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 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 676
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??Page 28 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
how many is too many
if you say X.... it will always be too many depending on the perception and the context.
" I have only slept with one other man" Of course it was last night after our date and he is better than you - but only one other man.

Feel better ?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 677
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 3:02:44 AM
The next time you are making love, while you are in the act, I want you to think about those other fourteen guys making love to her. Picture it in your mind. Every detail. Vividly.

That kind of stuff doesn't bother me. After all, I've been around the block a few times and done all of those things to more women than that. Not only that, I liked doing it - some more than others, but who cares? Why should expect a woman to have done anything differently?

I think one of the most precious things two people offer each other in a new relationship is the opportunity to start anew. No one has to carry their baggage forward. No one has to carry their mistakes or misdeeds. They can be free of these burdens. They each have the opportunity to be the person they claim they are, the person they want to be.

So, if you pretend it didn't happen, it didn't happen? No thanks. I want someone to be who she is and who she is, is the sum total of everything she's done. I don't want to like someone because she's pretending to be something she isn't, especially in this case, since sex is supposed to be fun, not something evil.

One friend married as a virgin when he was a teen... him and his wife recently split... (she still hasn't had anyone new.... )

And despite such a noble begining, his marriage didn't last.
Now he's recently started dating another woman.... she is his second, and he's 44...
Somehow I can't see him wanting a woman who's had a lot of partners....

That's certainly his prerogative. What that means in terms of finding a lasting relationship isn't all that clear, though. Obviously, the first one didn't work out, despite the zero partner count.
 Rachee30
Joined: 12/25/2011
Msg: 678
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 4:33:16 AM

Yicks why would you want someone who is so trampy. This girl doesnt want a boyfriend she just wants casual sex and she also will cheat on you with who ever comes along. Why waste your time. I would also have her tested for aids and sdts


I think this is a horrible thing to say about a woman we have never even met. So what number does a woman have to get to to be classed as trampy? If a guy sleeps with many women is he also a tramp?
Not everyone is lucky enough to have found one person to settle down with and waited till they were married to lose there virginity and lived happily ever after! get real!
 rigal41
Joined: 8/24/2011
Msg: 679
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 6:22:31 AM
Personally for me I don't need my boyfriends past details and he is in agreement as he doesn't want to know mine. We do know we've both had a couple of LTR's but that's it...at 42 I don't need his high school, college, young adult male sex count..all I want us both to share is that we are both disease free, have been tested as of recent, etc.
 AngelofHonesty
Joined: 1/4/2012
Msg: 680
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 7:47:35 AM
Aw, look who's ego is shattered, you thought you were getting a virgin. Get over it already really, so she slept with some other guys, I'm sure you have had sexual encounters before. That's why I always never answer or ask the question "How many people have you slept with", it only leads to trouble as you have found out first hand.!!!!!!

The whole comparison of what she did with other guys will drive you insane, you can't change the past, now your present relationship with her is a different story, I mean what's the real meaning of this, are you feeling that she's cheating on you and that's the reason for the use of condoms or what? We can't help you with that, you're going to have to use resource and common sense to figure that out for yourself. Oh and by the way if it doesn't work out with you and her, let this be a lesson for the next relationship, don't ask her the question of how many she slept with, then it can't consume your sanity!!!!
 Johndavies115
Joined: 12/24/2009
Msg: 681
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 8:54:30 AM

If a guy sleeps with many women is he also a tramp?

This issue was already covered in another thread, because women are the gatekeepers of sex (in most cases)...it creates the imbalance of which you speak.

The ability to get sex whenever and wherever you like comes at a price. That price is that a woman's value decreases when the number of men she has been with increases and conversely a man's value increases when the number of women he has been with increases.

The only way that is ever going to change is if women accept sex whenever it is offerred. Never going to happen ^_^;
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 682
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 9:26:48 AM

And despite such a noble begining, his marriage didn't last.


What that means in terms of finding a lasting relationship isn't all that clear, though. Obviously, the first one didn't work out, despite the zero partner count


Yeah, those 20+ years they were together were such a waste... they started to grow apart when she had early menopause just after their 2 kids moved out... she's no longer the same person she was even 5 years ago...
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 683
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 9:30:29 AM

If a guy sleeps with many women is he also a tramp?

Why not?
I've been called worse things as a guy for sleeping with too many women. I've had women n ot want to date me because of the number of people I've slept with... I lost out on a few great women that way....
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 684
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 9:44:03 AM

Yeah, those 20+ years they were together were such a waste... they started to grow apart when she had early menopause just after their 2 kids moved out... she's no longer the same person she was even 5 years ago...

What's your point? You were the one who brought up the low partner count as somehow being advantageous in bringing something of value to a relationship or something to value, yet the couple in the example you gave got divorced when the guy was 44. just like lots of other middle age couples. As I said, looking for someone with a low partner count is certainly his prerogative, but it's not clear what that has to do with whether or not someone is good relationship material. All you've done is provide some details confirming what I said.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 685
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:43:44 AM

What's your point? You were the one who brought up the low partner count as somehow being advantageous in bringing something of value to a relationship or something to value

My point was that not all people have high counts and will be accepting of that in the people they see.... I didn't say it was an advantage...
That being said, they did last 20+ years which does seem to be more than the average these days and if she hadn't had a complete personality change due to menopause, they might still have been together....
 princeofyours
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 686
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 3:04:35 PM
Hugo mate in my opinion she's told you a pack of lies and it's just the tip of the iceberg.

Get rid and move on to another.

And don't believe women are the "fairer sex" despite all their BS about being homely, proper etc they are no better than us guys when it comes to playing around.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 687
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 3:47:58 PM
At almost 42, I can count the people I've slept with on one hand and still have spare fingers but I am not for one minute naive enough to think that many people this age, can say the same.

When will people allow their partner's sexual past to be just that !

It's none of your business how many people she has been intimate with before you - and asking that question of someone, is really never going to come to any good ! What matters is what happens between the two of you going forward.

And asking her to compare your abilities to her ex's is a dangerous game to play. You should leave that one well alone. That's a whole can of worms (no pun intended) that you really do not want to open.

Learn to accept that she's not with any of these exes today, for a reason. And that is more then enough detail and information.

 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 688
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 6:46:29 PM

Look, here's what I want you to do. The next time you are making love, while you are in the act, I want you to think about those other fourteen guys making love to her. Picture it in your mind. Every detail. Vividly. All fourteen of them. Them touching her naked body. Their hands roughly caressing her breasts. Pinching her nipples. Grasping the curve of her buttocks. Their wet tongues sliding across her abdomen and up and down her inner thighs. Them thrusting themselves unprotected, savagely into her every orifice while she writhes, moans, and screamingly begs for more in a seemingly endless, violently, shivering and quaking orgasm of depraved cum drenched lust.


LOL...That's hot!
 Tima62
Joined: 1/10/2012
Msg: 689
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 7:09:09 PM
First off, it does not matter how many she's been with. That's not even something you discuss. The best discussion would be, has she gotten checked, and if not, go with her so you both do so. It's not that serious. Just because she didn't jump into bed with you as doesn't mean she's not into you, it just means she wanted to take things slow. As for having sex without a condom, I recommend you don't. Pill or not, there are still possibilities of her getting pregnant. Safe sex is no sex. Best of luck!
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 690
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/19/2012 10:59:50 PM

First off, it does not matter how many she's been with.

Well, that would depend on whether it mattered to the person who was with her. To just come out and say it does not matter is silly.
To some people it is a valid concern. Whether their reason are logical, illogical or not, to them it's important....
Some people may simply have an arbitrary number that is "too many" and anyone who has been over that number is not someone that they'd be interested in....
It's as valid a reason to not date someone to them, as people who have offered up "I wouldn't date somoene that asked" or similar as their reason to not date someone...
Just because it doesn't matter to you, or to others doesn't automatically change it's level of importance to the person concerned....
 SacredWestman
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 691
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/20/2012 10:53:02 AM
... Seriously, have we lowered the bar so far?
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 692
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/24/2012 9:50:06 PM

... Seriously, have we lowered the bar so far

Yup....


That being said, similar discussion happened tonight among a group of us...
One person had a very different slant on it...
He figures that at after a certain point it doesn't matter how many... The theory being that eventually, the numbers make it irrelevent...
If you've only slept with 5 people.... 1 more person is far more of a big deal than 1 more person is if you've slept with 100 people.... I guess it's a point of diminishing returns...
It kind of makes a weird sort of sense...
I can see how you could conceivably compare lovers if you've only had a few... but once the numbers become high enough, the whole thing might just blur together... LOL
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 693
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/24/2012 10:19:20 PM
As I said, looking for someone with a low partner count is certainly his prerogative, but it's not clear what that has to do with whether or not someone is good relationship material.


Here's some clarity...... Someone with a high partner count is going to be similar to the last guy i had a date with. He explained to me that until recently he was into casual sex and to do so he didn't feel an emotional connection with the mulitude of women with whom he had had sex. He's had an ephipany....god bless him. However i saw him as too high of a risk.

Someone who can disconnect the sex/emotion bond is not someone i would trust with my emotions.

There are always exceptions though and m church consistently shows wisdom and maturity in his posts.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 694
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/24/2012 11:48:16 PM

Someone with a high partner count is going to be similar to the last guy i had a date with.

How do you know that? Because your ex boyfriend told you?

However i saw him as too high of a risk.

In other words, it was you who couldn't make the connection.
 legnakrad
Joined: 11/4/2007
Msg: 695
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HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/25/2012 5:11:44 AM
I don't think your issue should be with how many men she's been with but instead should be with her lying about it in the first place.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 696
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/25/2012 9:57:43 AM
In other words, it was you who couldn't make the connection.


Thats correct. That was a one time date i was referring to not an ex. Self-preservation is a good thing. How can someone not connect with many different women sexually and then decide he is going to connect with someone and have an ltr or marriage?

Behavioral patterns just like integrity are straight across the board. When he does want to connect it is going to questionable at best IMO.
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 697
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/25/2012 10:20:45 AM
Everyone has a past - a PAST! I don't ask someone how many women he has been with and I don't tell how many men I've been with, because they are with me now and I'm confident enough to know that it doesn't matter. That "number" is truly irrelevant - IMHO. What matters to me is if the person is honest in their present day dealings, ie. with me about intention, if they lie, etc. and if we get to a point if we are going to have sex are they disease free. Regardless of how many people someone has been with, they are a part of their past (let's go with this and not throw in the plethora of other potential scenarios...lol) and they are not with him/her for a reason...regardless of whatever that may be, understand that they are with you now and if they are being honest about their present day dealings with you, that's what is important, that is what truly matters.

Conversely, could there be the potential of a mate to not having had enough partners and/or experiences to have satisfied their curiosity and would that lend itself to a higher potential to lie or cheat because they are not at a point where they can be in a LTR without feeling like have settled, missed out, etc?
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 698
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/25/2012 12:16:51 PM
OCRebellion, nice words, but the truth is the past does count for most everyone.

If you ask if someone would marry a hooker if she gave up her trade because she found true love, the vast majority would be negative.

I only ask a women if think she has had a low body count. If someone told me they have slept with more than 60 men, I would have to really, really like her to be able to let that go. I would think she lacked an ability for form relationships.

To get upset at 15 like the OP said, that is just silly.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 699
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/25/2012 12:25:21 PM
abelian


Girls could never do that..

Sure they could. Whose fault is it for accepting double standards?


I don't have a double standard, I wouldn't have sex with another guy even if he was a virgin.
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 700
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 1/25/2012 12:51:52 PM
Dragon...notice that I did say not including the plethora of other scenarios. My response was in the context of the relative quasi loose boundaries of normal'ish...lol, because is anyone really sure of what that is anymore. Being a hooker would fall into the "other" category, for me and my view of normal vs not normal (and others may have a different POV). It has taken a long time and the loss of someone great to realize that the past really does not matter (qualified of course...lol). Perhaps a positive way to look at it is, that you (in general terms) are such the mf'ing bomb to have captured and kept the person that no one else has been able to. You (in general terms) were just "the one." I used to be hung up on the past (the number, comparison, etc) ...and could not shake it, even with a great man that kept telling me, I choose you, I want you, I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you...eventually, he got tired of dealing with my insecurity and we split. So not worth it.
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