Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 music46038
Joined: 8/3/2010
Msg: 459
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??Page 12 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
If she's still sexing you up after two years, who cares how you compare to the others? She probably had better than you and had worse than you. Evidently you are *good enough* for her. So fuggedaboudit.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 460
view profile
History
GIRLFRIEND
Posted: 3/9/2011 4:39:13 PM
I always add a bunch to any number a woman throws out there anyway.
That's not a blanket "i hate women" statement. There are very few women who are secure enough to be honest about their number. If a woman gives me the Col. Jessup line, I give her the "ditto".



Why is it a belief that women lie about how many men they have slept with? I have always been honest about it. I slept with 2 men one being my ex husband then after my divorce waited over two years before having a drunken one night stand. I then slept with 2 more guys in the same year hoping to develop a relationship. I decided after that I was going to be certain I was in love and in an exclusive relationship before sleeping with any one else. I also asked my SO how many women he had slept with. So I've slept with 6 men, no adding or subtracting to get to the truth.

OP
Also she didn't jump into bed the first night we met - she did with
others therefore she must not have liked me as much as the others on
our first night which doesn't bode well for our future?
I've been around the block a few times but it's different for girls
-right? .... or should she just have kept this stuff to herself, which
would have meant she wasn't fully honest with me?

Ive met a wonderful 28 year old girl a couple of years ago or so I
thought till last night. I'm also 28. She is everything to me but we’ve
had a frank discussion last night because I needed to know more about
her.


OP, NO it is not different for girls and it actually might of meant she liked you more. Why did you wait so long to have this discussion? If the number is that important you ask before the relationship has become serious. She would of kept it to herself but you brought it up over a year into the relationship.
 bodypro8ra
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 461
GIRLFRIEND
Posted: 3/9/2011 5:04:35 PM
Why is it a belief that women lie about how many men they have slept with? (why do you think?)
^^^
So I've slept with 6 men, no adding or subtracting to get to the truth.
^^^
You don't have to lie. Obviously. Not only don't you lie but you are so proud of your low numbers that you can brag about it on the open forum of an internet dating site. And on top of that, you're not single so the remote censure you might receive from a nun or the Pope or something or other is not a factor.

Men like to go the other way. We lie up. If the guy didn't want to know I guess he shouldn't have asked. I had 50 some contacts since the age of 13. Or course I could be lying up. Either way I certainly don't care who thinks what. Plenty of men have had many more.

Edit: I just read the OP. Eight?! He's sweating that? Whatever. I quit doing that a while ago. Years ago. Asking "Was he better than me?" That's morbidly lubricious. Asking about the other guys. Whatever turns you on!

Edit per below: You take pride in your forbearance and restraint, I take pride in my slutty notches, but then why ask why men believe women lie about their contact numbers? You knew the answer when you posted. Right? Am I right? You are proud why? It is considered an attribute in many man's eyes. You're smart enough to figure it out. Although you don't even have to be. Most of the questions and answers here have to do with presentation. Nothing more. Right? You got on the boards with six and I logged my 50. There's your answer to the double standard and what it means in relation to sexual politics and market value.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 462
view profile
History
GIRLFRIEND
Posted: 3/9/2011 5:20:23 PM
Men like to go the other way. We lie up. If the guy didn't want to know I guess he shouldn't have asked. I had 50 some contacts since the age of 13. Or course I could be lying up. Either way I certainly don't care who thinks what. Plenty of men have had many more.



I would prefer the number a man has to be low but it's not a deal breaker either way. I asked a man I was interested in his number and he responded with 30 or 40. A short time later he answered an online survey with a different number so he then replied it could be 100, he doesn't keep track. I think he was exaggerating but most men and women I think probably would either tell the truth or just respond with it's none of your business. My SO told me his number which is below 10 so I doubt he was rounding up.



You don't have to lie. Obviously. Not only don't you lie but you are so proud of your low numbers that you can brag about it on the open forum of an internet dating site. And on top of that, you're not single so the remote censure you might receive from a nun or the Pope or something or other is not a factor.



Yep. LOL


Edit: I just read the OP. Eight?! He's sweating that? Whatever. I quit doing that a while ago. Years ago. Asking "Was he better than me?" That's morbidly lubricious. Asking about the other guys. Whatever turns you on!



Agreed, the OP was completely wrong for even bringing up the subject if he couldn't handle the truth. Plus it was years into the relationship. And never ask to compare, that's just crazy!
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 464
GIRLFRIEND
Posted: 3/9/2011 8:09:59 PM
Again, I can't believe this chatter. If a guy asked me how many men I'd slept with I'd tell him to piss off. I would never ask that question either. I just can't for the life of me imagine being asked that question or asking that question.

Some folks seem proud of their low number, some seem proud of their high number, some folks are proud that they are/were a virgin and the vast majority could give a rat's azz.

Rounding up, rounding down, triple digits, double digits......geez - stupid.
 JessandMod
Joined: 10/3/2010
Msg: 465
GIRLFRIEND
Posted: 3/11/2011 9:06:02 AM
It's my opinion that people only "think it's wrong" to ask about the # of partners one has had if they, themselves, are ashamed of the # of partners they've had!
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 469
GIRLFRIEND
Posted: 3/11/2011 8:28:52 PM
"It's my opinion that people only "think it's wrong" to ask about the # of partners one has had if they, themselves, are ashamed of the # of partners they've had!". Afraid not, it's a matter of being a grownup or being juvinile in your thinking. I know that if I meet a man that is 50, he's going to have had some sexual partners. The same goes if someone is 30 or 40 or whatever, chances are they have slept with a few folks in their lifetime.

Another take on this is why would you want to know or tell? It's like asking someone how much they weight or how much did you pay for your house or how much did your breast implants cost - all none of your business type answers to none of your business type questions.

I think once you spend some time with someone you can figure out their lifestyle, even the life they used to have. If you meet someone who is 40, does it really matter that he was a player when he was 20 to 27 and then settled down with one person for the next 15 years. His actual number count may be high but does the number matter when it counts. Does what they used to do matter as much as what they do now? Don't think so.
 niagara45
Joined: 8/15/2010
Msg: 471
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/12/2011 8:03:24 AM
If a man asked me that question, I would tell the truth, but he'd have to tell me why he wanted to know. As long as both partners are disease free, the only reason I can see for wanting to know is curiosity ( aka nosiness). I would tell him right up front that my number is high, and if he wanted to judge me about it, then we are clearly not right for each other.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 474
view profile
History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/12/2011 1:23:28 PM

How often that special connection called LOVE happens in life? and how long it lasts? but people need sex.....much more often than they could get someone to love them.

Then, oyu are looking for a special partner. Are you gonna fall in love with them w/o having sex? probably not...and then, few months or years later you get it - "she/he is not for me"....oppps, you have the record.



I don't believe people need sex. It is a want and I don't even want it without an emotional connection. Some people separate love and sex but some people don't. I had one drunken one night stand trying to understand so many wanting the casual sex thing but I did not enjoy it at all. I fell in love with my SO and it was months later before either one of us were ready for sex.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 476
view profile
History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/12/2011 2:27:48 PM
m church
Actually people do not NEED sex... They desire it and they want it... but they do not NEED it....



Exactly, if we NEEDED sex then without it we would die. It's not food or water a need for survival and I went without sex for over 2 years after my divorce. The difference is some people desire sex even without love and some of us don't.


m church
How nice... See, I don't think it's childish or not to count or not count... The people who count count for their own reasons, which are as valid to them as not counting is to you... But there's no justification in calling them 'childish' simply because they have a different view than you do...
At least people who count, can remember who they slept with...



I agree with this too.
 niagara45
Joined: 8/15/2010
Msg: 477
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/12/2011 4:27:29 PM

Physically, because of the obvious risks involved with an extremely high number of sexual partners.


My cousin got an STD from her husband, after they were married. He was her one and only partner, but he cheated. It is safe(r) sex that matters when it comes to STD's, not number of partners.


Emotionally, because if sex is THAT frivolous an act to her, what part of the relationship with me would be considered "special?"


Sex is only as special as the two people involved and their feelings. When there is true feeling and strong attraction, it can be plenty special even if one or both of the partners has been around the block a few times. Besides, the specialness in a relationship comes from other things in addition to sex.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 478
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/12/2011 5:01:08 PM

My cousin got an STD from her husband, after they were married. He was her one and only partner, but he cheated. It is safe(r) sex that matters when it comes to STD's, not number of partners.


This is not entirely true. Sure you can get an STD from one exposure, but the fact is that the higher the number of partners, the higher the risk. Condoms are only 50% effective in preventing HSV, and that plus HPV can be transmitted via oral sex. How many people use barrier protection for oral sex? There is an increase in the number of oral cancers in both men and women from HPV. Not trying to be a party-pooper but a lot of people need a reality check. I've already had a brush with cervical cancer and that was pretty traumatic. (Got it from my ex-husband). Half of all men carry HPV. There are usually no symptoms and there is no test for it.

The risk to my health is the only thing that gives me pause, not judging the person's moral character.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 480
view profile
History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/12/2011 9:20:00 PM
It's my opinion that people only "think it's wrong" to ask about the # of partners one has had if they, themselves, are ashamed of the # of partners they've had!


20 pages and the same nonsense getting repeated over and over

You cannot paint all people with the same brush. Sure, some refuse to answer because they are ashamed. But some have no shame, no regrets - no guilt.....and still think it's not anyone's business but thier own.

My friend has recently got back into dating after losing her husband to cancer. She has had sex with 2 people her entire life, both were her husbands, and she is 52 yrs old.
She said a man asked her what her number was and she was so shocked that he felt it was pertinent. She told him her sexual history was her business and her's alone. He said "that's ok, I was a slut my whole life too". She walked out of the date!
I laughed my ass off thinking of this thread!
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 482
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/12/2011 9:30:33 PM
Dont ask a woman how many men she has slept with, your only asking for trouble.

Would it make you feel better if she only slept with 4 guys her entire liftime and 2 were one night stands?

or would it make you feel better if she slept with 10 guys and she claimed all were "relationships?"

I was on a second date and a woman asked me "how many women have you been with?"
my answer?

"well, I know its more than one, but its less than 100"

Needless to say, there was no third date....
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 483
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/13/2011 10:31:03 AM

(m_church) Actually people do not NEED sex... They desire it and they want it... but they do not NEED it....


Don't... don't do this...

Arlo...
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 484
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/13/2011 1:37:01 PM

Actually people do not NEED sex... They desire it and they want it... but they do not NEED it....


http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9225527.aspx

 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 486
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/14/2011 2:14:47 PM
Yet another post proving that parents are teaching their children this crap about "women shouldn't have sex". "Sex is bad".
I sincerely hope that parents/future parents in these forums are learning something about what to teach their children.

Anyhoo, OT.

For me I am more concerned about what types of risky behavious they have engaged in and then I would ask what tests they have gone for and what their schedule for that is.

If they are unable to answer those two questions, I'm outta there because it shows they lack smarts and really shouldn't be sleeping around in that case. I also don't mind sharing how many people I've slept with and I can easily tell them where I was risky and where I was safer. When it comes to the health issue of a sexual relationship, I have nothing to hide and I want the same in a partner. Sadly, the reality is that most people are not like that.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 488
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/14/2011 9:13:44 PM
^^^^^ Agreed, except I think both genders are equally reluctant to admit this. It continually amazes me how this issue is so blithely ignored on these forums.....

Test drives, FB's, casual sex, numbers not mattering, etc. etc. etc.

I only have relationships, monogamous ones, and have been tested after every one. When I decide to become intimate with someone, I insist on seeing current test results FIRST, keeping in mind that HSV is not part of a routine screen and there is no test for males having HVP.

And, I repeat, oral cancers from HVP are steadily rising. I don't use protection for oral sex - how many of you do? (that's what I thought).

Condoms are only 50% effective for HSV (herpes). It's Russian roulette. I don't want to be the voice of doom, but it seems that people on here do need to be reminded.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 489
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/14/2011 10:26:59 PM

I only have relationships, monogamous ones, and have been tested after every one. When I decide to become intimate with someone, I insist on seeing current test results FIRST, keeping in mind that HSV is not part of a routine screen and there is no test for males having HVP.


If you do this, which I think is very smart, then asking how many people someone has been with doesnt matter...
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 490
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/15/2011 8:36:34 AM
Agreed, except I think both genders are equally reluctant to admit this. It continually amazes me how this issue is so blithely ignored on these forums.....

Test drives, FB's, casual sex, numbers not mattering, etc. etc. etc.


My favorite is how everyone has sex on the third date, yet they espouse to know and practice proper testing techniques. If one has had more than one partner within a certain amount of time, they wouldn't be having sex on the 3rd date if they were truly practicing proper test procedures.

If you listen to some people, one must be having sex regularly or you're strange. I wish people would stop taking TV and movies as the basis of truth.
 sexyisback!
Joined: 9/14/2010
Msg: 491
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/15/2011 8:48:40 AM

Yet another post proving that parents are teaching their children this crap about "women shouldn't have sex". "Sex is bad"


really? I thought it was the churches that had a heavy hand in that, or at least the churches, THROUGH the parents, to the children..?
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 493
view profile
History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/16/2011 1:25:07 PM
You should not care if your girlfriend has been with lots of men. What is important, with all her many experiences with many men, she is with you now. Be happy with that fact.
 Zikoris
Joined: 9/16/2009
Msg: 495
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/16/2011 7:12:02 PM

it's easier to teach someone something new than to get them to unlearn something that doesn't work....


Teaching a total newbie is less effort than saying "I'm not into ___, it doesn't do anything for me"? I've always found the opposite - the "yeah, your ex may have liked that but it's not my thing" conversation takes about three seconds and is damn near 100% effective if you word it clearly. I personally like inexperienced guys, and have had great experiences with them, but realistically it's definitely more work to teach someone from the ground up than to have a three second chat with someone who otherwise knows what he's doing.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 496
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/16/2011 7:35:21 PM

and that the guy with her is merely the 'next one' ...

Unless the person you are with is a virgin then you are the next one.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 497
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 3/16/2011 9:14:48 PM
relax, she cant have gotten around all that much, hell Sheen ain't had her.
(there would be a youtube video of it by now)
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >