Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > A question of discipline...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Gershwin-2
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 126
view profile
History
A question of discipline...Page 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
e: " Fishingexperiment, in reading your posts, you are decidely old-fashioned in your attitudes and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I see th... "

To _Itsallinthesoul_
(Am w Fish'exper.." Not only is it old-fashioned in attitudes, but in sensibilities.

He feelings and visceral inclinations are . As mine are.
 nanj63
Joined: 5/7/2010
Msg: 127
A question of discipline...
Posted: 12/17/2010 12:56:42 PM
I haven't read all the replies to this thread, but I've learned this in the five years since my separation: I have the right to say, "No." I can set a boundary for myself and, excluding rape, if that boundary is violated it's because I didn't make it clear that, while I enjoy sex with the right person at the right time, I'm not promiscuous and it's not my desire to sleep with every man I'm attracted to. So, if he's the gentleman you're looking for and he's as attracted to your personality as he is to your body, he'll respect the boundary as long as you give him the hope that, yes, someday he can have it all - but want "me" first.

We, too, are responsible for our own discipline. What's wrong with us that we give in to the first guy who wants us with so little self-respect that we're not willing to wait for the one who is genuinely looking for long-term? Granted, there aren't many of them, but the few are worth waiting for.
 Gershwin-2
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 128
view profile
History
A question of discipline...
Posted: 12/17/2010 1:08:38 PM
Trendy, yes. Forumologist U r right. Our times has this looseness as the in thing. People wink at it. Thus ppl who otherwise would be more levelheaded, and would be more sensitive about their privacy -- adopt standards or partially adopt standards which, when the opportunity occurs, lead them into what I call being not well directed and not so very honest.

[Quote from Forumologist below]

I've seen in a family member. I've seen it in prospective mates, who when things become a bit demanding mentally...suddenly think their "mother is calling."

They expect exploitation. Or to be uneasy about the possibility of it. They have come to live in a world where taking and furtiveness has become so much more common.

====================
Victorian times was a big step towards anti-pleasure. Queen V., though not completely dumb, was IMHO a bit of a tyrant -- not one of the greatest statespersons. It is said she was a highly sexed person and, I suppose, sometimes afraid of the *forces* of eros.

Very modern times (whatever sexual revolution means,mebe starting w the rumble seat and culminating with the pill) have had good consequences, and not-so-good. I'd say *Brave New World,* if actually read, is a good comment on sexual freedom.

"...s - why doesn't he feel bad. I believe the answer is that he feels general contempt for women and...

Thankfully many men are not like this - but many are. You can read thousands of links on google on how to fool women into sleeping with you and then dump them. It's TRENDY and people are stupidly lapping it up, building up kharmic burden on themselves.

OP - Well said. I salute you. Don't back down. "
 bikenurse7
Joined: 11/21/2010
Msg: 129
A question of discipline...
Posted: 12/19/2010 3:48:53 AM
Package Deal , You are so right. When I was younger, I jumped into relationships, even married them, because sex was initiated too soon. Sex clouded judgement, at least in my world, when I was young.

I know Im older, but I wish I realized this fact when I ws younger. Take some time and get to know the person. It really will open your eyes..I have probably dated 20 men in the last 2 years and havent slept with any of them. After spending time and getting to know them, it just did not progress into anything that I was looking for.

Nowadays, for me to have an intimate physical relationship, I need the intimacy first. No regrets the next day. Good luck to you.
 FavouriteDreamsOfYou
Joined: 5/14/2010
Msg: 130
view profile
History
A question of discipline...
Posted: 12/19/2010 4:15:06 AM


Of course, there are some women that enjoy sex in the same way that men do. But it's the exception, not the rule! Most women associate sex with caring, love, commitment, etc. They always do. They're hoping if they sleep with a man that he feels the same way.


I think most women, while having sex, simply want to have an orgasm.

Most women associate sex with orgasms and fun - not love and caring.

Most of the time, when a woman has sex with a man, she just wants to have sex.

(If she happens to love the man, then of course the sex will be a different experience to having sex with a man she doesn't.)

Women are simply more selective because they are the ones who have the babies.
But don't confuse this with women being mushy love-bunnies who only ever have sex just to get some kind of rush of love and caring out of rubbing bodies with a man.

So why should men have to consider women to be mushy love-bunnies instead of who they really are?
I hope that question doesn't come across as rude. I just don't understand the basis of wanting men to have discipline.
 FavouriteDreamsOfYou
Joined: 5/14/2010
Msg: 131
view profile
History
A question of discipline...
Posted: 12/19/2010 4:30:06 AM


Of course, there are some women that enjoy sex in the same way that men do. But it's the exception, not the rule! Most women associate sex with caring, love, commitment, etc. They always do. They're hoping if they sleep with a man that he feels the same way.


I think most women, while having sex, simply want to have an orgasm.

Most women associate sex with orgasms and fun - not love and caring.

Most of the time, when a woman has sex with a man, she just wants to have sex.

(If she happens to love the man, then of course the sex will be a different experience to having sex with a man she doesn't.)

Women are simply more selective because they are the ones who have the babies.
But don't confuse this with women being mushy love-bunnies who only ever have sex just to get some kind of rush of love and caring out of rubbing bodies with a man.

So why should men have to consider women to be mushy love-bunnies instead of who they really are?
I hope that question doesn't come across as rude. I just don't understand the basis of wanting men to have discipline.
Seriously, we don't want to go back to the days when sex was for men and women just laid back and endured it.
 ldybtrfly623
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 132
A question of discipline...
Posted: 12/20/2010 7:57:10 PM
This is a problem for women like myself who love sex but can only enjoy it with someone they are in love with. The older I get, the harder it seems to find someone I am compatable with emotionally and intellectually who can also satisfy me, even if he turns me on.

It has happened on two occassions over the six or seven years that I've been single. I fell in love with two men who I could not get enough of sexually and would have jumped into the fire with them because the feelings were so intense. The first one was purely in it for sex. I was sure that eventually he would see that the way I felt about him and the committment and willingness to do anything for him would make him change his mind...LMAO. I ONLY had sex with him for three years. I forced myself to date but as long as I was having sex with him...nobody had a chance in hell. We finally parted ways and I was finally able to move on....somewhat.

Fast forward three years and I meet a man who I fall for instantly and as intensely as the first. Everything was going well until we realized that my ex was his ex's, ex and things went down hill from there. The sex was amazing and I was in love. He was too but got cold feet or turned off by knowing I was in love with his ex girl's, ex...whatever. I had to walk away...he would have been happy to keep having sex on his terms. No committment, no promises, not even call me his girl anymore. Sorry...been there done that...it was almost scary.

The first time it happened, I was a mess...the second time, I reconized it for what it was...men can detatch themselves and enjoy the sex...I can't. I didn't just jump into bed with the second guy...I know he had feelings for me and things might have worked out but circumstances were bizzarre and out of our control. There were teenaged kids involved that knew more than they should...it was just not cool anyway you looked at it.

I now understand though that sex can be just sex to some people but not to me. If I really like someone and we've been dating a while, sex is going to happen. The longer you wait the better. However, once you have sex, it will become clear if they are only in it for sex and you have to know when to walk away because a man can keep having sex after he decides you are not the one...if I decide you are not the one...the sex is over or it will never happen. It's not really a matter of being used for sex...it's a matter of knowing when to become intimate and when to let go. Each relationship is different...there are not rules to this game.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 133
A question of discipline...
Posted: 12/22/2010 9:54:44 AM
Yes it is entirely wrong to think you are hurting someone if you are just after sex.It is up to the other person to establish the conditions where you need more from them. I don't think about who I am hurting in life. All I can think is damn it is hot out here and I have to walk twenty more blocks. I am tired and the government is trying to kill me with taxes. I tell people to rally and they say don't be silly we have to have roads and pay for them. We have to have wars and pay for them, so I harden and say to myself if you can't help me fix this problem then you are as worthless as I am and we will all have to sink in the same boat, and sex is just sex because being nice is not going to make my life easier.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 134
A question of discipline...
Posted: 12/22/2010 10:11:50 AM
they guys that worry about hurting a girl for only wanting sex with her...those are nice guys...they get scared of the pooty.

men are extremely lucky that women view and respond to sex, in general, in the way that they do. different than we do.

women have to know up front, either from the guy or from her having made up her own mind that sex will only be sex and nothing else....

otherwise, unless the sex is awful, she'll start thinking about wanting that man for more than just sex...for more...


and as I said- its a damned fine thing women tick like this or women wouldn't want nothing to do with us aside from mating season.
 bonafydebosch
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 135
A question of discipline...
Posted: 12/22/2010 7:11:40 PM
its more a question of maturity. A man should be mature enough to vocalize exactly what he wants, and a women should be mature enough to know what she wants furthermore not sleeping with someone she knows deep inside is not committed. If you dont know - dont take the risk. Also sleeping with a man thinking he might start liking you is the classic idiotic mistake most women make. If ur starved for care - you should concentrate on your personal growth, everything else comes after.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > A question of discipline...