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 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 349
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??Page 9 of 30    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)

Because people do change... I used to cheat. I haven't in many many years... I won't be cheating ever again...
Whether or not you perceive it to be hurtful, or not, it's still a behavior... and surprisingly, many people have cheated at one time... even if it was only way back in high school.... Why would you judge someone by their behaviour 30 years ago and not understand how others may see other behviours as being deal breakers?


EXACTLY! People DO change. How do you know most of a person's partners weren't many years ago? I had my wild time back when I was younger, but have only been with 1 person in the last 10 years. You gonna judge me for my actions more than 10 years ago, than my actions NOW?

You want people to forgive you for being a cheater when you were younger because you changed, yet you're going to judge a woman for having a higher number of sexual partners EVEN THOUGH, most of them may have been MANY years ago and have no bearing on who she is today?! Double standard much?
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 350
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/28/2010 7:00:52 PM

Ok, what about two women who are great in every possible way, except that one thing... One has lots of partners, one has very few... Now having fewer partners can be the deciding bonus...


Um, (raises hand) I know the answer to this one! Ah number one! The one with more partners... it shows a more open attitude about sex!
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 351
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/28/2010 8:05:24 PM
Thank you for that useful information in msg #363, m church. With me being in my 20's, and STI's rising and condoms being untrustworthy, I suppose I should remain celibate and practice abstinence from now on.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 355
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/29/2010 7:47:50 AM
I can see me finding the man I want to be with and asking him such a ludicrous question.
FFS........I don't want to know as long as he is clean and has eyes for me.

As far as me answering that question to anyone seriously..forget it.

Look me in the face and ask..I'll look back with a straight face and ask if the soccer team in Brazil in the mid 80s count as one.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 356
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 11/29/2010 1:53:09 PM
OP, imo, if she has plaster of Paris of all her past men thingy's on her night stand, maybe so......lmfao



Look me in the face and ask..I'll look back with a straight face and ask if the soccer team in Brazil in the mid 80s count as one.


Never kiss & tell.......lol
 KSCFish33
Joined: 8/26/2010
Msg: 358
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/1/2010 12:03:49 PM
I would like to refer the OP to a movie called Chasing Amy.

Watch it. Watch it a second time. Come back and reread your original post. Answer yourself.
 Sunshine-99
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 359
view profile
History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/1/2010 7:00:51 PM
OP - I think you are driving yourself nuts over this. Just enjoy your woman in the present moment. Forget about the past, # of partners, etc. It's all irrevelent. Focus on how the day was (yours, hers), vacations, friends, TV shows, family, etc. The sex thing is very personal and, perhaps, it would be more appropriate to discuss that at a later time when the relationship is more established, grounded. So remember, don't self-sabotage.
 curmudgeon_ed
Joined: 11/24/2010
Msg: 362
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/5/2010 3:21:39 PM
the only time anyone asks how many people you have bedded are those looking for a lame reason to ditch someone..its the double standard play card at its best..anyone asking isnt looking for the askee to be a potential mate and on the back end is just a parting shot at the askee...its either too many or so few the person is a prude...its one the askee cant win because its a question with both ends played at will against him/her by a hypocrite. the poster isnt asking us to help him find a way to make a decision he plans to make paletable here by asking for permission to dump her because he needs to soothe his mind with what he thinks is a collective norm from a bunch of strangers in a forum discussion..and in most cases the person asking asks AFTER having had sex..to justify the ongoing pattern of relationship addictions he/she suffers with.

 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 363
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/5/2010 7:36:39 PM
Upon, looking over the OT again, I'd like to rise my assessment...
OP, this girl is a TOTAL SLUT.... don't waste another minute if your life with her!
She needs to be cut loose!

After all, she shouldn't stop now..... she'd be better off adding at least ONE more to that number!
And YOU well... you deserve a virgin, my friend! Do yourself a favor and hold out for one..... but don't add to other girls numbers in the meantime or you'll be partially responsible for them not being wanted by someone as well.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 364
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/5/2010 8:10:10 PM
^^^^ she is probably not a slut at all.

anyone on this earth over the age of 15 would know women have the world at their feet, if guys got anywhere near the attention an average to reasonably attractive woman would get then they would be enjoying the benefits as well. we all know even uglier women are worthy for a "lay" by most horny men, come on! anyone want to really say otherwise?

its common sense and away of life. a life only a woman could understand and enjoy.
 Shocknawe7575
Joined: 10/4/2009
Msg: 365
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/6/2010 1:00:30 AM
This is kinda dumb OP. Look the girl had 14 people most of them did not mean much and so you are really only competing with maby 5. LOL "competing " na man my Ex has 40 some guys and she loved me and I her. She would brag about sex with me. In the end most guys probably did not have a lasting memory with her. Besides she is with you now. Only thing I may be a little mifed about is if I knew she had a orgy like a week ago or somthing. Or ran a train. But lot's of partneers don't mean much..

Build a bridge and get over it.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 366
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/6/2010 1:03:24 AM
^^^^^
Only thing I may be a little mifed about is if I knew she had a orgy like a week ago or somthing. Or ran a train.
....unless I wasn't invited!
 Shocknawe7575
Joined: 10/4/2009
Msg: 368
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/6/2010 2:24:30 PM
We are still friends.. Yea man I wont lie she had bad Bi-polar issues, but our issues were not because of her having to many lovers which is what I was referring too. Then again she never knew her dad till like 16 so maybe indirectly it did. But just because someone has a number of exes does not disqualify her IMO.
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 369
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/6/2010 2:36:50 PM
Dude, why should it be different for girls? Are they not allowed to have a fun sex life? It's being unfair and unrealistic, to expect someone to put certain aspects of their lives on hold for you before they ever met you. Many men your age have already slept with more than 14 different woman. And if by chance you asked her to reveal the number of men she slept with, in a way it's your fault for feeling the way you do now. I would never want to know how many men a gf of mine had been with. And if she had slept with the neighborhood, she better keep it to herself or she would be gonzo!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 370
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/6/2010 3:45:48 PM


Ummm If she was all that great, then why is she an Ex? And for that matter, if she was all that great, why didn't any of those 40 other guys want her enough to stay with her?


As always great logic there! .... Um...wasn't YOUR GF a swinger there m-church?
Why didn't any of THOSE guys want her? Hhhmmmm?

For that matter, why would we ever want ANYONE who has been in a relationship before..... oh my gosh! Wouldn't that mean they've been REJECTED?

....according to your logic!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 372
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/6/2010 4:06:29 PM

But really, when the number of times you've been rejected gets very high...

But didn't the OP say that several of these guys were one-nighters by intent? If 2 people agree to have sex with no strings, how is that a rejection??

And I don't recall it being stated that this girl reported that she was the rejectee in all of the situations.
So let's not make her out to be a slut , a swinger, or a pathetic skank that can't keep a boyfriend. She sounds like a woman who did not cower in fear from her sexuality because of the double standard that says men are expected to f*ck anything that will let them, but women must not "give it it up easily", yet be " a good lay".
Cindy O
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 374
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/7/2010 9:34:53 AM
Ummm If she was all that great, then why is she an Ex? And for that matter, if she was all that great, why didn't any of those 40 other guys want her enough to stay with her?

OY VEY! Same stuff with you, different day. People become ex's for all sorts of reasons. Maybe she left the bulk of them ~ ouch, that would really sting, huh? She used them for casual sex and left because she didn't want them. It happens!!

Well, if I wanted to have sex with a woman with no strings attached it's because I already rejected her for anything more than that....

Oh please!

I won't fcuk anything that will let me.... nor have I.... In fact, I prefer to pick and choose... anything too desperate or too easy always got rejected... No challenge...

Just once, one time, uno momento, I'd like to see you post the whole truth ~ rather than this Pollyanna stuff you fill space with here.

Well, I also don't need a woman who may have been a good lay to the last guy(s) she was with... What made her a good lay to them my not be what works for me... In fact my experience so far in life has been the opposite... the women who had the most previous partners were not all that good in bed... I've said this before, I'd rather have an inexperienced woman who is willing to learn and not jaded by it all than try to get her to unlearn something that doesn't work...
If a man can't readily teach a woman how to be good in bed and have fun with him, then he's the one needing lessons...

I'll give you an ounce of real-truth on this one, since it was just yesterday when you posted your GF's past here in forums (yet again), and how sexual she has always been, prior to you ~ yet you posted yesterday that she's not into giving BJs. (Yes, the post was deleted, but I read it prior to deletion.) And here you go ^^^ now clearly stating this gal (the current GF) is not good in bed because she had multiple partners. (It's your verbiage, not mine) ~ I actually feel sorry for her some days when I read how you type about her.

Edit: And plenty of men need lessons. It's not just women who lack sexual skills at times.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 376
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/7/2010 1:18:46 PM

Well, if I wanted to have sex with a woman with no strings attached it's because I already rejected her for anything more than that....

Yes, but you are not every person in the whole wide world. While I don't personally understand nor subscribe to the practice, there are tons of people who chose to come together for a sexual encounter without any thought or intent of "more than that"-so how was either one of those 2 people "rejected?"

In fact my experience so far in life has been the opposite... the women who had the most previous partners were not all that good in bed...

By what YOU consider to be "good in bed". Other partners may have found her to be spectacular, but either it was simply a sexual encounter arrangement, or it was some sort of relationship-that got torpedoed by factors outside of bed. Contrary to what some people believe, ongoing dysfunction and/or malfeasance in other aspects of a relationship cannot always be alleviated by a good f*ck.

try to get her to unlearn something that doesn't work...

Doesn't work for YOU, don't you mean? It might work great for her! Previous partners might have thought what "doesn't work" for you, was heaven for them.
Adding to the turmoil, in most 'relationships', sex is a way of expressing love and closeness, not necessarily a performance to be critiqued.
Cindy O
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 377
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/7/2010 1:55:56 PM
Good Lord another one of these girlfriend had too many boyfriends/sex? when will it end
My impression from all the threads on this topic, always started by insecure losers that they are bitter over someone living or has lived a better life and that there was more to her life than his.

Slick get over it , I'm betting you dont have the balls to tell her what you really think or thought about what she told you in confidence, because you know deep down in your sorry little pathetic excuse of a life that she would bend you over and put the boots to you and kick you to the curb

 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 379
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History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/8/2010 4:17:13 AM
Hugo (OP)

First red flag is that she lied and told you she hadn't been with any guys before. If I'm reading you right, that alone disqualifies her from being girlfriend material. She could have just said she's had other boyfriends and left it at that. But, there is nothing wrong with you asking that question ... as long as you are prepared to know the answer. If you plan on having a long term relationship with someone, the number of sexual partners a woman has had can clue you into a lot about how she views relationships and fidelity. It may not be PC to say this but past actions are good indicators of future behaviors. IE ... She's had a lot of lovers, then she does not take sex seriously. If you guys break up for a few days or weeks, there is a good chance she will have gone out and slept with other men in that short period of time. Would you be okay with that? Wouldn't you rather have a woman who takes her time between boyfriends for self reflection and then only has sex with someone she loves and plans on being with for a long period of time?

Second, 14 guys and she's 28? That means she's just about had sex with every guy she's gone out with. Not to mention, 5 of those guys were one night stands. So, basically, any guy she meets and likes, can get her into bed. There are girls you date and there are girls you make your girlfriend. Let me repeat; She is not girlfriend material. Don't get anymore caught up in her than you already are. Be honest with her and yourself, have your fun and move on. By her own actions, she's let you know that's what she's there for.

Third, it's been 2 years, you are in a monogamous relationship, both of you are STD free (get tested anyway to make sure), she's on the pill but she's still making you use a condom? I don't know her but something sounds off about that.

Last but not least, stop being so insecure. It does not matter how you compare with her other lovers. When she's with you, she's with you. Be there, in the moment, pay attention to her body and learn what turns her on so you can turn her out.Figure out how to do that and there will be no comparison. And, believe me, you will know when you reach that point with her. Hell, she might even snatch the condom off herself. ...lol

In the end your instincts are telling you right. She lies and she's easy to bang. Find someone else who is more inline with what you think a woman should be. 'Cause, from what you are writing, she definitely ain't it.

Lateef
 arturoxyz
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 380
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History
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/8/2010 10:27:22 AM
get over yourself dude.
advice: make a gangbang porno movie with her and be the one filming it....lol
you should be more concerned with AIDS more than anything
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 381
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/8/2010 12:26:05 PM
According to the OT, she somehow gave an impression of being shy and not much given to sexual hi-jinx. I didn't see where it said she claimed to have not been with other men, and I did see where SHE told HIM about her previous sexual encounters. Don't see how that makes her out to be a liar. If she was a liar she'd have simply claimed that her only sexual experience ever was ONE forcible rape that she was afraid to report-which would explain the absence of "evidence of virginity".

There are girls you date and there are girls you make your girlfriend. Let me repeat; She is not girlfriend material

lateef, you're a great guy and it's good to see you back in the forums. Since YOU say it, I will agree that there is a huge double standard still in play. Women who truly enjoy sex need to either get some toys or a discreet FwB, because girlfriend material women don't open their legs until the man in question CONFIRMS that she's his official girlfriend. And somehow or other it's still OK for guys to try and get sex without proving serious intentions and committments? Can a woman ask "how many before me" and reject a guy because "that's too many", without being labeled "b*tch"?
Welcome to 2010 which is actually still 1959.
Nice girls don't.
Or they do and lie about it.
Cindy O
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 382
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/8/2010 12:42:21 PM
I agree that there are girls you date and ones you make your GF ...except to ME the ones you make your GF are the ones everyone else seems to think are sluts.... hey, to each their own..... I'll take the girl who isn't afraid to be who she is!!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 383
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/8/2010 1:30:20 PM
^^^And this is why I you. There are those (here in this particular thread) that bash and trash those that (they think) have had too many partners. Then they hook-up with one of those ladies ~ justifying why (in order to maintain their moral judgment without including their own self in that judgment) continue on talking about the lack of sexual prowess, etc., all the while still bonking 'em at home. That just makes absolutely NO sense to me personally. At least you accept her for who she is ~ not that which others here would like to read about. JMO
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 384
HELP ME - GIRLFRIEND HAS BEEN WITH TOO MANY MEN??
Posted: 12/8/2010 1:37:32 PM
Women who truly enjoy sex need to either get some toys or a discreet FwB, because girlfriend material women don't open their legs until the man in question CONFIRMS that she's his official girlfriend.

Being attracted to men who wouldn't want you for a girlfriend if they knew the real you seems rather pathological. There are men out there who don't adhere to that sort of double standard, so why not just pursue those men? I mean, if a woman can rule out a guy for not being 6' tall or for not wearing a shirt on a profile photo, I'd think ruling out a guy who wouldn't date her if he knew the real her, would be a no brainer.

And somehow or other it's still OK for guys to try and get sex without proving serious intentions and committments?

I think it's okay for both guys and girls to do that, so I'd have to go with ``it's still OK for guys to try and get sex...''

Can a woman ask "how many before me" and reject a guy because "that's too many", without being labeled "b*tch"?

I'm sure a woman can and that some do. That doesn't mean I'm going to let what those women think affect how I live my life or apologize for enjoying myself. You can get away with doing a lot of socially questionable things if you don't try to apologize for it or hide it. People only look down on you when you let them by you acting as though what you've done is wrong. (This applies to a lot more than just sex, so I'm not just saying that because there's a double standard that let's me get away with it.)

Or they do and lie about it.

Lying has it's drawbacks. Who wants to live in fear of having a secret discovered and having everyone find out you lied about it on top of that?
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