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 AUTHOR
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 20
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
^^^^ usually when I don't know what something means
(and I think it's something worthwhile and isn't some sort
of joke) I look it up.
Google is your friend.
You're hilarious.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 21
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/20/2010 1:43:10 PM
^^^^^^^^
I'm sorry...I thought you would get the sarcasm.
I guess not.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 22
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/20/2010 1:48:22 PM
Jax, I don't know as I'd slap that label on anyone I cared about, or myself. I loved, lived with, and adored a man who was a cancer survivor, and had a colostomy. It affected both of our lives, but not that much. It wasn't the cancer that killed him, rather the side effects of the treatments to beat the cancer (nine years down the road).

I wouldn't put it in my profile, but I would be ready to disclose early. I understand perfectly the potential for hurt, but you need to understand that if it's an issue for another, that is *their* bag, not yours.

Chin up sweetie ~~ lots of shallow Hals and gals in this world, but no great loss, eh? It is possible to find love with or without challenges.

Good luck!
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 25
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/20/2010 8:57:01 PM
Well if a person had a choice meeting someone blind with 2 legs or 1...
having never met either....
a person would probably choose the 2 legged person.
But if the person knew a one legged person and thought that person cool...
it wouldn't matter.

Everybody who reads a profile does so on their shallowest level.
We choose pretty over ugly.
Healthy over sick.
Tall over short.
Just human nature when viewing complete strangers.
But with people we know all that doesn't matter.

I think there are guys who will think you rock OP!
You are pretty.
Your medical condition may be a blessing in disguise.
It will ward off the shallow and leave you only to deal
with guys who want to know you as you are.

I would suggest leaving it off your profile.
But mentioning it in email.
It may turn off some.
But they wouldn't have worked for you anyway.
 txredbull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/29/2010 9:17:51 AM
They probably never read your profile or it didn't mean anything to them when they read it. You could put it up a little higher in your profile.
 jubsi
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 29
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 3/21/2010 10:10:48 AM
Hi,

There is a website for people with ostomies, called MeetAnOstoMate.com . It is a large community that you might find interesting.

Cheers,

J
 Meems919
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 30
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 3/20/2012 4:06:15 PM
My opinion is that #1 you're awesome. #2, everyone has something, yours is merely visible......I'd leave it off but talk about it after you've met someone you genuinely feel something for. In person.

Did I mention that I think you're awesome?

You should do well anywhere you are. Beautiful, smart, informed, experienced in life, sense of humor...you've got it all.
 slimgim
Joined: 8/22/2010
Msg: 31
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 5/19/2012 11:46:06 AM
Hi jaxostomate. I am a female with an iliostomy as well which i have had since 1994. My husband passed away two years ago and i have been mulling over going on this site and what the response would be when they find out i wear a bag. Your experience doesn't sound very encouraging lol. Anyway thought i would respond to tell you my story.
 onehappyfellow
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 33
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History
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 5/19/2012 12:21:09 PM
All things being equal - and they cannot be with a man twice your age - it would be a factor I would consider but not make or break factor. The colour of your hair and shape of your nose would also be factors. Who you are as a person is the make or break factor.
 richard01
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 11/23/2012 2:04:27 AM
hI Jaxostomate,

I'm am ostomate and it makes no diference to me before I became an ostomate I actually dated someone who was an ostomate and she is now one of my closest freinds so in hind site in wouldn't bother me in any way at all .

Richard
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 35
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 11/23/2012 9:43:22 AM
I have changed the profile to Friends because of other medical problems limiting my ability to fulfil a full relationship.


So needing to wear an osteo bag isn't your only medical problem? So you have a host of other medical problems that limits your ability to fulfill a full relationship (your words), yet expect guys to overlook all of that. It is not shallow for guys to want to avoid that type of situation. Everybody has preferences, which would make every person on the planet-past, present and future-shallow. I'm assuming the OP would prefer to date a guy who doesn't have a laundry list of medical problems as well. Would that be considered shallow? How many women would go out with a guy in the same situation?
 butterflie_1207
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 36
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 11/23/2012 11:55:17 AM
I'm not sure if this needs to be addressed in your profile, but probably pretty soon after communication starts. I met a guy once, online, who had a physical deformity which he failed to mention. I probably still would have met him had I known, but I was taken aback at our first meet and didn't know how to handle it. Had he been honest with me from the beginning, I would have been prepared and not felt so awkward.
 jackspratsr1
Joined: 8/7/2013
Msg: 38
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History
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/4/2014 5:29:07 PM
Darlin,
been there, done that and bought the "t" shirt to prove it.
Had my bag in "O8" reversed in "09" and been good ever since. If you would like to date let me know. I know about the bag and it is not a turn off.

Jack
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 39
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/4/2014 6:58:01 PM
One of my woman friends has Crohn's Disease and had a colostomy at age 25. Married at the time, Mary had two children after the surgery. Life goes on.
 Dobermonster
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 40
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/4/2014 9:34:50 PM
No, wouldn't bother me. I have plenty of personal and professional experience with people who have ostomies, so it doesn't seem as big a deal to me. If he's the right guy, he'll be the right guy whether or not he's wearing a bag. I wouldn't advise advertising it in a profile; lots of people have health issues that may affect interpersonal relationships. Get to know each other first and see if you're even a decent match before divulging such personal info.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 41
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Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/5/2014 3:51:03 AM
You let it define you as many with certain conditions do.
That as another poster said would be a big turn off or a reason to not give you a chance.

It would be difficult for many men or women because they see the opposite sex as sexual creatures.( as it should be)
The word ostomate in your user name or profile could droop any "boy- ing" they have looking at your pretty pics..
TMI to soon.

Get through a real date first.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 42
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/5/2014 4:16:46 AM
In my opinion, the only medical info we should post on the profile are the ones that are visable to the naked eye. (ie a mising limb, being in a wheelchair)

If you cannot tell you wear a bag in pictures, or if we were to just see you walking down the street, then it doesnt belong on the profile.

Many have medical issues. Some have diabetes, some have ED, some need to wear glasses but choose contacts etc....and people upon meeting, dont divulge this PERSONAL info until they are comfortable. It is personal and no one else's business unless they are actually interested in you as a human being.

People who say they have a right to know before meeting you in person...are whacked. You dont get that choice upon meeting a new person in day to day life, and you shouldnt be getting the full medical from online either. (like it would always be accurate anyways??) It is your personal medical information and we are not your doctors...so we dont deserve to know everything about you medically, unless we are willing to meet you face to face to learn more about you. Besides, you could be 100% medically fine and a year into dating, come down with something anyways....there are no guarantees in life.

I didnt say hide it, or be ashamed of it. Just be selective on who you tell and when.

I would date anyone wearing a bag I was attracted to...have had a few relatives need one. Out of all the possible conditions and outcomes, it is certainly not in my top ten 'worst' things in life to deal with. You are alive, you are vital, you are attractive, your writing here tells me you communicate effectively- you have a lot to offer to the right person. Good luck!
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 43
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/5/2014 4:13:04 PM
You let it define you as many with certain conditions do.
That as another poster said would be a big turn off or a reason to not give you a chance.

It would be difficult for many men or women because they see the opposite sex as sexual creatures.( as it should be)
The word ostomate in your user name or profile could droop any "boy- ing" they have looking at your pretty pics..
TMI to soon.

Get through a real date first.


OP, I agree with this advice, and think you should not allude to your condition in your profile---however, I do think you should tell your prospective dates about it before meeting them in person. I met a man in '09 who had an ileostomy and wore an external appliance (bag).

He chose not to inform me of his medical condition until our first date, which was very awkward. He also mentioned that he was scheduled to have another operation within a few months. He would undergo a second procedure, whereby he would have an internal pouch surgically created, and would no longer need to wear the bag.

Although I liked his personality, I ultimately decided not to see him again. I didn't want to get involved with a man who needed further surgery, and the possible complications that might go along with it. Moreover, I believed he would need to have access to a restroom at all times---thus he could be limited in terms of the places he could go. I'm a private pilot and enjoy going on extended flights---there are NO restrooms on small airplanes. For these reasons, I just didn't feel our lifestyles would be compatible.

Lastly, as was mentioned by a previous poster, there was the matter of my not finding the idea of wearing a bag to be sexually appealing. Had I met him after he had the second procedure, I might have felt differently. Still, there are plenty of other people out there that don't share my feelings about this---so being an ostomate shouldn't prevent you from dating and meeting a man who'd be willing to accept it.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 44
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/5/2014 4:45:27 PM
^^^^That is why you let people know. People will say don't, but if they are honest, they would not even consider it a lot of times. In fact, with the example above, the poster was not interested because of it.

There all kinds of things that people have and we all should be upfront about it. No, it isn't wrong to know, we all find out. Why, IF someone would not be interested to begin with, why prolong it. And anyones reasons are their own, no one elses. And to tell that person that they are selfish or wrong or whatever is wrong.

If something that happens to me further dwindles my "chances" to date, I will be honest with myself and realize just that. No one HAS to meet me because of what they are not interested in.
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 45
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/5/2014 5:28:45 PM
I don't know if this has been mentioned.... I would have a profile here, but another option would be to find an Ostomate dating site, or start your own (google white label dating)... it might not be an issue with someone who has the same challenge.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 46
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/5/2014 5:38:07 PM
usmale6, yes, someone did mention a dating/forum/friend site. Ostodate.com. I agree, I still would have a profile on here for sure.
 TOaks91360
Joined: 11/22/2013
Msg: 47
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 1/5/2014 6:29:41 PM
Personally, I would give it a chance if there was chemistry. I think you're brave and I don't think it would be a showstopper for some:)
 sal0014
Joined: 1/28/2017
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 2/13/2017 8:57:15 AM
I am a person with ostomy call me we can talk #262-344-7214
 IMayBeCrazy_But
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 49
Is anyone out there an Ostomate?
Posted: 2/13/2017 9:25:07 AM
^^^Dude. Have you lost your mind? You just threw your phone number out on a thread that's seven years old :/
Just send her a message. Geeeez.

OP: My best friend had a bag for about a year, during that time she was more concerned about it than the men in her life. She refused to date during that time, but she had offers. I guess with OLD it's a little more difficult to make a connection because everyone has their own list of criteria while searching for their partner. It's like a catalog of people...right at your fingertips. For example: I'm tall. In real life...I've gone out with men as much as four inches shorter. Here? Oh...no...I doubt I'd make a first meet with a guy that much shorter. If that makes me shallow...so be it.
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