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 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 174
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Brutal Honesty? Page 9 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
"Brutal" by definition is a negative adjective. If someone describes themselves as "brutally honest", it indicates one of the following:

a. they don't give a rat's ass what other people think of them
b. they don't have any common sense
c. they suffer from low self esteem

Any one of these qualities is non-plussing to me. I wouldn't date a "brutally honest" person. One can share their honest opinions with other people and do so in a tactful, respectful, mature way.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 175
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/27/2010 3:23:48 PM
I fit into YOUR A catagory bikeman, and proud of it!

I dont seek out people and just tell them what I think on a whim, however I dont sugar coat my responses when ASKED!
That goes back to my belief... If you dont really want to know the answer to a question....DONT ask! Or atleast dont ask me!
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 177
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/27/2010 4:56:06 PM
^^^^ -> It's a people thing -- both guys and girls do that!

People will use the term "brutally honest" because it feels brutal to hear things. It's a description of honesty, not mere response -- otherwise it'd be called "brutal response".

Person being Nice:
"Oh, no no... I'm interested... I just don't know if Sat is free... I just have a lot of things going on..." (done on multiple occasions in a row, until other person gives up)

Guy being brtually honest:
Girl: "I noticed that after our first 2 dates, you've been distant. Did you want to keep seeing each other?"
Guy: "Actually, I'm glad you brought that up... no, I don't want to."
Girl: (pause) "Okay... can I ask why?"
Guy: "You have a great smile and are intelligent, but I'm not that attracted to you physically... not enough anyway. That's the real straight-up reason."
Girl: "OMG! You pig -- looks mean everything to you, don't they?!"
Guy: "I understand it's not something you wanted to hear... but you did want to know why. And looks don't mean everything, but it's a requirement for me, and pretty much everyone, regardless of their "line in the sand" on tastes.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 178
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Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/27/2010 5:37:56 PM

"You have a great smile and are intelligent, but I'm not that attracted to you physically... not enough anyway. That's the real straight-up reason."


This is not BRUTALLY honest in my mind.

First you prefaced your statement with a compliment,


You have a great smile and are intelligent


Then you gave a non judgemental and more accurate statement on how you feel about the situation.


but I'm not that attracted to you physically... not enough anyway.


rather than tell her she is fugly.

Now if she proceeds to say


"OMG! You pig -- looks mean everything to you, don't they?!"


then she is judging your statement on what she feels and passing judgement on you, which is not fair or right if you handled it the way you did.

What you said was a fair assessment of things and fairly straight forward, especially if done with the correct body language and tone of voice. It is the best way to handle what could be a awkward and unpleasant situation, rather than with insults and anger.

You can control what you say and do, and you can't control what she does. But at least you know you did your best.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 179
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/28/2010 3:46:58 PM
truetemp,

First you prefaced your statement with a compliment

So? The point is that brutal honesty is about the honesty -- not the whole response itself. I explicitly put it in there, to show that you can say something -positive- that IS cut-throat honest, and obviously things one doesn't want to hear that are cut-throat honest.

IF she DIDN'T have a great smile or wasn't intelligent, YES -- then it wouldn't be brutally honest. But if she HONESTLY DOES have a great smile and is very noticably intelligent -- adding it in there means "this brutal honesty isn't mean to take a swipe at you -- I'll even point out the honestly GOOD things about you too, so you know I'm not trying to bash you". Of course, putting in those good qualities may sound suspicious, as if you're just making it up to make them feel better.

Bottom line is that you can be brutally honest about something... that doesn't mean everything else you say can't be good or indifferent.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 180
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/28/2010 5:32:13 PM
Pirateheaven said: "It is a moral vanity to feel that YOUR truth is so infallible that you are compelled to foist it upon others and to believe that your choice of BRUTAL words is what the other party NEEDS to hear. "

Great explanation!!!!!!

The truth is: that our likes and dislikes are formed from things we have been taught to like........... so therefore everyones are different.
Different strokes for different folks.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 181
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/30/2010 2:46:32 AM
{"Bottom line is that you can be brutally honest about something... that doesn't mean everything else you say can't be good or indifferent."}

Exactly my point CR, Well said!
 mossbgone
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 184
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/30/2010 3:37:32 PM
I agree about honesty it can be done in a mature and kind way but the lying is awful.
For one thing if someone claims they are looking for a long term relationship and cant even be truthful after a meeting, what is left deceit!
I know it can be hard to let a person down gently just dont make false promises.
 NOBLMAN
Joined: 10/18/2009
Msg: 185
Brutal Honesty?
Posted: 1/30/2010 3:42:02 PM
most people who say they are brutaly honest are usually just self centered and opinionated.
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