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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 51
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?Page 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I think its according to your comfort level. There is
no right answer to this...just what works for you.

I'm a fan of meeting as soon as possible. If we chat
or email and then progress to a phone call and the
person seems nice...why not meet in a public place
for a coffee or something?

Like another poster said, it's not like I'm in a hurry,
but I certainly don't have time to waste talking endlessly
to people online and on the phone to meet up and
discover that one of us or both of us doesn't see an
attraction. I'm not saying you need to see fireworks
but you at least have to be able to see yourself with
this person.

In the old days...before online dating...this is what
people did. They met up with people in real life,
chatted for a while and let things flow naturally.

The problem I see is with the online thing, there are
way too many people looking for the next best thing
and keeping the might be best thing on hold until they
can be sure. I don't want to email and chat on the phone
FOREVA.

If you prefer to take it slower...just find someone of a like
mind, but don't get upset because someone else doesn't
want to do it your way.
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 52
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 1:47:12 PM
For me, personally, when I was looking to date...I was looking to date. Not looking for another penpal. Not looking for a good buddy to email back and forth with. I have enough penpals that I write too. I have enough online friends I chat with. I was wanting a date. A face to face meeting to see if there was a connection in person, as well as online.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 53
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 2:01:21 PM
I only read 10 or so responses. Not worth my time, to read them all, won't change my opinion.

POF is a "dating" site, NOT an email your buddy site. SO many people do the 'poof' on here, it isn't funny. So if you want to date, you exchange 'some'emails, 'some' phone calls and then try for a meet ASAP.

You should establish your preference for length of time, before meeting as soon as contact begins. You will not be compatable with someone who wants 3 emails and a meet. What if 10 emails and 2 phone calls is their number? If your about, 30 emails and 15 phone calls over 6 weeks, your gonna be out of luck on here.

I understand safety, I understand a woman feeling secure and sure. I don't understand not being ready for the process, if you didn't think dating through. You can buy a no name cell phone for $30 a month, you can scope out places to meet 10 miles from your house in each direction. Places that you can enter in full view of people, exit in full view and be safe, to drive off. If safety is more your issue than others, than you should be prepared to execute your desires.

If your here, if you don't have talk/email on your profile, we assume you want to date, not chat.
 realitybites78
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 54
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 2:12:51 PM
Men don't have time to waste online, you have multiple men emailing you as all women do online. So the longer it goes without meeting you the higher the chance that we never will, and some other guy will. We need to seal the deal asap at least as far as a meeting goes. People don't view you as serious dating potential until you actually meet them. The longer it stays in just the email the process, the higher the chance the woman will poof and you never hear from her again.
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 55
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 2:25:54 PM
Hmmm when I dated irl before internet days, I knew them for awhile before we dated. I don't know why that would be different now.
 Uncle Grumpy
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 56
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 3:07:02 PM
When I first started this internet thing I was gung ho to meet as quickly as possible. Being completely naive to the process I quickly waisted time and money on incompatible women. Old pictures, much heavier, lied about age etc. And the ones that were just out for a sexual fling. Yes, it does happen to us guys too..

Now I insist on emailing and progressing to phone calls. IF we can sustain a substantial ongoing dialog where we are able to talk about any thing and every thing only then will I be willing to meet. At that point I am ready to begin a serious effort of pursuing someone that I feel has a chance of coming into my life and staying there. Sure the physical attraction is important but to me the inner being, the spiritual self, is who I am interested in. The physical attraction can grow with time.

I am at the point where I rarely contact someone first. And only if their profile really stands out and matches what I am looking for. But I do reply to all that contact me or view my profile. I have emailed across the country for long periods and sometimes when you get to the point that you decide to meet everything changes. Things come out that tell you that you will not be compatible. So the time spent learning about the other person is worth it.

Most of us have a history of failure in the relationship game. Myself I am willing to have some more small failures, but not another major one. As a risk taker personality I have had to reevaluate my operating procedure.
 gambiergirl
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 57
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 10:17:30 PM
OP - Not sure why there is such a rush. I mean there is nothing wrong with wanting to be sure about the type of guy he is before rushing in and making arrangements - it is a safety thing.

On the other hand you don't want to drag out emailing forever - do what is right for you - if they are in such a hurry to meet up, maybe some are just after sex and feel that you're too much effort - in which case they aren't worth your time.

Good luck :-)
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 58
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 10:34:37 PM

What I found when I was actively dating online, is that meeting sooner rather than later meant there was no time to envision 'Prince Charming', and plenty of time to get used to who the guy really was.

I advocate meeting asap.


As a man, I'd have to say that this is exactly what I saw as well. Unless you are very far apart, your first meeting should be within roughly a week. That gives you enough time to PM, then perhaps talk on the phone, then meet in person.

Any longer than that, then you start to build up a hologram of a person that they have to fight against when you meet them. I've compared that concept before to reading a book, then meeting the protagonist later. Like it or not, you've built an image of them up in your mind, and that image is probably false - and is due more to you than them.

That contrast, when meeting, can torpedo anything that follows.

Plus, ironically, I've found that most women that don't meet you in that week interval will NEVER meet you. At the very start when I was dating, and hadn't learned this lesson yet, I had one woman cancel a date three times with me - the last time as I was WALKING OUT THE DOOR to meet them. Needless to say, that was the last chance she got.

That was the one that triggered the change in my dating process, and it worked out far better after that.
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 59
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 11:04:36 PM
because some of us guys don't like wasting time. You're on here for a reason right, so after what you want. I usually wait about a week and a half before asking a woman out.

But at the same time I don't want to wait too long because it will look like I have no confidence in asking a female out and if I ask out too soon it will look like I'm desperate.

So I take time and get to know a female and when I feel comfortable with her I will ask her out. She controls the pace, so females you have a say in the matter.
 AnarchoCapitalist
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 60
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/12/2010 11:09:57 PM
No rush here. I think a lot of guys on here are desperate and aren't into typing back and forth and want to meet to see if there is chemistry in person.

Personally, I could be celibate for the rest of my life, so the most I do is leave a number for you to call when YOU'RE ready. I never ask to meet.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 61
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 4:42:04 AM

Hmmm when I dated irl before internet days, I knew them for awhile before we dated. I don't know why that would be different now


But you had to meet them first to find out if you were actually interested in dating, right?

A casual coffee-type meeting isn't an expensive date. It just gives each person an idea if this is someone they actually want to date.

While it certainly hasn't always been the case, generally I find the longer the email/chat/phone interaction goes on without a face-to-face meeting the less likely I will actually want to spend large amounts of time with them following that first meet and greet.

But we all have our preferences.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 62
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 5:10:23 AM

Hmmm when I dated irl before internet days, I knew them for awhile before we dated. I don't know why that would be different now.


How did you get to know these people unless you got together with them...and when
you did...wasn't it a "date"?
I think dating is how you get to know someone...but that's just me I guess.
Another question where there is no right answer...just the answer that works for you.
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 63
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 5:58:24 AM
There is nothing wrong with meeting sooner than later if you click with the person and feel a vibe.
It has been times I had a really great conversation with a guy and met them for coffee later that day.
Meeting someone let's them know you are not afraid to show who you are and you are the person in those pictures. It shows them you are a real person. But of course you should never feel pressured into a meet.


This has happened to me alot and I've chatted with other women who has had this done to them as well. It's mostly a safty issue and lack of really knowing the person on the other side of our computers.


Since this is happened a lot to you, maybe you need to try a different approach. If you feel you are not getting to know a guy, start asking them more specific questions that you want to know about them. You won't really get to know them until you meet them.

Why is safety an issue?
You are a grown woman. Plan a meeting in a public place with lots of people around.
 someone11
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 64
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 6:59:54 AM
The way I look at it is this:

Say it's that magical time before internet dating, when people actually met "in real life". You're standing in line at a coffee shop, and a very cute guy or girl behind you in line strikes up a conversation and asks if you will join them for a coffee. Would you tell them "No, it is too soon. Come back to this coffee shop at this time every day for 3 weeks and we can have this 45 second long conversation over and over until I'm confident you are not a serial killer. Then maybe I can give you my phone number and you can call me for another 3 weeks before we hang out in person."? No, of course not. You would more than likely have a coffee with them and see if there is any connection.

I honestly wonder how the human race didn't die off already with so many people not wanting to meet (even for a coffee!!) until they've emailed and chatted and talked and blah blah blah for weeks on end. How did they ever meet people before online dating? I get the whole security and safety thing, but that's what meeting in public is for! I completely agree you shouldn't be meeting people at their house or in a deserted industrial area or something... but meeting a person from online at a coffee shop or pub or restaurant or anywhere public is absolutely no less safe than meeting someone "from real life" at any of those places.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 65
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 7:08:26 AM
When men have a sense of urgency to meet with a woman, it's because they are horny.
Very simple.
If a woman doesn't jump when he says jump he forgets he was even talking to her after a couple of hours and 10 messages with 10 different women. It's just a numbers game with some men. On a "lonely" night, it's all about the schwantz and nothing else is important.
 trixiestwins
Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 66
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 7:17:18 AM
I myself prefer to meet after a couple of emails and phone calls. The same game is played on-line as in real life when it comes to "lonely men and lonely nights". Not all are after sex only. This is one of those things you just have to go with your gut instinct on.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 67
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 7:55:52 AM

there are at least as many scumbag women spouting off about wanting a LTR that just want to have sex when you meet them.
Wow! Lucky you!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 68
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:26:17 AM
If you read the forums you are going to discover something that happens a lot. People waste 3 months on emails then some other time on chat or phone, they fall in love with the person. They finally meet, then one of them bails out without any apparent reason.

Why this happens?

Until you meet all you have is an idea in your head. You do not know the real person, all you know is some data and information the other person has given you. Second, people project a persona. I don't care who you think you are but in the comfort of your own keyboard devoid of that look in the eye, you can say or be anything.

So that is why I recommend meeting in no less than 2 weeks. If you never managed to feel comfortable with what you exchanged with one person in that time, another month or two is not going to make it any better. What that means is that when you are talking, talk about things that define the person. What you have in common and so forth.

Then meet.
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 69
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:27:11 AM
irl yes I saw them, work, through friends, clubs whatever; through the computer, I see them on dating sites. So instead of the quick chats when I would run into them irl, I feel it is replaced by emails and phone calls.

I only had one doggie bag date and that was with a man that rushed me to meet him.

I can't meet someone the first week I email. My schedule is usually that busy, I don't understand how others have so much free time. I do want to know the person for a few weeks. I want to be able to talk to them about who they are and what they have told me, I can't comfortable do that with someone I am just meeting.

I have yet to meet anyone that didn't have to drive less than like a half hour. So time getting ready, going, being there, and coming home take so much more time than the weeding them out - emails/calls. And really, even weeding them out, you make errors. There is no perfect solution, ie even when you get married, you can end in divorce.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 70
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:35:07 AM
You can't truly get to know someone through messages and you wont know if there is chemistry until you actually meet face to face so there is no point in messaging for days or weeks.
 coveredinpaint
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 71
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:41:42 AM
Just messaging shows that you are patient and have other things going on in your life. So if you message a woman for a month or so before you talk or meet, then that says something about you. A lot of guys will come on strong really quick and try to get the digits right off the bat. That shows that they have a clear agenda.
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 72
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:47:13 AM
^^^^^Exactly! I want to be with someone that has a life too.


chemistry until you actually meet face to face so there is no point in messaging for days or weeks.
I think this chemistry stuff is bs! If you have a bond before you meet, if nothing else, you have a friend. Most men I have met, I am STILL in contact with. Alls I can say is it worked for me. If what you are doing hasn't gotten you a gf/bf, what do you think it says about your style?

Ok...thread out.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 73
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:49:33 AM
I didn't want to meet women too quickly. I preferred to email and chat awhile first, to find out if there really was any potential for a relationship. They had to have sufficient compatibility to be worth meeting, especially if they were more that a few minutes drive away. I did meet a few quickly, and none of those situations worked out - there was too little compatibility. Of course, I wasn't looking to just "hook up" - I wanted an actual relationship! Perhaps if I was mainly looking for sex, I'd have skipped the lengthy getting-to-know-you process.
 Annie Was Here
Joined: 12/18/2009
Msg: 74
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:57:48 AM
No one is so busy that they have to email, chat and text for a month without meeting unless you are busy running a country or finding a cure for cancer. Anyway if you have all that time to email, chat and text then you have time to meet in person.


What a waste of a life to not be out living it, instead sitting behind a computer communicating with potential love interest rather then out meeting them in person.No one is suggesting meeting anyone in a darkened alley at 2 am or deep in a wooded area.A coffee shop or a busy bar or pub will do just fine.Even a park on a Saturday afternoon when it is filled with kids,parents and people of all kinds will do.


The only thing meeting in a normal time frame means is wanting to spend time with another human being talking, laughing and having a good time. For most people it does not mean wanting an intimate encounter.It means you have a preference for real humans over electronic gidgets.
 ~SparklingRose~
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 75
view profile
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 9:02:13 AM

coveredinpaint: Just messaging shows that you are patient and have other things going on in your life. So if you message a woman for a month or so before you talk or meet, then that says something about you. A lot of guys will come on strong really quick and try to get the digits right off the bat. That shows that they have a clear agenda.


aaamm: If you have a bond before you meet, if nothing else, you have a friend. Most men I have met, I am STILL in contact with. Alls I can say is it worked for me. If what you are doing hasn't gotten you a gf/bf, what do you think it says about your style?


FoRumOnly: I preferred to email and chat awhile first, to find out if there really was any potential for a relationship. They had to have sufficient compatibility to be worth meeting, especially if they were more that a few minutes drive away. I did meet a few quickly, and none of those situations worked out - there was too little compatibility. Of course, I wasn't looking to just "hook up" - I wanted an actual relationship! Perhaps if I was mainly looking for sex, I'd have skipped the lengthy getting-to-know-you process.


My sentiments, exactly. Period.
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