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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?      Home login  
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 Trueblooo
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 101
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?Page 5 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Look....the emailing is a pain in the ass. it's just so labor intensive.
I don't ask to meet right away, but the phone is a good idea.
 See N Date hahaha
Joined: 12/30/2009
Msg: 102
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 7:15:32 PM
first off, it's not only men... women do this too...

I call it playing the numbers game... for whatever reason this particular breed feels that the more people they can meet face to face the better their chances of finding whatever it is they are looking for... Many do an excellent job of spelling this out in their profile... some want to meet and get to know someone face to face and others want to chat a while via e-mail / IM / Phone before meeting... it's all a personal preference and since you know yours, spell it out in your profile that you prefer to talk a bit on-line before phone and then eventually meeting... you'll weed out those who aren't a fit and be able to spend your time more focused on those who are compatible with you! Good Luck!
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 103
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 8:54:38 PM

Look....the emailing is a pain in the ass. it's just so labor intensive.
I don't ask to meet right away, but the phone is a good idea.


Labor intensive?

So I guess your opening line is "hi". Must have been exhausting for you just to post here.

A man with a sharp mind gets my attention first. I like to see that he's fairly literate.
 jerrick1962
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 104
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/13/2010 10:54:52 PM
Its simple, all the common interest in the world in cyberspace leads to nothing but electronic pen pals. You can meet dangerous people in the real world as well. Unless, you live in Anchorage there are tons of safe places to meet. Don't make it or call it a date (dinner, movie, etc). It can be at a public venue meeting(large mall-time approx set & location only firmed up by cellphone once inside mall or a large busy park with the same type of arrangement, etc). I as a man would rather waste my time & gas to meet a woman & have no connection with her (leave with a handshake & take care) than to spend weeks & months communicating with a phantom that for all I know could be a man on the other end of the computer or phone. Just my Take!
 exactlydreamer
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 105
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/14/2010 12:15:26 AM
So I say take your time e-mailing back and forth for as long as you want. (***SARCASM*** because you can tell exactly by the tone of my typing) Maybe this is another reason why people want to meet so soon.

It sounds like you are scared of the world.

I had a 3 month relationship with my cell phone, texting a girl only to go out with her for 3 "Group dates". By which I mean, she and I were never alone, we always had friends with us. To me that will always be a total waste of 3 months.

Oh ya, I forgot my 1 year relationship via the phone and snail mail with my wife (now ex), while I was in the Gulf War. The touch of her hand, the smell of her perfume isn't that what people want in a relationship.

I know for some people it is scary in the dating world, even scary in the real world. But if you don’t get out into the real dating world from this cyber dating world, you won’t meet that special someone.

Besides take a long look at these profile pictures. Pictures are an illusion of a 3D subject. Pictures are actually only 2 dimensional "Flat". There is so much more out in the real world. Yes, be somewhat leery but don't be scared.
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 106
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/14/2010 5:24:11 AM

Look....the emailing is a pain in the ass. it's just so labor intensive.
I don't ask to meet right away, but the phone is a good idea.

Labor intensive?
So I guess your opening line is "hi". Must have been exhausting for you just to post here.
A man with a sharp mind gets my attention first. I like to see that he's fairly literate.


Totally agree. And for the men who say they are tired of typing to so many women? WHY ARE YOU SENDING SO MANY EMAILS IN THE FIRST PLACE? Do you need a date or a woman that bad? I send out emails to men, but seemingly alot less than most men on here. Men need to change their way of dating and stop b*tching.
 realitybites78
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 107
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/14/2010 8:01:20 AM
valfish63 that's easy to answer, he was probably married.
 CaptainDad
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 108
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/14/2010 8:39:20 AM
It's the definition of "rush" that may be the issue. Why do some people want to meet quickly? because email and phone are one thing, real life is something else. If you want an email/phone relationship then please put that in your profile and be done with it. If you want a real relationship with a real person then you have to meet sometime.

It's very easy to build someone up, add inflections to their emails that aren't there and see them at their possible best. Some people can spend quite a bit of time putting together great emails, only when you meet them do you learn that they have no interpersonal skills.

On the other hand, I've known some people who can't email worth a damn, but are some to the funniest people in real life that I've ever known.

I've found that there is such a difference between emails and real life that the emails are not really useful to really get to know someone.

I vote for meeting sooner rather than later, and no.. sex isn't expected right away either.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 109
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/14/2010 12:43:38 PM

Bottom line, why do men want to rush women into meeting them. And why do they get mad when you're in no hurry to meet them after chatting and e-mailing a day or two?
Well, first of all....it's NOT just "men" who rush women; and what may seem like "rushing" to some, is just good sense to others.

As for the "safety" thing....wow, isn't that a little paranoid? First of all....you meet in a PUBLIC place. I've heard people express fearfulness at meeting, but who think nothing of giving someone their phone number....at home....and a simple "reverse lookup" gives them your home address in about 2 minutes. Hence, I'd meet someone for coffee BEFORE I'd give them my home phone number.

Another reason for meeting sooner, rather than later is.....to weed out the "players". Are you looking for a relationship.....or just a pen pal? One of the most common reasons people put off meeting IS......LOL!....like it or NOT....they're MARRIED. I'm willing to bet that the guy who blocked you has seen it before....and assumed that your refusal to meet meant that you're married and cheating.....thus making it difficult for you to meet spontaneously.

Emailing and chatting a day or two....ehhhhh; well, I agree that that may be too soon for some.....and not soon enough for others. I must also say that.....of those that I was REALLY interested in......I knew it withing the first week. Those who I met after talking for several months.....LOL! well.....I have a few dozen of those who are STILL....just online buddies that I talk to....but there's NO interest in any kind of romantic relationship.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 110
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/14/2010 1:03:32 PM
exactly GrandamaBooBoo, anyone who doesn't want to meet asap is either not interested or hiding something that is taking up there time... i.e. a husband.

Someone who is very interested in you will want to meet you asap.
 gunny2nd
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 111
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/14/2010 4:05:23 PM
I think women do it just as often.. I'm new at this but what I have noticed is that just by having Talk/Email listed as to what I am looking for I have gotten little responces, and I got one that said she thinks I'm a stalker because I don't have a pic posted. I never even said I wanted to meet. My profile states that I'm simply looking for someone to chat with when I'm in town or out. No hook ups, no relationships, no meetings. Unfortunately, I think some look to this as a last resort to whatever they are looking for, other then a convenient way of meeting people. I mean really, you never know who's on the other end of the line or who they really are. Its good to be cautious. Just by him blocking you after that made him look guilty as H***. Or maybe he's just in a rush and has a major rejection issue... Who knows. But I think its better not to find out the hard way. And I think you should always have someone go with you on the first meeting. Now why would anyone that realllly wants to meet you have an issue with you bringing a friend??
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 112
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/14/2010 4:58:38 PM
"Now why would anyone that realllly wants to meet you have an issue with you bringing a friend??"

Well for one, I want to meet and date the woman, not her friend. But, hey, as I said before, online dating is not for all, if your THAT nervous about meeting strangers or near strangers, don't date online. After all we're not in high school anymore and if you need a chaperone, you've got issues.
 gunny2nd
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 113
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/15/2010 9:10:44 AM
Keep in mind that this is a meeting for the first time. Not necessarily a Date.
I would welcome the "chaperone" as you call it. Maybe she wants to make sure your not some weirdo or psychopath. Smart!! And not to mention you would want her to be as comfortable as possible.
"No I don't want you to bring anyone with you." What, are you childish and require a chaperone?".
Yeah that doesn't sound strange or anything... Not to mention gets you big points, oh let me tell ya.

Bottom line is that when and if she became yours, you would want her to be safe and make responsible decisions. At least I would.

If you look a little closer you will see that by her asking to bring someone on the first meeting tells you a thing or two about her, and your responce to that will tell her a thing or two about you.
 RossMc
Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 114
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/15/2010 9:28:47 AM
I would say that three weeks or so is plenty of time to check someone out. Be honest with yourself. Often when you met someone in person and were horrified by him, there were numerous red flags already evident- obvious lies, aggrssiveness, whining etc.
If you don't like what you see, just detach yourself. After all, a few e-mails does not commit you to anything.
 chrisofpa
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 115
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/15/2010 10:40:08 AM
Belle Lass said




In my experience, I feel that meeting someone that you have clicked with online as soon as possible is the best way to do online dating.


I agree. I don't see a need for and endless email cycle. I like to meet in a public place as you mentioned and see where things go from there.

In my particular situation, I am in a densely populated area so, for the most part, the driving time is nil. I can see where someone in a remote, rural area might want to be a bit more shore before they met IRL.
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 116
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/15/2010 11:13:04 AM
O/P: obviously your lack of interest in this e-mailing/chatting relationship with this person tells me your just not into him.
You bringing up safety issues and other roadblocks, brings me to the conclusion you have no plans in using a dating site for dating -just chatting -which makes most men shake their heads and move on leaving you home with your 17 cats, your knitting needles and the illumination of the pc monitor in your bedroom.
I can understand being apprehensious if this suitor immediately wants you to come over, or meet at midnite in a dark parking lot etc. however if you've chatted for a while and you feel something -why not take a chance of meeting for afternoon snacks at a public place?

I'm quite sure if he piqued your interests and made your blood rush, you would be the one begging him to meet...
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 117
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/15/2010 1:09:37 PM

I met all of my LTRs in real life and not online. There is something to be said about instant eye contact, body language and sexy facial expressions. That works for me.


Moi too, except for one who I met on a phone line, but we met like within 2 or 3 messages and after speaking once on the phone.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 118
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/15/2010 6:51:42 PM
On the other hand, if you talked with a guy for months, and then met up with him, he may also turn out to be a superficial fake. No guarantee.


Not if you talk with him enough and ask enough questions. If he's got some personality problems sooner or later some crazy crap rolls out of his mouth. Now if the guy isn't asking any questions about you and your life, he probably doesn't care who you are he just wants anyone in a skirt. In the writing stage it's a good opportunity to show if he has wit, or he's witless. Also liars can't keep their stories straight.
 Happinesstoo
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 119
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/15/2010 8:47:38 PM
I think the reason a lot of people want to meet after a few e-mails and then talking is because there are a lot of times where you can click in e-mail and on the phone and be totally turned off in person.
If you build this e-mail phone relationship and develope feelings for this person its harder to meet and have them not like you.
I had a friend who is married now and she would contact someone or they her and after 1 or 2 e-mails it was a requirement of hers to meet for 15 mins to see if the chemistry was there in person.
I also think some of it comes from people stringing people along with no real intention of meeting.
 realitybites78
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 120
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/15/2010 10:10:39 PM
Grandmabooboo is correct, read valfish's post @127 where the guy she was talking to I can almost guarantee was married or engaged. Trust me if you're a woman you're better off meeting sooner rather than later. I do agree though it is fun to have some build up and get to know someone a little through email/phone. I love getting letters from women letters are more personable generally and take more time/effort. But if the guy or woman is dragging their feet too much there is a good chance they're married and they're waiting for the perfect time when they think he can get away with it.
 Keepingstep
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 121
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/15/2010 11:21:58 PM
I have recently decided that chatting or email for a while is a good idea.

I spent the time and money to drive some distance to meet...only to then learn that what he was really looking for wasn't long-term relationship...but..a long-term NSA. My profile was clear...but...he wasn't.

I met another for coffee and then learned that he expected me to be willing to be in his bed that evening. Again..didn't spent enough time communicating before meeting.

I much prefer to learn that he is only looking for a FWB BEFORE I spend the time and money to meet.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 122
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/16/2010 12:29:31 PM
I have recently decided that chatting or email for a while is a good idea.

I spent the time and money to drive some distance to meet...only to then learn that what he was really looking for wasn't long-term relationship...but..a long-term NSA. My profile was clear...but...he wasn't.

I met another for coffee and then learned that he expected me to be willing to be in his bed that evening. Again..didn't spent enough time communicating before meeting.

I much prefer to learn that he is only looking for a FWB BEFORE I spend the time and money to meet.


I don't think guys put any real effort into a first meeting with somebody - they just throw on some rags and will go out unshaven and unwashed.
Women usually put some effort into into primping and grooming, deciding what to wear, etc.
Lets face it when everybody's at home in front of their PC, with a cup of coffee and in our pjs, we're not exactly ready for public viewing. Not that we have to be fake to put our best foot forward and make a good first impression, but I'm sure most of us have a more relaxed attitude just hanging out at home versus being out and about.

A pushy man with no patience isn't worth the lipstick, mascara, gasoline, and risky driving on icy roads to go meet him. Especially if I'm only interested in LTR and he is being deceptive and just looking for a casual encounter.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 123
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/16/2010 12:39:56 PM
Help! It's been TWO days since I've had a date and therefore, any food! Can someone please meet me ASAP? Maybe I'll get a doggie bag out of this one!
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 124
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/16/2010 1:07:05 PM
"I don't think "GUYS" put any real effort into a first meeting with somebody - they just throw on some rags and will go out unshaven and unwashed."

You should put this in your profile, should help eliminate the riff-raff, and most other guys. LOL!!

You guys/gals make me laugh. Where the he11, do you all get these people? Are you on those other sites, you know bum.com or bimbos.com? Mcdonalds for dinner, sex by the 3rd date, "ur hawt" emails, stained tshirts on first date, and all the rest. Do you really shop for dates at psycho's are us?

You know, the problem with "rush" to meet people, is more attitude, than reality. If you think dating is "take me as I am", your all crazy. You need to start, by showing respect, you'll get plenty of time to show who you really are(God help em), so a little effort would be nice to begin.

But the attitude I'm talking about really, is if dating is a mere diversion to your life, then you should take up more xbox games and get more lotion for the guys or a "bob" for you ladies. Just like the urge to meet sooner than later, we should try and respect the wo/men we meet by being on time, dressed appropriately and ready to discuss subjects other than sex and belly button lint. Some of us just want to find someone and get the he11 out of dodge.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 125
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 1/16/2010 1:12:02 PM
I know several women who brought friends when they met men, and the men either liked the friend or the friends slipped the men their phone numbers when the women were in the bathroom. I have never taken a friend with me when I met someone, if I didn't feel comfortable meeting the person I did not meet him. I would rather meet someone after a few emails or online/phone chats, I always wonder why they want to email forever and not meet, seems a waste of time to me. (Unless both of us have no time in our schedules at all to meet, although that seems unlikely with most people)
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