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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'as      Home login  
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 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 26
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 27
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 11:05:16 AM
Yea, he obviously picked up on the fact that she's a lunachick just waiting to go off on someone -- so he couldn't exit gracefully fast enough and get home to start searching for his next potential date.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 28
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 12:36:27 PM
For women- do you feel a self-respecting woman would go out again with a guy was on line the same time night WITHOUT messaging you ?


As a SELF-RESPECTING woman I will go out again and again with a man who was on line at the same time with me and not messaging me, IF he calls me on the phone and talk with me and invite me for an outing ~~~~ And As long as I don't OPEN my legs to him-----( That is my self respect) , until we know for sure that we are meant for each other, and that takes time.

Perhaps he was busy on cyber sex site or checking his emails on POF or playing on line games ect.ect..and I am busy on POF Forum or* whatever.* on line..




 onefishwilldo
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 29
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 3:08:51 PM
I think you are over reacting just a bit. It was just a date, a first meeting, and until he make a decision to date you is when he shouldn't be "fishing" anymore. I do the same until he tells me that he wants to date me and just me. However, if I don't get a message/email/ text from him within three days...I block him and won't answer in any way. I won't waste my time and send him an email because it's obvious that he's not interested.

So drop him and move on. You'll find someone better, you deserve so much better.
 GlindaTheGoodWitch
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 30
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 3:25:55 PM
This is something I've been thinking about quite a bit lately. Expectations.

We expect people to behave as we would. They don't. If we could just get to know these people without expecting certain things, would we not all be better off? Get to know the person they are? Expect them to get to know us the way WE are?

For the record, in my eyes he did nothing wrong. I'm sure had I had a good date and then come home and saw him on line appearing to talk to other women, I would have my feelings hurt, but that would be MY hurt feelings. My insecurity. Not that he did anything wrong.

You didn't give him time to get in touch with you again or not. Either would have been his prerogative. And it will be your choice whether or not to see him again if he does contact you again.

I do think you expected too much, and by confronting him about it you do appear too expectant and controlling.

My opinion.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 31
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 3:43:55 PM
For men - do you have some explanation for this random behavior that can possibly make a self-respecting woman think it's okay to date a man who is surfing POF WITHOUT messaging her?

I don't have an explanation, but you pretty much nailed it in your first post, he wasn't that in to you, but I can see the confusion since he didn't just tell you that.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 32
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 6:10:38 PM
Good Lord.......no wonder men have such low opinions of women!!

.........do I smell rabbit stew cooking?!
 jen31465
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 33
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 6:49:57 PM
Gotta admit, it does sting a bit to see your potential boyfriend online, cannot lie. However, I usually send a nice "Thanks, it was great to meet you". You will know pretty quick if they are interested.
Generally, if a man is interested, he will be right on top of contacting you, in fact, often they will ask you for a dinner date that same day!!!!
I have never met a man who was interested who didn't contact me right away. Except maybe to come over and "watch videos" at some random point in the future....
Better off to wait for the man who thinks you are super deluxe. As no doubt you are...
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 34
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 6:57:21 PM
OP, you grossly overreacted.

The guy wasn't disrespecting your or being rude by not sending you a message ASAP. In fact, what kept YOU from sending him a message telling him that YOU enjoyed the coffee date and were looking forward to seeing him again?

Your reaction to his "silence" sounds as if you were the rude one. I do not blame him for saying that you expected too much--if you get upset over a small thing such as this, how would you react to other imagined slights?

After one coffee date, he wasn't THAT into you, and that is where you expected too much. Saying he would like to see you again isn't the promise of a relationship: it's the promise of having coffee again!

How do you know he was messaging women? Just because he was online didn't mean that he was chatting with others--maybe he was checking his email. Maybe he was deleting his profile because he just met you (well, maybe not).

You overreacted and you probably didn't have to worry about not seeing him again because he most likely had decided against seeing you.
 durandal26
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 35
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 7:03:12 PM

It is sooooo a respect thing. You met, you spent time with each other...it would be like bumping into him on the street and him not saying hello.
I'd get a bit "fukk you too", and wouldn't bother with him again.
Actually, i remember one date i went on from here. Nice guy, lots of fun, we got on great. We both get home, i see him online...nothing.
Then, the next day, he expects me to come see him.
Seeing what would happen, i agree. We make a plan for the following day. I go offline to eat, do some stuff, then come back online. He's on...and nada. Not a word all that evening, either. Not a word the next day...
It's just another variation of "sparing the chic's feelings".


I like how there are some women who actually agree with and support the OP.

Please explain why, after going on a date with someone, you are expected to email them saying how much you enjoyed the date.

Please also explain why, if this is expected, you (the OP and the woman I quoted above) did not send the other person an email saying how much you enjoyed the date.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 36
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 7:19:58 PM
Dont forget, he may have been adhering to the 3 day rule, and didn't wan to seem too needy...
 meeshcake
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 37
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 7:28:13 PM

LOL, i noticed that you even got frustrated when the forum posters didn’t respond quickly enough to your original post. pretty darn funny.


Cowgirl, great point. It was quite telling.
A tad impatient are you OP? You're a lovely girl, just need to take the expectations down a notch - he did not disrespect you in any way.

Anyway, as almost everyone here has said, I agree you overracted. I'll spare you the redundancy of repeating why.
 durandal26
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 38
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 10:50:45 PM

A good mannered Reputable man would have taken it upon himself to set up another date, if he was interested, it's common sense, it's chivalry.


Does a good-mannered reputable man set up a date on the same night that the first date ended?

If the man waots to make a date the day after, or even two days after, does that make him not a good man?
 conscious love
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 39
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 10:54:35 PM
I just want to say that I understand what everyone is saying and I'm really thankful (though very humbled by all the name-calling) for your responses. I will disagree that I give women a bad wrap, but there is no need to argue about that. Some people on here are just really good at the 'dating game' and I'm not.

I may be idealistic and a tad too much of a dreamer, but I really feel that if he REALLY was interested, he would have messaged me - 3 day rule or not. I just know that when a guy is truly interested, he doesn't need to play by some rule books. There are so many guys on here that just want casual NSA sex, it's hard to negotiate the perameters of what is respectable behavior and what is not. I wouldn't have felt good about going out with him again, in any case.

Feel free to keep responding to this post, but I'm not going to read them, because it makes me feel like shit.
 durandal26
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 40
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 11:02:54 PM


I may be idealistic and a tad too much of a dreamer, but I really feel that if he REALLY was interested, he would have messaged me - 3 day rule or not.


So if a guy is interested, he must message, call, or contact you as soon as he gets home from the date that you just went on with him?

Are you really this deluded?


I wouldn't have felt good about going out with him again, in any case.


According to you, the date itself was very good. So, you would not have gone out with him solely because he did not contact you immediately after getting home from the date he just went on with you.

You should seek help from friends or siblings because you have serious issues when it comes to dating.


Feel free to keep responding to this post, but I'm not going to read them, because it makes me feel like shit.


It is good that you feel bad. That is the first step to recognizing you have a serious problem.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 41
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:21:31 AM

Does a good-mannered Reputable man set up a date on the same night that the first date ended?


Not really ,in my experienced, they would say they have a nice time with me and we'll met again soon. If a man ask me to call him after I get home ,I'll call him and thank him again that I have a nice time with him and the second date is on me,I guess those men wants to know that I arrived home safely. It doesn't bother me if there is a second date or not for I don't really relay on what they said, as I stated in my profile ~ If we meet it is a beautiful encounter and if we did not met again it is still a beautiful encounter.

If a man did not pursue a second date with me ,I would still think that he is reputable because he was courteous and respectful to me during that date.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 42
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:42:30 AM

funny also how all these people critisizing the op are single


I hate to point out the obvious, but this is a DATING site. Except for the married people seeking an affair, the vast majority of us are SINGLE.

And so is the OP and so are you.


A good mannered Reputable man would have taken it upon himself to set up another date, if he was interested, it's common sense, it's chivalry.


Let's take some things into consideration here: it was literally HOURS after the first date that she saw him online. Even if he were going to set up a date, there are many reasons why he didn't do it when the date was ending, and even if he were going to set one up later, that's not going to happen.

Beyond that, as always, we have only the OP's take on the matter. Maybe he liked her but maybe there wasn't the connection that she felt. Maybe she overestimated his interest. Although she says he said he wanted to see her again, maybe there was a casual suggestion to see each other at some indefinite time.

Regardless, she overreacted. She is not some starry eyed teenager: she is an adult with some years under her belt. If she is this demanding after a casual coffee date, I can only imagine other scenarios.

I could even understand her frustration if days had gone by and she hadn't heard from him, but hours? Tick-tock.
 jen31465
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 43
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:37:18 PM
Yeah, maybe too much expectation, but for sure a girl wants to feel special. And I'm sure the OP didn't feel special to see the guy online for over an hour after he said he was interested in another date. She was excited at the prospect of the attraction between them and he deflated that excitement.
From the many experiences I have had, if a man is interested it is unmistakable!!!!
I think the OP is correct in believing he wasn't all that interested.
I would not have, however, emailed him to criticize him, that was out of line and a bit over the top.
I just wish that guys wouldn't say they are interested in another date only to never hear from them again. That's lame. It happens a lot.
 MsYesterday
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 44
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/20/2010 6:14:23 AM
Simply put-men lie just to avoid an argument with a woman.
Men need TIME to think about their new found date.If you demand his time or"respect"ASAP, they think that you are desperate and they do one or the other-sleep with you soon as possible or run away .
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 45
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/20/2010 11:21:38 AM
pressuring him after meeting once is not the best way to build anything stable imo... it could well appear as desperation/controlling behaviour, neither of which is attractive

I think the more appropriate thing to do was to either write a quick message to him, to say hi, if that's what you wanted (- you were online without contacting him too, except to berate him) or to leave him be and allow him to take whichever step next he wanted to... then respond according to whatever that was
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 46
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/20/2010 2:13:48 PM
I see it like this. I sent you the initial message. I asked you to meet for an actual date. I took you out. I asked to see you again. That's four steps Ive taken to show that Im interested in you. Now if you haven't verbally expressed to me that you're interested in me and want to pursue something with me by then...I'm setting up dates with other women. I'll still follow up with you but my attention goes to the woman who is the most interested in me and have no problem letting me know.

And another things...after we meet in person I stop using POF to connect with you. I have your number...if I want to see how you're doing I will call you or text you. POF was just a means for us to initially connect.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 47
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/20/2010 2:46:43 PM

Here is the brief summary:
I went on a nice coffee date this afternoon that went well and THE GUY said he'd like to see me again. I told him that I felt the same way. I went to work. I really thought that when I got home he would have sent me a quick message saying he'd enjoyed his time (he obviously had - the conversation was great and there was definitely chemistry) and possibly a tentative plan for sometime in the next few weeks. Got home. Go on POF. No message from him, but... he's online.


and.......

I wrote him and told him so. He told me he DID want to see me, but he turned it around and said that I was expecting too much. I told him that in my 32 years on this planet, I have learned that respect is something you need to give yourself, rather than wait for someone else to give you. I told him that i don't feel respected when I meet a guy and he is online the same night obviously looking for, or chatting with someone else - WITHOUT messaging me.



Well well well.... the old on line and not messaging you.

He was being nice. He probably did like you. Maybe needed to assess the
coffee date and go from there -

YOU on the other hand jumped all up into his charm and put him on the
spot. Maybe you need to step back and take a look at your actions -
hmm.....

1. ASSUMING
2. Expecting respect from someone you do not know or even have
gotten to know.

My take - he was being nice. Had a good time and said he would contact
you but had no intention to contact you because he picked up on something
you are subconsiously vibing out such as maybe a little controlling.

My advice- step back and take these as just meet s because thats what
they are- meeting a STRANGER.

Has this happened to me - Hell Yeah. Everybody here I am sure.

Do I freak - nope because he is probably doing me a big favor in
the long run.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 48
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/20/2010 2:55:56 PM

It's so weird how people read what they want to... I think that's called projection


Nail on the head, OP.

I'm thinking that it happens all the time, it's just that on a forum we get to see it in text. In the real world, people dont put a voice to their projections, but they are still doing it all the same.

Dating is a process. You've got to sift the wheat from the chaff.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 49
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/24/2010 12:48:18 AM
alright heres an answer its called multi tasking.
Along with POF I have 8 other windows open on my computer, this is not the only forum board in the world to be on, so though the window is up, and I am 'online' does not mean that I have all my attention devoted to being here. And not counting the times I have left the computer on over lunch, dinner, out at the gym, left on whilest mowin the lawn, out in the garage working on a project, even doing the damn laundry; just cuz the window is open and up, doesnt mean I am sitting here with baited breath hanging on every keystroke, or deep sea fishing in someone elses pond.
It simply means, my computer is on, I am logged in, and I might be there.
So feel free to send the hate mail. Just follow the preferences and make sure it is in Russian ;)
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 50
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/24/2010 8:41:17 AM
You met for the first time and already you have expectations of him? Hon, you have a lot to learn. He owed you nothing outside of treating you with respect during the brief time you spent together. He does not owe you a call or an email when he gets home. He has every right to be online with whomever he wants whenever he wants. You act as if you just got engaged!

Relax. You are making a mountain where there isn't even a molehill.
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