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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
She told me she wasn't ready but basically ruled out dating me when she was. I told her I still wanted to be friends with her, and she thanked me for understanding.

Based on this she's not interested in you - if she ruled you out even when she becomes ready, I take that to mean she's not going to be dating you regardless. I'm confused - what's the question?
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 21
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/22/2010 1:09:15 PM

Don't insult the OP intelligence that he has a master's but doesn't deserve it/doesn't apply what he had learned to his everyday life.

I'm a communication studies major, and a lot of classes focus on communicating effectively in relationships - romantic, family-wise, friends,


He has a masters degree and can't use proper English was my point.
Read what he wrote.

Being the communication studies major that you are, it is funny to me how you mis read/ interpreted my post.
25 year old hot shot hmmm? All the answers from such a long lived life.
Have another glass and pay attention.

He is playing games by his own words.

She is not interested in my opinion.

Maybe the op should just e mail you and have one opinion on the matter.


. No where did you comment on his English.

Again I said he sounded 13 and to read his post. FFS have another glass Lmaoooo

Gawd..head meet brick wall....
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 22
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/22/2010 1:23:29 PM
It is dating, where playing the game is the number one rule.

If he didn't play the game and wait to text her back, and texted her back immediately and said "I LIKE YOU" - upfront and honest, no game playing - she would get freaked out and he would never hear from her again. Dating is all about games, and you're kidding yourself if you think otherwise.



Dating maybe "games" for the PLAYERS, but I can assure you that some of us don't play ANY games unless they are BOARD GAMES!



ADDENDUM:
She told me she wasn't ready but basically ruled out dating me when she was. I told her I still wanted to be friends with her, and she thanked me for understanding.

Since then, we have texted everyday, multiple times a day and actually went to the movies last night. Do you think I should hang around and hope that I have a chance when she is ready? Or do you think she take advantage of my friendship because I am nice, and date around? I am thinking about not responding to her texts for a day or so, to make her wonder and take a bit of the power back, because I think I was too nice on the date and seemed like a wuss - people mistake being nice or being a wuss or a pushover.

Maybe I am being too vague for anyone to give me an educated guess, but I've never done anything like this (ask people's opinions online). I hope someone can shed some light on this. What does everyone think?


Sorry, OP. It appears you have been friend-zoned, and she was just not "feeling" it with you in a romantic fashion.

I would never "hang around" someone waiting for things to change. Move on.
 DiannaBall
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 23
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/22/2010 1:41:07 PM
He probably has a POF Masters Degree. I have met a few of those. They get other people to write their profiles for them, click that they have a Degree yet make no friggen sense when it comes to writing, making things clear or dating, period.. And are game players. He contradicts himself period. She sounds like she is not interested at all. Lets get some change and buy a clue here. Communications my arse or he would not even be asking this. NEXT. One of these meet one time and thinks they are in a relationship types. Gawd.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 24
view profile
History
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/22/2010 1:41:34 PM

She's just one month out of a two-year relationship? Darn tootin' she's not ready. Too bad it took putting her toe in the water for her to realize it, because that sucks for you, but it's the truth, all right. At least she did realize it, though, instead of using you as Rebound Guy. That'd be worse.

I think you should tell her to call and see if you're available when she is ready and leave you alone until that time. Then leave her alone, too.

Trying to be friends wasn't a good idea from the outset. You're not her friend - you're a guy who's hoping she'll be ready to date you soon. And she won't be. It's going to take some time to heal from the breakup of her first lengthy involvement, and that is awful for her, but it is also absolutely Not Your Problem.


I am almost always impressed by the sage advice Helen outs forth here, and this case was no exception.

This woman needs some time to come to terms with herself and who she is as a singleton. In the meantime OP, you are just someone who is always there for her, as a BF replacement. How can she ever find out if she truly misses and wants you, or just wants to be with somebody, if you're always at her beck & call? Dial it way back, eliminate the texting and calls and maybe see her once every other week or so for a movie or dinner, but stop letting yourself in for any extra emotional angst. Give her the space she needs to figure out what she wants, and even if that isn't you as seems likely, you may make a friend out of it all. For now though, she is still healing, and she needs to do that alone. I know its easy to get caught up in the warm fuzzies of wishful thinking, hoping that things will suddenly change, but its self-defeating and unrealistic. Date other people and keep this one at arm's length at a minimum.
 DiannaBall
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 25
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/22/2010 2:26:31 PM
A few of us are wondering why YOU are so concerned with the OP? Do you like him or something? I mean, let him worry about responses. Glad you took the drinking picture down too. One step in the right direction. Mistakes are fine; stupid ones are not. Back to the OP; the woman is not interested. LET it go. Playing games, texting; is all lame.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 26
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/22/2010 4:49:09 PM

Playing the dating game is knowing that in the beginning stage of dating there are certain ways to act and certain things you can say and not do/day. Just like in any social situation in scoiety there are "rules" and "games" people play.

Some people get in denial and say they don't play games and prefer 100% disclosure and honesty, but when they get it it freaks them out and they run. You don't tell someone how much you're feeling them in the beginning...come on now. Common sense. Unless you're like 60 and you have a strict agenda and not much time to waste.

I can't believe I - a mid 20's guy - has to explain this to much older women. :O


You keep using your script on what you "should say or not say; how "you should act or not" while dating (playing your game). What ever works for you, but don't assume everyone is into game playing.


I can't believe I - a mid 20's guy - has to explain this to much older women. :O


Always entertaining to read words from those who believe their POVs are "facts".
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 27
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/22/2010 6:19:17 PM
Yep you are in the friend zone sorry guy.
What you do or say will not make a difference now, so don't worry about it. Move on to someone that really is on the same level and wants the same things.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 29
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/22/2010 11:58:03 PM

2) I can respectfully decline her friendship.
3) I can begin holding the cards.

These two are the same thing. The only way to hold the cards in your own life (with her or anyone else) is not to participate in something that's not mutual.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 30
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/23/2010 2:09:15 AM

I have been very sick and taking cold medicine, so my typing was a bit off.


Hope you feel better soon and all this works out for you.

My tyoing skilss are aftected sometimes too.
Blame it on my nails.

 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 31
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/23/2010 12:59:22 PM

Two days later she tells me she left my place feeling that she wasn't ready for this.

That means she's not that interested in you. Lacks attraction.

he had told me she got out of a two-year relationship a month ago and I was the first online date she had.

And she's probably got many new offers. And also her mind is on her ex still, and so she MAY not be as attracted to other guys for that reason. But more likely, it's new -- she needs to let loose and date a lot of guys. She saw you had more interest, and she said she wasn't "ready".

Do you think I should hang around and hope that I have a chance when she is ready? Or do you think she take advantage of my friendship because I am nice, and date around?

Don't be an idiot. :) Your chances of "waiting it out" is almost stalker-like. Hey, you can be friends with her, but if your emotions are about winning her over, just cut things off... and maybe run into her again amongst GROUPS of people.

You're Mr. Nice Guy(tm). Girls like that in people, but most are not sexually attracted to that... in fact, many are turned off. Learn not to be like that... but in the end, don't beat yourself up over it. Who knows -- with her, she may have not have been THAT interested in the end anyway, if you came across as a more confident, non-catering type of guy.

You're trying to win her over. Don't. Just expand your options elsewhere. It happens to everyone here and there. Don't suffer from one-itis and chase a gal in a weird "friends" way.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 33
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/24/2010 2:14:04 PM
Kaylie,

She's hanging out with you because she thinks you are her...... FRIEND.

Yes, she thinks of him as just a friend. But the OP wasn't insinuating that she was playing him... but wondered whether she was truthful about "I'm not ready yet".

Fact of the matter is, people on a dating site and willing to meet people of the opposite sex will always be "ready" to be more-than-friends, regardless of whether they're looking to start out things as FWB, casual-no-expectations dating, or even to the point of something serious. What you are "ready" for is the type of situation... not desiring to and being more than just friends.

He was just wondering "Is she REALLY not ready, is that why?" The answer is no, that highly likely wasn't the truthful reason, as to why she wanted to be -just- friends. It's common because it's nice. There's truth to the fact that she isn't ready to be in a relationship right now, and she'll refer to that to let someone down easy that they're not that attracted to. If she thought he was hot, she would have maybe said "not ready for a relationship, let's just casually date" if he thought he was coming on to strong romantically. It's the same as "it's not you, it's me".

They both have a problem with the situation:
- When someone says "I'm not ready" as their let-down answer to be just friends, and still hang out, the other person is going to think "He/she is attracted to me and likes me; the only reason it's like this is because some issues are going on"

- The guy in this case is going to think she is attracted to him, and it's just issues she's having gotten out of a relationship. Making out, fooling around, etc., would be just too complicated. However, in due time, if he "hangs in there", he could easily find out she's starting to see some guy to some degree. He'll think "I thought you weren't ready for that!" He'll think he was played... when in fact she just wasn't attracted enough.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 36
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/25/2010 5:35:35 AM
well sjb we agree on something .....


Boning someone you just met... sick, pathetic. Are you THAT horny for sex? Sick dude.

The people on these sites are always your age or older and acting like their horny teens. GROW THE HELL UP!


There are some pretty disgusting people of both sexes on this site and they do seem to be the "older' generation. Pretty vocal about their wants and needs ..ugh

I am in that age group and it is pathetic.

op. She will let you know when/if she wants to take things further.
For now meet some ladies that interest you and keep her number.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 37
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:59:39 PM
So wait, how did this thread go from the the meaning of the standard line "I'm not ready YET [for dating]" (implying they will be, which can unknowingly lead people on if the one delivering the message still wants to hang out one-on-one), to everyone who has pre-relationship sex is a horrible, horny, dirty sex fiend? TOTALLY off topic!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 40
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/25/2010 7:52:56 PM
^^^^
She didn't even imply sex is bigger than personality. That is like comparing apples & oranges, btw.

It's a statement that adequacy in the sexual relationship dept is a requirement, not that it means everything, that's all. For everyone, same goes with looks. Disagree? Have fun with a 4'3" humpback woman with benign sores, 3 teeth, and a natural green afro (but clean-cut and great personality otherwise) :) It doesn't matter that it's extreme, btw ... it just matters that there's a "looks" line for everyone -- and someone not "making" that line for you doesn't mean you only care about looks. Same goes with one's sexual compatibility (which looks plays into, too).
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
History
I'm not ready yet... BS or truthful?
Posted: 1/27/2010 1:04:14 PM
Avoid, avoid, avoid.

She's trying to have her cake and eat it, too.

I was in a situation once that had certain parallels to yours. In my case, it was the occasional "no this is not going to happen between us" coupled with a bit of conversation that contradicted that, as well as quite a bit of almost-there "playtime"

She's trying to simultaneously shoot you down (no, even if I were ready, I wouldn't date you) while keeping you on the hook (with hours of playtime) as a backup plan or a last resort, and simultaneously using you as an emotional pillow.

Get out. Let her know exactly how you feel and what you want in this relationship, and if she can't reciprocate that, then, well, she knows where to find you if she ever makes up her mind and decides to stop playing the mixed message game.
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