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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?      Home login  
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 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 201
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?Page 9 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I am very uncomfortable with giving out my number or meeting anyone that I've met on online sites. I've had guys immediately ask me "what are you doing this weeknd, or whats your phone number" This turns me off. Its not that I think they are crazy or harmful, its just that I don't want lots of phone calls to screen or return. Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I'd like to have a few weeks or months worth of emails and maybe IMs before I give out my number. In real life, I've met guys who seemed nice at the first meet, but later when they had my number, they called me several times a day and acted jealous and demanding when I didn't call them back. It was annoying getting out of those situations and I want to reduce the risk of the possibility of that happening with an online guy. I have had guys on here who wanted my # rt away, without knowing anything about me and that scared me off a little
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 202
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/11/2010 8:35:07 PM
^^^Don't give out your home phone.If they insist on hearing your voice hook up a mike to your computer and you can chat live that way and even live chatting on webcam.As for meeting people make dates in the afternoon at a local coffee shop when it's busy and take a cab there and back.There is no need to live in fear.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 203
 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 204
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/11/2010 11:44:08 PM

I think when people are usually in a big rush to meet they're only looking for a one night stand because most people are Leary about meeting off the net there's alot of crazy people out there so if someone wants to meet like right away than I'd be suspicious. Loyalgal01


I think us women are taught to be paranoid. One of my favorites: You are meeting someone from the internet? What if he is an ax muderer? Well, how do you know the person on the barstool next to you isn't an ax murderer? Or the fellow on the bus? The media are fearmongers. The reason these things are news is because they don't happen very often. I have lived alone for a long time, I am still all in one piece.

The thing is, you are on here to meet people. The guys I have chatted with complain the women don't want to meet, they want email pals. Safety is always an issue, you should always be in the habit of knowing your surroundings and have an escape route. My experience is most of the time you will want to escape because of reasons other that he is a pervert. Usually, you find there isn't mutual interest and you have spent some time with a nice fellow.

You will get to pretty much know with in one or two chats what someone is up to. And here is a novel idea! Ask them directly: "What are you looking for?" Usually if sex comes up in the first or second conversation, I pass. Tell them you are not trolling the internet for a sex partner. Believe me, their spots come right out. Sure I get proprositioned, I thank them for the compliment and tell them no. It is no different, really than meeting someone in person somewhere. After all, we don't want to date on the internet, we want some one with us, right?
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 205
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/12/2010 11:48:12 AM
The main reason for me is because I want to see what the person actually looks like before investing too much time with them. If they started out with a lie by posting older pics, why would I want to get to know a liar....sure we may wind up getting along well. It doesn't change the fact that they're a liar. I'm sure most con artists are very affable too....but I don't want to get to know them either.
 vertical95
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 206
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/12/2010 1:29:19 PM
I don't think 2 people need to meet right away. I would like to have a few email or phone conversations first. Having said that, I don't think people should wait several weeks to meet either. There is some middle ground in between these viewpoints. Personally I would like to meet a man around 1-2 weeks after initial contact. Sometimes it may be longer due to our schedules.Such as nne person being away on vacation or a business trip.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 207
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/12/2010 1:34:50 PM
To each his/her own. Those that I *have* been pushed to meet early have been, if not disasters, at least a biggol waste of Godde's good time. Peeps who have had NO life of the mind. Who think that ONLY the physical is of import: smell, beauty, body language. . . . .

I've done seriously better by waiting a bit: those who are bit desperate, a bit needy, more than a little curious tend to just wash themselves out. Which is fine by me: the keepers have enjoyed the process itself. And they *have* been real keepers. So, not gonna change my MO at this point. If after a month or two, sixty to a hundred emails and it's still feeling good to me, it's going to be good. Ain't been wrong yet. Nope, doesn't always, or even often, turn into a long term relationship, but it does make for great friendships.

 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 208
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/14/2010 9:01:41 AM
I am looking for an educated man so if I can at least see that he's literate and can articulate what he wants from me and what he has to offer to a woman. Perhaps a brief casual conversation about something he noticed he has in common with me. Something besides "Gee you're really pretty". lol I've noticed if they are engaging online, they will be engaging in person as well.
 Sayers987
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 209
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Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/14/2010 6:31:19 PM
I only read this last page so I don't know the other comments. The rush to meet? Online dating is a numbers game. So you probably have to meet quite a few people before you find the "right" one. Best to speed up the process, if you can.

Also, You never really know about the other person until you meet him/her. The emails and phone conversations with a person can be great, but if you don't have chemistry in person, it can be very disappointing.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 210
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/15/2010 4:53:42 PM
Amen CW35......you hit the nail on the head again!
 indigo1357
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 211
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/19/2010 7:14:50 PM
because when the email chat drags on for weeks usually you never meet at all. I have talked to some women for up to 6 months off and on and never get around to meeting them. Those ones dont get nearly as much attention as the women that email daily for maybe a week then meet on the weekend. The long term drag on forever chat girls are usually second pick backup just throw it out there "how about THIS wekend?" No? ok, back to cold messaging new people. Maybe next weekend ill get a date.
 aworldoflovingkindness
Joined: 4/30/2010
Msg: 212
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/20/2010 4:33:19 AM
Well, I'll give you some compelling reasons from this end of the keyboard, the principal one being time. I, personally, don't have the time for endless emails. A few are fine. My profile's long for just that reason: it has most of the information you'll need. Further, I'm 58YO and don't have decades left in my span. The time spent not meeting you is time spent not meeting others.

Time is NOT our friend.

Hope that helps explain this phenomonon!
 12spring
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 213
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/20/2010 11:07:24 AM
I think there should be middle ground in this issue. I don't think 2 people need to meet right away. But I also don't think 2 people should wait several weeks for going out on a date either. Personally I would like to exchange a few emails first. Then a few phone calls. If that goes well, then we can go out on a date. My ideal time period for meeting someone would be about 1-2 weeks after first contact. Sometimes it may take longer than due to scheduling conflicts.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 214
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/20/2010 11:13:09 AM
maybe they've been played and invested a lot of time and emotional energy into someone who misrepresented themselves on line, only to eventually meet and discover that the person they thought they knew was a fabrication

it's easy enough to fake things online, much harder in person

if you feel safe and meet in neutral territory then what's the harm in getting together with someone with whom you might share mutual attraction and see if the potential becomes a reality
 Crisro
Joined: 12/10/2009
Msg: 215
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/21/2010 11:16:40 PM
Because I can learn more about someone in 30min of face to face one on one than I can in weeks, maybe even months of online chat. There's also no room for second toughts or taking things back, life has no send button or backspace key.
 sanyoman112
Joined: 3/21/2010
Msg: 216
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/22/2010 4:13:40 AM
Yeah, I had some woman online that would email with me back and forth, and we'd done so for a little while....like almost a week...then I'd ask about meeting, then I'd get the "hehehehehe...I don't know if I'm ready yet...he he" or "if I have the time"

I had a few people that had no problem with chatting and emailing, no problem there...it's funny, because typically when a woman is NOT interested or not into you, they just ignore your very FIRST email or say "Sorry I don't think we're a match" and we move on.

But some will respond, and you think "Hey, she responded, I take that she's interested!" So things are going back and forth, then as soon as you suggest meeting she:

1. Stops responding
2. Comes up with excuses
3. Does the fade.
4. Says she's not ready just yet.

On #4.....I've actually respected it, and decided to continue correspondence, probably another week, because I figure everyone's different, some don't mind meeting right away, others prefer to wait.....then we email back and forth another week, so I suggest meeting for lunch.

Same thing happens again, and when it did, I would say, "So what's up, you're on a dating site, but don't want to meet people?"

THen she would say, "I don't like pushy guys, I don't like to be rushed into things"
And I would say that we're not on the same page, so I wish that person well and good luck.


<div class='quote'>Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I'd like to have a few weeks or months worth of emails and maybe IMs before I give out my number.

Then maybe online dating is not for you. Weeks? Maybe..... Months? LOL Yes, that is asking for a bit too much. Esp, if the guy is right down the road from you. :) You probably won't get a guy who is willing to wait months.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 217
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/22/2010 2:01:33 PM
Nine times out of ten when a guy wants to go from a couple of brief emails to the phone, he will try to segue into phone sex.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 218
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/22/2010 2:18:33 PM
The point of going from emails to meeting in short order are simple.

A. It is a quick way to eliminate the nutjobs who are only after virtual attention (those who are simply addicted to their in-box with no intention of ever meeting anyone).

B. It is a quick way to verify that the 5 foot 6 120 lbs "athletic" runner you're talking to is actually a 5 foot 6 "athletic" runner and not a 50 pounds overweight "I thought you'd love me for who I am!" liar.

In both of those cases you're not wasting weeks worth of energy and emailing time on someone who isn't genuine. Thus, allowing the option to focus more on someone legit.

C. It is a quick way to weed out the overly cautious snails who are still aren't completely sold the "devil box" they use to surf the web isn't going to steal their soul. In other words if you're that freaking cautious and scared of new-fangled-ways of doing things and about meeting someone for a cup of coffee in a PUBLIC place in the middle of the day after a couple of email exchanges - please just get out of the world of Internet dating - you don't have the gumption for it.

D. The longer you wait to meet the less likely that meeting will ever happen.

E. Most people are on her to meet someone for a LTR, dating, hanging out - not to play email tag for six months while you work up the courage to leave your living room. Ok, six months might be a bit of a stretch, but you get the idea.

Oh and before someone pulls the "I want to really get to know the person before I meet!" - yeah serial killers would never lie to you through emails.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 219
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/22/2010 3:34:06 PM
Oh and before someone pulls the "I want to really get to know the person before I meet!" - yeah serial killers would never lie to you through emails.


I want to make some kind of emotional and intellectual connection before we meet.

I think that many women probably are very paranoid, but there are a lot of unstable people online that we're probably better off not being in the same room with. Not communicating much with anyone online they can hide their mental deficiencies much easier.

Serial killers are a very small percentage of the population and most of them male. Many are very intelligent and will avoid making a lot of contact with their target before they meet.



An offender selects a victim, regardless of the category, based upon availability, vulnerability, and desirability. Availability is explained as the lifestyle of the victim or circumstances in which the victim is involved, that allow the offender access to the victim. Vulnerability is defined as the degree to which the victim is susceptible to attack by the offender.
A manipulative person has much more leverage in person with more passive personality types. Sure in a public place they aren't going to do anything but they can follow you to your car or wait outside the entrance for a woman if they are angry that the meeting didn't go well.

Like I said, I'm not really paranoid and have met many times men from online. Some have gone very well, and some I was glad to be able to block and delete.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 220
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/22/2010 3:39:06 PM

I want to make some kind of emotional and intellectual connection before we meet.


So what about meeting someone while at a pub, a bookstore, through a friend? The chances you're likely to many significant "emotional or intellectual" connection there - while getting their information - is bogus. You can't tell me that you're going to build a connection from what your friends are telling you about "this guy you have to meet." Nor, are you going to build any significant real connection at a pub after three glasses of wine. Nor are you going to build any significant connection with the guy who JUST introduces himself to you at the bookstore - and then asks you to sit down and chat.

Let's use the bookstore example. You're at Barnes and Noble, minding your own business, browsing through books and a man walks up to and strikes up a conversation. He then asks if you'd like to join for a cup of coffee at the Starbucks IN the bookstore.

That's different? You don't know him from Adam - you don't know the guy online from Adam. You're having coffee in a public place - in plane view of an "audience." You meet the guy you met online at a public place in plane view of an audience. Really what's the difference?

People who insist on "taking their time" in getting to know you before meeting are just full of it, period. I'm not talking about their first email asking you to meet - but after a few? Come on. You're either just playing games are too scared for the world of online dating.
 Apollodorus
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 221
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 4:24:49 AM

I want to make some kind of emotional and intellectual connection before we meet


do you honestly believe that you can make an emotonal and an intellectual connection through words on a screen?. The answer is no you can't, you can't make any sort of connection til you meet face to face. all you can do with those messages is learn a bunch of facts about the person and nothing more. it tells you nothing about there intellect or personality, mannerisms.

As far as I am concerned If you are not willing to meet within a week you are just playing games and you are either not ready to date or internet dating sites are not for you.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 222
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 10:10:34 AM
Yes - Just Jay - Your are right - a little bit of mystery to uncover and talk about is nice. I don't think someone's life story is necessary but at least to get a feel for their personality and try to identify any deal breakers before meeting. Very often on the phone guys have leaked out that their ex has a restraining order on them, their divorce isn't final yet, etc.

Surpisingly enough it's the guys in online dating not being careful, letting the little head think for them, and ending up beaten, robbed, or killed, because they are jumping to meet a woman they know little about.

The following article is from a Michigan News site and of course I'm well aware of how the media loves to alarm people about the scary internet - lol. I would say that in all of these cases common sense wasn't present, but I've come across many men in online dating who lacked common sense.



Almost anyone with a working Internet connection knows the dangers and risks of meeting someone online. Still, it's hard to ignore the sparkling ads for sites like eHarmony.com, or the easy thrills of sites like Craigslist.

And we've heard the rules ad nauseum about navigating the tricky waters of online dating and meeting: Don't give out personal information. Have a friend on standby ready to come to the rescue. Don't get too serious. Don't say anything -- or respond to anything -- that could get you in trouble. And, as always, buyer beware.


But the murder of a Metro Detroit man is the latest in a string of online dating gone wrong. Is it easy to fall into a trap even when playing by the rules? Possibly. Here are seven online dating cases with varying circumstances, and varying degrees of tragedy.

1. In Southfield last weekend, 35-year-old West Bloomfield resident Venkata Cattamanchi arranged a date with 23-year-old Jessica Ermatinger of Canton, police say. After meeting at a restaurant, the pair traveled to a motel, where Cattamanchi was allegedly robbed and murdered by three men waiting there. Ermatinger and the three men were charged with murder and robbery.

2. In March, a Ferndale man was beaten and robbed by a man he met online and an accomplice. The two men are accused of tying him up, beating him with a hammer and a handgun, taking his ATM car and withdrawing money from his bank account. One of the men was dressed as a woman.

3. In December, a St. Clair Shores man set up a date with a woman he met through MySpace. While the pair were at dinner, the woman's accomplice cleaned out the man's apartment -- after she allegedly tipped him off via text message. They were charged with stealing $11,000 worth of the guy's stuff; she took a plea deal, he was sent to prison.

And outside of Metro Detroit...

4. In 2006, 28-year-old Michael Sandy of New York was killed after arranging a date through a gay chatroom. Sandy arranged to meet a man in a park, but instead was met with a group of men who robbed and beat him. While attempting to escape, Sandy was chased into traffic and hit by a car. Three men were sent to prison for his murder, while a fourth took a plea deal in exchange for testifying against them.

5. Also in New York, a New York woman who posted a Craigslist ad offering masseuse services was killed in a Boston hotel by a man who answered her ad. 28-year-old Julissa Brisman is thought to be the third victim of 24-year-old Philip Markoff, her alleged killer. Markoff is allegedly linked to the murders of two other women who posted ads on Craigslist. He is scheduled to go to trial next year.

6. Pretty much every episode of Chris Hansen's "To Catch a Predator."

(I don't know know why the media brought that up - we are not pretending to be 13 year olds in online dating)

7. In 2006, two teen girls in Florida set up a fake MySpace profile to lure men into robbing them. A 14-year-old and a 15-year-old girl met a man at an apartment who was "just lookin' for some fun," but robbed him at gunpoint. When police found them with another teen male accomplice, they retrieved two loaded handguns.

 If you have to ask
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 223
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 10:26:18 AM
- It's impossible to discern any intellectual or emotional connection via email or MSN, and it's not easy over the phone, either.
- People can lie online much easier than they can in person.
- No, I don't want to friend you on facebook if we haven't met face to face.
- I would never, in my life, suggest a first meet from a lady I met online that wasn't in a safe, busy, public place. If you can't handle meeting me there, good riddance, you've got no confidence in yourself.
- Don't bring friends along to first meets unless you hide that fact from me, or at least keep them at a different table, out of the conversation.
- If, when I ask you to meet, I get "I'd be open to it," "we will have to see," or "maybe in two weeks," I'm going to stop all contact immediately.

Yup, I want to see you in person sooner rather than later. When I had my profile "geared up" for dating, I specified that I'm not looking for pen pals or text message buddies. That way I don't get mail or replies to mail from the overly hesitant or dellusional.
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 224
view profile
History
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 10:49:59 AM
Yeah... online dating doesn't actually mean dating online. It means meeting people online and then dating.

I read through the first page and overwhelmingly the "meet as soon as possible" statements made so much more sense than the counterparts. The website facilitates meeting people. Chatting forever is great for a penpal, not great for someone you're looking for chemistry with. I'm guilty of this, but probably mostly because I'm lazy, and setting aside time to meet someone I may or may not want to run from just didn't set well with me because I have a busy schedule.

This is just another way to meet people, and meet you should, as soon as you can. Or it becomes a penpal site.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 225
Why is there a rush to meet people from online chat and e-mails?
Posted: 6/23/2010 2:56:18 PM

I want to make some kind of emotional and intellectual connection before we meet.

Used to be my theory till reality sank in: this and/or phones are NOT real. I too like to get a "feel" for someone, but I've had waaaaaaaaaaaaay too many one-and-done's to be naive enough to think I can know someone via electronic technology.

I think that many women probably are very paranoid, but there are a lot of unstable people online that we're probably better off not being in the same room with. Not communicating much with anyone online they can hide their mental deficiencies much easier.

You can meet someone at work, at the police station, at church, on the street, from friends/family and/or many other ways ~ only to find out later they are unstable to a significant degree. The same people in the offline world are the people online. To segregate between the two situations is, in my opinion, a very serious lapse in judgment.

~OT~ I'm ready to meet someone and see where things might go. When I'm contacted by or contact someone of interest, I'm ready to get on with it. In the past I wasted months and even a year once "getting to know" someone. It worked out well twice. Then? That method stopped working altogether. It was nothing but a string of emails, phone calls, texts and wasted time. I started meeting/dating and although I'm still single, I'm no longer wasting my time or someone else's prior to getting the physical attraction/chemistry check over and done with. Everyone sees it differently, the glory of personal preferences. JMO
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