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 ladyleuck99
Joined: 9/12/2012
Msg: 139
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down SyndromePage 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
oh my I know exactly what your talking about I was thinking there needs to be a site just for people with kids/special needs! It makes me very sad that this is what it is... good luck to your sir!!!
 sydney46
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 140
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 2/13/2013 8:05:23 PM
I also have a special needs child, and, I've told people right up front, and my children do come first, unfortunately, some can accept that, some can't...we all have our own wants, needs, desires , etc..some people can't see two feet in front of themselves, let alone deal with any children..be patient, the right one will be loving towards you and your daughter!!!!
 justaguy8707
Joined: 1/3/2013
Msg: 142
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Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 2/23/2013 2:48:43 AM
Hello I understand how u feel my daughter is 5 and has epilepsy. It has caused some major brain damage witch in turn left her with cp and other things. Most women just don't understand how hard this life can be. They must feel loving a man with a disabled child is more then they can bear. Well all I can say is don't ever hide what your daughter is because if u are like me my daughter makes me who I am and she is my reason for everything I do.
 SueLM
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 143
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 2/23/2013 9:05:23 PM
Hi. Too bad you're in Maryland... I would go out with you! I also have a child with special needs and it absolutely impacts my ability to get a 2nd date. Which is a shame since my daughter is the sweetest kid on the planet... not a mean bone in her body. But I would never seriously date anyone who didn't accept her for exactly who she is. Hang in there. Any woman who won't go out with you simply because your daughter has downs isn't worth going out with. And major kudos to you for taking care of your beautiful daughter.

Suzi
 GNTLSOUL
Joined: 2/20/2011
Msg: 144
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Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 6/11/2013 9:00:29 PM
I applaud you for taking care of your daughter. I can't stop thinking about your situation. I had a relationship with someone for several years who had a similar situation. However He was not carrying for his son 100%, only on the weekends, And took him on the trips ever year... Please correct me if I am wrong, but I think it takes a lot of energy and time away from a relationship if you with your son 100%? Do you think its too hard to find a woman that will accept your situation? Did you had at least one serious relationship already? All the best!
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 145
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 6/12/2013 9:17:25 AM

Just wondering what you single ladies would do if a guy told you early on that he had primary custody of a kid with Down Syndrome? My daughter is 9 years old, extremely mild mannered, and as cute as can be but as soon as I get into detail about her, things come to a grinding halt. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!


As a woman with no children, I would not be excited at the idea that you have a child, then even less excited that she has special needs. Before all posters jump the gun, it is not about the child, but what having a child implies. It automatically means that something (a situation) comes before me and always will. As someone that does not have children, I would want to enjoy my relationship, time with that other person, go on vacations, etc. How can such occur if "time" is compromised significantly by these situations? The situation could be anything (too many hours at work, taking care of parents, etc) preventing you from spending time with me. I don't want the scraps (the time you have left over after you take care of everything else). Some may think of it as being selfish, I simply know what I want out of a relationship and know my limitations.

I was in a LTR with someone that had a daughter (8 at the time we met), it never bothered me until the last couple of years of the relationship (she was in her teens and very soon off to college). As he spent increasingly more time with her, I spent more time at work and school. At the end of the two months (of not seeing each other because of his daughter), we sat down and agreed to end the relationship. TIME (spent together) is a very important concept in a relationship or for its growth, such cannot be had (in useful quantities and quality) when situations that are time-consuming rob both of time together.

For all posters that alluded to the fact that the worth of a person comes from their capacity of extending their hearts, that's like saying the worth of a child is the extent of their health. Someone is not worth less than the other, because they recognize that this is a situation they would not be to cope with, just like the worth of a child does not derive from their health (of lack thereof). Everyone has limitations and it is important that one is aware of such.

You may have better luck with other single parents in the same circumstances. For those that made reference to someone in the social service field, I work with substance abusers, that doesn't mean that I want a relationship with a substance abuser just because I can understand it better. It also does not mean that I would want to be with someone whose family has a history of substance abuse, just because I work with families that do. The work is exhausting (even though rewarding) and the work doesn't stop at the desk, it goes with us in our minds and we live eternally with these concerns for the people we work with and for. I don't see it beneficial to also have to deal with what we do at work, in our personal lives.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 146
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 7/28/2013 8:22:23 PM
fedhill22- I worked as a private duty nurse for years, mostly with children with special needs.
It's not an easy job to parent a child with down syndrome. Raising children is hard to begin with, a special needs child is even harder.
What I advice is that a woman who can't except your daughter isn't worth your time. (I would give you the same advice if your daughter didn't have downs)
When I worked with my patient with downs, I learned from her that there are angels here with us on earth. When we are children we trust purely, love purely, downs children always do. They remind us of what is good in the world.
You are both blessed to have each other and somewhere out there is a woman who will love you and accept you both.
Wait for her, it will be worth it :)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 148
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 10/20/2013 2:53:28 PM

I would love to have a little bit of life....So i hope to fine somebody out there that has a heart


If you want to find a guy with a heart, he's going to want more than just a little bit of life with you. Are you looking for a part time love interest who will be available for only small bursts of time with you, whenever you're available?
 Combee
Joined: 10/14/2013
Msg: 149
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 10/20/2013 4:59:45 PM
Why didn't you get an abortion? They have technology where you can find out if it has that. They look so weird
 quinnperkins
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 150
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 10/24/2013 6:32:02 PM
hi my name is stephanie, and i have twin girls and one of them have autism...i know exactly what you are going through, if that female is not interested in getting to know your daughter then it is time to let her go and move on to someone until you can find that understanding and sympathetic woman.
 freed07
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 151
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 9/4/2015 1:26:37 PM
This is an old post, but I, too, have a daughter with Down Syndrome. Honestly, I am 57, and most men's children are grown, gone and they want to travel and be free. My daughter is a dream to be with. A true blessing. I think I am destined to be alone.

It would be easier, perhaps, if she were still tiny. Sweet, little and cute.

Oh, I am so utterly alone in this...
 freed07
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 152
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 9/4/2015 1:29:04 PM
How DARE YOU!! :modhammer: Look at this!! Please please delete this hideous comment!!
 freed07
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 153
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 9/4/2015 1:30:58 PM
Did it occur to you that some of these remarkable children are a surprise to their parents? My daughter is brilliant, funny and fabulous...
 Aeladya
Joined: 4/2/2010
Msg: 154
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 9/21/2015 2:03:12 PM
Personally I have no problem with dating single parents with children with developmental disabilities. I have several family members with them (mostly with them on the Autism Spectrum) and have personally worked in the field with children with developmental disabilities. If I didn't love graphic and web design so much I would have probably continued that line of work as I loved it. I've been told since around high school (which was over 10 years ago) that I should have gone into teaching special needs children, and I considered it heavily before deciding against it as it didn't pay well enough and I would likely be in debt from student loans until my death bed. I really enjoyed working with children a lot, and despised any form of retail. I found children to be more pleasant than retail customers.
 sierran90
Joined: 4/4/2015
Msg: 155
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 10/25/2015 6:14:40 AM
You and I are in the same boat. my son will be 5 and it's a question I wonder often.
 mommab45
Joined: 5/4/2014
Msg: 156
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Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 12/26/2015 8:05:21 PM
I have a son with D.S also so it wouldn't be a bad thing atleast he would understand the struggle of this world .
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 157
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Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 1/5/2016 8:39:51 AM
I think the best is to be truthful up-front. Don't pretend it's an issue that can be glossed over for a couple of dates.

I think about a local gal who had a family picture of her kids including a handicapped boy in a wheelchair that was maybe 10 years old and cute as a button. When I found her Facebook page, I realized that photo was several years old. The boy was now a man at about age 19 with a huge frame that was probably 260+ pounds and 6'3" if he could stand. A temper tantrum from a handicapped kid that's maybe 100 pounds is one thing - a temper tantrum from a young adult 3x the size who's not used to strangers could easily be a runaway locomotive. Turned me off right then and there. I don't mind parents who put family pictures in their profiles - but at least try to keep them current - and make sure you are in the pics with them as a link to yourself. Something about kids pics with no ties to the parent (or at least a caption explaining them) bugs me.
 melissa7777
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 158
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 1/5/2016 4:43:47 PM
I have a son with autism so I know what you are talking about..
 pro100pk2
Joined: 11/23/2015
Msg: 159
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 1/12/2016 4:25:42 AM
I think many girls are not prepared to raise someone else's child
and if a child with a birth defect
find mum
to this child will be difficult
 md21157
Joined: 4/19/2016
Msg: 160
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Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 5/10/2016 2:40:32 PM
My 2 yr old has DS and she is the best, I would not change her for the world!
 Naha1
Joined: 6/2/2016
Msg: 161
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 7/4/2016 10:26:39 AM
I think every parent should put their children first!! That's how I raised my past daughter. You really just don't know how blessed you are to have your children. When their gone it really sucks

Deb
 freed07
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 162
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 7/27/2016 3:29:24 PM
I know this is an old post...I have a daughter w/ Down syndrome, she is 16 now.
I recently dated a man who has custody of 4 kids, 7 through 19. His 8 yr old is DS. I was excited, surely we would have things in common. We had 4 once a week dates before I met his children. By date 6, it was apparent; he was using his PCA time to drink, then came home intoxicated to cook and give kids 2 hours of quality time.
It is not difficult at all for me to accept it. I just hope to find someone who understands.
 freed07
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 163
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 7/27/2016 3:30:00 PM
Loved your post!
 volleychic52000
Joined: 7/25/2014
Msg: 164
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Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 8/26/2016 10:21:32 AM
I believe that the woman ending the relationship because of that is shallow. if you have a real connection it should not matter about your child.... Obviously you have not found the right lady.
 tnmama16
Joined: 8/19/2016
Msg: 165
Single Dad w/Special Needs Child - Down Syndrome
Posted: 8/26/2016 8:16:00 PM
i understand all too well i have a special needs child and it is definitely tough to find someone who can understand
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