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 HereN916
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 311
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??Page 8 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
let her go so she can meet someone who isn't so insecure because you aren't going to be able to handle the thought of her possibly having a better lover than you. And because of that you will make her pay emotionally and she will end up walking on eggshells. Then the next relationship you become involved in, don't ask. Other than possible helath issues, it isn't any of your business. There is no magic number that is going to be the right answer and what is up with the counting anyway? Geezus.....
 clockwork lime
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 314
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/25/2010 1:29:02 PM
From the OP


You see shes always made out that she is very shy and wouldnt be
with anyone before me, but now told me shes gone out with 2 guys and
had sex with these.



Also she's told me she's had sex with 5 other men on one night stands, and 2 of those were unprotected when she said she
was just lucky to avoid becoming pregnant.


Perhaps it's the lack of honesty and this girl's poor choices that are bothering the OP more than the actual numbers of partners.
After all, if she's acting one way (all shy and innocent) with the OP, and then he finds out after 2 years of dating her that she's hopped into bed with 5 guys on the first meet, he's gotta be wondering just exactly who this girl is. She's obviously not the same person who she led him to believe she was. She has altered her behaviour to be with the OP, and of course he's not comfortable with that. This, perhaps, more than the actual numbers, is why he has trouble letting go of the issue. What else is she leading him on about?

People don't just change overnight.

I would be a little put off by a 28 year old woman who's admitted to sleeping with 8 men too. It seems a bit much.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 316
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/25/2010 1:56:16 PM

As for her having a better lover than me...
Well, we know the odds of that increase with every partner...
If she's had one other partner, you only have a 50% chance of being her best lover...
If she's had 9 other partners the odds are down to 10%...
If she's had 24 other partners, you're down to only 4% odds...
Currently my odds are lower than that...

Only if you're average.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 319
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/25/2010 9:42:58 PM

That's not necessarily true. Some of us are just naturally awesome.


Took the words right outta my mouth.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 320
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/26/2010 4:06:17 AM
Well, I'm not 'insecure'

Yeah sure and everyone belives you too.

but I'd be happier if my G/F had less partners...

Why?What does it matter?She is with you now and has chosen to stay with you,although if she knows how you view her I would have to wonder why.

I prefer to buy new rather than used... I don't buy or wear recycled clothes from other people... I don't eat other people's leftovers... Given the choice, a new car over a used one... I have raised all my pets from puppies and kittens, not acquired as older animals... I don't share very well... I don't drink from other people's glasses, bottles etc... I dislike antiques...

So you equate people to objects then? A person is not a car and if you truly equate people to cars and you want new,then you had better start looking for a 14 year old virgin straight off of one of those polygamist compounds or out of an Amish community.


either she's too fussy... or ALL those men ahead of you found her lacking in some way... And NONE of them thought she was good enough in bed to outweigh any other concerns....

Why would you assume that those were actual relationships and not just sexual relationships?Maybe both just wanted to have sex and each found the other compatible in that way.Maybe neither wanted a relationship at all at that time.Not all relationships,in fact I don't believe most are meant to last all our lives.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 322
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/26/2010 11:54:18 AM

That's not necessarily true. Some of us are just naturally awesome.


Uh-huh1

I'd rather be humble, learn continuosly and be able to read well and apply what I've learned on the fly!

No ONE technique works on everyone.... I like when a woman can tell/teach me something that her past lovers did that she liked!

As for that making for AVERAGE? I say thinking you were born with the talent, that you.re above average in talent and being intimidatedc by women with lots of experience...well THAT makes you AVERAGE!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 323
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/26/2010 6:00:51 PM
Promiscuity though, is undesirable in either sex and shows a lack of discernment and self control.


Only for SOME! Having had lots of sex doesn't mean a lack of self control.....it could mean a high degree of sel control! Control over oneself to over come societal stigmas place on us to control us!

Hitler had said that it's easier to control a populace is sex is shunned....the freer people feel sexually the freer they'll feel to question other aspects of life.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 324
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/26/2010 10:58:01 PM
Hugo,

I enjoyed reading your situation and have this ti say:


I've been around the block a few times but it's different for girls
-right?


Tsk, tsk, tsk, why would it be different? Face it, you have just said a comment from an old mentality. You gonna tell me next that women should stay at home and raise the kids while the men go to work? C'mon, we're in the year 2010!


should she just have kept this stuff to herself, which would have meant she wasn't fully honest with me?


You are complicating things here for nothing. Do you want her to be honest with you or not? If she tells you something that you find rather difficult to hear, guess who's problem that is. If you ask me, a couple should be open with each other about what is important to them.

If she is on the pill, it is safe to have sex without a condom... that's why she's on the pill. Granted the pill is not 100% but, it is very safe!
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 325
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/27/2010 12:39:05 PM
you dont ever ask. you should know better by now.

and unless she has invited them all over for an orgy, it is none of your concern. Get over the jr high attitude. Next you will be saying all girls are sl*ts because there are girls in porn, I mean look at them !
 Banic
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 326
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/27/2010 12:45:18 PM
Hugo drop your ego if you know for sure she cheated on you it isnt worth it and also if you do have an STD thats your own fault for not using condoms that you can get for free and also not getting an STD test before you guys started sleeping together
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 328
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/27/2010 1:31:50 PM
you dont ever ask. you should know better by now.


I don't see anything wrong with asking about past sexual partners, per se. As a matter of fact, I think it might be better to ask. Therefore, if you are one those people that get offended about the number of previous partners someone (say if it was a good number) had, then at least you'll know who to avoid. Like I stated previously, I only asked one guy so far (we dated, I slept with him) and he said his number was 10. To me, that is pretty low for a guy.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 330
view profile
History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/27/2010 3:33:12 PM

I think for a lot of guys, 5 is about average... at least in my male friends...
I know very few guys who have had more than 5 partners...

And yet you brag about all your male friends being such players and
not having monogomy with their FWB's.

Funny how your answers suit your needs to make a point
 Tigerbabygirl
Joined: 10/25/2010
Msg: 332
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/27/2010 3:53:49 PM
or some like my ex had four in the span of 8 months, didn't even bother to find out the previous 30 some years...too scary.
 Proventus
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 333
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/27/2010 5:27:12 PM
Some people spend their lives keeping score. Sad.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 334
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/27/2010 6:55:55 PM

I think for a lot of guys, 5 is about average... at least in my male friends...
I know very few guys who have had more than 5 partners...


I had 5 before I was 18!!! Now at 44 I'm at 19 which is very low.... most of the guys I work with are in their 20's and had more than 5 this summer!
I got married at 18...divorced at 37....totally monogamous,... then also was in a 4 year monogamous LTR.


5......?
 niagara45
Joined: 8/15/2010
Msg: 336
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/27/2010 11:20:37 PM
I've read quite a bit of this thread and I still can't figure out why people care. As long as your partner is over 18 and free from disease, why is the number relevant? Last time I checked, it wasn't a crime for consenting adults to have sex with as many people as they want. Who is it hurting if the number is high?
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 337
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/28/2010 3:04:16 AM

I've read quite a bit of this thread and I still can't figure out why people care. As long as your partner is over 18 and free from disease, why is the number relevant? Last time I checked, it wasn't a crime for consenting adults to have sex with as many people as they want. Who is it hurting if the number is high?


We have a WINNER!!!
 niagara45
Joined: 8/15/2010
Msg: 339
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/28/2010 9:49:58 AM
Because it all boils down to personal preference...


Yes, but....


Why do you care what clothes you wear? Pink, or purple... loose or tight... Or what colour your house or car is... ? Date only blondes or redheads or brunettes or people who are in good phyiscal shape or not... Personal preference...


See, all the things you have mentioned above have to do with the physical aspect of things, as I see it. Those things are, in fact, just preference. I get that. When you are talking about a person's ACTIONS, it is different, IMO. Every one would want a "good" person over a "not good" person, obviously. What I was trying to ask was why someone would automatically believe that a woman (since the OP was specifically about his GF) would be not be good for him simply based on her number of past partners. I guess what I am wondering is if a woman was great in every possible way, except that one thing, what makes that one thing the trump all the good stuff?

I would not be cool with a person who had lots of partners while he was in a monogamous relationship, or with someone who took advantage of people to get sex, but if it he just happened to have a "high" (?) number of consensual partners in his past, I couldn't care less. ( already addressed the health issue)
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 340
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/28/2010 10:22:58 AM
why is the number relevant?


Yeah. I have always wondered why women on the Maury show flip out, when they hear the number of partners their s/o has slept with.

The number is relevant to some because of the fact that having slept with a number of sexual partners, the person who is concerned either has fear of catching a disease (or a number of diseases) or has come to the conclusion that the person with a number of sexual partners is a whore/man-whore with no morals.


Some people spend their lives keeping score. Sad.


I couldn't agree more with this. If I may say so, I think keeping score makes the braggers feel superior to those of us that have less sex partners.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 341
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/28/2010 10:25:34 AM

Because it all boils down to personal preference...

Indeed it does. So, the OP thinks however many prior sexual partners his gf had is "too many". Why is he here asking opinions? He's the one seeing this woman, if he believes she's had more sexual partners than he personally prefers, he should just dump her and get on with his life!
Cindy O
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 342
view profile
History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/28/2010 10:32:48 AM
8 people by age 28?. If she's been having sex since she was 16, that's just a little over 1 every 2 years.



That's almost a born again virgin
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 344
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/28/2010 12:05:12 PM

Ok, what about two women who are great in every possible way, except that one thing... One has lots of partners, one has very few...

Unless we're talking about the doublemint twins, I'm sure how applicable that scenario is to the real world.

Not all those reasons are sound ones...
And sound reasons vary from person to person...

Let's just call a spade a spade. It's a matter of prefrence that requires no justification. If that matters to someone, it matters. If that preference is getting in the way of relationships, then something has to give. Coming up with a lot of rationaliozations for something that has no rational basis is just going to make it that much more difficult resolve the kind of dilemma the OP has. He just has to make a choice. Deal with it or find a new partner.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 345
view profile
History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/28/2010 12:19:21 PM
Deal with it or find a new partner.


Exactly.

You ever seen the movie Chasing Amy? A guy loses an otherwise good girlfriend because he had mistaken ideas about who she had been with in the past, not because she misled him but because he jumped to erroneous conclusions. When he finds out, he's upset and loses her, later to realize he blew it.

You should never, ever, ever ask a partner how you compare to former partners. EVER! If they want to volunteer that you're "the best" at something, in their opinion, then fine. But the fact that she continues to stay with you means she's found something in you that she hasn't found in other men. Appreciate that.

Don't blow it over something that really doesn't matter. If it bothers you that much, move on. Her past isn't going to change. If it's too much for you, go out and find a virgin.

 niagara45
Joined: 8/15/2010
Msg: 346
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/28/2010 12:35:12 PM

Why?
Are you saying then that ACTIONS have no bearing? That the reasons for those ACTIONS also have no bearing...?


No, that is not at all what I am saying. Obviously, we all judge people by their actions. The distinction I was trying to make is that when you have a strong preference for a physical characteristic of a person, it is kind of a gut thing. You just see a blond and you (for whatever reason ) feel attracted to the blond. It's innate. A strong preference for a physical trait is not easy to explain, because it is often has no basis in rationality. Everyone knows the colour of a person's hair has nothing to do with what kind of a partner a person would be, but for some reason, some people are just attracted to blondes, or brown eyes, or dark skin, whatever. You stated that your desire for a person with a low number was a "preference" but the other examples of "preference" you gave all had to do with the physical.

Now, the "preference" for a person with a high/low number of past sex partners is a rational choice a potential partner makes, so I was simply asking for a rational explanation (preference isn't really rational, as I said) for why the person might feel that way. I was not at all implying that actions have no bearing. It's just a that preference and rational choice are different things, IMO.


But how would you know.. unless you asked for details... or they volunteered those details... and why would whether a person cheated in the past, or took advantage to get sex, etc... have any more bearing on their current behaviour than someone who had lot's of partners in the past... They are all ACTIONS...


As a matter of fact, I do ask early in any relationship if the guy has ever cheated. A surprising number of men admit it. For me, that's a deal breaker. Cheating hurts people, plain and simple. If he didn't understand that or care about it with his previous partner, why would I think he would treat me any better?

The ACTION of cheating or taking advantage of people are hurtful actions, while engaging in protected, consensual sex with a high number of people is not really hurtful.

I have a higher number than one of my coworkers. However, she has been married twice and cheated on both of them. IMO, I am much better "relationship" material than she is. All actions are not equal.
 niagara45
Joined: 8/15/2010
Msg: 348
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/28/2010 3:09:08 PM

it might not be a rational choice though. Many people might see it simply as an 'Ick' factor... Too many past lovers could be simply enough to trigger an 'Ick' response... Some people can't handle seeing blood, or vomit makes them heave...


Well, I can see your point in the sense that some things simply make some people say 'ick' while others are completely unfazed by those same things. However....


Equally, they may get a similar reaction to thinking about their partner fcuking and sucking dozens or other people...


Again, the rationality of that kind of thinking puzzles me. I mean, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about what my partner did sexually before me, but I know some folks go there in their minds for whatever reason. The part I don't get is that if you are so uncomfortable imagining her fukcing and sucking other guys, then shouldn't it bother you if there was even ONE other guy?I mean, if she has had another guy's penis in her, and she has swallowed some other guy's cum, and some other guy has licked her ***** til his tongue spasmed, well, why is THAT not a problem? It only becomes a problem at what number? Two guys**** inside her is cool, but three isn't? Eight guy's**** okay, ten guy's**** not okay? That is the part I don't get. At what number do you say "ick"?


Whether or not you perceive it to be hurtful, or not, it's still a behavior...


You mean some people don't perceive cheating as hurtful? I guess that is only if they don't get caught.


Why would you judge someone by their behaviour 30 years ago and not understand how others may see other behviours as being deal breakers?


Again, some behaviours are hurtful, and some not. I object to the hurtful ones.


because people do change... I used to cheat.


I don't even know you, so I mean no offense, really, but I would wonder why a person felt he had the right to question his partner's "number" when he couldn't even refrain from "fukcing and sucking" someone else while in a committed relationship. I'm seriously not trying to insult you; it is a legitimate question.


Other people might consider that the cheater might have learned her lesson.


Some cheaters do learn, I suppose. It isn't something I'd be willing to take a chance on.


Or feel that they are so 'amazing' that she will not cheat on them...


Huh? So it is up to the non cheating partner to be amazing so the cheater doesn't cheat? How about the cheater takes responsibility for his/her own selfish behaviour?


I myself don't really care if woman cheated on a past husband or not... I'd look at the likelihood of her cheating on me or not...


LOL... I guess you better be pretty amazing 24/7, or it'll be your fault if she goes back to her old ways...by your logic!
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