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Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 72
Am I Being Judgmental Here?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
you and he are on different planets
why waste your time?
go fish
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 74
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Am I Being Judgmental Here?
Posted: 2/2/2010 2:59:18 AM
It is great for the guy too because by telling the truth he learned they are not compatible. Why should a person keep things in the closet if it means that your dating someone incompatible longer then necessary which would have happened if he didn't tell her he was sleeping with a married woman even if there was consent. This shouldn't be seen as a reason for a guy to hide his skeletons even more vigilantly but a good sign that he can find someone more compatible with his line of thinking if he continues revealing his past like he has done. Well, unless you really hate been single then something maybe better then nothing and should keep your skeletons to yourself.
Joined: 12/22/2009
Msg: 76
Am I Being Judgmental Here?
Posted: 2/2/2010 11:02:07 AM
I would have to question what his purpose was for even revealing this to you (?). It seems wierd that he would just throw it out there, but if you were having some kind of light discussion, it shouldn't be that much of a big deal. I mean, there's the moral issue of it all (screwin' a married woman with or without hubby's permission is wrong) and that's about it. I'm sure if he revealed that he had a past GF he had sex with you would expect it and there wouldn't be a problem at all. As a matter of fact, you probably already assumed he wasn't a virgin, right? That's why I said that it depends on the context of how he revealed this info to you.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 77
Am I Being Judgmental Here?
Posted: 2/2/2010 11:10:33 AM

I've dated a guy on POF a couple of times- nothing really physical but we're getting there- or were.

And he stopped you in your tracks didn't he?

"Don't think badly of me for this but I used to sleep with a married woman. Her husband was impotent, it was okay by him, he used to pick me up and drop me home again."

Awww bullchip...

He then went on to say "I'm not a fan of marriage."

He wanted you think he was a cheater and not marriage material

I really like the guy, otherwise. We get along well. Lots in common. I don't want to hurt his feelings

You can't hurt his feelings hon, he was telling you all the things women usually run from.
He knew exactly what he was doing and saying and what a normal womans response would be....... to run for the hills

He does not want you
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 78
Am I Being Judgmental Here?
Posted: 2/2/2010 11:46:36 AM

First of all I'd like to say that's a really bizarre thing for him to feel the need to just drop out of nowhere. From my perspective it has no relevance and if it wasn't still going on, he had no obligation or reason to tell you that.

But now that it's out there, I'd like to disagree that the act of sleeping with someone's wife with her husband's permission is not an anti-marriage act. The fact is there is a very high divorce rate in our countries, and often times a major basis is that as time goes on partners sex drives change and they can no longer satisfy one another. Some lovers who really care about saving their marriage will go to the extreme of letting the partner who still has a strong sex drive sleep around. It may seem strange to you, but from my perspective it can be a healthy way to save a marriage if one person in the relationship truly has no sex drive anymore.

So participating in that act... which was consensual between 3 adults, and thus not at ALL akin to cheating, does not necessarily make your boy anti-marriage.

Of course, him saying he's not a fan of marriage does.

But if that's all he said, you need to probe deeper before judging him. Maybe he was saying that that experience made him feel like marriages were doomed, that he doesn't believe a lot of them have a good chance of succeeding, so he prefers letting relationships go where they'll go without the pressure of marriage? Basically what you want to determine is whether he has a polygamous or monogamous mindset. If he has baggage about the idea of marriage but is still monogamous in his partner-philosophy, then I say this should not be a deal breaker for you. Definitely something you should talk about, but not an immediate deal breaker in and of itself.
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