Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Is being seperated with scare men away?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 35
Is being seperated with scare men away?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
^^^^^^ But he might have the paperwork done by Monday...Perhaps BSK can help you celebrate your situation over a drink? Have your people get ahold of each other and do some scheduling.
 hockeynuts
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 36
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/22/2010 8:18:07 PM
Some of the responses on here are amazing. There can be reasons people have not gotten divorced yet. I can understand peoples religious viwes but even they can be narrow minded.

My situation may be different than most. My ex and I separated in March of 09. Divorce papers have not been filed yet. Mainly because of the cost and we are in the process of trying to send our 13 year old son to Australia this summer for school. We both realize that is much more important than getting the divorce at this point. Now to anyone who thinks we are holding on to the past or hoping to get back together can put those thoughts to rest. She has been living with and dating another woman for the last 6 months or so. The thing that I have been proud of the most is the fact that we have kept things civil to this point. That is part of what being an adult is to me. Now with tax money and such coming in we will be looking to get a divorce.

So I think that every situation is different. Yes there are times when people separate and really are not ready to move on. And there are other times when both parties are ready to move on with their lives but circumstances can prevent them from getting a divorce right away.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 37
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/24/2010 11:20:04 AM
" I am not looking to jump into a serious relationship right away just dating is good for me."

Herein lies your problem. You're probably contacting men who are probably looking for a serious relationship with someone eventually. "Just dating" may be fine for you but it may not be for them. You may be better of contacting other seperated men or nes who are just looking to casually date. You can't really expect a guy to take you out several times on his dime if things arent going to go anywhere (and no I'm not referring to sex).
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 38
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/24/2010 12:05:22 PM
separated is still married.

too much potential drama and unresolved differences to be worth the effort to pursue an LTR with a separated woman.

thats my 2 cents.
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 39
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/24/2010 3:03:57 PM
"^^^^^heres 4 cents... im refunding yours and adding my own 2...."


While much of your post makes sense and makes good points,the discounting of others opinions for the sake of your own shows a bit of negativity on your own part. Perhaps you should spend a Saturday night at home to examine the aspects of your own personality, before you discount what others have to say on the subject.
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 40
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/25/2010 3:05:35 PM
^^^^ Fair enough. As for you final statement..Many folks go their whole life and not realize what you do about yourself, let alone do anything about it. So kudos to you. Moving on in life isnt so much about the baggae you are left to carry but, moreover how you carry it that says the most about you.

 ThatsNOTmybaby
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 41
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/25/2010 9:56:17 PM
It wouldn't scare me BUT I know it is a definite RED FLAG to get involved with a MARRIED woman (seperated or not) Some guys don't care cuz as long as they can get a "piece" of that "seperated" azz!! I think ur legs will be the only thing they MAY want to SEPERATE!!

P.S. Are u "seperated" with any inkling to get back with ur "ex"??
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 42
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/27/2010 1:51:54 PM
god f*cking damn!

what a f*cking load of crap this thread is!

I just can't stand the people shouting
"seperated=still married"

kind of reminds me of those kids shouting "I can't hear you", with fingers in the ears..


bigotrous, maybe even jelous people..? idk...

seperated means not involved!done! basta! finito!

what really surprizes me is people actually consider someone in seperated status, someone not to be serious invoulved with!! that's hilarious!
rest assured, 98% of the people I watched on here, and went for coffee with...
are as flakey and trustworthy as a crack head!

I've never encountered so much animosity toward people as here in North America (f*ck yeah)
land of the narrowminded, home of the one dimensional





 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 43
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/27/2010 3:31:06 PM
"seperated means not involved!done! basta! finito!"

Actually and more truthfully "Divorced" means that in the legal sense.

As I mentioned in a previous post with all other aspects ( religous , moral, etc) aside... What seperated says to many folks is that you don't finish things all the way before you start other projects. While this may be okay in some aspects of life it really isn't the way to go with relationships. So if I am to be narrowminded for wanting someone to have actually finished one relationship before they begin another I will gladly wear the title.

As for the screaming..So far I would have to say your right there with rest of them. Your just on the other side of the same fence.
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 44
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/27/2010 3:55:20 PM
"Its almost a shame, I liked having my separated status as an idiot filter! LOL . "

Hopefully you will still have that ability to filter no matter what your status is.
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 45
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/27/2010 4:02:46 PM
"Its almost a shame, I liked having my separated status as an idiot filter! LOL "

that makes sense...

I also see now I may have to change my name.. if you short it as "VAG"...
dunno bout that one..

lol
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 46
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/28/2010 9:55:33 AM
I dunno I was thinking more along the likes of Ian Flemming..


The names Bond........Vagabond.

It isnt as short but hey I struck me as kinda funny. Good luck to all
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 47
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/28/2010 10:24:31 AM
LOL!

yeah the ian fleming flavor is good...
as long as it's pre- mr moore... lol

so yeah vag sounds a bit to much like female bits...

to topic.. I guess I do understand why people get scared off by the status...
I still think it shouldn't be that big of a deal... in my case...
 legal_e-gal
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 48
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 1/30/2010 1:32:07 PM
unless there is a whole lot of fighting going on, a non-contested divorce shouldn't cost $1300. Go to you local courthouse, they can tell you how to file for yourself. If its non-contested, all assets have been settled, and you don't want to risk screwing up the paper work and doing it yourself, you should be able to find a lawyer to do it for $400-$500.
 hockeynuts
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 49
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/3/2010 12:27:24 PM

unless there is a whole lot of fighting going on, a non-contested divorce shouldn't cost $1300. Go to you local courthouse, they can tell you how to file for yourself. If its non-contested, all assets have been settled, and you don't want to risk screwing up the paper work and doing it yourself, you should be able to find a lawyer to do it for $400-$500.


Depending on what state you are in they will want proof that you have been separated for a specific period before they might grant a non-contested divorce.
 catzeyez
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 50
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/6/2010 10:57:53 AM
Some people seem to be overlooking something in this single/separated/married issue.

I have been separated from my (ex)husband for over two years. I have no intention of getting back together with him. It is over.

The fact that I am separated has nothing to do with my ability to find and engage in a truly fulfilling relationship with another man. If at some point I was willing to remarried, yes I would need a divorce. (I am actually now in the process-by choice)

Separation and divorce is a matter of legal opinion, not the state of someones ability to engage in a meaningful relationship. Just as many divorced people have ties to their exes,or drama that can ruin a relationship as those in a separation.

In this day and age many couples choose to co-habitate rather than marry. If things in that relationship end they would list single as their marital status. They may only be days or months out of the relationship, how is one to know? Should they too be listing as separated and for how long since they can't file for divorce?
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 51
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/7/2010 8:45:35 PM
"Separation and divorce is a matter of legal opinion, not the state of someones ability to engage in a meaningful relationship. Just as many divorced people have ties to their exes,or drama that can ruin a relationship as those in a separation."

True, the two are of legal opinion. Seperated is almost finished. While Divorced has settled all legal issues pertaining to the relationship, in other words the fat lady has sung. It shows any perspective individual you have actually taken "all" the steps to finish the relationship ( in other words you finish things before you start others). The second part of your arguement holds in both situations but that wasn't the issue at hand. Your observation in that respect is a whole other topic.
 purplespidersplash
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 52
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/8/2010 11:53:08 AM
I would seem to me..that as separation can last more than a year..in some cases..one can move on with ones life...

I am dating..i am separated..and i have kids..HOWEVER..here is the kicker..i have grown children...

And from viewing other profiles with men who have small children..i run also..depending on what period you are in your life..at this time...i will state..from my own point of view..i am quite done with kids! The last thing i need to to be tied down with other peoples children and try to make a relationship work..just TOO much going on..

Now that being said..there are some wonderful men out there who are dying to enjoy small children and the companionship...all in all..it is just a look and wait and be patient...the right person will come along..lord knows there are enough fish around here to let you find a man who can accept all of you!

Good luck and dont give up!

Cheers!

Spida
 purplespidersplash
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 53
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/8/2010 11:58:13 AM
and i just wanted to add..you guys are harsh! Get divorced get a job and basically you want her to crawl into a hole and wait for the dust to settle on her????? Wow..harshness..indeed...now we understand how judgemental people truly are...there are personal opinions and then the almighty arm of the law looms over your head...oh..bad bad person..you are separated...you are tainted..lmao!

The human mind is a scary place to travel! lol
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 54
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/8/2010 3:53:12 PM

Your not ready to date until you get your own affairs in order. It's like a guy who didn't finish high school living in his parents house who doesn't have a car. Is he ready to date or does he need to get his life in order. You are not available.


alright.. this is pretty narrowminded..
not everybody is the same you know...
not everybody molds their exsistence to the doctrine forced on citizens to "be all you can be"
who the F cares what someone does for a living, what schooling he or she had.. or where he or she lives...
all that doesn't make a person...
ofcourse people can argue that an un-ambitious slob has no spine, therefor it says something about him or her...
that's the same as saying, he or she has children and therefor not available, because the ex will always be in the picture, or whatever excuse you want to put on it..

what Im trying to say is, love isn't negotiable...
when I was young for instance, I worked as a garbage man at the time I had a girl who studied art history.. worlds apart...
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 55
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/8/2010 4:16:14 PM
"when I was young for instance, I worked as a garbage man at the time I had a girl who studied art history.. worlds apart..."

Not so far apart as you might think.. Alot of art can be considered trash and alot of trash can be considered art.
 wildmntnhoney
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 56
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/9/2010 5:49:02 PM
You know, that's really mean.
You obviously were never married to a bad person who refuses to get divorced. You can't just decide one day to do it, and go from there.
I have been separated for a year and a half... in fact I was cheated on and left.
My ex refuses to sign separation papers or divorce papers, and I do not have $4000-$5000 for a retainer for a lawyer.
If one person wants to be an ass, 2 people can stay married for FIVE YEARS before anything can happen. Did you know that?
If people don't want to date me because I'm not divorced, whatever.
But having one woman having judgements against another woman for wanting to have some fun while in a difficult process is just mean.
Life moves on, even if the assinine ex refuses to believe it and sign some papers.
Jess
 Mxchic
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 57
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/9/2010 6:27:10 PM
The problem with people who are seperated is that they are still MARRIED!!!

Nobody wants to get involved in your broken marriage unless it's just for sex. Trust me, you're a bad bet for a man who is seeking more than a FB. Get divorced, raise them girls (girls are a risk for a man to be around too...) and then you can think about boys. If I was a man I wouldn't touch a woman with daughters and a husband!

think about it!
 Vagabond1975
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 58
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/10/2010 1:41:35 PM

If I was a man I wouldn't touch a woman with daughters and a husband


ignorance seems to be key in this thread..

seperated=married.. now this statement.. utter narrowminded BS..

she doesn't have a husband! that's why theyre seperated!!!!!
a spouse isn't just what the church or justice of the peace etc. defines it.. being a spouse has nothing to do with a signature or repeating words to eachother infront of family...
being a spouse means being able to love and support your SO...
and if that isn't the case, if it's totally ruined, if there's no room for reconciliation.. if every road taken has a dead end... he or she doesn't have a spouse...
it's dead weight..

I hope that all the people sayin seperated=married will find themselves in a hopeless situation where they cant do anything about, and being blamed for it..

f*ckers
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 59
Is being seperated with scare men away?
Posted: 2/10/2010 2:46:39 PM
Cold hard facts I dont weant and will not be around any one that is separted and going thur a divorce, divorces can and are nasty most of the time, and I dont really want to see what kind of a bit$h you can be. How would you feel about your new BF if he was being draged thur a divorce and was taking right along with him.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Is being seperated with scare men away?