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 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 26
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I burned my bridges with a narcissistPage 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Wow. What an arrogant, egotistical rant.
Didnt you get it? I refuse to be his victim.
You think it is so easy to get someone out of your life? Who is dealing with fantasy here?
These people are professional conmen, manipulators. Not your typical "cowboy"
I have lived too long, through too much, to allow any A**holes opinion to bother me. Take that to your Therapist. I'm sure you need one. Badly. You might want to check into antisocial.
 Tomahawk52
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 27
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/4/2010 9:20:39 PM
There's no way I'd date a cocaine user.
And that's interesting to know that you can't donate blood anymore after having sex with a cocaine addict. Never thought it would hurt if you're protected. Guess I'd better look this up.

Anyway, you gotta let her go. Stop thinking about 'what might have happened' and figure out that it's for the best. Sure, you wanted her, and could have had her, but she's unattainable. This girl is more trouble than she's worth and you knew it.

There's other girls to meet, so go meet your butt out there.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 28
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/4/2010 9:44:32 PM

I burned my bridges with a narcissist


and exactly what does that have to do with me?

Nah - I'm sure a true narcissist would just find someone else to build them a new bridge.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/7/2010 12:52:04 AM
sorry. cowboy. I have lived it. I REFUSE to allow that man to have any input into my life. That is what he wants. Even changing my email, gives him an ego boost. That he made me do that. No response is the best response.
dont you get it?
what your saying isnt helpful to anyone. You come on here with your patronizing, ridiculing attitude. Who needs that? Who wants that? Your opinion isnt the end all, be all.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 30
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/18/2010 12:20:33 PM
from post 103

""""""""""""" I agree with Forum 101!! I think you are an ignorant jerk.


You would you sound like a child who wouldn't know what way to go unless told. If you agree on every single thing she said then you agree with leaving the lines of communication open to a predator or accused one who is stalking you. That being the case then as I stated when you do nothing to prevent you may as well be an accessory to the crime in my opinion. 3 years and you never changed your e-mail or your phone number because then he wins somehow? Thats ignorance at its finest. Do me a favor if you agree so much every time you go somewhere leave your car doors unlocked with the keys in the ignition. When your car is stolen and you call the police tell them you left your keys in the ignition. When he starts telling you how stupid you are tell him you do it and will always do it cause if you don't the car thieves win. Then come back and tell me how much more of a jerk I am compared to him.""""""""""""

Anything he coerces me to do, makes him stronger. So, you think I should change my phone number, my email, even move. What a crock!!!!! How easy is that? Sell one home and buy another in another area, move kids, change jobs, schools, and run from the Narc. I am not running from him, and if you think I am getting some sort of ego boost from this, you are sadly mistaken. Every time he intrudes into my life, it feels like an assault.
I quit kidding myself a long time ago, he isnt capable of loving me or anyone else. Yes, I could hire a lawyer, take him to court, get a restraining order. I have spoken to an attorney, he has told me to keep track of everything. I have even spoke with the county judge. His reaction, "But he always seems so personable, always in a suit, and he goes to church, he invited me to his Christmas play". Over the years this Narc has learned to play the game, look the part, say the right things to get his way. He is an expert at it. But he only mimics other people he has come across. No feelings or remorse for anyone but himself. I said to myself, "If he were the guy he pretends to be, he would have been awesome" But it was all just a ruse to catch me in his net, and try and coerce me into doing, being, how he thought a perfect woman should be. It took me a while to see the real him. At first it was small things, that you might push under a rug, he yelled at an employee, or snapped at my daughter when she fell in a store. Or he asked me if I was really going to wear those pants? There was a very slight crease where they had been folded across the hanger. He was dressed in wrinkled khaki shorts. Or the "you're not going to leave that dirty bowl in the sink, are you? When his own sink was overflowing with dirty dishes. But of course, they were his dirty dishes, in his dirty house that smelled of mildew. My one bowl was so much worse than that. Small things I discounted, till they gradually grew bigger and bigger. He had plans for me and my children, my income. And of course, it was in my best interest for him to take complete control of my life. Look how much money I could save if I didnt get my children Lunchables at the grocery, or bought their school clothes from a Goodwill. Arguing with me in a grocery store because I chose to buy this or that. I should thank him for wanting to help me. The guy even contacted a bank to see how much money I (he) could borrow, for investment property, with my income. But he was really just wanting my money, my time, and myself to himself. He never let up on anything till he got his way. His way was the right and only way. And he would fight tooth and nail to get it. You get worn down after a while from the fighting and arguing. He fought longer and louder, so he was right. Always having the last word. At least in his mind.

Cowboy, is wasnt long ago, on the other thread, you said you didnt know what the diagnosis was. Have you become an expert so soon? What is it to you, what anyone says about their past experiences?
Honestly, you can read all you want on it. Till you have lived it, day in and day out, you dont have a clue. Kind of like a child welfare worker, trying to tell a parent how to raise a child, when they, in fact, dont have any children of their own. You're only working with part of the facts. Some of us have the experience to back it up.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 31
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/19/2010 10:01:14 PM
You are of no use at all on this thread. We are not near as perfect as you. Kudos to you for trying to dig up crap on me, by looking into my other posts. The only thing you will find is a concerned parent.
I can only live my life and be accountable to me.
Best of luck to you, with your hounding other people, sounds familiar to a Narc I have dealt with in a past life. I didnt call you a jerk before, BUT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 32
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/21/2010 9:16:29 AM
nicecowboy7

If you want to wage your brave fight with whoever, feel free.....

I have a question for you....drug addicts, and alcoholics.....what makes them become drug addicts, and alcoholics.....it's not peer pressure.....I say NO all the time.

Any alcoholics I've spoken to (both my parents were alcholics) have told me that they drink/do drugs to "get rid of the pain"....behind the pain is pathology.

I was in a psychiatrists office for the first time.....told him about my Dad....mentioned that he was an alcoholic.....he said " I wonder which came first...the bipolar, or the alcoholism" I never said my Dad was bipolar,(he was, he had numerious hospitalizations...for the depression phase of bipolar) I had never heard the word bipolar before....my telling him that my Dad was an alcoholic cemented the bipolar diagnosis for him....this process took about 5 minutes. I checked into it.....lots of hospitals to choose from....Dad was bipolar.

What I'm saying, is that there are puzzle pieces....if the pieces fit, the picture becomes clear.......
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 33
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/21/2010 10:03:35 AM

People are complex Quazi. They have a doctors opinion in "the big book" That's the basically AA's bible. There are many reasons for someone to start drinking and druging. There are many reasons they can't stop. #1 It's addictive. Some people have addictive personalities. If everyone who has an addictive personality was bi polar or a socio or a narc we would know right where to find them all. Once again as it is described in AA. Only the alcoholic can say he is an alcoholic. It is described as basically being alergic to alcohol. What is excessive drinking? To one guy it maybe a 6 pack a month. To the next a 6 pack a week. To the next a 6 pack a day. In the doctor's opinion of the big book it is described that they exibit the characteristics of socios when under what they consider to be the influance. That means even between highs and buzzes. So why did they start? Could be anything like they wanted to be like their parents or friends or even siblings. Their have been cases of Identical twins with the exact same DNA. Where one is an alcoholic and the other isn't. Now there are also twins where one has bipolar and the other doesn't so that proves nothing but anyhow. I am not sure and have never read anything that states all alcoholics are bipolar.


Please don't quote "the big book" to me, I've been hearing it since I was 10.....the serenity prayer too......

Why do people have addictive personalities....would it be because of impulsivity wrecklessness, and poor judgment? I have an 80% chance of becoming an alcoholic....but I'm not.....I was warned very young, and put the brakes on my drinking. What makes a person become an addict?

Allergic to alcohol.....I don't think so. An allergic reaction causes anything from mild swelling, to hives, to death.


it is described that they exibit the characteristics of socios when under what they consider to be the influance.


I dare you to call your friends "socios" the next time they're drunk.....


That means even between highs and buzzes.


Wow, I think you should tell your alcoholic friends that they're "socios" even between highs and buzzes.....that should go over well. Probably worse than someone calling their ex a narcissist on a POF forum......

Yep....even identical twins....one has pathology, one doesn't....identical DNA.....the "secret" is PERCEPTION. How they see the world.....

Not all alcoholics are bipolar, Cowboy......my point was, that being alcoholic suggests "pathology" . "Normal" people don't usually become alcoholics....mostly because they don't drink too much......
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 34
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/21/2010 11:27:05 AM
Seeing as there has been enough time for the "fog" as they call it to lift they have resumed normal life as they say one day at a time. lol I didn't call them anything. Their using behavior in other words.......... u-s-e-i-n-g- b-e-h-a-v-i-o-r SEE THAT? Characteristics when under the influence of a drug or alcohol. If this isn't the case then why do they get sick in detox? That's what the "Fog is referencing Detox. Why after detox do they not have the same behavior as before?


Is "using behaviour" the same as being a "socio".....I can tell you that some alcoholics are very FAR from being "socios".



my telling him that my Dad was an alcoholic cemented the bipolar diagnosis for him


I had been describing my Dad who had many hospitalizations for depression (as far as I knew). When I mentioned my Dad being an alcoholic, from my description of my Dad, this psychiatrist determined that my Dad was bipolar. This was a long time ago, and I had never heard the word "bipolar" before. I checked at a couple of hospitals that my had had been in, and he had already been diagnosed bipolar, I just didn't know it.


Not all alcoholics are bipolar, Cowboy


Not all alcoholics are bipolar.....not all bipolar are alcoholics (I'm not). But, with any alcoholic, there's something else going on too....

Hate to tell ya, Cowboy, but not all alcoholics get "trashed" when they drink....there are "functioning" alcoholics.....people who lead "normal" lives, and are drunk all the time...just not enough that people "see" it. They have a "constant glow".......

I gotta stop again, alcoholism isn't my favourite subject....I know wayyyyy too much about it for my liking......
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 35
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/21/2010 10:30:13 PM
^^^^^^^^
Thank you. After all this time, I feel I shouldnt have to live my life by someone else's perimeters. Trying to stay out of someone else's radar" Hide and run away?. I will not be a victim anymore. Ive not dont anything wrong. I will not hide and cover for him anymore. He is a A$$hole. He IS a Narcissist. Let's let everyone know.

But cowboy admitted earlier to not knowing anything about the diagnosis. Yet he comes in argues--------whose point? Labeling the narc.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/22/2010 9:32:29 AM
Cowboy....

I haven't read through all these posts, I will do that later.

The operative word in these debates is 'perspective'.

I'm GATHERING that you think forum 101 is coming across as a "victim" rather than changing her circumstances.

I see it, as she's not letting him or his shenanigans dictate her life...she's not running scared.

If forum 101 is willing to do this power battle with her ex, that's her choice....
 forum101
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/22/2010 9:58:22 PM
'''''''''''''''''''My last point is this. My first problem is I'm a hardheaded old baste*rd. Also I'm a bit of an a**hole. Maybe more than a bit.'''''''''''''''''''


Let's quote this again. """"My last point is this. My first problem is I'm a hardheaded old baste*rd. Also I'm a bit of an a**hole. Maybe more than a bit.""""



forgive me for laughing. ROTFLMFAO at the "bit" part.
 Quazi 100
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/23/2010 8:29:09 AM

Narcissism and OCD

Both narcissists and people suffering from OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) obey a False Self - an artificial psychological construct that undermines the True Self and replaces it. The False Self is concerned exclusively with outward appearances and with the securing of narcissistic supply (approval, adulation, acceptance, attention, fame). It is rigid, sadistic, and demanding. Both OCD's and narcissists behave like "machines" or "automata". This inner compulsion is coupled with lack of empathy, relentlessness, and ruthlessness in the pursuit of goals set by the False Self.

The OCD's structured and ritualistic False Self compensates for the paralyzing anxiety that is the outcome of lack of self-confidence and self-worth, and severe and tormenting self-doubt and self-criticism. The narcissist's False Self shields him from narcissistic injuries and helps to regulate his fluctuating sense of self-worth. Thus, the narcissist lacks the perfectionism of the OCD. But both deny reality, are self-delusional, and socially inept.

Narcissists and OCD's are terrified of their own (overwhelmingly negative) emotions. They "choose" not to feel at all - rather than risk emotional flooding. Both types are prone to an inexplicable and fierce rage attacks - the results of inner dynamics. They both feel superior to others and entertain grandiose notions of themselves - though the focus of grandiosity would be different. The Narcissist is proud of his "achievements", "standing", "reputation", "possessions". The OCD is proud of his virtuous traits - self control, reliability, perfection, restraint, knowledge, intelligence, righteousness, etc. They both expend inordinate amount of mental energy on managing their anxieties and tensions and on maintaining their precariously balanced personalities by repressing their emotions. This - and their obsession with hierarchy, power, and control - prevent them from having meaningful, or successful, or long term relationships.

Paradoxically, both narcissists and OCD's are likely to engage in reckless and self-defeating behaviours. They derive their sense of self worth from their interactions with their environment. They are, thus, compelled to ACT incessantly and impulsively. When, inevitably, reality falls short of their invariably unrealistic expectations and grandiose fantasies ("the grandiosity gap") - they experience depression and even suicidal ideation.


Before I go any farther, I want to give nicecowboy props for being so honest, and saying that he was an ***hole. It takes courage to recognize when you're being an ***hole, and even more courage to admit it.

There are two types of OCD.....Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which is characterized by "rituals", which must be performed over and over (like hand washing), or religious rituals....ummm....having five crosses on your wall, and having to pray to each one 5 times before you go to sleep.....having to open and close the front door 7 times before you can leave the house....checking the stove, or iron 3 times.....you get the idea. OCD is usually oriented with numbers ..a number of "times" a ritual has to be performed...to ensure that everything will be "fine". Very anxiety based, the person believes that they are "ensuring" safety with their rituals....if the rituals aren't performed, the person becomes EXTREMELY agitated. The obsession is with the ritual, and the rules surrounding the ritual (number of times) the compulsion is the STRONG desire to act the ritual out.......

I'm going to post a general overview of OCPD taken from a mental health site.....the keywords in OCPD, are PERFECTION and RIGIDITY.

Psychiatric Definition

Personality disorders are divided into three different categories, called Clusters. Cluster A disorders are part of the schizophrenia spectrum (the "weird,") Cluster B disorders are marked by unstable behaviors (the "wild,") and Cluster C disorders are anxious or fearful (the "worried.") Avoidant, Dependent, and Obsessive Compulsive personality disorders fall under the "worried" category.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), commonly referred to as "the psychologist's Bible," describes all the identified mental disorders, including personality disorders. For a diagnosis of OCPD, the person must fulfill at least 4 of the DSM criteria listed in the box below (APA, 2000).

A pervasive pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency, beginning in early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

1. is preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost
2. shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met)
3. is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity)
4. is over conscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification)
5. is unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value
6. is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things
7. adopts a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes
8. shows rigidity and stubbornness

Description of Symptoms

As detailed, the person with OCPD is so occupied with striving to do a task properly that the person attempts to attain perfection. Such a person may impose all sorts of rules to maintain "efficiency," but instead only succeed in making the task more difficult (criterion 1 & 2). The person with OCPD puts work before personal relationships or leisure time (criterion 3), and draws a very strict line when it comes to moral or ethical issues (criterion 4). Hoarding with no traceable cause or sentiment was at one time thought to be a key symptom (criterion 5), however this criteria is under review and may be omitted in the next version of the DSM (Claiborne, 2009). The person with OCPD is very controlling, and has a feeling of superior competence comparing him or herself to others. He or she will entrust tasks to others only under extreme caution (criterion 6), and have strict instructions as to how they are to be carried out. The person with OCPD will save money and be stringent with it, as money is a fail-safe in case something unavoidably catastrophic occurs (criterion 7). General rigidity and stubbornness is not uncommon: the OCPD patient takes comfort in "the way it's always been done", does not favor change, and will only relent reluctantly in an argument (criterion 8).
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/23/2010 2:44:12 PM

Another poster gave the definition of gas-lighting a few posts ago (my "definition" was wrong... boo!), and the funny thing is that my brother, who has Aspergers, does that all the time! The thing about it is that I don't think that he does it on purpose, or if he does, I simply discount him as being wrong and move on. For instance, last night we were talking about something and literally five minutes later he "gas-lighted" me on something he had just said. I just told him he was wrong and moved on. Until just now it never even occurred to me that it was him gas-lighting me. Does anybody have any suggestions about how I could handle this situation? IMO, I think it's worth having a talk with him, and pointing out that it's bad behavior. He's always been like that, and very passive aggressive (he's a Myers Briggs ISFJ, so go figure...), but I just figured it was an Aspergers thing or something...


"gas lighting" is a VERY passive/aggressive thing. The more the person feels that they lack control in their life, the more passive/ aggressive they may become. If it were me, I would point it out to your brother, Aspergers patients have difficulties distinguishing where boundaries should be as part of their illness....he should be told.

It sounds like your ex falls under OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) which is an anxiety disorder. OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive PERSONALITY Disorder) is a much more in depth personality disorder.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 40
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/24/2010 12:52:22 AM
glad to know the boy is checking into me so closely. I have dealt with a lot worse. What is it to you, anyway? The lengths you go to to try and prove your point. Pointless...............
Thought your previous post was the last. should have known better.
What is this, in these threads where your saying I started this? You called it "crap". You called my and others experiences "crap".

As far as my being a "butt wiper", well, as a nurse, I will always be a butt wiper, a snot wiper, vomit cleaner, tear wiper, hand holder, regardless of how high in administative I am. How dare you negate what a CNA does. Most have more compassion and consideration than you ever dreamed of. Some day you will be lucky to have someone to wipe your butt. Seeing as how you are all A$$hole, anyway. Or at least of "bit" of one. (sorry, even as a nurse, I couldnt resist the pun) But then Im not perfect, I am human.

How dare you, come onto these forums, condemn me, my thoughts, my feelings. You are less than a snail, your a slug, your the slimy stuff on a slugs feet. I am an RN. I supervise 152 patients, 75 employees at any given time. I am an excellent nurse. I have actually saved lives. Dont you ever doubt it. My yearly evaluations will attest to that. These few minutes I participate in the forums are just a very small percentage of my life.
I just have a problem with A$$holes. I actually contribute a bit more than rage in a forum. I have survived more than you can dish out to me in a forum. I am an excellent mother. I have raised 2 military sons, one in the ministry. When you top that, come in and diss me. Otherwise, shut TFU.

I have actually "studied" personality Disorders. My CEU's mandate it. How else will I determine the schitzophrenic, alzheimers, or the dementia, or the many other mental or physical disorders. I know how I deal with people. Open, straightforward. Narcs are not like that, and they take advantage of people who are. Got it????????
I am not his victim. Just because I participate in a thread doesnt mean I am wallowing in misery. I have survived that jerk, it isnt my fault he still feels the need to contact me. He has a personality disorder. He is going to do all kinds of weird crap. Actually he has taught me some great LIFE LESSONS. Take no crap from anyone. I am OK. I am productive, giving, compassionate, empathetic. No stranger across the country is going to have any impact upon my life. sorry, you're not that important. I would like to have you deleted of PofF.

you have a lot of issues with this and another thread. Your posting every other post. Compulsive? Refuse to allow anyone to disagree with you. It's all there in writing. None were writing to you, just to each other, then you come in and ream everyone. I think the slow boat to China is about to depart. Got your ticket?
All of your posts are condemning. Superior attitude. If I may say so, somewhat Narcissistic. Only somewhat. You dont have the charming agreeable part down yet. You know, the initial, win them over part? Just because someone can argue longer or louder, doesnt make them right. And you are NOT right on this, Boy.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:11:32 AM
what a loser!!!!!!
He copied and pasted the same exact post on 2 different threads.

Do I get the last laugh???????
let the banana dance.
 forum101
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/24/2010 4:01:52 PM
""""''That is the equilvent to what a nurse takes so yes there is a difference."""""""

Equivalent. Got to pass those English classes to get your degree. Along with History, Psychology, Math, Pharmacology, Med Surg, OB, Geriatrics, Psych, Pediatrics, Anatomy and Physiology, Medical Microbiology, Computers, Communications. EMT is a certification. Not a degree.
Im sorry. I actually have a nursing degree from the University of KY. Guess what????? I graduated with honors. The ring, the sash,the pin, and the Gold emblem on my degree. Who's Who publication. Dean's List.
EMT's go to class, what 3 months, once or twice a week? The fact is, in an accident, I would be the ranking officer. EMT's just hate that. The fact is, an EMT is way way below a nurse on the totem pole. You just havent had the training, or the education. Albeit, EMT's play a vital role in healthcare. They bring the patients to the people who actually heal and take care of them. They are not God, they are not Doctors, and they are not Nurses.

""""" I don't pretend and have never pretended to be capable of diagnosing anyone with a mental disorder""""""""

If you dont have the ability to say they are, you cannot say they aren't.

But you are capable of coming on here, and trashing complete strangers for their thoughts, feelings and experiences? Belittling them, for what? I disagreed with you. That is all, and you come on, with guns blazing. You have no idea who I am, how I sound, what I am. Yet you have trashed me, my family, my profession. Low blows, but really of no consequence. I can smell Loser, I can hear Loser, I can see Loser. I can spell Loser. The only one who started a witch hunt was you. Thank you for giving me the right to my own opinion.

I am sorry to all the people who have read this thread. And been offended. I call it as I see it, and will not cower before anyone.
Im sorry I didnt put him on IGNORE from the start. What a waste of time, energy and thought.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 43
I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/25/2010 8:43:58 PM
Ever heard of a Harpie? Its the same thing. Just saying....some women are nothing more than a bear trap around your penis. They are good for a lay, but leave you empty and hurting in the end.
Like a Black Widow spider, they will kill you in the end and devour your body.
If that's what you are looking for, well then, go for it. But if you are looking for someone to bring home to mommy, don't bring her.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 2/25/2010 9:50:29 PM
Cowboy, you have completely lost any consideration you may have had in this thread.
You have lost your argument. Move on.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 3/2/2010 3:12:11 PM

Impulsivity becomes pathological, when it impacts negatively on your life.

I'm bipolar as well as BPD....if I spend the rent money on clothes, my "impulsivity" has negatively impacted my life. I have now put myself in a precarious situation....how do I pay the rent? My brain should have said, "you can't afford those clothes, you need that money to pay the rent."

Again, bipolar....pretend I'm married. I'm in a manic state, and my sex drive has gone into super over drive. I love my husband, and he's giving me lots of sex, but I need more....I go out and find more. Then, I decide that I'm in love with this new person that I picked up in a bar, and I leave my husband for him.....one day, I crash, and realize that I have completely trashed my life, and become suicidal......see where I'm going here? NOT NORMAL IMPULSIVITY.


I answered your question here, Cowboy....

Let me put it in terms that you might understand better. Take someone who parties alot....they party, but get up for work the next day....the drinking escalates....then one day, they don't get up for work. At that point, the IMPULSIVITY of partying is overtaking their COMMON SENSE of having to work the next day....the line in the sand has been crossed at that point, into IMPULSIVITY.





No they don't and it is even being considered as being removed from their text books cause it is an ailment not fixable. According to my brother in-law a trained psychologists.


I really don't want to have to look up the DSM-V that's supposed to come out in 2013...Narcissist is there, trust me....

Is 60-80 a regular heartbeat for everyone, Cowboy?.....you're talking about an adult....


The resting heart rate of a newborn is from 120 to 160, 0 to 5 months is 90-140, 6 to 12 months is 80-140 and 1 to 3 years is 80-130 beats per minute (taken from Related Link).


Nothing is ever 100% ....my "normal" temperature is 97.4...always has been...

Being a narcissist is measured by different measurements of different criteria for every person that is a narcissist....there aren't "standard measurements".
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 3/2/2010 7:30:53 PM

But this still hasn't answered the question. Everyone has seen and knows what an impulsive act is. I don't need a definition of it or example. Everyone is impulsive to a degree and in a negative way that affects their life. Look at smoking. Like a "normal" text book heart rate is 60-80 in an adult their must be a normal impulsive rate for an adult. Like a normal heart beats 60-80 times a min. A normal impulsive adult may be impulsive X amount of times in X period of time. Right? Far as my brother in law had said I might of gotton it confused. Every person is different I agree. Yes nothing is 100%. He did say that they give all kinds of tests. Some of them 20 pages or longer asking the same questions in different ways. I'll try to get more time to talk to him. He is kinda busy. He did say he has seen many times where a person went to him and had several theripists before him and each one diagnosed the person differently. So it's even difficult for them. Anyway if you find out before me let me know. :) thanks.


Wrong!

If someone smokes 20 cigarettes a day, it can't be equated with a person who does 20 lines of coke a day. On a one day basis, the coke has the potential of doing waaayyyyy more damage than the cigarettes.

It's not the X inX amount of time....it's the degree of impulsiveness that's the problem.

Why don't you get this? What happened that you're so interested in impulsivity?
 forum101
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 3/2/2010 10:59:37 PM
The trolls are back. Ignore the trolls.
 forum101
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 3/3/2010 8:48:26 AM
well said anonymouslyme.
You cant debate with anyone who twists, makes things up, demeans the other, name calling.
The information IS available on the Internet, it is also available in any Psych book.
The whole idea of learning is from reading. Anyone can read the DSM and learn.

Narc
DSM IV-TR criteria

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:[1]

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, people (or institutions) who are also "special" or of high status.
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement
6. is interpersonally exploitative
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes


sociopath

Profile of the Sociopath

This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.


* Glibness and Superficial Charm

* Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

* Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

* Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

* Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

* Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

* Incapacity for Love

* Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

* Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

* Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

* Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

* Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

* Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

* Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

* Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Other Related Qualities:

1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
3. Authoritarian
4. Secretive
5. Paranoid
6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
7. Conventional appearance
8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world


You dont have to have a psychiatric degree to be able to read or comprehend a DSM.
In fact most social workers, have only an average IQ. They use it everyday.
 Quazi 100
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 3/3/2010 9:34:16 AM

I don't doubt that I'm wrong Quazi. I'm not trying to frustrate you sweety. It's not that I don't get what your saying.


it's the degree of impulsiveness that's the problem.


What are the degrees then? How is a person placed into these degrees?


First of all, I haven't read anything past this post, because I don't want to lose my train of thought.....

Cowboy...

You mentioned 20 page assessments where the same question was asked over and over in different ways....does your brother-in-law use these to assess patients?

I WAS (yahoo) in therapy for 20 years, and I filled out a Beck Inventory for Depression...twice....that's it. I live in Canada, our medical system is different than yours, but I have never done a psychological assessment....ever. I've been to psychiatrists, psychologists, PhD in Social Work, Psychotherapists, CBT therapists, I had a Psychiatrist who was also a lawyer.....and a Psychiatrist who specialized in anxiety disorders.....no assessments.

There are numerous reasons why assessments can lead a therapist down the garden path.....all questions have to be answered, even if they don't apply to you.....on the one I did, there were five choices for an answer....sometimes I didn't fit any of the five.....I was in rough shape, and got the wrong line, for the question, which made all my answers after that question very possibly wrong.....

I can see them being used to get an idea of where the person is....but I'm BPD....had I been given the assessment at two separate times, because of mood swings, they might have turned out completely different from each other. Like a narc....I could be in idealization mode, or devaluation mode....and it doesn't just apply to people....it applys to the whole "attitude".

I dunno if this is what you're looking for, but I only know one person who has done assessments, and the hospital was doing research with him......
 Quazi 100
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I burned my bridges with a narcissist
Posted: 3/3/2010 11:10:33 AM

I have a googled list of criteria too.


Diagnostic Criteria ( DSM-IV™ ) made easy.

1. Intellectual functioning significantly below average. IQs of about 70 or lower in person who can take an IQ test. Clinical judgment must be use on those who can not take an IQ test.

2. Impairments or deficits for that age group in functioning in at last two of the following areas:

Communication.
Health.
Leisure time.
Safety.
School.
Self-care.
Social.
Taking care of a home.
Work.
3. The onset of impairment must be before the age of eighteen.


#1.Ok we would have to get you to take an IQ test but I suspect strongly it is below 70.

#2. All we need is two so I'd say Communication and Social.

#3. If your impaired now stands to reason you would of been impaired by age 18. Right?

According to my determination I have diagnosed you retarded as per google. Anyone can apply any list of mental criteria to anyone they don't like at anytime they want. Do allot of people not like their Exes? You bet. Do they view them objectively or fairly? Nope.


Um.....you need to watch yourself, Cowboy.....

I have not been able to do IQ tests. If they are very "spatially" oriented, I qualify as being retarded. My Mom was an alcoholic, and I have symptoms of FAS-Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

I was tested once at CAMH (Centres for Addiction and Mental Health), and I did so badly, they gave me a practice manual to take home. This isn't a joke.

You're walking on thin ice....I don't want this thread pulled, but you really need to state what your interest is, please.......

We are talking about narcissists.....diagnosed, or suspected.....what are you talking about?
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