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 AUTHOR
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 241
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??Page 6 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)

Did I miss any others?


Yes you did actually.

6...Women who are fine with the number of sexual partners they have had in their lives and just dont care if a man doesnt accept them for it.There are so many other men out there that why would they bother with the ones that are hypocrites and judge them?

Before you say that I must be a bitter number one Ha! Please in my entire life I have been with two men sexually.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 244
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 8:05:50 AM

If a man has many partners he's a stud...if a woman does, she's a slut!
Bit of a double standard there me thinx.


its not a double standard, because its apples and oranges.

its been discussed ad nauseum on here, etc.

men have to have something better than the rest to be a stud...

women just have to have a pulse to be a slut.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 245
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 8:30:37 AM
Your concern should not be about how many came before (no pun intended), but how many come after! is about accepting someone for who they are and clearly, you are unable to do that. If you are still reading this OP, leave the poor woman to find someone who can accept and appreciate her for what she brings to the relationship.

Love the poster who quoted Voltaire....fabulous!
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 247
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 9:57:17 AM
OF course it matters. Bah!.... Not the number itself but how many more than mine...
If she has funked more than I have, then clearly she's a slut... NEEEXXXT!


It's a combination of morals, values, upbringing, libido, health, responsibility - like everything else it's a compatibility issue. We need to be in the same neighborhood....


 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 248
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 10:10:41 AM
Don't ask us,,,cause you, the OP, have already the answer that YOU require. The number,,,,whatever it is,,,,is "TOO MANY" for you,,,,so leave the girl and stop the whiney tude. Read all the "opinions" and replies here. It's varied,because everyone will have their own thoughts(though some are quite ignorant and arrogant) about the numbers. I find some quite amusing,,,,though scarey as a h e l l, but nothing unexpected.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 250
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 10:56:47 AM
8 partner isn't squat compared to 20, 50, 100, etc partners. Having slept with 8 partners, in my opinion, can't even be considered too many. I also find that a tad funny coming from a dude.


If a man has many partners he's a stud...if a woman does, she's a slut!
Bit of a double standard there me thinx.

That view kind of dies off after high school...


Nope. The double standard is very much still intact, regardless if men are being called "man whores."
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 251
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 11:23:43 AM

Hey Doofus, if it is ok for you to have been around the block, what about those females you had sex with? You didn't think about that, did you? Double Standards. If a man hold high regards for the woman's sex life maybe he should look at his own first. When I meet a judgemental man I then look at his history and question if he is worth it or not. If she is faithful to you while in a relationship, what is the problem? Will you be faithful to her in the end?j


of course, bottom line is "will she be faithful" to me- but still- when a woman is known has had a lot of partners, it shines a light to her character that she does not have much respect for themselves.


Nope. The double standard is very much still intact, regardless if men are being called "man whores."


last I heard that wasn't a bad thing...in fact- the 'best' of men are usually man wh0res. women know this, that's why they don't get to twisted about a guy having a lot of sexual partners, like we men do about the girl we decide to be with.


I'd far rather have a woman that knows what to do


yes, its cool to be with these types of women- yet for the one I want to call "wife" someday, or serious LTR, I'd rather do the teaching.



the double standard is that men cannot get women for sex as readily as women can get men for sex. and women can readily get NSA sex from men that would not give them the time of day for a relationship.

men typically can only get quick, easy NSA sex from women they would not give the time of day for a relationship.

if it was up to most men, we'd have far more partners than we do manage to get.

its just how it is and it is NOT really a double standard.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 253
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 12:29:17 PM
last I heard that wasn't a bad thing...in fact- the 'best' of men are usually man wh0res. women know this, that's why they don't get to twisted about a guy having a lot of sexual partners, like we men do about the girl we decide to be with.


Wow. That is the biggest load of crap I've read in a long time!
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 255
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 12:43:32 PM

Wow. That is the biggest load of crap I've read in a long time


so you're saying women do NOT know this?


It's no good if all she knows how to do is totally different from what you want...


what I might want for 1 night is going to be different from what I want to invest my time and energy and life into.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 256
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 12:53:42 PM
if it was up to most men, we'd have far more partners than we do manage to get.


Some experienced men have had enough partners that now we seek only quality and lasting relationships instead of still being stuck in the teenage mode of lust for just any female..


when a woman is known has had a lot of partners, it shines a light to her character that she does not have much respect


You have much to learn, little grasshopper. Eventually you may find a woman with patience enough to teach you.. Even in your #1 role...


 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 257
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 12:57:50 PM
I am soooo WTFing right now.
OP is gone now, hope he found his sacrificial virgin.....
 OSUguy99
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 258
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 12:59:51 PM
the supposed double standard really isnt one as boondock pointed out. maybe the top 20 percent of men can be man whores. while 90 percent of women can be sluts. its like a stand up i saw. i know fat ugly sluts. i know no fat ugly studs. i think primarily where the behavior comes from is if im a guy who say in most peoples minds is a 8 or 9, women in the 5, 6, 7, variety will be throwing themselves at you sexually in hopes of winning over the stud. i believe thats where the negative connotation of slut comes in. when someone tells me a girls a slut, i image a girl who would rather frequent bars and clubs and throw themselves at guys outta their league who would never date them, because a) they havent learned the difference between guys who will bang them or date them or b) they do know but would rather be guy a's slut than guy b's girlfriend. to me thats why there is no double standard unless your the top percentile of men its hard to be a stud. if your an average looking woman its easy to be a slut. for me as a pretty average looking guy to be a stud id have to be willing to dip into the larger lady club and generally lower my standards alot. alot more guys would be sluts if women outta our league who wouldnt date us would still sleep with us. that only seems to work for women though.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 259
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 1:06:17 PM

of course, bottom line is "will she be faithful" to me- but still- when a woman is known has had a lot of partners, it shines a light to her character that she does not have much respect for themselves.


Really????? Really, really??????

What do you define as "a lot " then,,,,for future reference???? Don't forget to put their ages along with those magically numbers you have in that mind of yours before you type. And think long and hard,,,cause you are starting to reconfirm a lot of my thoughts on your comments,,,,here and there.

I'd love to know the correlation between the "amount" of sexual partners and the character of a person. I mean really,,,,expand your thoughts. Won't take long I am sure.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 260
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 1:08:11 PM
the supposed double standard really isnt one as boondock pointed out. maybe the top 20 percent of men can be man whores. while 90 percent of women can be sluts. its like a stand up i saw. i know fat ugly sluts. i know no fat ugly studs. i think primarily where the behavior comes from is if im a guy who say in most peoples minds is a 8 or 9, women in the 5, 6, 7, variety will be throwing themselves at you sexually in hopes of winning over the stud. i believe thats where the negative connotation of slut comes in. when someone tells me a girls a slut, i image a girl who would rather frequent bars and clubs and throw themselves at guys outta their league who would never date them, because a) they havent learned the difference between guys who will bang them or date them or b) they do know but would rather be guy a's slut than guy b's girlfriend. to me thats why their is no double standard unless your the top percentile of men its hard to be a stud. if your an average looking woman its easy to be a slut. for me as a pretty average looking guy to be a stud id have to be willing to dip into the larger lady club and generally lower my standards alot.


I've been saying this quite a bit. on these boards and in this thread as well- women just do not want to admit the fact that the guy they can go get for a 1 nighter or quick sex is way out of her league....

its part of the reason guys typically don't want these women.

I'll never lower my standards, even for a quick hitter- even though I've come close a time or two....but I started shaking at the thought of it.


additionally- its why as a man, if you want to get married and you have yourself together- you can rather easily find attractive woman who are ready!!

maybe that is why women have lower self esteem and not as much self respect for themselves? as a rule?

not sure.


Really????? Really, really??????

What do you define as "a lot " then,,,,for future reference???? Don't forget to put their ages along with those magically numbers you have in that mind of yours before you type. And think long and hard,,,cause you are starting to reconfirm a lot of my thoughts on your comments,,,,here and there.

I'd love to know the correlation between the "amount" of sexual partners and the character of a person. I mean really,,,,expand your thoughts. Won't take long I am sure.


how many?


(not counting me) one plus the number of "relationships" she's been in ... give or take 1-2....


^^^Since you're older than I am, the women that are your peers typically will have had more lovers than the ones in my age group.

Additionally- it is a reason why I prefer younger women (even though I have been all over the board in the age of women I've been with)....

 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 261
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 1:36:44 PM
^^^^^ Define "relationship"...........


this is getting good

And I don't think you actually defined what you consider "a lot"......... or are you saying,,,anything OVER the amount of relationships,,,,within 1 or 2,,,,is "a lot"?????
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 262
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 1:48:15 PM

maybe that is why women have lower self esteem and not as much self respect for themselves? as a rule?


Finally figured out that is clearly just trolling for attention, well no more from this reporter..

Ladies, have at em...
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 263
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 1:49:57 PM
^^^^No thanks....not worth the time or trouble. Some things and people cannot be fixed.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 265
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 2:09:52 PM

Finally figured out that is clearly just trolling for attention, well no more from this reporter..

Ladies, have at em...


not trolling at all....just because you may not agree with my ideas on this subject does not mean I am a troll...


of course i CLEARLY belong to the don't ask, don't tell team.

I don't ask (how many partners she's had)
so Don't tell me (how many partners you've had)

for all I know I know - you could have been a prostitute or a roadie or a straight promiscuous woman before me....

I'll likely never know ...

I live by the policy, what I don't know- won't hurt me (in most cases)
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 266
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 2:57:32 PM
Women grossly underreport the number of men they have been with. You have to look at other behavior and choices that are more public. If she has been a a girl with round heels, the she WILL be faithful. She will stop with sex altogether as soon as she feels she has a nice tight leash on her man. The easy girl, instant slut just add tequila dancing on the bar with her shirt off girl, does not like sex, sex is a tool to achieve security in the moment and long term. He'll marry a freak and find a frigid in his bed instead.

On the other hand, she may be quite honest. 8 seems excessive to me. I got quizzed by the girls about my first times and sexual history and the girls actually threw several out as "not counting" because they were rather incomplete in some way. By count of the younger generation, I have had three lovers, though I know there are a few men who might personally take offense to not being "counted". Still, let's just say she slept with 8, if, in OP's isolated world, this is a huge number, this suggests a value incompatibility that may not be easily overcome between them. He is not being egotistical, he is expressing his experience and values and these are critical areas of compatibility for mates. They need to communicate well enough to find a new balance between them, or their sexual histories will leave their sexual futures askew.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 267
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 3:06:30 PM

women just do not want to admit the fact that the guy they can go get for a 1 nighter or quick sex is way out of her league....

While certainly willing to grant that sometimes shit happens, I myself(and I don't consider myself to be extraordinarily smart, principled, attractive,whatever,over my peer group of females) don't generally go for a quick boink with a guy that I pretty much doubt is going to be around for anything more.
I'm very much one that asks myself if a particular man expressing interest is too good to be true-you know what is said about THAT. And I don't care how much of a "stud" a guy is, if I find myself completely unattracted-or totally mismatched- to his personality and character, why would I stoop to boink him?
As for the OT...poor stick-up-his-ass needs to either get real or move someplace of extremely old-fashioned standards and controlling values for women still exist.
While I in no way advocate deliberate/direct dishonesty, I question why the OP's gf gave him the complete provenance,chapter and verse, of her sexual history. IF there are no offspring, diseases, infestations, or criminality involved-how is it any of his business.

Gentlemen, if you really want to be sure that your gfs are as pure as the driven snow-again, you need to start getting them at just legal age out of a very old-fashioned and moralistic environment. Given that background,I suspect that you won't get between her legs until a ring is on her finger.
IOW, good luck with that.


additionally- its why as a man, if you want to get married and you have yourself together- you can rather easily find attractive woman who are ready!!

is that ALL you look for in a marriage partner? just that they are "attractive" and "ready to get married"?

REALLY!?? You don't consider compatible values, an attraction bond that goes DEEPER than Willy's opinion? You don't
look at her philosophy of marriage roles? Her earning power? That you are both on the same page about having children(or not?)
No wonder the divorce stats are so high.

Since you're older than I am, the women that are your peers typically will have had more lovers than the ones in my age group.

On the surface, that statement ALMOST makes sense, if we look at simply time spent on the planet. BUT-many times the women in walts peer group may have been in very longterm marriages or committed relationships prior to coming back into the dating pool. Here's another piece of news for y'all, the "Sexual Revolution" did not hit with the same intensity at the same time "across the board". I think it is women UNDER 40 who are much more apt to have been involved in a lot more casual sexual encounters,simply because for many women over 40, casual sex, serial dating, one nighters,etc. were NOT the norm, were not as common as some would like to think. Getting a rep as "easy" was a big(negative) deal.I am not saying that this was either good or bad, right or wrong...it just was how things were,in much of everyday US social standards. In my opinion, it is the YOUNGER women who had more of the "anything goes/who cares"attitude,overall. Yes, we do have pockets of more rigid/double standards-but I think now it isn't so much about an across-the-board social construct,to do with "preservation of reputation", as it is MEN who feel that they can only impress women with very little sexual experience.

maybe that is why women have lower self esteem and not as much self respect for themselves? as a rule?

If you are finding women with self-respect/self esteem issues, it is because that is the type of woman you are looking for.
And, here's another factor...just because a woman does not chain her sexuality in a corner,because she enjoys sex,is her own person and knows that she is NOT just a life support for a vagina and a "good reputation",does not mean she has low ANYTHING-except maybe patience with hypocritical men.
Sorry, saint-meaning you no personal disrespect,but a woman with more liberal standards of sexual behavior is not necessarily suffering from self-respect/self-esteem issues. I do not disagree that the woman who "puts out" because she thinks that she has no other worthy qualities,does exist, but it's very far from being any "norm" or "universal truth". IMO, if you are finding lots of women with low self esteem, it must be because that's what you are seeking. Whether you are conscious of that or not.
Cindy O
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 270
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 7:46:24 PM
so you're saying women do NOT know this?


It seems to me like you're trying to say that women couldn't care less if men are whores, and do you really expect me to believe that men overall care about how many sexual partners his lady had before him? Give me a break.

For the record, I do care about the number of partners a man had.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 272
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 8:14:20 PM
"Have a look at most women's profile headlines on here... most are looking for my soul mate, no players please, honest only... why do you think this is?... its because they have all been cheated on or been mucked around."
----------------
So men have never been cheated upon, huh? Are women so innocent in your mind or do you just hate being a man or what? Women cheat and have cheated on men at least as much as men have cheated on them. Don't be a complete fool. And by the way, what a woman tells you (or writes) doesn't always have to be the truth. *laugh*

"As ya say, most blokes will cheat given half the chance, while most women will stay faithful!"
-----------------
Most guys, huh? You must be talking about yourself. You're probably a feminist, too - praising women and their rights and bashing down on men. You need a reality check, dude.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 274
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/21/2010 11:50:44 PM
I stand by my initial response to this topic, which was:

I think you have a whole different problem, which is that apparently you think this girl about whom you needed to know more is your girlfriend. Since you're still looking and she's still insisting on condoms, probably because she knows you're still looking, I'm guessing she might not agree with that assessment.

Also, you can't add. That's 7 guys before you. Two in relationships, 5 one-night stands (which included 2 unprotected). Two plus five is seven. You're #8. Not that it matters - it really, really doesn't. IMO she should've told you to just accept that of course she had a past, as surely do you, instead of giving exact details.

If you want to find a virgin, get thee to a nunnery. If you want an exclusive involvement with this girl, get off of POF, grow up a little, and deal in reality. Pick one.

It is safe to have sex with her without a condom if you have been exclusive for at least six consecutive months (which does not appear likely on your side) and at this point both test negative for STDs. There are a few "sleepers" that can take longer than that to incubate, but they are not all that likely. And if you have, in fact, been exclusive for two years, then you're thoroughly covered for all incubation periods, even the least likely things. Get tested!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 276
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 4:41:43 AM
And I don't think you actually defined what you consider "a lot"......... or are you saying,,,anything OVER the amount of relationships,,,,within 1 or 2,,,,is "a lot"?????

According to the Guy's Double Standard Rule Book, ``a lot'' mean the same number of partners the guy has had and ``too many'' means a greater number of partners than the guy has had. The Book also defines ``partner'' according to guys as anyone with whom a woman has had oral (giving or receiving), vaginal or anal sex and it defines ``partner'' according to women as whatever a woman wants it to mean so that she can tell her current boy friend she hasn't had ``too many'' or even ``a lot'' of partners.

Have a look at most women's profile headlines on here... most are looking for my soul mate, no players please, honest only... why do you think this is?... its because they have all been cheated on or been mucked around.

Actually, I'd say they put that in their profiles because thy aren't very imaginative and they think in cliches. They can't very well say, ``No `Nice Guys.' Looking for hot, well hung former womanizer with sudden late life conversion to monogamous lifestyle.''

How many blokes put that?

Blokes write things which are equally cliche and trite.

As ya say, most blokes will cheat given half the chance, while most women will stay faithful!

Here on planet Earth, chastity belts have gone out of fashion and cheating is a little more equally shared between the sexes. Women are probably better at duping their parters than guys are.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 277
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 8:57:35 AM
Once in awhile a topic comes along that I cannot resist tossing a grenade into. this has become one of them.

This is mostly directed to the guys but gals are welcome to give opinions and rebuttals;
When a woman who feels that full disclosure is the only proper way to handle information about her sexual past-IF she has been a victim of coerced sex,rape, or sexual abuse in childhood-whether or not there was ever any report, investigation, prosecution- does she report these situations as a separate category, or can she just lump them in with the number of partners? What if she was gang-raped by half-a-dozen guys in one incident, and was afraid for whatever reason ,to report and pursue criminal prosecution? Does she have to count each rapist separately, or can she consider it as a single one-night stand?

No, believe me, I am as serious as a tree full of owls here. Given the number of guys who seem to actually subscribe to the idea that a woman can actually have been with "too many" men-can you appreciate that many women STILL do not report sexual crimes?
Really, I want to hear your thoughts.
And again, just for the record, my position is that while number of sexual partners per se isn't important, if there are children, a history of disease, or documentation of sexually-related legal issues,those probably should be shared with a potential SO.
Cindy O
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