Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 278
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??Page 7 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
^^^^^^ What you are actually seeing ladyc is not a character flaw in women who supposedly have sex "too many" times, but, in fact,,,,the weakness of some men. You know,,,those tough,strong,solid intelligent types whom have the uncanny ability to put things into perspective and to be able to decide on the "importance" of others,and their past actions. It's called perspective,,,,but when you can only "see" one way,,,there is no way that their opinions can even come close to bending,,,let alone change. Most of them find it "easier" on them if they just "don't know", so if I was a woman I wouldn't tell my BF or SO squat about anything. Way simplier,,,for those that like simple.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 280
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 10:54:09 AM
No, believe me, I am as serious as a tree full of owls here. Given the number of guys who seem to actually subscribe to the idea that a woman can actually have been with "too many" men-can you appreciate that many women STILL do not report sexual crimes?

Are you implying that women don't report sex crimes because when it happens the first thing that crosses their minds is that it will up their partner counts? Do you consider rape to be a sexual experience? Seriously, if a woman doesn't report a sexual assault and she made a choice to not report it, not reporting it was her choice. If there are men who would not date a woman because she was raped, then would a rape victim really want to date any of those men? For some reason, all of your dating scenarios and replies seem to be based on the idea that women should tell guys what they think guys want to hear rather than risk being rejected by guys who wouldn't like a woman if he knew the truth about her. You seem rather bitter.

Really, I want to hear your thoughts.

My thoughts are that you are being ridiculous in order to obfuscate something simple. If you object to telling someone your sexual history, don't tell him. Lie. Make something up. Do whatever you think is best. Don't complain about the long term result. No matter what you tell people, someone will not date you because of it, others will date you because of it and still others won't care. It seems to me that the simplest thing to do is just be honest and let the cards fall where they may. The ultimate irony would be to land a guy who would be horrified if he knew your sexual history and miss out on a guy who would consider your sexual history a plus all because you were scheming to avoid telling anyone the truth.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 281
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 10:54:59 AM
Make no mistake, I intend absolutely NO insensitivity or disrespect to women who are survivors of sexual violence or abuse. Technically speaking, well-informed people know that most rapes are not really about sex at all, but about violence, power, control, humiliation.
But not everyone is that well-informed, or compassionate. As I said, it seemed like a great "grenade" subject to me.
edit to remind some that I SAID it was a 'grenade'-NOT a personal opinion, experience, agenda or whatever-I made NO statement as to what any woman should or should not do or say. And let me simply point out that as I understand it, many women DO choose not to report sexual assault for various fears about privacy, reputation, having to "relive" something that cannot be undone...
And do victims of OTHER crimes have a "shield law" that automatically keeps their identity out of the media?
Nope, no personal agenda particularly, just wanted to stir things up...OK, a slight leaning to an opinion that the 'double standard' is STILL in play-but tossing a "grenade" really makes people THINK!
Cindy O

 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 282
view profile
History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 2:07:57 PM
Some threads should be put to rest.....along with many of the opinions in it.
This is one of them.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 283
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 2:12:16 PM

Well, this may be a shock to you, but Yes, men do care...


Perhaps it has already been mentioned in this thread, but the only time I think a man should care if his partner had too many sex partners in the past, is if she had more than he did.

If he had more sexual partners or the same number of partners his s/o had, then the multiple partners she had before him shouldn't be a concern let alone an issue.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 284
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 3:00:11 PM
Wow! Where to start?
Geesh OP .....you're quite insecure!

Like others have said, don't ever ask a question you don't want the answer to...
Who cares about her number? You could think of a higher number positively...like as in they test drove MANY cars yet chose to buy yours...for whatever reason. You may not have been the best in bed but you have something she likes. Put your little ego aside and ask her to help you be better in bed...ask her to tell you what she likes and if there was anything last lovers did that you could do your version of.

Also, by bugging out on her answer, you're training her to lie to you to avoid hurting your ego...insecurity, especially in men is unattractive...she may put up with it for awhile but will start yearning for a real man....thats where the bad-boy player comes along and then REALLY puts your ego into the blender!

10 men at 28? ..dude she's practically a virgin!
Heck, I'm 44 and have only had 19 since I was 15... but I was married for 18 years (with her for 19).
My current GF was only at 9 when we met...she's 22.
She's up to 13 now....though! Lol


 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 285
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 3:20:53 PM

My current GF was only at 9 when we met...she's 22.
She's up to 13 now....though! Lol

Are you telling us you are a multiple personality? LOL!
Seriously, though, OP, he's right. These days, one is certainly entitled to expect to be informed about any consequences of sexual activity that might have a significant impact...like children(that the person has responsibilities too) or STDs/STIs. Other than that I don't think anybody actually "owes" a comprehensive detailed report of their sex life to their current SO. If they WANT to share that, fine...but I think this thread points out how that might be a BAD idea if one's partner is insecure, prudish, or actually does have very deep religious convictions about a partner's sexual past. My thinking about those that have such deep convictions is that they probably would be appalled at the idea of using the internet for dating, anyway.

ask her to tell you what she likes and if there was anything last lovers did that you could do your version of.

Nope, I'm going to partially disagree here. Chances are that she could herself be quite insecure, may have participated in sexual encounters because she thought that was the best way to keep a guys' interest and develop a relationship-that's sure what it sounds like to me. If the OP wants to explore providing her with greater sexual pleasure that's fine, but the previous relationships and encounters need to be left OUT of the discussion.
Cindy O
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 286
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 3:40:09 PM
Who cares about her number?

I have a theory about that. If the number matters to a guy it's only because he needs to know which reason he needs to whine about it regardless of whether the number is 0 or 1000. For example, if the woman's number is 30, he'll worry about how many guys were better/bigger/hotter/whatever than he is. If her number is 0, that won't be any better because he'll worry that she'll want to find out what sex is like with guys who are better/bigger/hotter/whatever. If a guy really doesn't care, he'll be unfazed by knowing what it is and talking about it won't be a big deal. (Women aren't much better about this.)

Nope, I'm going to partially disagree here. Chances are that she could herself be quite insecure, may have participated in sexual encounters because she thought that was the best way to keep a guys' interest and develop a relationship-that's sure what it sounds like to me.

That would be one way she'd lose my interest. If a woman is going to have sex, she shouldn't make excuses or apologize for it. Putting that off the guy because she is doing it to maintain a guys interest and develop a relationship is just lame. I'd rather have a woman who will just admit to having sex because she liked it.

If the OP wants to explore providing her with greater sexual pleasure that's fine, but the previous relationships and encounters need to be left OUT of the discussion.

Well, if it bothers the guy, perhaps he shouldn't ask, but it wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't expect a woman to be ashamed of her past.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 287
view profile
History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 3:41:53 PM
^^^if a guy REALLY DOESN'T CARE....

the topic will never be discussed!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 288
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 3:51:34 PM
^^^if a guy REALLY DOESN'T CARE....

the topic will never be discussed!

I really don't care about the video games my fiancee plays on her xbox, but that topic gets discussed. Given the way women reply to these threads, I can think of lots of reasons to discuss the topic, none of which have anything to do with a numerical answer, but everything to do with a woman's inhibitions and attitudes towards sex, both of which I do care about. I like women who are uninhibited and unapologetic for liking sex and having done what they like.
 someguybehindascreen
Joined: 8/29/2010
Msg: 289
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 3:58:18 PM
8 is not a lot....as a matter of fact I probably wouldn't date a girl who'd only been with 8 guys...she's probably a prude or boring in bed
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 291
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 4:06:06 PM

8 is not a lot....as a matter of fact I probably wouldn't date a girl who'd only been with 8 guys...she's probably a prude or boring in bed


^^That is a rather stupid way of thinking, wouldn't you say? If I found out a guy had no more than 5 sexual partners throughout his lifetime, I would never assume he's a prude or a snooze in bed.

Some people are choosy about their sex partners, and I'm one of those people. If it makes people prudes for having 8 sexual partners, or less throughout their lifetime then I say more power to them.


How would he know without asking...


Some people are open books. If she doesn't tell him, then he'll probably end up asking.

I asked a guy ONE time how many women he slept with, and his answer was 10. Actually, around 10. I was actually surprised because I expected a bigger number.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 292
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 4:14:26 PM
Ive been with women that have had a small amount of sexual partners that have been great in bed.


And then Ive been with women, that have had more than their fair share of experience in the bedroom, and they werent all that.


Honestly, the number of partners someone has had, means d*ck, in terms of their skills in the bedroom.


Just sayin'
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 294
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 4:25:24 PM
Are you telling us you are a multiple personality?


No, we're in an open relationship...

As far as thinking its a bad idea to ask her to tell what others have done that she liked.... nonsense...I'd rather have a girl who is not shy about getting what she wants and doesn't appologize for getting or liking it! If its something I can emulate by all means teach me to do it! What better way to keep her satified than to be an amalgam of all her past lovers?

Damn! People need to get over their insecurities!
Learn constantly and become better.

I was with one girl who would trip if I took her to a romantic place that I had taken someone else to... WTF?
If I think something that I discovered with another is good then I want to share it with who I'm with now!
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 295
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 4:52:31 PM

(ladyc4) Does she have to count each rapist separately, or can she consider it as a single one-night stand?


What an absolutely grotesque thing to say.

Dr. ES...
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 296
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:00:38 PM
Wow, only 8 and she's either a prude or boring? I'd be insulted if I was not laughing so hard.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 300
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:27:29 PM

If her numbers were in the 40-80 people range at that age I might begin to question her past choices but really she sounds like a good girl with a fvcked up controlling boyfriend.


I'm baffled about how anyone could even consider 8 sexual partners as too many. Then, we have people thinking if someone hasn't slept with more than 8 partners, that person is either a prude or is a dud in bed.

Talk about a no win situation.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 301
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:31:01 PM
I just thought of this while reading some of the replies here............

I haven't been counting!!!!!!

What do I do now????

Actually it came to me when I got a e-mail on FB thingy from an old friend,,,a girl from highschool who decided to reminice about an evening the two of us shared one night. No intercourse, but she decided to bring it up because she always kept that night(and me supposedly) close to her heart because of what doors(for lack of a better word) I opened for her thru our actions. Who knew???? Kinda scarey though that we "remembered" the little stuff that went on, but cool at the same time. Past partners are not always a bad thing in my mind.

Done playing. Can I have my snack now??????
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 302
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:31:16 PM

(RushLuv) I'm baffled about how anyone could even consider 8 sexual partners as too many. Then, we have people thinking if someone hasn't slept with more than 8 partners, that person is either a prude or is a dud in bed.

Talk about a no win situation.


It'd only be a no-win if it was the same guy who held both thoughts, i.e. "If a woman has had 8 partners, that's too many, and also not enough!"

Dr. ES...
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 303
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:34:31 PM


What better way to keep her satified than to be an amalgam of all her past lovers?


Because average, is never as good as being the best?


I don't see how learning to do all the best things from past lovers and adding them to my bag of tricks makes for AVERAGE. Taking the best of everything should make you the best!

It's funny that that is exactly what people do in the swinger community...they learn new tricks constantly from new people... most of the couples I talked with say no matter how good a new partner is they can never match their current partner due to always learning new tricks plus the emotional connection!
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 305
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 6:23:36 PM
You seriously thought she was a 28 year old virgin? SERIOUSLY???
 Billy_Famine
Joined: 8/3/2010
Msg: 306
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 6:25:36 PM
Are you KIDDING!?!?!

The only time I ever freak out is when she IS A VIRGIN!
 Billy_Famine
Joined: 8/3/2010
Msg: 307
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 6:26:25 PM

You seriously thought she was a 28 year old virgin? SERIOUSLY???


Nail on the coffin with this one.
 FyrKrakn
Joined: 2/21/2010
Msg: 309
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:59:55 PM
I feel so virginal and pure, it's making me cry.

Back to original OP, he has a problem, the problem is that his set of values, likely unchangeable unless he maes an effort and is motivated to do so, do not match up well with his girlfriend's values. This is a doomed relationship. Friends can have differing values, but sexual intimates cannot maintain a sexually intimate relationship when their sexual values are so grossly disparate. Yes, OP has a double standard. He either needs to change or find a woman with similar standards.
 Iknowthings
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 310
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/22/2010 9:45:13 PM
This isn't unusual. People are lying to themselves and you if they tell you that you shouldn't feel jealous of your lover. The thing is to not Act Out the jealousy. Also, casual relationships cause jealousy, among other things. Bad things cause bad things.
If you succeed in not acting out your jealousy, you will feel victorious after awhile. If you can't control your jealousy, then you should get away and find something that takes all your free time up. I don't know. Chain yourself to a radiator? Just kidding. But, you've got to get away if your going to play into people's hands as the "bad guy" by acting out jealousy. Remember, girls are insanely jealous too--if that helps. Look for jealousy in her, it might make you feel better that your normal.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >