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 meeshcake
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 37
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for menPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

LOL, i noticed that you even got frustrated when the forum posters didn’t respond quickly enough to your original post. pretty darn funny.


Cowgirl, great point. It was quite telling.
A tad impatient are you OP? You're a lovely girl, just need to take the expectations down a notch - he did not disrespect you in any way.

Anyway, as almost everyone here has said, I agree you overracted. I'll spare you the redundancy of repeating why.
 durandal26
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 38
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 10:50:45 PM

A good mannered Reputable man would have taken it upon himself to set up another date, if he was interested, it's common sense, it's chivalry.


Does a good-mannered reputable man set up a date on the same night that the first date ended?

If the man waots to make a date the day after, or even two days after, does that make him not a good man?
 conscious love
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 39
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 10:54:35 PM
I just want to say that I understand what everyone is saying and I'm really thankful (though very humbled by all the name-calling) for your responses. I will disagree that I give women a bad wrap, but there is no need to argue about that. Some people on here are just really good at the 'dating game' and I'm not.

I may be idealistic and a tad too much of a dreamer, but I really feel that if he REALLY was interested, he would have messaged me - 3 day rule or not. I just know that when a guy is truly interested, he doesn't need to play by some rule books. There are so many guys on here that just want casual NSA sex, it's hard to negotiate the perameters of what is respectable behavior and what is not. I wouldn't have felt good about going out with him again, in any case.

Feel free to keep responding to this post, but I'm not going to read them, because it makes me feel like shit.
 durandal26
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 40
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/20/2010 11:02:54 PM


I may be idealistic and a tad too much of a dreamer, but I really feel that if he REALLY was interested, he would have messaged me - 3 day rule or not.


So if a guy is interested, he must message, call, or contact you as soon as he gets home from the date that you just went on with him?

Are you really this deluded?


I wouldn't have felt good about going out with him again, in any case.


According to you, the date itself was very good. So, you would not have gone out with him solely because he did not contact you immediately after getting home from the date he just went on with you.

You should seek help from friends or siblings because you have serious issues when it comes to dating.


Feel free to keep responding to this post, but I'm not going to read them, because it makes me feel like shit.


It is good that you feel bad. That is the first step to recognizing you have a serious problem.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 41
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:21:31 AM

Does a good-mannered Reputable man set up a date on the same night that the first date ended?


Not really ,in my experienced, they would say they have a nice time with me and we'll met again soon. If a man ask me to call him after I get home ,I'll call him and thank him again that I have a nice time with him and the second date is on me,I guess those men wants to know that I arrived home safely. It doesn't bother me if there is a second date or not for I don't really relay on what they said, as I stated in my profile ~ If we meet it is a beautiful encounter and if we did not met again it is still a beautiful encounter.

If a man did not pursue a second date with me ,I would still think that he is reputable because he was courteous and respectful to me during that date.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 42
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/21/2010 7:42:30 AM

funny also how all these people critisizing the op are single


I hate to point out the obvious, but this is a DATING site. Except for the married people seeking an affair, the vast majority of us are SINGLE.

And so is the OP and so are you.


A good mannered Reputable man would have taken it upon himself to set up another date, if he was interested, it's common sense, it's chivalry.


Let's take some things into consideration here: it was literally HOURS after the first date that she saw him online. Even if he were going to set up a date, there are many reasons why he didn't do it when the date was ending, and even if he were going to set one up later, that's not going to happen.

Beyond that, as always, we have only the OP's take on the matter. Maybe he liked her but maybe there wasn't the connection that she felt. Maybe she overestimated his interest. Although she says he said he wanted to see her again, maybe there was a casual suggestion to see each other at some indefinite time.

Regardless, she overreacted. She is not some starry eyed teenager: she is an adult with some years under her belt. If she is this demanding after a casual coffee date, I can only imagine other scenarios.

I could even understand her frustration if days had gone by and she hadn't heard from him, but hours? Tick-tock.
 jen31465
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 43
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:37:18 PM
Yeah, maybe too much expectation, but for sure a girl wants to feel special. And I'm sure the OP didn't feel special to see the guy online for over an hour after he said he was interested in another date. She was excited at the prospect of the attraction between them and he deflated that excitement.
From the many experiences I have had, if a man is interested it is unmistakable!!!!
I think the OP is correct in believing he wasn't all that interested.
I would not have, however, emailed him to criticize him, that was out of line and a bit over the top.
I just wish that guys wouldn't say they are interested in another date only to never hear from them again. That's lame. It happens a lot.
 MsYesterday
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 44
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/20/2010 6:14:23 AM
Simply put-men lie just to avoid an argument with a woman.
Men need TIME to think about their new found date.If you demand his time or"respect"ASAP, they think that you are desperate and they do one or the other-sleep with you soon as possible or run away .
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 45
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/20/2010 11:21:38 AM
pressuring him after meeting once is not the best way to build anything stable imo... it could well appear as desperation/controlling behaviour, neither of which is attractive

I think the more appropriate thing to do was to either write a quick message to him, to say hi, if that's what you wanted (- you were online without contacting him too, except to berate him) or to leave him be and allow him to take whichever step next he wanted to... then respond according to whatever that was
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 46
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/20/2010 2:13:48 PM
I see it like this. I sent you the initial message. I asked you to meet for an actual date. I took you out. I asked to see you again. That's four steps Ive taken to show that Im interested in you. Now if you haven't verbally expressed to me that you're interested in me and want to pursue something with me by then...I'm setting up dates with other women. I'll still follow up with you but my attention goes to the woman who is the most interested in me and have no problem letting me know.

And another things...after we meet in person I stop using POF to connect with you. I have your number...if I want to see how you're doing I will call you or text you. POF was just a means for us to initially connect.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 47
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/20/2010 2:46:43 PM

Here is the brief summary:
I went on a nice coffee date this afternoon that went well and THE GUY said he'd like to see me again. I told him that I felt the same way. I went to work. I really thought that when I got home he would have sent me a quick message saying he'd enjoyed his time (he obviously had - the conversation was great and there was definitely chemistry) and possibly a tentative plan for sometime in the next few weeks. Got home. Go on POF. No message from him, but... he's online.


and.......

I wrote him and told him so. He told me he DID want to see me, but he turned it around and said that I was expecting too much. I told him that in my 32 years on this planet, I have learned that respect is something you need to give yourself, rather than wait for someone else to give you. I told him that i don't feel respected when I meet a guy and he is online the same night obviously looking for, or chatting with someone else - WITHOUT messaging me.



Well well well.... the old on line and not messaging you.

He was being nice. He probably did like you. Maybe needed to assess the
coffee date and go from there -

YOU on the other hand jumped all up into his charm and put him on the
spot. Maybe you need to step back and take a look at your actions -
hmm.....

1. ASSUMING
2. Expecting respect from someone you do not know or even have
gotten to know.

My take - he was being nice. Had a good time and said he would contact
you but had no intention to contact you because he picked up on something
you are subconsiously vibing out such as maybe a little controlling.

My advice- step back and take these as just meet s because thats what
they are- meeting a STRANGER.

Has this happened to me - Hell Yeah. Everybody here I am sure.

Do I freak - nope because he is probably doing me a big favor in
the long run.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 48
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/20/2010 2:55:56 PM

It's so weird how people read what they want to... I think that's called projection


Nail on the head, OP.

I'm thinking that it happens all the time, it's just that on a forum we get to see it in text. In the real world, people dont put a voice to their projections, but they are still doing it all the same.

Dating is a process. You've got to sift the wheat from the chaff.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 49
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/24/2010 12:48:18 AM
alright heres an answer its called multi tasking.
Along with POF I have 8 other windows open on my computer, this is not the only forum board in the world to be on, so though the window is up, and I am 'online' does not mean that I have all my attention devoted to being here. And not counting the times I have left the computer on over lunch, dinner, out at the gym, left on whilest mowin the lawn, out in the garage working on a project, even doing the damn laundry; just cuz the window is open and up, doesnt mean I am sitting here with baited breath hanging on every keystroke, or deep sea fishing in someone elses pond.
It simply means, my computer is on, I am logged in, and I might be there.
So feel free to send the hate mail. Just follow the preferences and make sure it is in Russian ;)
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 50
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/24/2010 8:41:17 AM
You met for the first time and already you have expectations of him? Hon, you have a lot to learn. He owed you nothing outside of treating you with respect during the brief time you spent together. He does not owe you a call or an email when he gets home. He has every right to be online with whomever he wants whenever he wants. You act as if you just got engaged!

Relax. You are making a mountain where there isn't even a molehill.
 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 51
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/24/2010 9:44:18 AM
Sometimes after a really great date I get on here purposefully. Sometimes I've put all my eggs in one basket and got burned, so getting on here always reminds me that there are other women out there, no matter what happens with this particular one I really like.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 52
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I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/24/2010 10:17:54 AM
At least he didn't go online *while* you were out together! Now that would be in poor taste and grounds for dismissal!
 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 53
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 6/24/2010 2:16:44 PM
move on- next time, don't contact him (your date) at age 32 you do not want to be a juvenile- you want a MAN- someone who knows what he wants. I recommend the book- "The List" don't waste your time on a time waster!
 Haven_11
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 54
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 11/6/2010 10:57:03 AM
I think its weird that you would even worry about his not messaging you in the first place. Not everyone follows the same line of "Rules of Etiquette". After a first meet/greet, chemistry is there for both, but it was only one meet. Have patience, slow down and don't place your expectations that high that you expect a message stating what a great time you two had. THAT was already stated after your meet/greet ended and you two went home. Even I, a woman, feel like by sending him an irate email, it looks like you have already pissed on his shoe and stated your claim! Crude. But true
 Islandbliss
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 55
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 11/6/2010 4:19:33 PM
I totally agree with u.
Sometimes people are talking to alot of people on POF and ur on the site
to feel out ur option and i dont think one date should make a person feel that way.
getting attached too quick is why some of us as women gets hurt som

So u go out with someone.
Ur having a good conversation u think, honey anyone can pretend to enjoy ur company, the person can just being polite but just not into u.
i went on a date once with someone from a different site and that guy thought he so funny and that i am into him, honey i was just being polite bcs i didnt want to hurt his feelings, he was corny as hell and he was not my type.
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 56
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 11/6/2010 6:15:36 PM
I know the OP is no longer here. But this has been blown out of proportion. Perhaps he was briefly checking his emails and was going to write to you and the other people that he was corresponding with later. Perhaps he was planning on calling or texting you the next day. Also since the OP was online as well, she could have easily sent him an email stating that she enjoyed the date.
 CynthiaSMW
Joined: 9/20/2010
Msg: 57
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 11/6/2010 6:23:29 PM
For women - do you feel a self-respecting woman would go out again with a guy who was online the same night WITHOUT messaging you?

I'm going to answer without reading past post #2 and without looking at your profile.
Wow. Just wow. I think you're whacko. If I were that man I wouldn't just not see you again, I'd block you.
Where does your self-respect or his respecting you even enter into this?
You had ONE "meet", he said he'd like to see you again but there wasn't any specific set. He doesn't know this complex set of rules you seem to have in your head so I have no idea how you expect him to comply.
If you expect to be able to control his actions (that he can even be online without IMing you first), you have a new think coming.
So many of my first meets I've heard stories from the men about the weirdos they've met and I had a hard time believing them. Time in the forums is making that belief easier.

Edit: I see OP has left the building (but I'll bet she's back under another name). Dysfunction Junction nailed it msg #16
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 58
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 11/6/2010 6:29:05 PM
That's uptight. Waaay uptight...if I were on the receiving end of THAT, I'd run. Fast.
 simplywhatever
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 59
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 11/6/2010 8:56:18 PM
sounds to me like you felt like he never gave you another thought after the coffee shop, which may or may not be true, but in my opinion you werent being fair to jump on the guy. What would you have thought had he not been on POF and still didnt send you a message? would you of still been disappointed? cause if not then honestly the root of your jealousy is in him being on POF, and considering you have only been on one coffee date with the guy, I dont think you have a right to freak on him. A lot of people believe that messaging someone right after seeing them is a little obsessive, maybe he was scared of scaring you off, who knows...but Im guessing you've scared him off now...lol
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 60
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 11/6/2010 9:04:43 PM
So why is the female described as self-respecting but not the male?

Maybe any self-respecting man is not going to act like a stalker or want to come across as clingy.
Maybe a self-respecting woman should not get her panties in a bunch when a self-respecting man doesn't message her when she thought he should.
Maybe no self-respecting person should act so needy.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 61
I really want the ladies to give me their opinion - unfortunately 'ask a girl' is only for men
Posted: 11/8/2010 5:26:45 PM
Well all I can say is he may NOT have even gotten to POF yet, but was online...

When I open my browser, I go to a folder called DAILY and OPEN ALL.

My browser automatically signs me into my bank account, FB, two art forums, POF and POF forums, and my email account. Sometimes it takes awhile to get through all of them. It appears I'm logged in but haven't even seen that sight yet. Sometimes I have to leave the computer completely and I come back to it later...having left it on and logged in.

If you had complained to me like this I would have labelled you a stage 4 clinger!
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