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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?      Home login  
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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 76
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?Page 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Instant gratification, why spend weeks filling out a dosier when you can simply meet for coffee and see if you think they are hot? In the end isn't physical attraction at least 50% of it?
 realitybites78
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 77
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 10:02:36 AM
Whatever wallybeaver stop wasting our time online and men won't be in such a hurry to get it to real life. When I took online dating serious I only wrote real letters to women so when we email each other for a month and then they vanish into thin air, that's called playing a game and wasting my time. This is an area where you can blame your fellow women. Like Sassy said if you met someone in real life and they asked you out would you tell them you want to email them for a month first? Nope.

"In the end isn't physical attraction at least 50% of it?"

Of course it is anyone that thinks otherwise is delusional. Physical attraction is half of it or close to it.

 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 78
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 11:36:43 AM
Icy: Way to stereotype everyone. Hate men much? I honestly wonder why any woman who thinks the way you do is looking to date a man. If you really believe the foolishness you're saying you wouldn't want to be within 100 feet of a man so which is it? For your information a lot of men want real relationships not "virtual" ones which is why a lot of "people" not only men want to meet sooner than later. I've got some other news for you too, there are at least as many scumbag women spouting off about wanting a LTR that just want to have sex when you meet them. They're just as good at lying and throwing the bull around believe me.


My opinion is merely from experience. I'd love to put my rose-colored glasses back on and pretend those men don't exist, but instead I have made my profile as generic as I can and use the forums to vent and share my experiences and observation. If you prefer to pretend that men never behave that way it doesn't matter much to me. My kudos to you if you choose to be more sincere and respectful than other men in your online endeavors.

I believe that inertia sets in if online and phone contact is long and drawn out, but I want to talk with someone enough to get a good idea of what their character is. I find out a lot just by listening and asking a lot of questions. If they express anger at an ex, PPOs out on them, or if I have to redirect them away from a sexual conversation when they don't even know me, I am thankful I didn't run to meet them right away. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Many men "rushing" women to meet with them before any common bond or trust has been established may mean he's hoping to conceal things about his personality.
 Just_2_b_me
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 79
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 11:44:06 AM

It usually takes a month or two for me to want to meet anyone in person.


See, that right there implies you’re not really interested, chances are I’m gonna start messaging others and eventually move on, when I meet someone actually willing to “MEET” .


To share and exchange ideas through emails with someone is a fun activity for me.


Not near as much fun as actually meeting someone, and exchanging those ideas in person …. There are other things I would rather do than sit in front of my computer all night on a Friday or Saturday night.



Even if we can't make it as a couple, it's nice to keep in touch with them as friends after meeting.


I never understood this on several levels,
One, I have friends, lots of friends, some I’ve known since high school and or college, I’m on a dating site, not a friends site …
Two, How many women are really OK with their boyfriends keeping in touch with several women he met while on a dating site….
How many of you are really OK with your new S.O. keeping in close touch with people they once dated ???


"In the end isn't physical attraction at least 50% of it?"


Ding, Ding, Ding We have a winner !!!!

No matter how enlightened we like to think we are, if there is no physical attraction, (on both sides) then there will be no desire to have SEX, if there is no desire to have Sex with each other, ( I.E. no spark, or no chemistry) then most likely we are not going to want to date each other, emails and phone calls will not provide me with the info I need to have to know if I want to have Sex with you or not, only meeting will do that, emails and phone calls only tell me if we have something in common to do together when we are not having Sex.

So if I don’t see myself having or wanting to have sex with you at some point in the future than why are we wasting our time emailing each other or talking on the phone with each other when we could better spend that time finding someone we do want to have sex with ??
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 80
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 12:25:27 PM
Just 2 be me - Assuming that the person doesn't look like Quasi Moto and showers daily, I can develop a very strong sexual attraction to a man based on his mind or his character. Sure when I was younger and shallow it was all base on how a guy looks and dresses. On the other hand he could look like George Clooney but if he is a complete and utter jerk, I will not be sexually attracted to him at all. A man who doesn't give a crap about a woman's personality will be in a hurry to size her up to see if she meets his requirements. Priorities. It's all about what's in between your ears for me. I'm not saying that meeting face to face isn't important, but I want to know what kind of man I'm meeting. Whether he's got a great butt is secondary.
 KCowboy
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 81
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 12:48:13 PM
Realitybites78 wrote:

Talking online is a waste of time. Myself and some other guys have explained why and sex has nothing to do with it. Women don't mind dragging it out as much because they have tons of guys emailing them on these sites. Just one of many issues where the ratio of men to women on these sites is a huge problem. They like to be the puppet master while they kick back, let the men email them, then strategize while they look over their prospects. If they was a man they would understand this subject better where we email dozens of women and hardly any ever write back

Personally I agree. Women have no idea what it's like to be constantly facing rejection, having to be the aggressor, and sitting there waiting for a reply. I wish all I had to do was "look good and show up", and have the messages pouring into my mailbox. But hey, it shows a bit about a girl's attitude I suppose. The ones without a chip on their should will appreciate you taking the time to say hello.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 82
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 12:57:47 PM
Bottom line, why do men want to rush women into meeting them. And why do they get mad when you're in no hurry to meet them after chatting and e-mailing a day or two?

Some people just are in a hurry, remember we live in a "NOW! NOW! NOW!" and a "I aint getting any younger" society so if someone gives off good vibes from an "email" they go freaking crazy. Men are not the only ones though.
 Just_2_b_me
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 83
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 1:51:04 PM
My previous post was rather tongue in cheek, in certain aspects but when you get right down to it ….

Of course other things matter not “just” physical appearances but as pointed out most of us are not going to date Quasi Moto, unfortunately if you play the online dating game for any length of time your eventually going to meet someone (if they will ever meet you) with 5 year old & 50 pounds ago pictures posted. And if your human you will be angry that you have been lead on by someone thinking that you will overlook the physical deception for this oh so wondrous inner connection you’ve established via email and phone calls.

Best to get that physical attraction or lack thereof out of the way as soon as possible so you can then explore the other deeper aspects of the possible relationship, or go your separate ways.

Our desire for a mate, is in large part driven by biology, we are animals and biology dictates we look for a mate in order to produce children, this does not change just because many of us have had all the children we intend on having, nor does it change because we are evolved and enlightened, and no longer living in caves, no we are still driven to find a mate based on the instinct to reproduce, therefore we look for a mate that can give us good healthy offspring and physical appearance is the primary way we judge someone’s ability to do just that. Which leads us back to “SEX”.

Now if someone chooses to deny the physical aspects of a potential mate and wishes to concentrate on the esoteric mental connections or the ever so elusive inner beauty that so many preach about then they are choosing to deny themselves fully half of their relationship, there will likely be no passion, no lust for each other, no longing for the others touch that we all desire in a partner or a mate, If you tried to tell me you don’t care if your partner desires you or not, first I’d likely call you a liar, second I would suggest you spend time in the “Sex & Sexual Issues forum where you will find plenty there from both genders that make it quite clear that a healthy sexual relationship is not just desired but “required” for a relationship to flourish.

Deny it if you will but I doubt I’m alone in needing those things in my relationships.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 84
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 2:05:58 PM
This is starting to sound like "which came first, the chicken or the egg?", as in "which comes first, physical or cerebral attraction?" I'll be the first to admit that a guy would have to grab my attention in some way physically, however, he can be as good looking as can be but if he's dumber than a doorknob, uncouth, is a bigot, etc., there's no way that physical attraction thingy is gonna cut it when it comes to the sexual aspect. I never took months to meet up with someone but the way I read a person has more to do with what comes out of his mind than just body language across a table in a first meet after a couple of Emails and a quick phone call. IMing with a cam tends to dispel a lot of those fears so many of you seem to have as to whether or not a person is who they say they are in a profile picture...I'd certainly recommend it before rushing off to any date. But, hey, whatever works for ya (is it working for you?)
 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 85
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 2:36:39 PM
i feel that you need to be comfortable when you meet...i find most men that want to meet you right away ...are looking for sex...i take my time...and if they do not like it...oh well that is life
 KCowboy
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 86
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 2:42:58 PM
calientecutie, read my comments above and those by realitybytes. It really has nothing to do with sex, and more to do with not wasting time with manipulative women. After 2-5 exchanges it's appropriate to meet at Starbucks to see if things click face to face. It's easy to get out of in that it's just 30 minutes. No is going to have sex at Starbucks. The way I see it is that if you aren't interested enough to meet for 15-30 minutes after 3-5 e-mail volleys then you're a game player and get your jollies off of leading a guy on. Or, you're too insecure to just say 'not interested' and stop wasting his time. I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that if men had to make the date, but women had to drive and pay for everything, literally half the restaurants in town would go belly up.
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 87
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 2:43:39 PM
CALIENTECUTIE
i feel that you need to be comfortable when you meet...i find most men that want to meet you right away ...are looking for sex...i take my time...and if they do not like it...oh well that is life
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree with being comfortable in meeting the guy. If he seems to be very opinionated on the phone, you might not want to meet him.
To say that if a man wants to meet you right away, he's only looking for sex is....................................................!!!! Talk about being judgmental and opinionated.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 88
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 2:53:01 PM
An easy way for women who don't like meeting too soon is to be sure to ask the pertinent questions in the 2nd email.

I have always found that I got on better with men who when we emailed each other - had meaty emails with questions and answers back and forth and we also covered some serious topics. That can take less than a week if both parties make an effort to communicate properly.

I have asked for men's phone numbers and even brought up meeting and they have ignored those questions. They don't even get a second chance anymore. If you can't put in the effort to read my reply and questions to you? Doesn't speak well to your future efforts. Male friends have told me that if a guy refuses to give his number without a really valid reason, a woman should move on.

Since some people come across differently in email than they do in person, I prefer meeting sooner than later and while it has never happened to me, I can certainly sympathize with men who have been duped by a "fake" photo. I have heard this story enough times to realize that it happens alot to men.

If you are a person who prefers to take longer to meet, say that in your very first email. I don't think there is necesarily a right or wrong, but if you are so confident in your stance - communicate it and it will solve problems.
 Profile-Writer
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 89
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:08:17 PM
I have no online dating experience so I have no idea why he did that to you.

And as another poster said.. while some people prefer to take it slow, others want to jump right in.

If I were doing online dating and an interesting guy contacted me, this would be easy for me because I would suggest for us to meet and greet at the next POF event. We have them about once a month within a few miles of my house.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 90
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:10:57 PM
^^^you'd think that would be a great solution right? NOT. At least not really for my age range. I don't know how old you are as I can't view your profile.

The POF events here are really for 50 and up's. And I often do not see the type of men I attract in person there.

It's really too bad.

I did join another group though and I'm truly enjoying that social group.

(hint hint: I stopped complaining and did something about it).
 Profile-Writer
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 91
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:19:57 PM
^ ^ ^
I understand.... my 36 yr old daughter has attended POF events. She also said most men were older and there were far more women than men. However, if they have these POF events monthly which many areas do.. and you have been chatting with someone and they are pressing to meet... it seems that a POF event would be a possible "safe" "place" for a meet and greet.
 Eyes O Blue 2
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 92
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:26:27 PM
Meeting in person is the best determiner of whether or not it's worth investing more precious time on eachother.

Nothing to do with sex.
 realitybites78
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 93
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 3:57:35 PM
I understand.... my 36 yr old daughter has attended POF events. She also said most men were older and there were far more women than men


I really find that hard to believe since there are way more men on this site than women. I would love to know the area that has pof events with more women than men I'd fly there in a heartbeat. I've never seen more women than men anywhere in America except in certain college classes or a strip joint lol.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 94
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 4:11:11 PM
I came back to this thread and as expected(yawn) the responses were the usual drivel.

So I'll say somethings again, for the reading impaired. If your not getting your emails answered, YOUR doing something wrong, NOT them. I have a 60% response rate, and I think that's low, as another poster said it she thought it would be higher. If your writing more than 5 women at a time, there is something wrong with what your saying, and doing, if you don't get a single response.

As for the reason, as many have said, it ain't real till you see them and have a reaction. Taking your time is OK, but time means they will be contacting others. You could get along way, then poof, they're gone, onto someone willing to meet.

This isn't about sex, just seeing if they share chemistry and who you are.

Personally, if after 10 or 15 emails, 5 to 10 phone calls, spread over 2 weeks or so, your not willing to meet, I think online dating is NOT for you. If you met joe or jane blow, in a bar, store or at a party, you'd date them the next week, knowing little more than the first meet supplied. So why is it different on here?

If you pick a safe, public place and meet at a time when people will be around, your safety should not be in question.

As for the "well if your not attracted, you can always be friends" garbage, well most of us are not here to make friends, we're here to date! Friends may happen and that's OK, but is that what you really want?

Yeah some guys are all about the sex, so are some women. I met one for dinner on the first date, and at the end of the night, she got pizzed, cause I wouldn't go back to her place and sleep with her! So not everybody is here for your precious body, some want your precious mind as well!

Oh and to my buddy, realitybites, that's BS, there is no place I know of where the guys outnumber women on here. That's just another urban legend, about POF. The only thing that happens, is that guys will write 100% of the time, first, only about 50% of women will, and thaat's being generous. So 10 guys will write 15 women first, most women will only write a guy they are intrigued with, who gets their attention with his profile. Wake up pal. Better yet, do your own homework, check the number of available women, in your age range in your locale, then check how many guys are in the same group, you'll see what I say is true.
 el lagarto
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 95
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 4:25:11 PM
Some folks just are in a hurry for everything it seems ! I've had requests to meet in a first contact . And it seems that many of the those folks that want that , tend to have profiles that say very little about them , and often have no photo - or one fuzzy one . While mine tells all kinds of stuff about me, and has multiple photos !

I do like to meet in person relatively soon though . That said , I have learned enough just from writing back and forth a few times to some , that I didn't even feel the urge to call them . So I prevented all that wasted time of several phone calls , setting up a meeting place and time etc.
I can think of all kinds of things I'd rather do than meet everyone who wants to , that has little or nothing in common with me !

Stick to your own comfort level - period !
 realitybites78
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 96
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 4:29:24 PM
mr evil I sware you insist on arguing with me just to argue even when we actually agree such as the subject in this thread. I have ran the numbers on this site more than once....the men outnumber the women by about 3 to 2 in my age bracket. Within 15 miles of me there are 317 men, and 217 women age 25-35. I've ran this test on other areas of the country it's about the same everywhere as far as I can tell. You really should just trust me mr evil I think we can figure a lot of things out together! ;) All it takes is a simple search to prove this since you can search for both genders no matter what gender your profile is.

This is just one reason why "not" wasting time on emails is so important for men since women get more emails than men. The longer it stays in cyberspace the less your chances are of actually dating the person you're talking to online. It definitely has nothing to do with sex like some of the women think it does lol.

 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 97
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 4:56:47 PM
First to letson, if a person has no photo, such as me, ask them for it. When I'm in dating mode with women on here, once we have established contact and things(emails phone calls) are proceeding I'm happy to supply one. As to length of profile, oh no you don't! On this one women have men beat hands down, for every one of you(that provides a ton of info) there are 3 that don't. Lucky if they have 2 lines, and 20% of those say blah, blah balh, oh the message is too short, just like many women have snarky comments in the profession line, so that's what I did this time.

As to my pal reality, that's still not an overwhelming number, and your in a small area. That's still a 3 to 2 ratio. So if you are in the 50% range in looks and intelligence, you should have a dating pool of around 100 women. Since you would only date the top 50 in your pool, you must grab their attention. If you write all 50, you just poisoned your own pool! That's why you only write a few at a time. But that ratio is hardly the 10 to 1 most men say it is on here. Even so, why is it, men say all they get is read/deleted and I get 6 of 10 answering? As I said, you guys are doing something wrong. What is the common denominator, in unanswered emails, YOU! I don't understand why men can't see that. If 10 women delete your email, they're all different, it's something you are or are not saying.
 indigo1357
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 98
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 5:35:14 PM
because if you wait most likely you never meet the person at all.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 99
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 6:24:09 PM

I really find that hard to believe since there are way more men on this site than women. I would love to know the area that has pof events with more women than men I'd fly there in a heartbeat.


It really depends on the particular event happening. Interestingly enough, you will see that more women haved signed up, but when I have gone the attendance is usually equal.

In Ottawa, you would enter the place and probably exit in the next 10 minutes. You're 31, believe me you would. Only men in their 20's and late 40's and up attend the events put on right now in Ottawa. We all know why the men in their early 20's are going, but every man I have seen come in the place that was in my age range who I found somewhat attractive left in 10 minutes. I was pretty much the only woman in the 35-40 age range and not everyone is gonna be interested in me!

In all the times I have gone, there was only one man I met there that interested me and he in return was interested in me. However when we both realized our age difference, we agreed it wouldn't be a match (he was 28, I was 38).

I have discussed this with other men I have dated from POF and all have said that they will NOT attend an event.
 wishingwell555
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 100
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 6:31:13 PM
Bottom line, why do men want to rush women into meeting them. And why do they get mad when you're in no hurry to meet them after chatting and e-mailing a day or two?


Men like to see inperson who they are pursuing. If the chemistry is not
there for them, they can move on without taking a long time.

Most men are visual ! They also like to talk on the phone. They do not
like emailing for long periods of time most of them.
Myself, I like to meet a man within 80 miles of me as soon as possible
so that I can move on, if we don't like each other inperson, after the date.
If the guy lives a long distance, then I will take much longer to get to
know him online. I have met men inperson, from NM and SC and I live in Illinois.
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