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 PANDA423
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 74
Tattoo.. an issuePage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
You're way to young to understand this....definitely not ready to have a full blown relationship and kids with this man....think long and hard about dating/marrying someone with kids...if you've got a problem with him getting his son's name tattoed...what the heck are you going to do if the kids comes to live with you guys...I see bad times for the kids in this relationship and that's not fair, they don't ask for it. If you already associate the thought of the child with thoughts of the mother...you need to move on...this is what leads to child abuse (and not only physical). Grow up a bit and learn how not to be so selfish.
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 76
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 8:42:30 AM
The kid is his son, regardless of whether he sees him or has custody. He's always going to be his son.

While I'm not a fan of tattoos -- especially of a name -- a tattoo of your kid's name is tolerable to most people. At least it's not some ridiculous gang sign -- or Marilyn Monroe.

So, yeah, you're way overreacting.
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 9:47:41 AM
^^^ im with B.D.Jinx up there... *except* i happen to have a Small tattoo of my parents names on my rt ankle, and may may Not get one of my 2 Boys' names on the other ankle..back to the point... That is his child.... he can always have the option of Re-filing in Superior Court, if not to have joint custody, then to have visitation.. Anybody can petition/file for something...whether its granted is another issue..
anyway...you guys may/may not 'last' (sorry, a harsh reality of this human Life)...
and ...that is HIS Child He produced with someone else...i would never even breathe the thought to a Man 'not' to get a tatoo of his son/daughters' name. good luck to you...
 AnarchoCapitalist
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 78
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 9:48:35 AM
Wow...this is so typical of today's modern American woman. The OP seems totally oblivious to the fact that the guy loves his son, and is probably not all that excited about the fact the baby's momma got full custody. Her attitude implies that he should just forget about his own flesh and blood. Typical feminist narcissism...
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 79
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 10:36:50 AM
I wonder if the OP would have a different opinion if he was tattooing HER name on his ass ...
 Pirate Mollie
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 80
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 10:39:03 AM
i think tattos are like totally hot!
 AnarchoCapitalist
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 82
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 11:23:22 AM
Annie-

Read the post. She also said: " His ex won't let him see him"...now what does that tell you???HMMM???

Maybe he was coerced into signing over rights. You don't know. What you CAN TELL from the post is that he loves his kid enough to want to tattoo his name on on his flesh permanently, and the mother "WON'T LET HIM" SEE HIS OWN KID.

So go ahead- switch the debate around now. I'm sure now you'll say he doesn't deserve to see his own kid. Again...typical feminist double standard.


.think long and hard about dating/marrying someone with kids..


Right, now put that advice over in the "women with kids" thread and see how many women on here agree with you...another double standard.

 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 83
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 11:33:08 AM
Post 20 - per the OP's interpretation

Will add that he was 'forced' to sign away rights.
It was either pay child support (go to jail since he was broke) or sign away rights for his ex to marry someone else and have them adopt the kid.

He had an opportunity to pay his debt (via $$ or jail time). He chose, instead, to terminate his parental rights - saving himself the burden of paying child support.

I still think his tattoo should read "I'm with stupid"! haha!
 AnarchoCapitalist
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 84
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 11:41:04 AM
so the dude WAS forced to sign away his rights through threat of imprisonment. I wonder how Baby's momma would have responded if she was given the same option: "Pay more than you can afford each month, or go to jail" OR "Sign away rights legally in the desperate hope your ex will show a sign of humanity"

He made the mistake of thinking the latter, but he really never had a choice.

Guys, this is why you don't want to get married and have kids.
 AnarchoCapitalist
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 86
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 12:06:24 PM

It is very clear from your post just how much you hate women and it is no surprise that you are now and will forever more remain single.


Was that supposed to be an insult? Because considering the options being single is looking better every day.
 mayoroftempe
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 87
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 5:11:04 PM
upon reading the last page or two, i kinda forgot what the intial post was even about

everyone count to ten... breath!


now, lets get back to chucking more internet mud!
 TIGERMAN01
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 91
view profile
History
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 5:48:23 PM
I too was not able to raise my son and he is now 15. I don't have his name tattooed on me but I do have his sign on me. I believe that it is bad mojo to tattoo someones name, but thats just me, however I have no problem with something that symbolizes that person. I was born in the year of the tiger. Therefore I have the tiger symbol on my right shoulder. My mother was born in the year of the dragon. She is on my right forearm. My son was born in the year of the dog. He is on my left shoulder closest to my heart. We are both geminis, so I have twin flying tigers around my symbol and two wolves howling at the moon below his symbol. Make sure that his tattoo, that he will get no matter what you say, has a sentimental meaning. My son thinks that my tattoos of him are very sincere and he likes them.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 92
view profile
History
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 9:55:22 PM
I'd have to say that I would be more upset/worried about why he has a child that he can't see, doesn't support and gave up all rights too. That would be a big deal breaker for me to want to spend my life and have children with a man who has done this. Is he someone who takes the easy way out, is he a danger to his child, does he leave when things get tough???
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 94
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/15/2010 11:59:48 PM
Hello OP,
I understand the frustration you must be feeling, watching this guy struggle with his feelings over a child he's not allowed any contact with. I'm sensing some resentfulness, about this situation, which I also understand. It's never easy watching someone we care for being raked over the coals by another woman. It must be a pretty hostile situation between the two of them, to cause custody termination, etc. The thing you need to try to understand, is that no matter how much the ex wants to erase him from her own life, that child will always be his very own flesh and blood, and a part of him. If you're planning to spend your life with this man, then you're going to need to try to understand and have some compassion for how this whole thing feels from his perspective. Something's been stolen from him, something infinately valuable and irreplacable. He obviously wants to honor the hole in his heart and his ongoing desire for a connection to this child with a tattoo.


I wonder if he has other kids, will he tattoo their names on him as well? I feel as if he'll favor a kid he doesn't have over the kids that he may have when the future is stable.
This comment tells me that you resent what this child represents, which is the fact that he's connected to another through this child. You really expect him to just pretend this child doesn't exist, or doesn't mean anything to him, in order to quell your own insecurities? You think just because he's being denied the ability to be a part of this child's life at this point, he should just write him off, and only care for children the two of you might potentially have, down the road?

Personally, I think this is an extremely selfish way to offer your love to this man. When we truly love someone, the things that cause them pain, cause us pain as well. We want to help them alleviate that pain in whatever way is possible, not expect them to deny that pain to make us feel more secure. Do you have any idea how devastated he must be to have been ejected from this child's life? What happens if the ex were to realize a few years from now, how selfish it was of her to do that, and try to amend the situation? Will you have a problem with him being in contact with the child, accepting this child as part of your lives?

I know it would be more comfortable for you if you were his first, if he had never been with anyone else, if your (potential) children were his only ones... but that will never be the case with this man, that child was part of him before you were ever even in the picture, and if you can't find a way to accept that gracefully, you're doing a huge disservice to him, and his child, by being in his life.
 winteragain
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 95
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/16/2010 1:30:32 AM
if his son's name is**** by all means have it tattooed on his head. Seriously, it depends on the name and if he's comfortable having another dude's name tattooed on his body. Tattoos of your son's name is not common in American culture for a very good reason.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 97
view profile
History
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/18/2010 6:18:20 AM

Seriously do people read at all!? The man gave up his rights! He signed his rights away. This was not a case of the mother winning full custody this is a case of a man who decided he no longer wanted the responsibility of being a father and signed away his rights voluntarily! He ran away on his his child!

While AC's post was assinine because of his bitter narcissistic comment, your interpretation exhibits similar inabilities in the reading department. The OP noted that he DID sign away his parental rights, under duress, because he was pressured into it and didn't see another way out, regardless of whether there really was another way out given that he probably had zero legal counsel, etc. Baby mama comes from money and while it is not an "excuse," I have encountered several people over the last twenty years that found themselves young, without resources, and they did something that at the time, they felt they had no other choice but to do and have regretted that decision every day since.

My first husband found himself in a crazy situation and walked away from his daughter but while it might look heartless, irresponsible, etc. to others, he was 18, he was in legal difficulty, and his father and many others advised him that the fight was futile and he could wind up in jail. The only reason he actually did walk away, even though he did believe the advice he was given, was that he loved his daughter, she was in a good home, and the people caring for her said that he was disrupting her life and making her miserable because he had been her main carer and she cried for a substantial period of time every time he dropped her off.

This man was not a bad person, fuk up but not a bad person, he would have made an excellent father and I know he pursued contact with his daughter when she was older and he hoped she might be capable of understanding his stupidity. And given enough time and some more years, he realized that he had listened to the wrong people and made a horrendous choice. One he couldn't ever take back. If a tattoo had made that pain a little more bearable I would have been wholly behind that choice. A few years after we split he asked me to be the beneficiary of his will because he knew I would take care of his daughter.

A friend of mine wound up in a similar situation when he was very young as well. He paid his child support religiously but the mother of his children cut him out of their life and told the kids their dad was dead. The only way his mother was allowed to see the children was if she didn't contradict the facts mother had given. This is someone that is intelligent, etc. but the legal system is often an unfriendly place and he did what he felt at the time was best for the kids, to be out of the war zone. Some people do actually bow out because they think it is better for their kids, like years ago when divorce was fairly rare and a stepdad came into the picture and dad felt like he was better off leaving the kids in the happy home and because they feared it too confusing to the children having more than two adults involved, he sacrificed his relationship for what he perceived as the kids' happiness.

I hope for the OP's boyfriend's sake that the mother of this child recognizes, if the boyfriend does not revert to previous stupid behavior, that she has left a hole in her son's life that can be filled by dad because he is not still an asshat. But that will depend on whether she was acting in what she felt was the child's best interest or if her behavior was motivated by a vindictive heart.

I tend to believe that there is nothing that would allow me to walk away from my kids but I have not been a very young total screw up and boxed into a corner that might include jail time either. I am also not a guy and while it is politically incorrect, it seems that there are more men that find themselves in these types of situations and give up than women up against the male moneyed powerhouse that give up. Conversely, I went on a date a couple of years ago with a man who obviously had more money, etc. and had obtained full custody of the kids and then when he wanted to move the children hundreds of miles away, forced the ex to agree, by the way he talked, letting her know that if she didn't comply she wouldn't see the kids at all. Not one word about her being an unfit parent or that it bothered him to be put into a position that he felt he had no choice but to do what he did. People can make innocuous behavior look bad in court, and if one has no resources, how long can he/she fight when at some point the court system is going to tell the people involved that they want a permanent resolution?

I have lived with someone that is mentally ill, and it can knock you pretty far off from your rational center, you only hope that you didn't make oodles of mistakes in the meantime so while I'm not impressed with the boyfriend as depicted, I'm also not going to sit here and judge him for being young and stupid and probably at the time not even remotely realizing what he had done.
 TheFallenJester
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 100
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/18/2010 10:19:52 AM
I think getting names tattooed on you is ubsurd.

I would maybe compromise, have him tattoo a symbol that reminds him of his son on him. A memory, a favorite toy, etc... A sigil, a memorial.
Names are fleeting, but getting something that symbolizes his son will be much more meaningful to him and in the future.
Maybe work the name into it somehow if he wants it that bad, but not just the name itself.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 101
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/18/2010 10:48:47 AM
OP........I wouldn't have issues with an SO getting a tattoo, but I certainly would have an issue with a potential SO signing away his parental rights. I certainly wouldn't plan on staying with a guy like that or risking getting pregnant with another one of his children than he's just going to reject. If a man really wants his parental rights, the courts are more than happy to accomodate.......he's just to fecking lazy and cheap to fight for his kid. Dump his sorry azz!!
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 103
view profile
History
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/18/2010 10:54:52 AM
Yeah it's a message board where people are asked their opinions on topics....can't imagine how that turns into people posting their opinions
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 104
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/18/2010 11:54:43 AM
I don't think it's your place honestly. Tattoos are very personal. I happen to agree on not getting names (though there are some excecptions ; a child's name, someone close to a person who died..etc). It is very much his decision though.

A general suggestion that I follow myself and tell anyone who will listen (including my daugther..who actually did listen to this advice and still hasn't gotten her tattoo by age 22)...Once you have exactly the design you want and where you want it, let it gel in your head for at least a year. I've done this with all 4 of mine (and one much longer). Tattoos are permanent and shouldn't be done lightly. JMO.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 107
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/18/2010 12:08:41 PM

He doesn't have custody of his son, and he never will. His ex won't let him see him and he's signed over all parental rights. He may never talk to his son again until his son is a teenager, and at that point the kid may hate him.


This has really nothing to do with him getting a tattoo...If it was your name he was getting you'd be singing a different tune I'm sure.

sounds to me like you'd be embarrassed of people asking him about his son and want him to keep his dirt swept under the carpet.

stop being so selfish.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 108
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/18/2010 12:08:54 PM
It wouldn't matter to me if someone wanted to tattoo the name of their child somewhere on their body. It would matter to me that someone did not want to do the right thing by their child by being in their life ,and thought that kicking their kid to the curb was the better thing to do. I thank God every day that I had a dad who was there for me and would never of left me no matter what. We had very tough times but he never took off on us.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 110
view profile
History
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/18/2010 3:35:18 PM
I didn't know there were any rules about tattoos.
They all kinda look like ink on the body.
Definitely a personal decision to live with forever,
especially on the face!

And, oh, saw a girl without tattoos the other day.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 114
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/20/2010 6:09:54 AM
Its his kids name. I think its wonderful.
I have my kids names tatto0od on me, as do a number of parents i know. I know more parents who have tats of their kids names than parents who do not.
Yes, you are being a lunatic. It is his body, his choice.
If you truly care about him, why even think of this as an issue?
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 115
Tattoo.. an issue
Posted: 1/20/2010 6:34:50 AM

...and for his LOVE of his son he gave over the rights to a better parent.

You obviously didn't read the part about him being BROKE and not paying child support. He was faced with going to jail for NON PAYMENT of child support, so he signed over his parental rights to avoid going to JAIL and avoid future financial responsibilities as well.

Love had NOTHING to do with it.
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