lawyers. We have gone to court for joint custody, the court ordered him not to drink around the boy. Did he listen...no. So I fail to see where the court would help.Thank goodness he has the smarts to listen to his son and care enough about him , to go outside now and smoke.

He has a good relationship with his dad and sees him every weekend.This is not about me trying to keep my son away from his dad. Never would.If you had read everything, you would have caught that.

This has nothing to do with the subject, but my ex won't let me take the boy out of the country.This is his form of control over me.He doesn't have a passport. My answer to him was, why would you keep your son from experiencing another country, just because you can't. When I decide to travel, be prepared to take him for as long as I am gone then.

The last answer I posted was for you and the poster below you. That comment was meant for her...sorry.
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