Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 astrix00
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 40
Separation, how long is too long?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
i like your trail of thought Magikarp spot on tooo many women want want want make the cow suffer .
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 11:57:05 AM
Dude, as previously suggested...hide as much of your monetary assets as you can. And, sell the house if you own in your name only then file for divorce. You can rent until the divorce is over. If you co-own the house try to sell it and divide the proceeds in half before the divorce.

I say this because a friend of mine died last week, never divorced his ex and was separated for close to 7 years. He had $68K in savings and investments and now his ex gets first crack at it before his teenage kids do and that is EVEN WITH A WILL.

Your call...but IMHO I think you are a fool to wait for her to file because you want HER to pay. Ya know, it's going to be you who eventually pays either way if you are the breadwinner.
 Cape Sunshine
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 42
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 12:03:41 PM
[Have her destroyed and defeated before she's even aware you have stirred. Let the final piece be the steak you put through her. If a lot of money is involved, use it to put the full fury and wrath of the law against her. ]

Are you my ex-husband!!!
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 43
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 12:10:11 PM
You know OP, I reread this. I just realized something your not focusing on. I assume since she left, your living in the house and paying for it. It is still a marital asset. So in 3 years, you have paid her share and will have no recourse to get that back. The clock will run until you divorce, even with you paying the freight. So why should she file? She's getting appreciation on your dime.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 12:13:00 PM
It's going to cost, sooner or laterhe'She seems to be ok with the current situation, if he doesn't want to file, I guess he shouldn't complain about it.

*shrugs*
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 45
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 12:48:14 PM

Have her destroyed and defeated before she's even aware you have stirred. Let the final piece be the steak you put through her. If a lot of money is involved, use it to put the full fury and wrath of the law against her.


Wow some people have so much anger! Do you even know what her reasons were to seperate?
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:22:22 PM
Ariabianangel, you are right--we don't know the reason why she decided to separate. We also don't know what the OP decides to share with us. That is what the forums are so full of--one-sided opinions by the posters.

Ahem, I have to use the word "assumption" here and yes, it relates to "assume" & it can "make an a$$ out of U and me," but we have to reply on what we are given by the OP.

So say, he's the "angel" and she is the "evil ex" and she is waiting for him to pay for the divorce so she can get her "half," can we assume the OP is telling the truth?

My opinion is, IF she is the evil ex, then it would be wise for him to liquidate what assets he has in order for her not to get her hands on the money/property that he has invested since they have been separated. Remember, the ex is living with another man according to the OP. And, he should file for divorce once he has taken care of his finances.

If the OP is the evil one, then I hope his separated wife takes him to the cleaners. Maybe that's why he is playing the "waiting to file" game. Unless he tells us, we will never know.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 47
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:52:35 PM
If it has been 3 years, OP, and your wife still has not filed for divorce, perhaps she isn't looking to get one.

I agree with the others. Get up, get out there, and get one yourself.

For the record, I know people that are STILL married and have been separated for many years.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 49
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:31:11 PM
I agree with the others....you can file it.....just in case take some juicy pictures of her having her fling....just in case they are needed.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 50
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:32:58 PM
I don't know what the laws in BC are like, but I can tell you that where I live a separation agreement isn't a requirement for a divorce.

Basically a separation agreement is an understanding of how things are going to work until the divorce goes through. After you have been separated for a year, both parites and a witness sign a document stating so, and then you can file for divorce.

If you and your soon to be ex don't disagree on anything, the divorce should be rather cut and dry. Attorney's fees for an uncontested divorce here cost about $250.00 plus maybe a filing fee. You can even bypass the process server fee if everyone is amicable.

I would think that since she is the one with the boyfriend that she would pony up 1/2 the costs.

To answer your question, I think both of you are just procrastinating on this. Get it over with so you can put this chapter behind you.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 52
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:40:32 PM

I know she's in a relationship with another man while still being married.


That could be one of the reasons why OP wife decided to separate from him.

That doesn't mean there aren't others reasons on her behalf.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 53
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:44:36 PM
If you mutually agree to the division, and there's no contest, file yourself on line. The problem with letting this drag that long is that being separated, can cause problems when YOU get in a relationship and the new person does not thing that you are over the ex. So file the paper work and get on with your new life.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 57
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:52:16 PM
I dunno, I wouldn't be able to live in limbo like that. My ex wanted the divorce, but I had to be the one to set things in motion by filing for divorce. I wanted to know exactly where I stood so my life could move forward, not bury my head in the sand and hope for the best. Perhaps you're just both afraid of the resurfacing anger and angst but I'd personally want to just bite the bullet and be done with it. If you figure there's a cost to divorce, there could eventually be a bigger cost to not getting divorced. Move on already and giterdun.
 Cape Sunshine
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 61
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 3:37:40 PM

I know she's in a relationship with another man while still being married


They have been separated for 3 yrs. Most people get in a relationship right after they separated.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 63
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 4:54:40 PM
{"You have the tactical advantage"}

Now he just needs the TESTICAL advantage.
 DoubleParked
Joined: 10/22/2008
Msg: 64
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 5:27:00 PM
This is way too long for any one to wait. Either or both of you are too lazy to do ANYTHING. All the money in the world can't buy back affection, love, trust, hope or Fun. so why not get it over with, cut your losses and call it a day. Who can say? someone else might think you're fabulous!
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 65
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 5:30:38 PM
yes, file the papers and move on..and don't worry about why she hasn't...
 flgrama
Joined: 12/24/2008
Msg: 66
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 6:07:18 PM
Plus, if one of you racks up a huge debt, the other is responsible for it too!
Scary thought.
 NotElvisJunior
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Separation, how long is too long?
Posted: 1/26/2010 9:25:21 PM
I don't know how the laws work in British Columbia... so my examples/possibilities are from my own divorce, and relate to how things work in New Jersey

However, from my own experience, know that there is the POSSIBILITY that your estranged spouse might be milking the current status.

That is, getting away with things that she can legally do while "married" that she could not do while "divorced" or even in the process of divorce.

Granted, some of those things might be dicey in terms of whether one can DEFINITELY get away with them, but there's the POSSIBLY get away with them thing that's the issue.

One example: while separated, my ex was able to change the location of my son's daycare. She would've been unable to do this without my consent when divorced (with joint legal custody), but got away with it because we were technically still married.

Second example: while separated, my wife borrowed a substantial amount of money that she thought I didn't know about... $25,000. She didn't know I was still keeping tabs on that one account (it was a joint account), so while nervous about it, I let it go (my parents BEGGED me not to touch it, and my lawyer osaid that while I could NOT get into trouble, he'd advise against it, but if I did decide to take the money, take only 50%). Interestingly, the money was gone in three weeks. 4 months later, she borrowed $27,000 more. This time I yanked the money.

She flipped, but while angrily insisting that I return it and "do the right thing" she would NOT agree to my condition for doing so, which was to get a document written up, to MY lawyer's satisfaction, that states that if I return the money, that I would not be liable for any of that debt.

Essentially, she was planning on spending big money and hoping to stick me with half of the liability for it. Turns out this didn't work (I had to give back the money, but she had to declare me free of all liability for those loans), but it had the potential to shoot me in the rear.


Third possibility: If you earn substantially more than she does, or SAVE substantially more than she does, when the Case Information Statement is filled out, assets are split either from the date that form is filled, or from the date of divorce. So, if she's spending every penny she has, and you're scrimping and saving, and she KNOWS you're this type, then she gets half (or some other percentage if it's equitable rather than equal distribution) of whatever is in the account at the time. That's what happened to me.


etc. I'm sure there's a lot more potential landmines that I'm NOT aware of, those are the three I can think of off the top of my head.



The flip side of this is that you have the potential to abuse the system in this way as well. In any case, that's my view of the possible reasons your ex may not be filing. She could be up to all this and more, she could be doing none of it, etc., but it's POSSIBLE.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >