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 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 117
Brutal Honesty? Page 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Brutally honest is just that...it's brutal and for the most part not necessary.
I find people who pride themselves on being brutally honest are just plain
mean brutal people for the most part.
You can be totally honest without being hurtful.
I'd like to see these "brutally honest" people go up to their bosses and say
you're an ***hole and you have no clue what you're doing...or to a state
trooper or police officer...yeah you're a fat *fk* who eats donuts all day
and is blind to boot...or to a judge...you wouldn't know the difference
between right and wrong if it slapped you upside the head.
Yeah...brutally honest people are usually only brutally honest to the people
they claim to love or they claim as friends.
 ~DREAMS~
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 118
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 9:45:55 AM

I'd like to see these "brutally honest" people go up to their bosses and say
you're an ***hole and you have no clue what you're doing...or to a state
trooper or police officer...yeah you're a fat *fk* who eats donuts all day
and is blind to boot...or to a judge...you wouldn't know the difference
between right and wrong if it slapped you upside the head.
Yeah...brutally honest people are usually only brutally honest to the people
they claim to love or they claim as friends.


I don't think you can bunch that in the same catagory at all... Someone can have respect for those positions knowing what those people have to go through without being a jerk....

The police officers have to deal with some of the scummiest people in our society to keep the majority safe from them.... So saying a comment like that to them doesn't have anything to do with brutal honesty....

That would just be disrespectful.... How could telling a cop they are fat due to eating donuts and being blind be lumped in the honesty catagory? I have had a few run ins with the law over the years and not one of the police officers that had to step in could ever say I was disrespectful to them... Their jobs are hard enough. Disagreeing is one thing but being beligerant is completely different. However i have told a sheriff that they were wrong before and called in the state police to correct his error in judgement before and was not willing to alter course till the state police showed up because i KNEW i was correct... That was not being disrespectful though, that was simply being an informed citizen that was aware of when their rights were being violated and knowing who to call to settle the disagreement with a law enforcement official

As far as a judge goes.... people are allowed to argue with judges without fear or intimidation to be utilized or those judges won't be judges for long... it is built into their governing system... well suppose to be at least...

maybe i am just looking at the wrong wording than others..... people seem to be dweeling on the word brutal as violent... read what gwen posted... when dealing with the terminology of "brutally honest" in text or voice communication it does not mean brutal as in violent. It is simply defined as overly blunt. Usually utilized to illiciet an emotional response.... Emotion is powerful when utilized for storing information... It is sometimes used as a form of STRONG imprinting of information that would not be easily forgotten... IE the sting effect.... a lasting impression so to speak....

It is actully an effective means of course altering when someone shows a history of not retaining corrections. Law enforment even uses those tactics as well.... It seems what myself and many have thought is truth... many people just dwel on the word brutal and associate it as being something violent in nature....

just my opinions
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 119
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 9:51:15 AM
I've learned quite a bit from southern women in this department. If you don't have something nice to say keep your mouth shut.
How ever I am the Yankee therefore blunt opinions are my social norm.
I don't sugar coat the truth but I'm not mean about it either.
There has to be balance. My good friends and family always come to me for my opinion knowing I will give it to them straight up. I always tell everyone first~
DONT ASK IF YOU DONT WANNA KNOW
The truth is hard for a lot of people to hear, and I'm not the type to hold back.
Brutal? No one can ever describe me that way.
It's all in my tone; I say things only when asked and out of love.


However someone that manages to irritate, aggravate, annoy or otherwise piss me off~
The Yankee is in there to let it fly. I am patient and tolerant until backed into a corner.
Brutally honest people feel at home in corners.
 Angel__Wings
Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 120
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 10:09:40 AM
What I seem to be finding out from reading this thread is that people have 2 very different ideas of what Brutal honesty is. For most of the people in this thread that claim to be brutally honest, I am beginning to wonder if they are using the correct terminology to describe themselves.


http://www.wisegeek.com/why-are-some-people-so-brutally-honest.htm

may be the product of a hypercritical set of parents who used harsh criticism as a motivational tool. There may not have been many examples of discretion or tact when it came to expressing opinions of others. A parent or sibling may have looked at a piece of artwork and pointed out all of the flaws instead of praising the child for his or creativity or originality. This negative, critical programming from childhood may survive into adulthood as a brutally honest demeanor.

Some people become brutally honest as a defense mechanism to deflect criticism of their own deficiencies or shortcomings. By putting on a good offense through brutal honesty, they minimize the risk of others judging them equally as harshly. These people often seek out careers as professional critics or judges, strongly believing the only way to help professionals to improve is to be brutally honest. Harsh criticism is seen as a necessary evil, not a lack of tact.

For others, being brutally honest signifies a lack of emotional growth. Many people would love to be brutally honest more often, but a sense of propriety keeps them from overstepping their bounds. Some people who pride themselves on their brutal honesty, however, have a poorly developed social filter when it comes to tact and politeness. They aren't always aware that their critical comments could be personally hurtful or socially embarrassing. They may feel justified by publicly saying what others were thinking privately, but they simply lack the sense of propriety which should prevent such incidents.


I found this site and it seems to cover what real brutally honest is all about. The ones here saying they are and giving some examples of their brutal honesty, well looks like they are more like the blunt honest types. Not the brutal types. Look up the actual meaning of Brutally Honest and it is very different then what people describe themselves as being.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 121
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 10:59:35 AM
No one is suggesting (at least I'm not) that honesty isn't the best policy.
I certainly like to hear honest opinions and I give them when asked.
What we're talking about here is people who add meanness and cruelty
to their honesty and opinions simply because they can and not because
it is otherwise helpful.
I guess people have different levels of honesty. It's okei to be brutally
honest with someone you know or a loved one, but not really okei with
your boss or someone in authority.
No matter how you sugar coat it...there is a BIG difference between being
blunt and being brutal.
I wouldn't brag about being brutally honest. It's not really a trait that most
people enjoy seeing.
However, being blunt and straightforward and giving an honest opinion? I
think just about everyone appreciates that.
Being brutal when asked if the pants make you look fat? Yes, because you are fat
and quite disgusting. You should lose some weight before you explode and cause
random damage to others.
Being blunt and honest when asked if the pants make you look fat? Yes, you need
to lose some weight. I'm worried about what could be happening to your health.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 124
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:03:17 PM
If you ask for my opinion on an outfit you just bought or are considering and I tell you "I think it looks hideous on you," is that brutal? Am I saying it just to be mean? I'm giving you my honest opinion in hopes of dissuading you from making what I perceive to be a mistake. If I tell you "It makes your ample buttocks look even more huge," that may be putting a brutally honest personal opinion more mildly than it could be stated (compared with your fat f**** quote) but it's still unnecessary and meant to hurt.


So we both seem to know the difference between brutal and honest and blunt.
Not sure what all the cut and paste was for...but it looks like we agree. I have no
problem telling a boss or a co-worker they made a mistake, but I choose my
words. I'm suggesting the I'm proud and brutal people do not choose their words.
Sorry, I don't think you're brutally honest at all. (sorry if that hurts your feelings)
You're just blunt and honest.
Who the heck is suggesting no one wants honest opinions? But can you do it with
unnecessary adjectives? There's the difference.



Edit to below:

Well I could say "it's too late for that" but would that be brutal or blunt?
ahahahahahaha! I'm kidding with you Cindyo
daboo
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 125
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:08:31 PM
My brutally honest opinion of this thread?
"Sometimes it is better to keep quiet and be THOUGHT a fool, than it is to speak and remove all doubt."
IOW, I'm takin' the 5th.
Cindy O
 Angel__Wings
Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 126
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:10:57 PM
WindRoper,

I agree about the interpretation issues going on in this thread. I also again have to say with your description of being a Brutally Honest person does not match the reality of Brutally Honest is.

Your blunt and straight forward, not brutal at all. I know I have asked people if a particular outfit looks good on me or not and really not happy when they do not say, ummm ya pick out something else LOL My cousin and one friend are the only ones I will go shopping with because they will be blunt about it with me. They are not brutal at all but blunt. My cousin is great her answer is .... ummm ya NO lol

People who say they are Brutally Honest I stay the hell away from. From all I have known they are just plain mean. Now though after reading all of this, maybe my stance is wrong. Some might be just blunt and not brutal at all. I can not understand how this can be so misinterpreted. Two words that have had a meaning for centuries, Blunt or Brutal, no matter what word you put behind it they still have the same meaning individually.

Brutal is still mean, and there are a ton of people out there that use the term brutally honest to just hurt people. I am wondering now if it is more just a new age terminology thing going on.

Blunt is just straight up, no sugar coating kind of thing. Nothing wrong with it at all. Even my sensitivities can take blunt but I can not handle Brutal. Being on the other end of Brutal is never a nice place to be.
 Candi1977
Joined: 8/31/2006
Msg: 127
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:24:11 PM
Everyone's different. I personally LOVE the brutal honesty....I can take it and dish it. but.....I'm working on being a better communicator. I'm starting to see that Brutal and Honesty has a fine line..... people accept and use what you have to say better if you are not "brutal".... I enjoy making people feel good, and if that means toning it down then so be it..... I don;t back away from a little toe to toe either mind ya!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 129
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:49:41 PM
I'd like to see these "brutally honest" people go up to their bosses and say you're an ***hole and you have no clue what you're doing...

But that's not an accurate example of defining "brutally honest". Brutally honest comes from the fact that you "have to be" honest, as the -full- honesty will potentially hurt them by itself. It's not "brutal AND honest" :)

If a boss said "Bob, I want you to sit back and to tell me how you FEEL I am, and what you think about me -- pull no punches" -- then yes, that'd be fully honest, because he wants the FEELING too, regardless of how true-to-form it'd be. But just to be brutally honest means you're not sugar-coating -the actualities-. You may choose not to use unnecessary adjectives -- that would have no effect on the full, true honesty.

If a boss asks "What are some of the main problems in your opinion of me, as the boss?", saying to a boss, "Well to be respectful but blunt, I think you're many times disrespectful to us and it's really really unappreciated amongst a lot of people here, including myself. And many times it is clear that you're not paying enough attention to the shots you're calling, because often times, when we break it all down, it doesn't make logistical sense or totally conflicts with other things that are going on... your lack of even desire to understand how you could be doing that or not is a reflection of the main problems for you, me, and the company as a whole, in the end."

In that case, the boss is not getting anything sugar-coated in the description. You're just taking the raw emotion out of it, but still answering in a full, truthful way. Problem with my example is -- the boss still isn't going to like it.... because it's the TRUTH that hurts by itself. No need for "a$$hole" or "you're clueless" thrown in there for that, BUT you at least give a real impression and void of raw emotion lets them take it more seriously. Tone has to do with it, too, if face to face.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 130
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 12:55:55 PM
Hello? Is anyone there?
Brutal honesty IS calling your boss an ahole...and it's NOT necessary.
Yes, this I know. That is why it's (imo) BRUTAL honesty.
Blunt honesty is telling things the way they are in an adult, mature way
using words aimed to give a message that is clear and concise...not random
and hateful because it felt right at the moment.
IMO, someone who prides themselves on "brutal honesty" would have no
problem calling their boss an ahole because that's the way they are.
I've worked at the same company for 30 years and I've worked my way up
the ladder not being a brutal dipshyte saying whatever I felt needed to be said
in anyway I deemed necessary, but because I come across as a rational, thinking
person who presents her ideas and criticisms to peers in a way that is blunt
and straightforward but shies away from being deroggatory and self serving.
I'm not the one that can't see the difference here.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 133
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 1:21:52 PM
I'd like to see these "brutally honest" people go up to their bosses and say
you're an ***hole and you have no clue what you're doing...or to a state
trooper or police officer...yeah you're a fat *fk* who eats donuts all day
and is blind to boot...or to a judge...you wouldn't know the difference
between right and wrong if it slapped you upside the head.


If my boss asked me what I thought of him, yes I would be straight out and tell him MY opinion of him...whether it's recieved with brutality, kindness or constructive is entirely up to him...I bare no responsibilty for stating TRUTH when asked.

I find those that can't be brutally honest are the very same people that will talk behind one's back, I know this sort so well, so when they come and whine about others to me, i'm pretty brutal with what I think of them....

We recently had a new manager start who's actions pretty much lack integrity and trust...when I was asked what I thought about our new manager I was honest enough to tell them what I really think without the sugar coating corporate fluff BS..I told them that I can't respect someone with no integrity....they asked me in front of him...neither of them liked my answer but perhaps they should both learn not to ask for the truth when they can't handle it...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 135
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 1:25:36 PM

I'd like to see these "brutally honest" people go up to their bosses and say
you're an ***hole and you have no clue what you're doing...or to a state
trooper or police officer...yeah you're a fat *fk* who eats donuts all day
and is blind to boot...or to a judge...you wouldn't know the difference
between right and wrong if it slapped you upside the head.

There's considerable difference between "brutal honesty" and "flat-out suicidal."
JMO.
Cindy O
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 137
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 1:33:58 PM

But it's YOUR truth, AA. And that truth is just your opinion, and it may well be in the minority, and a "truth" that you might come to realize that you were dead wrong about later on. It's a bit presumptuous to equate speaking brutally honest as speaking the truth with a capital T. That's the kind of ego trap that starts effing with your ability to see things as they really are.


Yes it is MY truth Heartune..After all they asked for MY truth...Next time they should ask for the truth with a little sugar coating on top...The responsibility should not be on my back to have to alter the truth, damn lieing takes up to my memory space.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 140
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 1:40:41 PM

^^AA, there's being honest and then being insulting.
If my boss asked what was wrong, I would definitely be honest, but I wouldn't "lose my shit". That's just immature, not to mention bullying, behaviour.


Hi FFS...Long time no see

I don't bully, too small to do that..but I don't suffer fools lightly either..as for losing one's temper, I have on many occassions..something I know I need to work on....Passionate people, generally do lose their temper...
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 141
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 1:44:21 PM
But you could be wrong. How many times have you been wrong about such things in your life? I know I've been wrong a ton of times in my life. Such a wisdom makes me pause before I get on my high horse and start stammering my "truths". Know what I mean?


Sure, I understand where you're coming from Hearttune...but it is my truth NOW..I think truth is gathered from the past and the present...if the future proves my thoughts of this person as being wrong, than I will apologise for my past thoughts.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 143
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 1:52:11 PM

So what comes from being brutally honest, other than the ego trip?


I don't know if ego has anything to do with it FFS...Me personally I won't state my opinion unless asked...I truly do find it difficult to sugar coat things...If I can't state it the way I think it than I feel as though i'm lieing to myself...I personally feel the discomfort by doing so....Brutally honesty people don't have many friends, but the very few friends they have tend to be genuine without the backstabbing BS that most women are accustomed too, perhaps its a process of elimination...For instance I can't sit there smile and socialise with someone that i'm not fond of...I normally keep my distance, however when asked I normally state exactly why...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 145
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 2:01:38 PM
There's nothing wrong with stating your opinion, telling the truth, or answering
a question as to exactly why you don't like someone.
That doesn't make you brutally honest.
That makes you honest and straightforward...and most people appreciate that
honesty.
But, people can be honest, and straightforward AND express their opinions
without adding hateful, rude unnecessary comments, that as another poster
pointed out, do not add anymore to the truth or honesty of the statement.
People here seem to pride themselves on being "brutally honest" when in
fact they're just honest.
You're not brutally honest AA...sorry to say. You're just honest and trust worthy.
Speaking your mind is not being brutally honest.
Not sugar coating things is also not brutally honest.
Why do people think being brutal is a good thing?
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 146
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 2:02:41 PM
The emphasis of this thread is on speaking "brutally" honest. When someone tells me that they're the "brutally honest" sort, that's all but a red flag to me. It generally implies to me that they will speak their minds to me and others without regard for the other.

How about speaking tactfully and artfully honest to another? To me, style is just as important as content in this life. Sometimes more so.


Ahhh my dear friend, you see I'm pretty much the same exept on the other side of the fence...when someone tells me they can't say it as they think it, then the walls of mistrust go up.

Think about this for a minute: When we ask a child what they think of so and so they normally say it as it is, we aren't normally offended by the child's response, because he's just a child therefore we don't take what he says as gosipel, in other words we dont buy it....why than do we buy the so called truth when an adult says it? Could it be that as adults we have far more insecurities?


Why do people think being brutal is a good thing?


Browneyesboo....to most people 'truth' hurts, it's nothing new we all know this...perhaps such phrase was coined by the pain associated with hearing the truth...perhaps people decided to call it brutal because when hearing such words they related to it....

For instance if someone called me a whore it truely wouldn't bother me, because I know that i'm not...however if someone judged my parenting skills than it may hurt me because i'm constantly trying my best to be a better mum...I guess what i'm trying to say is this, truth, opinions or whatever you want to call it can't hurt you unless you believe it to be true..and if you do believe it, then you're both just as responsible.

 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 149
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 2:42:17 PM

When we ask a child what they think of so and so they normally say it as it is


You don't even have to ask a child.

A child will see a person who is different and may say "Gosh you are fat, ugly or stupid" ect.
Mom pops child up side the head.

That was an un asked for truth in the childs eye.
Some adults do the same. That is cruel and an adult knows better hopefully.

I will give you the truth if you ask for it as I have said before.
But don't ask something you already know the answer to and then get upset when I don't tell you what you want to hear with out slopping on a bunch of honey.

Especially if you asked before and I held back, then you continue to hammer wanting to know more.

I will then either shut up and not say anything, leaving you to wonder or you will get what I really think.

I won't try to be cruel, but some people are very sensitive and cannot handle it.

Helloooooooo verity..wondered when you would pop in Lmaooooooo



Ha! We have some cool initials going on in here FFS...PP...AA now we need some BS and LOL and OMG..oh we have the BS never mind .....
 Candi1977
Joined: 8/31/2006
Msg: 150
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 3:05:04 PM
There is nothing worse...... then no holes barred loud mouths that "say it like it is"....Who says that your take on some one is the way it is....maybe to you? Certainly not to everyone.... If I had a booger hanging out of my nose, would you call it out? I hope not in front of every one, I wouldn't, even though "that's how it is". Tact People, there is a way of being honest with out being brutal....Selfish, inconsiderate, Poison transfers is what being brutal is.....
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 151
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 4:57:34 PM

Brutal honesty IS calling your boss an ahole...and it's NOT necessary.

It's brutally honest about your feelings, yes. But so is saying "I want to eat sh!t and die and I hope I see your wife at the bar so I can [bleep] her again!" -- it's not about honesty, it's about venting. That's where the disconnect comes from. It would be brutally honest, and BLUNT, too.

Blunt honesty is telling things the way they are in an adult, mature way
using words aimed to give a message that is clear and concise

Not necessarily -- blunt honesty is being blunt, whether it's in a mature way or not.

not being a brutal dipshyte saying whatever I felt needed to be said
in anyway I deemed necessary

You're describing "brutal honesty" as that, which it isn't. Being like that isn't about honesty -- being like that is about being a d!ck. One can be a d!ck like that, and actually, not really be honest, just emotional (which many times causes things to veer off from a full, accurate measurement).

Some people will use the term "brutal honesty" as a COVER to let loose on derogatory comments. That does not re-define the term, though. Analogy: Being an arrogant a$$hole BUT having confidence. You're not going to label "arrogant a$$hole" as "confident", because some arrogant a$$holes have confidence or just blame their unnecessary, unkind words & actions as "being confident".

Normally, people will say "I'm going to be brutally honest..." instead of "Let me be blunt..." when they know that the truth itself is going to hurt them a lot more than just a sting -- it'll be brutal to hear the truth.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 152
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 7:00:31 PM
Who really gives a hoot about all this fluff~

Say what you mean,
mean what you do,
do what is right for yourself first,
and other people will respect BLUNT straight forward honesty.
We all need to keep our own word to ourselves before we can
KEEP OUR WORD to others.

Only a true leader can follow and be a highly productive team member.
That requires individualism.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 153
view profile
History
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 10:06:26 PM
A fellow I admire once started an ad agency. It grew to be one of the most successful agencies in the world. I always liked what he had to say about working with people:


"When we started our agency, we had in mind precisely the kind of people we wanted with us. There were two requirements: You had to be talented and you had to be nice. If you were nice but without talent, we were very sorry but you just wouldn't do. We had to 'make it,' and only great talent would help us do that. If you were a great talent but not a nice person, we had no hesitation in saying 'No.' Life is too short to sacrifice so much of it to work with a **stard. It's a wonderful feeling to know that we built an organization where nice guys didn't finish last." ~ Bill Bernbach
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 154
view profile
History
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/25/2010 10:08:42 PM
I still think a lot of the "brutal" is in the eye of the reciever of the statement. I am not saying there aren't some out there that use the cloak of "brutal honesty" to excuse their bad behavior. But for some recipients of the honesty, they take it as brutal when there was no intent for it.

Just because something isn't exactly what we want to hear or phrased in a way that we like, does not mean it was said to be intentionally cruel. What we need and what we want are two different things. Sometimes something needs to be said in a no BS way to get another's attention. It may not be the nicest thing to say, but the other person needs to hear it. It may be percieved as brutal, but if it was the kick in the ass that person needed to improve their lives, was it really cruel?

Also if someone asked for another's "honest opinion" they need to think how to phrase their question. Instead of "does this make me look fat?", they should maybe ask "Is this the best shape for my figure?" Is it really fair to label the person answering your question "brutal" or tactless when you didn't think thru the question you were asking? Two sides and all.

Then again I grew up in a house where you didn't ask questions you weren't prepared to hear the answer to. The answers were never cruel or intentionally mean, but they weren't sugar coated either-just straight forward, no BS answers.
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