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 AUTHOR
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 33
I need advicePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

I SUGGEST SOME HEAVY SOLE SEARCHING

You mean she should look real hard at the bottoms of her feet? Or look really hard for a particular kind of fish fillet?
Sorry, kid, couldn't resist the temptation.
Look, pmtjerseygirl, I, and I'm sure most other folks here, are sorry that you've had some romantic misfortunes.
But the way you waded in and started trying psychoanalyze a complete stranger, on an internet discussion forum,because she didn't join your pity party, makes me think that you may be quite sensitive,tending to over-react/lash out wildly when something sets crosswise with you.
Whatever the case, I think , as others here have said, that you've pretty much shot yourself in the foot with this guy.
The horse is dead. Quit beating it.
Cindy O
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 34
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2010 11:30:50 AM
WHY "COUNSELOR," THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE FREE (and unsolicited) ADVICE. Guess I misunderstood the title of your thread - should it have been "I need to give advice"? I have absolutely no doubt you have plenty of openings in your practice.

I SUGGEST SOME HEAVY SOLE SEARCHING
Thanks! I checked ... All my shoes are in good repair. 
Too bad you can't be more open-minded about accepting advice versus only hearing what you want to hear - something you picked up during your education as a counselor, perhaps? HAHa. My advice is the same as any reputable mental health professional would dispense - Heal thyself! Maybe then you wouldn't be so likely to go looking for offense/hurt were there may have been none intended, and over-reacting as a result (you even admitted this)! Based on your multiple references to being hurt, scared, etc. it is difficult for me to align my thinking with yours in such a way that you are in any way justified in dismissing a male adult from a public place. You have done the proper thing in apologizing, but depending on the nature of your over-reaction, it should be obvious to you that he may not want to risk such a public put-down in the future.
So, once again, because as a counselor, you display an astounding lack of comprehension, here is my advice:
1. Fix yourself (abandonment issues, whatever contributes to your hurt, pain, fear)
2. Don't date until you can refrain from projecting the source of your
pain on other men
3. If you feel an over-reaction coming on make an attempt to deal with it in an adult fashion
4. Learn not to take things so personally on dates but, especially here in the forums
5. Quit trying to surround yourself with people who buoy up your own self-centered view of how others should treat you. We have no evidence that he said or meant anything truly hurtful, except that you interpreted it as such and you even ADMIT you are coming from a wounded place
6. Quit looking for injustice and blaming others for what you should be taking responsibilty for. No one owes you anything. He doesn't have to accept your apology and he doesn't have to give you another chance.
7. I think you know if you acted crazy or not - own it and move on. Quit wasting time "projecting" your own issues (shouldn't a counselor be familiar with this concept?) on others.
8. Leave him alone and honor his boundaries. For Krap's sake, TRY to put some of your "counselor" training into application for your real life experience!
9. QUIT TYPING IN ALL CAPS! you sound crazier than you may already be.
Finally
I HAVE AN OPENING FOR YOU IF YOU LIVE IN THE AREA AND ARE READY FOR HELP. GOD BE WITH YOU.
hahahaha!! Indeed! I would heartly agree with this and further, extend a wish for the Supreme Being's oversight with respect to your existing clients as well!!  
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 35
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2010 12:17:03 PM
OMG - now I get it ... Did your "apologies" to your date sound anything like this?
"YA KNOW WHAT-U R PROBABLY ALONE BECAUSE OF YOUR UNFEELING NATURE, INABILITY TO FORIGIVE, UNDERSTAND AND SHOW COMPASSION. YOU NEED HELP-HAVEN'T YOU EVER MADE A MISTAKE OR ARE YOU SO GRAND OR THINK UR WHICH IS PROBABLY THE CASE, THAT YOU NEVER THINK YOU'RE WRONG."
Uahahah!!!
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 36
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2010 12:32:03 PM
OP...your reaction to WQTTB indicates how you reacted to your date when he said something that hurt your feelings.

I agree that hurting your feelings so soon in the relationship is a red flag, but misunderstanding happen especially in a drinking enviroment.

But I don't blame him for not responding to your repeated messages of apologies. The whole thing sounds like way too much drama.

I think you ought to examine the soles of your own shoes....
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 38
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2010 1:04:27 PM
Wow everybody - we totally missed it!! The REAL reason the OPie Is here...

I met someone here ....what do I do? I can't keep emailing and calling don't want to pester.
Hmmm ... Let me think ... He's on PoF, won't respond to voicemails, phone calls or emails ... Let's see ... I know! Why don't you reverse trace his phone number to get his address and wait in the bushes until he gets home? What, no bushes? Rats. Let's see ... I've got it!!

Why don't you post a thread "explaining" and rationalizing your behavior on that fateful night and just sit back waiting for a bunch of sunshine to be blown up your skirt about how he should give you another chance? That way, maybe he will see it and take the group consensus to heart! This sounds like a perfect plan except for one small detail ... The forumites ain't buying your particular brand of BS, today.

The only thing you have accomplished here is to unveil more of who you are as a person! Sorry, OP, it appears the impression you gave him of being a psychobabble-b!tch is most likely the one that leaps to the fore when he thinks of you. This thread and your responses will serve to do nothing more than lend credibility to that point of view!! Didn't turn out the way you wanted ... Next time pass out the script!!
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 39
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2010 1:07:31 PM
OP- Did you ever answer the question so many people have asked regarding specifically what the guy said that was so hurtful?

If they guy are as dumb as a box of rocks you would be getting one reaction from us, if he said that outfit looks nice on you and you went bezerk you would probably get a different reaction.

Quit arguing with the Cleavers and answer the question. Preferably not in caps. Thank you.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 40
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2010 2:10:56 PM

Why don't you post a thread "explaining" and rationalizing your behavior on that fateful night and just sit back waiting for a bunch of sunshine to be blown up your skirt about how he should give you another chance? That way, maybe he will see it and take the group consensus to heart!


Ha! When I read the OP's first post, this is exactly what I thought. Let's see, you make a thread, tell your story and how sorry you are, and then (though he hasn't responded to emails, calls, etc.) you send ONE more email with the forum address.

Surely, by saying everything in public, it makes everything better. Also, on the off chance he hadn't read the emails, force it in his face!

Sounds like a plan!


A KNOW WHAT-U R PROBABLY ALONE BECAUSE OF YOUR UNFEELING NATURE, INABILITY TO FORIGIVE, UNDERSTAND AND SHOW COMPASSION.


Lady, you aren't a counselor. I KNOW counselors and people who have degrees in psychology. This is a childish, spiteful, judgmental thing to say.


YOU WERE PROBABLY HURT VERY BADLY AS A CHILD, BY A MAN YOU ADORED ( DAD....PERHAPS?)


Why do all the armchair psychologists say this? I have not only have had it said to me when I criticized religion, but I have read it in other forums. It is the catch-phrase of the day.

Move on, OP.

I can only add, "Physician, heal thyself."
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 41
I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2010 2:11:07 PM
So many posters have said what immediately came to my mind, that perhaps this could have been handled in a more mature manner. You say you "may" have over reacted....well, if you insisted he leave the bar, that is categorically an over reaction, no "maybe" about it. He may feel you still have too much to deal with to form the type of relationship he was looking for.
 BLUEMISS
Joined: 7/15/2007
Msg: 44
view profile
History
I need advice
Posted: 2/20/2010 7:16:54 PM
OP...Please help me, If I ever run into a counselor like you, advise me to RUN!!!!You come across like a nut bar.
 Blue Mermaid
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 45
view profile
History
I need advice
Posted: 2/20/2010 7:56:58 PM
Excellent advice Sefra and I should take it myself!

I've never acted enough on my gut feeling and instinct and always end up looking back, knowing it was right all along.

Was quite taken aback when I read your description, as it's so me (minus the anger...have never asked someone to leave a private place, let alone a public one!).

You should be getting paid for such good insight and advice! Haven't read your profile...maybe you're a counsellor yourself.

All the best

BM
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 46
view profile
History
I need advice
Posted: 2/21/2010 2:53:53 AM
pure drama.....................their dating, she blew him off and embarrassed him in a public venue.
OP, look inside, doesn't seem your ready for a relationship, seems the control issue sprouted.

Was this over sex on 5th date?
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 48
view profile
History
I need advice
Posted: 2/21/2010 10:29:51 AM

OP- Did you ever answer the question so many people have asked regarding specifically what the guy said that was so hurtful?

If they guy are as dumb as a box of rocks you would be getting one reaction from us, if he said that outfit looks nice on you and you went bezerk you would probably get a different reaction.
This is exactly what I'm thinking. Any advice offered here is useless if the proper context of the OP's blowup is undefined. My personal experience: I once had a girlfriend with slightly wavy hair, she spent over an hour ironing it flat before I came over her place; I see her and tell her how nice she looks with flatter hair, and she BLEW UP thinking I had made fun of her somehow. Go figure.

The comments of people in this thread assuming one thing or the other about the OP or her partner are comical! Let's assume the guy is an asshat because he supposedly said "hurtful" things. Let's assume the OP is an overreactive drama queen because she ordered her partner to leave the restaurant! I'd lean toward the latter because the after Msg1 the OP spewed a couple of capitalized rants not targeted specifically at anyone.

9 months ought to be enough time for a 52 year old divorced woman to recover from a 4 year long-term relationship and not rant and rave every time something doesn't go her way.
 RugbyIrish
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 49
I need advice
Posted: 2/21/2010 1:51:41 PM
Be a big girl and get the FU_CK over it.

You cannot experience anything in life without risking pain, injury... or a broken heart. You have to take chances or you will end up being the creepy cat lady living out of a box on the street corner.

If I were him, I would cut you off and NEVER speak to you again. Can't handle a woman who is too sensitive and overreacts over minuscule things in life
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 51
view profile
History
I need advice
Posted: 2/21/2010 5:25:58 PM
in my experience, men (and women) do not take well to being put down.....so it had only been five dates....clearly the man pulled out.....and from your obvious over-reactions here, he was wise to stay out.

like the others mention, it's quite a concern you're a counselor.

please consider every experience in life is a lesson to teach us (or someone) something...identify what the lesson is here for you and please find forgiveness in your heart for your past hurts....then you will stop hurting your self and others will not be able 'to hurt you' so easily.

edit to add: realize now the OP hasn't posted since the beginning days of this thread, so I hope in the month and her silence, she is doing what many here advised and that is to stop dating and start healing.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 54
I need advice
Posted: 2/28/2017 3:25:30 PM
"I SUGGEST SOME HEAVY SOLE SEARCHING "





" You mean she should look real hard at the bottoms of her feet? Or look really hard for a particular kind of fish fillet? "





haha
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 55
I need to resurrect
Posted: 2/28/2017 3:37:37 PM
Good cod, man, what's wrong with that? most do it for the halibut. Just as long as they don't flounder around. But Plenty of Fish is a great place for sole searching. I just come here to look at cleavage shots and master bait.
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