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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?      Home login  
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 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 26
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?Page 2 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
"What's the rush, we've been e-mailing for a little while and still didn't really know a whole lot about each other and what we're looking for, etc..."

If someone said that to me, I would discontinue talking to them as well. Just the way it's worded is unsavory.

Instead, why not be more positive and say, "I would enjoy meeting you in the near future, after we get to know each other a little more."

The first sounds like you are just looking for some type of on line relationship that will consist of endless emails. The second sounds like you are more than happy to progress once you feel comfortable.

What is the safety concern? I mean, really? You meet someone in a public, well lit place that has lots of people. You don't click, you don't meet again. It's really not that complicated or scary.

It doesn't sound to me like he got mad, he just chose to discontinue talking with someone who would be a waste of his time due to lack of compatibility.
 RonnieB77
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 27
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 6:04:53 AM
Well, if you are serious about actually finding a girlfriend or boyfriend than one quick lunch or coffee is worth all the photos and emails in the world.

I have never met a person off a dating site. But I used to be into a high risk sport and welcomed my fellows from around the world to come stay at my house when they were in the states checking out the scene in different locations. Some of these people I had been emailing for years and half the time they were not who I expected from the emails at all.

So if a person is serious about online dating. I think after two or three emails it is time to actually meet somewhere or admit you are just here to find email pals.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 28
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 7:00:15 AM

What’s the point of building up an illusion and then being crushed by the reality?


You made a good point, but that might not be the case for some people.

Is wasting too much time on emails, a waste of time? Yes. Particularly if plans of meeting has been established. But I don't think everyone has that notion, that if two individuals quickly meet, they won't be wasting their time just in case that person isn't what they want to be involved with.

Personally, I prefer to meet men on my own terms. Not on his. That doesn't I am going to waste his time.

If a woman is being pressured into meeting a man, I'd say it wouldn't be a good idea for her to meet him.

For instance, I was recently being pressured by a guy, just to get me to meet him and the funny thing is that he was expecting us to meet at night, even after I told him that I only meet men during the day.

I dropped that and very quickly, seeing as how he was disrespectful and completely disregarded what I told him.

The point I'm trying to make, is that I believe some people have bad intentions.

I understand that this is online dating, and there are risks, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with being cautious.
 Samantha44
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 29
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 8:13:41 AM
If you are too afraid then perhaps you should not be dating.....period. Whether you meet online or in reality there is never any guarantees....its called life and taking a few chances. Taking your friend on a first date is very immature if I do say so myself. There is one thing to cautious and then there is just plain sillyness.....

I'm all for meeting soon....I'm with the others on this why invest time with someone only to be let down because he was nothing like you had envisioned in your mind. Get the first meeting out of the way and take it from there.....

"Feel the fear and do it anyway"
 ea®ly
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 30
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 8:22:28 AM
Bottom line, why do men want to rush women into meeting them. And why do they get mad when you're in no hurry to meet them after chatting and e-mailing a day or two?


Aside from taking exception to the "why do men" loading of the question, ...I for one would prefer at least a month of honest communication before I would emotionally invest in even just a first meeting. How someone thinks and what's important to them figures high in whether I would be attracted to them, and these things can be delved into at great depth without actually meeting, ...meeting is however, a must, ...obviously.

 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 31
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 8:58:09 AM
I'm in the wait to meet camp. Get to know the person a bit because I have found that they often weed themselves out. You catch them in lies, you hear how they treat their pet/friend/family, and a number of different things. Emailing takes a few seconds, a date normally lasts a few hours getting ready, going, and coming home. To me it is saved time weeding men out.

I don't believe in this lets meet and see if there is chemistry right away crap. I want to know what their likes, hobbies, activities, etc. are before we meet. I want to know we have things in common. I want to be able to have a conversation with the person.

But lets face it, it takes a really long time to truly know anyone.
 savepolarbears
Joined: 12/27/2009
Msg: 32
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 9:18:33 AM
For some people, dating(and having fun later on) is their life purpose.
 Chasing~Cars
Joined: 1/4/2010
Msg: 33
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 9:21:37 AM

I'm in the wait to meet camp. Get to know the person a bit because I have found that they often weed themselves out. You catch them in lies, you hear how they treat their pet/friend/family, and a number of different things. Emailing takes a few seconds, a date normally lasts a few hours getting ready, going, and coming home. To me it is saved time weeding men out.


To some extent, I'm actually in agreement with this statement, but I find a better way to weed before the meet is the phone! A chat or two reveals far more than a long planed out email that has been thought over before send is hit. I have always been amazed at how well, or not well some write and when the real voice is heard how different the conversation actually goes.

As far as the people who say "I meet on my terms" that's fine, but then again, I don't see much room for compromise, haven't even met and you have them jumping through your control hoops! A relationship is compromise if nothing else, so should the first meet be.
 somephxguy
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 34
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 9:32:25 AM

why do men want to rush women into meeting them

Because some men want to date. They want a relationship with a person, not their technology.
Maybe you feel they are rushing, but they don't.

Supposedly (IMO) the profile is supposed to be enough information to determine if there is any point in simply meeting one another for live conversation over coffee.
If someone doesn't fill out their profile then IMO they should take a lot of time with email/phone.

Some people take their profile too seriously while the other person takes it as worth too little.
Some spend a ton of time on it, and to have someone come along and say "well, that's worth a couple of emails, but I don't want to take the time to really read into it" then they don't feel appreciated for their effort.


why do they get mad when you're in no hurry to meet them after chatting and e-mailing a day or two?

Maybe some you see as getting mad, but they aren't mad they are just moving on.
If they actually are getting mad and attacking you then it's probably because they see you as a means to get what they want. And you don't give them what they want when they want it, so they have a tantrum.

Maybe because they are simply frustrated at having to constantly experience people that need a pseudo relationship and false sense of security before being "deemed" worthy of an hour (in their head).
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 35
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 9:43:03 AM
People have different comfort levels and agendas. Many people, I only talk to men about this so perhaps there are women that are this way too, that seem to want to meet instantaneously because you actually returned an e-mail. Often the profile questions what one would have in common, and personally, I don't really want to talk to someone I know nothing about on the phone nor do I want to meet someone I have barely spoken with.

The dates I have been on that were actually uncomfortable were with people I hadn't talked to much e-mail or on the phone prior to that first meeting. I have had several men ask if I wanted to chat at the second e-mail and it tickles me, hellooo, e-mails are chatting but um no, I don't really want to talk on the phone just yet when you have said not more than two full lines of e-mail added together.

Safety isn't an issue because first meets take place in populated secure public spaces. No one will know my address and I don't give out my land line. I also use my middle name while my phone is listed in my first name so again, no one would find me via the white pages. Just consider all of those people incompatible, they will find someone interested in meeting more quickly just as you will find someone comfortable waiting a bit like you.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 36
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 9:49:15 AM
I'm in the "ask some important questions" and then meet line.

I try to get some major ones out of the way before meeting. But as CW pointed out, in the real world we meet someone on a Friday and go out on the Saturday with them. It could take me about 2-5 emails to get that information. The harder it is to get the information, the less I want to meet them.

There is a man I am corresponding with (since right before xmas). I could not meet him before since I was leaving for home, then when I got back I got food poisoning and then a cold. Suffice it to say, I've been feeling kinda like he might think I'm playing games. I usually don't like to wait this long. However, I have asked him for his number twice (so we could at least chat since we couldn't meet) and he has not provided it. When I expressed to him that I was sorry that we had not met as yet, he replied "there is no deadline".

I thought that since we couldn't go out, we could at least touch base by phone. Is it strange that he doesn't wish to do this? Some male friends have indicated yes because they would work that way to find out if a woman was serious. What say?
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 37
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 9:49:35 AM
I don't know why you'd want to be wait to meet someone. I like to meet them very quickly so you know if you find that person attractive physically, and you can tell a LOT more about a person from communicating face to face than through typed words. There's nothing worse than emailing back and forth to someone only to find out in person he's nothing like he portrays in his profile or in online communication.

There's nothing unsafe about meeting someone in a well-lit, busy, public venue. I often meet at a restaurant, coffee shop or lounge. You can have a conversation over a nice drink and get true vibes from the person.

I would think that man, having messaged back and forth for a period of time, didn't want to be stuck investing his time and emotions in someone who is likely to keep them dangling on the end of the fishing line.

Nutt
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 38
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 10:05:44 AM
I agree about talking on the phone, I guess I didn't say that. Just emails you can't hear them yelling at their kid/dog/whatever. I also couldn't stand one guy's southern accent. I couldn't meet him.

I think some people have more time to waste meeting people they don't know than I do. I want to know what their likes are etc. Geez, going out with someone that only wants to sit home night after night, gahhhhh put a bullet in my head! Of course some men lie about their activities too...
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 39
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 10:12:14 AM
Because, if we don't meet, it fizzles out-! Maybe it'll still fizzle out anyway, but at least we've met, so we can determine whether we like hanging out with each other. Typing is nice but doesn't show a person's entire personality in the way physical appearance and body language, interest in the eyes, warmth, sex appeal, animal magnetism, imagination, etc. (or lack thereof) does in person-!
 Just_2_b_me
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 40
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 11:56:54 AM
When I was still “fishing” I figured by the third email we should be exchanging phone numbers, by the third phone call we should be planning to meet, if not … NEXT.

My time is valuable and I was looking to actually “DATE” not just exchange emails or phone calls forever ….

I found a lot of women just seemed to want a pen pal, but wouldn’t admit it, so you wasted untold amounts of time.

Some seemed to want to chat, either online or on the phone for hours at a time, on a regular basis, but even after a couple of weeks they still didn’t want to or wouldn’t agree to meet.

After a while you start to get the feeling they are hiding something, or they have no intention of ever meeting and are using you just to amuse themselves.

After all, how are you going to know if there is chemistry, or that ever elusive spark, neither of which come across in emails or phone calls if you do not meet, how are you going to meet your soulmate if you never actually meet, isn’t the whole idea when you get right down to it, “to meet someone” ????



I don't believe in this lets meet and see if there is chemistry right away crap. I want to know what their likes, hobbies, activities, etc. are before we meet. I want to know we have things in common.


I do agree with this, but I’m pretty sure after three emails and three phone calls I should know enough about you to know if I want to meet or wish to move on.


I want to be able to have a conversation with the person.


Yea, me too, a real conversation face to face because that’s when you actually start to know someone,

 desert rat 2010
Joined: 12/11/2009
Msg: 41
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 12:09:23 PM
I like to meet soon just to verify that she's not just another California flake. If two people are really serious about meeting someone this should not be an issue. On the flip side, a woman who wants to meet soon could be a professional dater, so a guy has to use some common sense.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 42
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 12:31:13 PM
you could spend months emailing and not have a clue who you are really chatting with...i have spoken to men on the phone and been completely surprised when i saw them in person...talking to someone on the phone is nothing like talking to them in person...as far as finding out what they are looking for...show them the goods in person and see what they think...and see what you think...there is something about seeing a person and looking them in the eye that tells you everything you need to know...
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 43
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 12:37:44 PM

there is something about seeing a person and looking them in the eye that tells you everything you need to know
Wow, shallow city or what? I look at photos that are proof of life, that the can say are recent. Talking to someone and emailing enough you can find out about the inside person, likes, dislikes, what they do for fun etc. If you only judge on the outside when you first meet, what a bunch of useless first dates and second. I don't like wasting that kind of time. You can get to know people on the phone and through emails, if you think you can't, I am guessing there are communication problems and the relationship won't work period.
 padman57
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 44
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 1:17:12 PM
I like to meet ASAP. Sometimes it's not possible and I'm not going to push someone into something they aren't comfortable with, so I do have some leeway. But I will lose interest in a penpal quickly.

I would be very leery about meeting someone with a friend in tow. It would be hard to figure out who I was talking to and who was scrutinizing my every move. If you're worried about safety, there are steps you can take (I'm sure there are threads on the subject here).
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 45
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 1:38:07 PM
I think its according to your comfort level. There is
no right answer to this...just what works for you.

I'm a fan of meeting as soon as possible. If we chat
or email and then progress to a phone call and the
person seems nice...why not meet in a public place
for a coffee or something?

Like another poster said, it's not like I'm in a hurry,
but I certainly don't have time to waste talking endlessly
to people online and on the phone to meet up and
discover that one of us or both of us doesn't see an
attraction. I'm not saying you need to see fireworks
but you at least have to be able to see yourself with
this person.

In the old days...before online dating...this is what
people did. They met up with people in real life,
chatted for a while and let things flow naturally.

The problem I see is with the online thing, there are
way too many people looking for the next best thing
and keeping the might be best thing on hold until they
can be sure. I don't want to email and chat on the phone
FOREVA.

If you prefer to take it slower...just find someone of a like
mind, but don't get upset because someone else doesn't
want to do it your way.
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 46
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 1:47:12 PM
For me, personally, when I was looking to date...I was looking to date. Not looking for another penpal. Not looking for a good buddy to email back and forth with. I have enough penpals that I write too. I have enough online friends I chat with. I was wanting a date. A face to face meeting to see if there was a connection in person, as well as online.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 47
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 2:01:21 PM
I only read 10 or so responses. Not worth my time, to read them all, won't change my opinion.

POF is a "dating" site, NOT an email your buddy site. SO many people do the 'poof' on here, it isn't funny. So if you want to date, you exchange 'some'emails, 'some' phone calls and then try for a meet ASAP.

You should establish your preference for length of time, before meeting as soon as contact begins. You will not be compatable with someone who wants 3 emails and a meet. What if 10 emails and 2 phone calls is their number? If your about, 30 emails and 15 phone calls over 6 weeks, your gonna be out of luck on here.

I understand safety, I understand a woman feeling secure and sure. I don't understand not being ready for the process, if you didn't think dating through. You can buy a no name cell phone for $30 a month, you can scope out places to meet 10 miles from your house in each direction. Places that you can enter in full view of people, exit in full view and be safe, to drive off. If safety is more your issue than others, than you should be prepared to execute your desires.

If your here, if you don't have talk/email on your profile, we assume you want to date, not chat.
 realitybites78
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 48
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 2:12:51 PM
Men don't have time to waste online, you have multiple men emailing you as all women do online. So the longer it goes without meeting you the higher the chance that we never will, and some other guy will. We need to seal the deal asap at least as far as a meeting goes. People don't view you as serious dating potential until you actually meet them. The longer it stays in just the email the process, the higher the chance the woman will poof and you never hear from her again.
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 49
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 2:25:54 PM
Hmmm when I dated irl before internet days, I knew them for awhile before we dated. I don't know why that would be different now.
 Uncle Grumpy
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 50
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 3:07:02 PM
When I first started this internet thing I was gung ho to meet as quickly as possible. Being completely naive to the process I quickly waisted time and money on incompatible women. Old pictures, much heavier, lied about age etc. And the ones that were just out for a sexual fling. Yes, it does happen to us guys too..

Now I insist on emailing and progressing to phone calls. IF we can sustain a substantial ongoing dialog where we are able to talk about any thing and every thing only then will I be willing to meet. At that point I am ready to begin a serious effort of pursuing someone that I feel has a chance of coming into my life and staying there. Sure the physical attraction is important but to me the inner being, the spiritual self, is who I am interested in. The physical attraction can grow with time.

I am at the point where I rarely contact someone first. And only if their profile really stands out and matches what I am looking for. But I do reply to all that contact me or view my profile. I have emailed across the country for long periods and sometimes when you get to the point that you decide to meet everything changes. Things come out that tell you that you will not be compatible. So the time spent learning about the other person is worth it.

Most of us have a history of failure in the relationship game. Myself I am willing to have some more small failures, but not another major one. As a risk taker personality I have had to reevaluate my operating procedure.
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