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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Is being seperated with scare men away?      Home login  
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 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 26
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Is being seperated with scare men away?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
"I don't think separated people don't get it. YOU ARE STILL MARRIED. You are not available, some people in life have some kind of moral code along with self preservation."

Rule of law. In my state and the other states I know about. Once legally separated both parties are free to date, by law. Some people invent a moral code, that has nothing to do with the law and that is fine if they wish to live by that, but it does not apply to the rest of us. As to the self preservation issue, if you are saying the other separated party might commit a crime it is possible. This is also possible from old boyfriends, girlfriend with people who have never been married; it is additionally possible from ex husband or wife's from people who are fully completed with the divorce; it is also possible some one that never even dated a person but secretly wanted to could brake the laws and do something crazy. Why I have my concealed weapons permit lol. To deal with people that think it is okay to take the law into their own hands or to completely ignore the law. Because here the law is clear, legally separated people are cool to date if they wish to. Ether you support the rules of law or you don't.
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 27
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/20/2010 7:48:17 AM
freetime2bme

that's it!

there can be a million reasons why people are seperated instead of divorced or married..

in my case, my ex was the one throwing me out without any dialogue, and now almost a year later, my head is finally not in the dark place it was, Im ready to take action.
The funny thing is, my ex doesn't answer my phone calls or emails...
I have no idea if she took steps toward a divorce... as she is the one who wasn't interessted in maintaining or nurishing MY(that's what it felt like, that I was married not she, appearently the rules never applied to her) marriage.

I am going to get a divorce kit at coles bookstore and get the wheels rolling.
Again I'm the one in this situation having to sweep up.
 singledad206
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 28
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/20/2010 9:57:18 AM
If you are only seperated you are still married.

As Christ following man that is a NO... NO...
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 29
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/20/2010 3:35:26 PM
Still playing the devils advocate here..Sometimes I really like the role..lol.

Many folks believe that even though the law says your ok to date when there is a seperation agreement It still isnt quite kosher to do so.

I am not up on the common law marriage deal other than it is no longer used here (it changes every few years) but when it was intact you did need to fill for divorce or dissalusion (sp).

Moral code aside.. many folks who I have spoken with on the subject feel you have unfinished business ( basically the "paperwork") and see this as a red flag or turn off. There reasoning behind this is that you are unavailable to become long term ( and many still view long term as the ultimate goal) material because you haven't finished the ending of the previous relationship. A few even see it as a sign that since you havent followed through with this that perhaps you dont follow through on other things as well. If you cant finish one aspect of your life then your odds of starting something with them is slim to none because in their eyes you've shown them that you leave important things half finished.

The "I will get around to it when I really need to " line of thinking pretty much puts prospective or potential partners in the frame of mind of "You do that, and have a nice day. Oh and good luck with your search".
 beatriceismydog
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 30
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/20/2010 6:24:41 PM
Self preservation is that people who are still married are emotionally screwed up, the wound is still there. The moral code is if you are dating someone separated you are helping someone commit adultery (this is my religious view, I don't ask the state if it is ok). I've dated friggin guys who are divorced and 40ish and they want someone woman to pay and they want it to be me. No thank you, go after the female that did the damage.
 MissRuby67
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 31
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:01:57 AM
Hey Pop,
Thanks for sharing your response to forumphantom....
I too looked at Mesha's profile, looks great! girl next door.
It takes a lot of courage to continue creating ones future after a divorce, seperation or death.
It also takes an idiot to be a sanctimonious advisor.

Mesha,
Don't give up just keep looking, when it's right it will happen, you seem like a really nice person.

Forumphantom,
Get a real job and stop preying on other people's pain. FYI her profile labels her a psychic.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 32
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Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:33:01 AM
"Self preservation is that people who are still married are emotionally screwed up, the wound is still there."
This might be true for some, but I can assure you it is not true for all. I find it is a sign of emotional stability to be ready to move on and start dating. The most emotionally screwed up people I know for are people that close them self's away from the world. Some rarly or never date or never get married. Being willing to get tout there and date takes some courage and shows the healing is completed or at least started.

"dating someone separated you are helping someone commit adultery (this is my religious view, I don't ask the state if it is ok). "

Your free to have you own religious views on things, but other do not have to agree with them. I don't. Also lots of people are married by the state not the church, so the state saying you are free to live as if you are not married after being legally separated is all that is needed for many to meet their religious requirements also. The marriage contract is via the state lot of the time.

"I've dated friggin guys who are divorced and 40ish and they want someone woman to pay and they want it to be me." Tell me more I love hearing about peoples issues.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 33
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/21/2010 10:01:24 AM
Kids or no Kids. I'll pass on "Seperated" everytime. I've learned my lesson on that one.

There's still custody and child support to be resolved and not to mention any potential drama if it's a nasty divorce. When I start to see someone I expect all past issues with the previous relationship to be resolved (financially, legally, emotionally) before I enter the picture. Thats what I have to offer and thats what I expect in return.
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 34
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:56:29 PM
"Well thank you notdesper8atall. IMO, the first intelligent , non-biased, non-stereotyped , logistical reason. I'm impressed."

Thank-you..See playing the devils advocate can be fun once your really into the role..lol.

Congrats on taking the final step..And to the next chapter of your life.

"And you thought I was just a stubborn mule incapable of being openminded to another point of view "

Not at all. If such were in my line of thinking, I would have stopped awhile back. No sense in beating a dead horse or mule as the case may be.
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 35
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/21/2010 3:34:19 PM
^^^^^^ But he might have the paperwork done by Monday...Perhaps BSK can help you celebrate your situation over a drink? Have your people get ahold of each other and do some scheduling.
 hockeynuts
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 36
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/22/2010 8:18:07 PM
Some of the responses on here are amazing. There can be reasons people have not gotten divorced yet. I can understand peoples religious viwes but even they can be narrow minded.

My situation may be different than most. My ex and I separated in March of 09. Divorce papers have not been filed yet. Mainly because of the cost and we are in the process of trying to send our 13 year old son to Australia this summer for school. We both realize that is much more important than getting the divorce at this point. Now to anyone who thinks we are holding on to the past or hoping to get back together can put those thoughts to rest. She has been living with and dating another woman for the last 6 months or so. The thing that I have been proud of the most is the fact that we have kept things civil to this point. That is part of what being an adult is to me. Now with tax money and such coming in we will be looking to get a divorce.

So I think that every situation is different. Yes there are times when people separate and really are not ready to move on. And there are other times when both parties are ready to move on with their lives but circumstances can prevent them from getting a divorce right away.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 37
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/24/2010 11:20:04 AM
" I am not looking to jump into a serious relationship right away just dating is good for me."

Herein lies your problem. You're probably contacting men who are probably looking for a serious relationship with someone eventually. "Just dating" may be fine for you but it may not be for them. You may be better of contacting other seperated men or nes who are just looking to casually date. You can't really expect a guy to take you out several times on his dime if things arent going to go anywhere (and no I'm not referring to sex).
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 38
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/24/2010 12:05:22 PM
separated is still married.

too much potential drama and unresolved differences to be worth the effort to pursue an LTR with a separated woman.

thats my 2 cents.
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 39
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/24/2010 3:03:57 PM
"^^^^^heres 4 cents... im refunding yours and adding my own 2...."


While much of your post makes sense and makes good points,the discounting of others opinions for the sake of your own shows a bit of negativity on your own part. Perhaps you should spend a Saturday night at home to examine the aspects of your own personality, before you discount what others have to say on the subject.
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 40
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/25/2010 3:05:35 PM
^^^^ Fair enough. As for you final statement..Many folks go their whole life and not realize what you do about yourself, let alone do anything about it. So kudos to you. Moving on in life isnt so much about the baggae you are left to carry but, moreover how you carry it that says the most about you.

 ThatsNOTmybaby
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 41
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/25/2010 9:56:17 PM
It wouldn't scare me BUT I know it is a definite RED FLAG to get involved with a MARRIED woman (seperated or not) Some guys don't care cuz as long as they can get a "piece" of that "seperated" azz!! I think ur legs will be the only thing they MAY want to SEPERATE!!

P.S. Are u "seperated" with any inkling to get back with ur "ex"??
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 42
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/27/2010 1:51:54 PM
god f*cking damn!

what a f*cking load of crap this thread is!

I just can't stand the people shouting
"seperated=still married"

kind of reminds me of those kids shouting "I can't hear you", with fingers in the ears..


bigotrous, maybe even jelous people..? idk...

seperated means not involved!done! basta! finito!

what really surprizes me is people actually consider someone in seperated status, someone not to be serious invoulved with!! that's hilarious!
rest assured, 98% of the people I watched on here, and went for coffee with...
are as flakey and trustworthy as a crack head!

I've never encountered so much animosity toward people as here in North America (f*ck yeah)
land of the narrowminded, home of the one dimensional





 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 43
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/27/2010 3:31:06 PM
"seperated means not involved!done! basta! finito!"

Actually and more truthfully "Divorced" means that in the legal sense.

As I mentioned in a previous post with all other aspects ( religous , moral, etc) aside... What seperated says to many folks is that you don't finish things all the way before you start other projects. While this may be okay in some aspects of life it really isn't the way to go with relationships. So if I am to be narrowminded for wanting someone to have actually finished one relationship before they begin another I will gladly wear the title.

As for the screaming..So far I would have to say your right there with rest of them. Your just on the other side of the same fence.
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 44
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/27/2010 3:55:20 PM
"Its almost a shame, I liked having my separated status as an idiot filter! LOL . "

Hopefully you will still have that ability to filter no matter what your status is.
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 45
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/27/2010 4:02:46 PM
"Its almost a shame, I liked having my separated status as an idiot filter! LOL "

that makes sense...

I also see now I may have to change my name.. if you short it as "VAG"...
dunno bout that one..

lol
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 46
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/28/2010 9:55:33 AM
I dunno I was thinking more along the likes of Ian Flemming..


The names Bond........Vagabond.

It isnt as short but hey I struck me as kinda funny. Good luck to all
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 47
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/28/2010 10:24:31 AM
LOL!

yeah the ian fleming flavor is good...
as long as it's pre- mr moore... lol

so yeah vag sounds a bit to much like female bits...

to topic.. I guess I do understand why people get scared off by the status...
I still think it shouldn't be that big of a deal... in my case...
 legal_e-gal
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 48
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/30/2010 1:32:07 PM
unless there is a whole lot of fighting going on, a non-contested divorce shouldn't cost $1300. Go to you local courthouse, they can tell you how to file for yourself. If its non-contested, all assets have been settled, and you don't want to risk screwing up the paper work and doing it yourself, you should be able to find a lawyer to do it for $400-$500.
 hockeynuts
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 49
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/3/2010 12:27:24 PM

unless there is a whole lot of fighting going on, a non-contested divorce shouldn't cost $1300. Go to you local courthouse, they can tell you how to file for yourself. If its non-contested, all assets have been settled, and you don't want to risk screwing up the paper work and doing it yourself, you should be able to find a lawyer to do it for $400-$500.


Depending on what state you are in they will want proof that you have been separated for a specific period before they might grant a non-contested divorce.
 catzeyez
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 50
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:57:53 AM
Some people seem to be overlooking something in this single/separated/married issue.

I have been separated from my (ex)husband for over two years. I have no intention of getting back together with him. It is over.

The fact that I am separated has nothing to do with my ability to find and engage in a truly fulfilling relationship with another man. If at some point I was willing to remarried, yes I would need a divorce. (I am actually now in the process-by choice)

Separation and divorce is a matter of legal opinion, not the state of someones ability to engage in a meaningful relationship. Just as many divorced people have ties to their exes,or drama that can ruin a relationship as those in a separation.

In this day and age many couples choose to co-habitate rather than marry. If things in that relationship end they would list single as their marital status. They may only be days or months out of the relationship, how is one to know? Should they too be listing as separated and for how long since they can't file for divorce?
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