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 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 15
Step children .Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
It is very wide spread that some people want their partners but not their partners' kid or kids . I find this fact as very tough on the kids who do not understand why mom or dad loves someone who does not let say....like them and not love them because here the word love will be stronger than what is meant .
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 16
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History
Step children .
Posted: 1/21/2010 6:34:35 PM
As my boyfriend told me he knows by dating a single mother he has to accept my kids. He actually said he wanted to find someone with kids since he has 3 of his own. I have only been around his kids once as he doesn't have sole custody but he sees my kids quite often and is always patient and understanding with them. He told me he doesn't want to play favorites and treats my boys as well as he does his own kids.

One of the first things that really attracted me to my SO was how well he was treating my youngest son when we first met. He met my boys right away and I was not feeling well, he let my son jump all over him so he wouldn't bother me. He said he played with his boys that way and could tell I needed a break. If a man can't accept my kids and treat them well then I couldn't be with him.


edit: I see my boyfriend already answered this question.
 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 17
Step children .
Posted: 1/22/2010 11:04:49 AM
I know a friend of mine who was divorced and then met a woman and got married . He has one boy with his first wife ( ex wife ). He has two boys with the second one ( the present wife ) . The craziness here is that the father can go and see his ex wife and his son with his two boys and his ex wife is delighted to see them . Crazy enough, the second wife does not even allow his first son to come and visit him in his home so he meets him outside in restaurants, parks or even in his mother's home . I just can not understand his second wife . He told me that she told him that she is jealous of his first son because it seems he cares more about him than her and their two boys . However this is just an excuse and knowing him I can assure everyone that her say is pure garbage . Can we really understand how some people think ?!!!.
 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 18
Step children .
Posted: 1/22/2010 1:27:03 PM
i know four females who have had stepchildren...yes two have had problems...but the botoom line...those children have been treated with respect and care...lot has to do with the mother...if she is resentful of the other woman...it will reflect on the relationship...hopefully people will mature and accept the fact that everyone should be treated with respect and consideration.
 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 19
Step children .
Posted: 1/22/2010 2:12:36 PM

she does not ALLOW him to have his own flesh and blood in his home?

What's with the need for permission? I'm very confused why would anyone produce 2 kids with someone who doesn't accept the first child they have? He's a liar who needs to grow a set.

I know this guy very well and he is not lying to me . I found the problem with his second wife who is irresponsible, immature , envious, jealous and maybe a little bit crazy too . When we get our Rum and Coke and he starts telling me his inner problems I could see the tears in his eyes . He certainly loves and loves very much his 3 ( three ) sons .
 andy510
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 20
Step children .
Posted: 1/22/2010 4:51:30 PM
Messages # 26,27, and 28 just show that people are different . Also maybe some cultures are different when it comes to step sons and step daughters due to insecurity.......etc. Hey no one is saying all six billion people on our planet are the same . Thumbs up and thanks to those who if they do not love their step children, at least they do not contribute to their misery in one way or another .
 daydreamin_honey
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 21
Step children .
Posted: 2/11/2010 8:04:47 PM
Sometimes, no matter how much you try to love a child (step, adopted, fostered, whatever), the child doesn't want to receive that love and makes you wish you'd never set eyes on them for all the heartache they subject you to. I have helped raise roomy's kids, my nephew, and my ex's daughter. The only one of them that ever made me regret opening my heart was my ex's daughter. No matter how much I tried, she knew exactly how to manipulate people and I just couldn't allow that to keep going. Putting my children (one half sibling) at risk with her behavior, outright disrespect for me, my rules and my things, injuring the other children, ... there is a breaking point anyone would reach.
Sometimes it's not the adult simply not loving the child, sometimes it's the child's resistance to the love.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 22
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History
Step children .
Posted: 2/12/2010 6:59:24 PM
The problem with step children is that right from the start the step parent is expected to gain acceptence,to apply for it,to appeal for it...the child being a child is under no obligation or expectation.The biological parent usually is of little or no help,requiring nothing of the child but to be the "little angel" they always are.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 23
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History
Step children .
Posted: 2/13/2010 8:19:02 AM
It can happen. I once dated a woman who, to this day, loves her step-daughter (from her second husband's first marriage) as if she were her own flesh and blood, even though she and the second husband are now divorced.
 country_gurlny
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 24
Step children .
Posted: 2/13/2010 4:13:32 PM
I can speak about both sides of the topic, I decide to have a realtionship with a man that had children with an ex-wife, my rule to him was once he felt comfortable and he taught our realtionship would be long term he would have his children meet me and let them decide if we should be together, he children are wonderful, bright,smart and funny. after a couple of months they had asked about our realtionship and was comfortable if we were together, but I always made a rule to always to ask about their mom and never said a bad word about her, (i didn't kow her, so had no right to past judegment, also made it a rule the father wouldn't say anything bad about their mother.) I also would make sure that they knew when they weren't around we did think of them when we went somewhere, (i.s if we went to the store and seen soemthing they wanted, bought it.) anyways the father and I are not together anymore but no matter what I am still going to be part of their live because I have a child with their father, so for christmas I do buy them gifts, (not as much) call them for their birthday, etc....
About two years I got into a realtionship with my now husband, and I wanted to make sure that he wasnt just looking for a one stand and told him if he didn't like children then i was not the person for him, well to my surpise he went out and bought everything I would need for her and surpised me with it, and when my daughter was in the hospital he cry with me as she was admitted. I also think what alos comes into effect I thin the new boyfriend, is scared that they are going to get close and then the child going to get rip from them
on that note I would say it all depends on the relationship, and everything
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