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 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 222
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?Page 10 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Oh and before someone pulls the "I want to really get to know the person before I meet!" - yeah serial killers would never lie to you through emails.


I want to make some kind of emotional and intellectual connection before we meet.

I think that many women probably are very paranoid, but there are a lot of unstable people online that we're probably better off not being in the same room with. Not communicating much with anyone online they can hide their mental deficiencies much easier.

Serial killers are a very small percentage of the population and most of them male. Many are very intelligent and will avoid making a lot of contact with their target before they meet.



An offender selects a victim, regardless of the category, based upon availability, vulnerability, and desirability. Availability is explained as the lifestyle of the victim or circumstances in which the victim is involved, that allow the offender access to the victim. Vulnerability is defined as the degree to which the victim is susceptible to attack by the offender.
A manipulative person has much more leverage in person with more passive personality types. Sure in a public place they aren't going to do anything but they can follow you to your car or wait outside the entrance for a woman if they are angry that the meeting didn't go well.

Like I said, I'm not really paranoid and have met many times men from online. Some have gone very well, and some I was glad to be able to block and delete.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 223
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/22/2010 3:39:06 PM

I want to make some kind of emotional and intellectual connection before we meet.


So what about meeting someone while at a pub, a bookstore, through a friend? The chances you're likely to many significant "emotional or intellectual" connection there - while getting their information - is bogus. You can't tell me that you're going to build a connection from what your friends are telling you about "this guy you have to meet." Nor, are you going to build any significant real connection at a pub after three glasses of wine. Nor are you going to build any significant connection with the guy who JUST introduces himself to you at the bookstore - and then asks you to sit down and chat.

Let's use the bookstore example. You're at Barnes and Noble, minding your own business, browsing through books and a man walks up to and strikes up a conversation. He then asks if you'd like to join for a cup of coffee at the Starbucks IN the bookstore.

That's different? You don't know him from Adam - you don't know the guy online from Adam. You're having coffee in a public place - in plane view of an "audience." You meet the guy you met online at a public place in plane view of an audience. Really what's the difference?

People who insist on "taking their time" in getting to know you before meeting are just full of it, period. I'm not talking about their first email asking you to meet - but after a few? Come on. You're either just playing games are too scared for the world of online dating.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 224
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 4:24:49 AM

I want to make some kind of emotional and intellectual connection before we meet


do you honestly believe that you can make an emotonal and an intellectual connection through words on a screen?. The answer is no you can't, you can't make any sort of connection til you meet face to face. all you can do with those messages is learn a bunch of facts about the person and nothing more. it tells you nothing about there intellect or personality, mannerisms.

As far as I am concerned If you are not willing to meet within a week you are just playing games and you are either not ready to date or internet dating sites are not for you.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 225
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 10:10:34 AM
Yes - Just Jay - Your are right - a little bit of mystery to uncover and talk about is nice. I don't think someone's life story is necessary but at least to get a feel for their personality and try to identify any deal breakers before meeting. Very often on the phone guys have leaked out that their ex has a restraining order on them, their divorce isn't final yet, etc.

Surpisingly enough it's the guys in online dating not being careful, letting the little head think for them, and ending up beaten, robbed, or killed, because they are jumping to meet a woman they know little about.

The following article is from a Michigan News site and of course I'm well aware of how the media loves to alarm people about the scary internet - lol. I would say that in all of these cases common sense wasn't present, but I've come across many men in online dating who lacked common sense.



Almost anyone with a working Internet connection knows the dangers and risks of meeting someone online. Still, it's hard to ignore the sparkling ads for sites like eHarmony.com, or the easy thrills of sites like Craigslist.

And we've heard the rules ad nauseum about navigating the tricky waters of online dating and meeting: Don't give out personal information. Have a friend on standby ready to come to the rescue. Don't get too serious. Don't say anything -- or respond to anything -- that could get you in trouble. And, as always, buyer beware.


But the murder of a Metro Detroit man is the latest in a string of online dating gone wrong. Is it easy to fall into a trap even when playing by the rules? Possibly. Here are seven online dating cases with varying circumstances, and varying degrees of tragedy.

1. In Southfield last weekend, 35-year-old West Bloomfield resident Venkata Cattamanchi arranged a date with 23-year-old Jessica Ermatinger of Canton, police say. After meeting at a restaurant, the pair traveled to a motel, where Cattamanchi was allegedly robbed and murdered by three men waiting there. Ermatinger and the three men were charged with murder and robbery.

2. In March, a Ferndale man was beaten and robbed by a man he met online and an accomplice. The two men are accused of tying him up, beating him with a hammer and a handgun, taking his ATM car and withdrawing money from his bank account. One of the men was dressed as a woman.

3. In December, a St. Clair Shores man set up a date with a woman he met through MySpace. While the pair were at dinner, the woman's accomplice cleaned out the man's apartment -- after she allegedly tipped him off via text message. They were charged with stealing $11,000 worth of the guy's stuff; she took a plea deal, he was sent to prison.

And outside of Metro Detroit...

4. In 2006, 28-year-old Michael Sandy of New York was killed after arranging a date through a gay chatroom. Sandy arranged to meet a man in a park, but instead was met with a group of men who robbed and beat him. While attempting to escape, Sandy was chased into traffic and hit by a car. Three men were sent to prison for his murder, while a fourth took a plea deal in exchange for testifying against them.

5. Also in New York, a New York woman who posted a Craigslist ad offering masseuse services was killed in a Boston hotel by a man who answered her ad. 28-year-old Julissa Brisman is thought to be the third victim of 24-year-old Philip Markoff, her alleged killer. Markoff is allegedly linked to the murders of two other women who posted ads on Craigslist. He is scheduled to go to trial next year.

6. Pretty much every episode of Chris Hansen's "To Catch a Predator."

(I don't know know why the media brought that up - we are not pretending to be 13 year olds in online dating)

7. In 2006, two teen girls in Florida set up a fake MySpace profile to lure men into robbing them. A 14-year-old and a 15-year-old girl met a man at an apartment who was "just lookin' for some fun," but robbed him at gunpoint. When police found them with another teen male accomplice, they retrieved two loaded handguns.

 If you have to ask
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 226
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 10:26:18 AM
- It's impossible to discern any intellectual or emotional connection via email or MSN, and it's not easy over the phone, either.
- People can lie online much easier than they can in person.
- No, I don't want to friend you on facebook if we haven't met face to face.
- I would never, in my life, suggest a first meet from a lady I met online that wasn't in a safe, busy, public place. If you can't handle meeting me there, good riddance, you've got no confidence in yourself.
- Don't bring friends along to first meets unless you hide that fact from me, or at least keep them at a different table, out of the conversation.
- If, when I ask you to meet, I get "I'd be open to it," "we will have to see," or "maybe in two weeks," I'm going to stop all contact immediately.

Yup, I want to see you in person sooner rather than later. When I had my profile "geared up" for dating, I specified that I'm not looking for pen pals or text message buddies. That way I don't get mail or replies to mail from the overly hesitant or dellusional.
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 227
view profile
History
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 10:49:59 AM
Yeah... online dating doesn't actually mean dating online. It means meeting people online and then dating.

I read through the first page and overwhelmingly the "meet as soon as possible" statements made so much more sense than the counterparts. The website facilitates meeting people. Chatting forever is great for a penpal, not great for someone you're looking for chemistry with. I'm guilty of this, but probably mostly because I'm lazy, and setting aside time to meet someone I may or may not want to run from just didn't set well with me because I have a busy schedule.

This is just another way to meet people, and meet you should, as soon as you can. Or it becomes a penpal site.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 228
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 2:56:18 PM

I want to make some kind of emotional and intellectual connection before we meet.

Used to be my theory till reality sank in: this and/or phones are NOT real. I too like to get a "feel" for someone, but I've had waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many one-and-done's to be naive enough to think I can know someone via electronic technology.

I think that many women probably are very paranoid, but there are a lot of unstable people online that we're probably better off not being in the same room with. Not communicating much with anyone online they can hide their mental deficiencies much easier.

You can meet someone at work, at the police station, at church, on the street, from friends/family and/or many other ways ~ only to find out later they are unstable to a significant degree. The same people in the offline world are the people online. To segregate between the two situations is, in my opinion, a very serious lapse in judgment.

~OT~ I'm ready to meet someone and see where things might go. When I'm contacted by or contact someone of interest, I'm ready to get on with it. In the past I wasted months and even a year once "getting to know" someone. It worked out well twice. Then? That method stopped working altogether. It was nothing but a string of emails, phone calls, texts and wasted time. I started meeting/dating and although I'm still single, I'm no longer wasting my time or someone else's prior to getting the physical attraction/chemistry check over and done with. Everyone sees it differently, the glory of personal preferences. JMO
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 229
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 3:46:54 PM


I want to make some kind of emotional and intellectual connection before we meet.

Used to be my theory till reality sank in: this and/or phones are NOT real. I too like to get a "feel" for someone, but I've had waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many one-and-done's to be naive enough to think I can know someone via electronic technology.

I think that many women probably are very paranoid, but there are a lot of unstable people online that we're probably better off not being in the same room with. Not communicating much with anyone online they can hide their mental deficiencies much easier.

You can meet someone at work, at the police station, at church, on the street, from friends/family and/or many other ways ~ only to find out later they are unstable to a significant degree. The same people in the offline world are the people online. To segregate between the two situations is, in my opinion, a very serious lapse in judgment.

~OT~ I'm ready to meet someone and see where things might go. When I'm contacted by or contact someone of interest, I'm ready to get on with it. In the past I wasted months and even a year once "getting to know" someone. It worked out well twice. Then? That method stopped working altogether. It was nothing but a string of emails, phone calls, texts and wasted time. I started meeting/dating and although I'm still single, I'm no longer wasting my time or someone else's prior to getting the physical attraction/chemistry check over and done with. Everyone sees it differently, the glory of personal preferences. JMO


VERY WELL PUT!
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 230
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 3:51:59 PM
I think its better to meet asap. why prolonged the wait? the more you wait, the more you get hooked onto them id say. give them your contact number and go from there. i don't like messaging back and fort.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 231
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 5:38:38 PM
Everything right up to the meeting is simply pure fantasy! You send them what they want and see in them what you want etc....then when you really meet...no more best angles and lighting and words chosen carefully....it's showtime and it's live...

Sure some people still choose words wisely and put best foot forward but it's much easier to see behind the curtain in person.
 Cmaj7
Joined: 6/2/2010
Msg: 232
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 7:10:08 PM
What's considered rushing will vary from person to person. I respect everyone wants to go at different paces. I dont' see any value though in having a tantrum if someone wants to wait. I'll continue for a while. I'll also continue to meet other people. The ones that meet will probably have a better chance. Shows they are interested and confident.

Yes bad things happen on the Internet. I think if you took the number of people that were robbed/raped/killed by a pof meet and divided it by the number of meets you would probably end up with a number close to zero. It's wise to be cautious not paranoid.
 artist_48
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 233
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/24/2010 9:36:31 AM
People are different. As for myself, I'm am very visual and I value the written word.
After a number of emails where I have a good sense of who they are initially, I like to talk on the phone and go with the flow. If there's interest, we will meet when the time is right. I go with my gut on it.
I don't understand why you are placing such issues on safety. Meet in a public place- leave in the public eye. If you really have interest in someone, tell them what info you would feel comfortable knowing before you meet and check it out. If they are open they won't have an issue with it.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 234
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/24/2010 11:54:21 AM

Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?


Well a guy from out of state told me he is afraid of dying alone after 2 e mails he wants to meet.....
4 states away now..One half real conversation centered mostly about his fears and he thinks I am this and that.

The other was.."Did you sleep well"? WTF?????????????????????????????????

Maybe he is dying soon.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 235
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 9/6/2017 1:58:46 PM
It's common, especially with those that are not focused on compatibility, but more so chemistry. If that works for them, but that's not what I'm seeking. I've encountered that a lot, especially this past holiday weekend - I guess most were off with lots of time and not much to do, so they wanted to hurry up and meet.

I'm not open to quantity and prefer to get to the know the guy some before going out with them. Some are into quantity, so they want to meet fast and move onto the next - if that works for them, which I don't think that it does. Sometimes chemistry doesn't come all once and compatibility takes some time to know, but that comes with spending time with the person.

I've had guys get mad or in their feelings, because I wouldn't drop everything and rush to meet them too. In the small town that I live in, it's a military town, so some have a very narcissistic mind set that "you should feel flattered that they choose you, so you should drop everything" and rush to meet. When I encounter that, I run in the opposite direction. Meeting and going on a date should be mutually agreeable and during a time where both people feel comfortable.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 236
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 9/6/2017 2:01:39 PM
With that said, I definitely advocate meeting, but when it's agreeable to both people and not pushed by one. I also think some miss that there should be some alternate communicating off of the site - via snapchat, the phone, etc. Sometimes you can assess if you want to meet after talking.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 237
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 9/6/2017 2:10:37 PM
Those who get little quantity in dating, might be more interested in seeking what they have less of in life. Just as in other parts of life. There are others who have been raised in an "instant gratification" society. For those who wish to date soon and often, it works. For those who don't like it, the red flag waves soon and often and they know to swipe on.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 238
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 9/6/2017 3:02:18 PM

Those who get little quantity in dating, might be more interested in seeking what they have less of in life. Just as in other parts of life. There are others who have been raised in an "instant gratification" society. For those who wish to date soon and often, it works. For those who don't like it, the red flag waves soon and often and they know to swipe on.


Agreed @ GTO. It definitely depends on the individuals and what they're looking for.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 239
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 9/6/2017 3:12:27 PM
"When I first started internet dating, I would wait 2 or 3 weeks before considering meeting the guy. Well things have changed lol. Why waste my time talking to a guy who I am really getting into only to meet him 3 weeks later to discover, oh my my my...U R not the same man I have been talking to! "Did you send your grandpa instead"? "



THIS ^^^^


...and it's not much better even if she looks like a GRAMMA
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 240
view profile
History
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 9/7/2017 3:06:10 AM
According to the guidelines set down, (On here, anyway) they lay claim to meeting ASAP. As far as you're concerned, I can see a certain reason WHY they'd like to meet you.

That aside, looking at it from the guys view, you're answering messages. That's a pipe dream for a guy. A good many of us aren't getting that.

Woman can look at this and say it is a dating site. Guys can look at it as source of heartache and disappointment. I look at it as just a place to shoot the breeze. Dating? ohh he//, that's something others do. I think I've been singled out to watch, and never do.
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