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 Bug77
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 38
What kind of man turns his back on his child?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
ok people- all that crap about her "trapping" him is rediculous. And who are you people to judge anyway? Just because she didnt want his baby that doesnt mean that she doesnt want her own. Obviously she is going to take care of her child and love every second of it. And maybe he talked about having kids with her and then jetted. you people dont really know the whole situation so dont be so quick to jump the gun. Have a heart, maybe she just needed to ventilate thats why she posted. And if the man was so not ready for kids maybe he should have protected himself and wrapped it up. fyi the man is 8 years older than her...he should know better. You people talking crap need to get a life and stop trying to analyze everyone elses.....like you people are life gurus...ha
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 39
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/30/2010 7:56:04 PM

Suck it up OP and put your big girl panties on. Quit doing the woe-is-me routine 'cause it's tired and played out. Sure you can be bitter, but get the sympathy from your friends (if you have em) nobody on the interwebz cares about you or your whorish ways.
All you can do now is be the best parent you can be. Hopefully your kid doesn't hate you too much when he grows up.


You are a single parent also, so i suspect you, also, have whorish ways.
 cuban delite
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 40
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 1/31/2010 7:21:46 PM
You can only explain to the child that..
you chose to keep and love them, no matter what life threw your way.............

^^^^^^^ sometimes I wish I read all the posts before I post....but the above quote was bang on...
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 42
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/1/2010 4:56:44 AM
Us "older" mothers (i just turned 30 so i guess i can qualify as an older mother now) should reach out to the young mothers that are new at motherhood and might not be in the ideal situation and aere very confused at the new life they are now living.

Some of us may have been that very young, very confused mother once. After having been around the block a few times, and going through a lot of maturation, and getting up in life, we may lose sight that we, also, might have been that brand new very confused young mother once, and us old hens should take the lil birdies under our wings rather than pecking them out of the nest.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 46
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/2/2010 6:21:54 AM

Sweetness...when you made the decision to have your youngest, you didn't make it with any silly romantic notions in your head. Did you accuse your child's father of being "gay or something" because he wasn't ready for the responsibility of parenthood or didn't want to raise a child with you? From what you've posted, you accepted that you were careless and were ready to accept the responsibility of being a single parent and didn't try to ram fatherhood down his throat. You strapped on your big girl panties and did what you needed to do. If I had seen any glimpse of that level of maturity from this OP I would have responded quite differently.


True, but i internalized a lot of feelings. I did fine, but i hid my feelings fcrom the world. I did often think, during my pregnancy, what kind of man would turn his back on me and his baby. I just didnt vocalize it, go after him, complain, etc, i did go on with life, forget him, and take care of my own shit, but the feeling was definately there. I didnt have internet back then or i might have asked the same question on a forum. Except for calling him gay, the things he did to me,most definately hetero. Just a hetero that didnt want kids. Thats why i waited for marriage to have my second baby, didnt want to go through thre internal hurt again.
 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 49
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/4/2010 7:00:15 AM

Sounds to me like she tried to trap the guy and his only concern was not having to wear a condom. Now, a child will suffer because they were BOTH irresponsible.


Because she chose to have and keep this child! Only she gets that choice.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 50
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:11:12 AM
OP, no he's not half gay, he just doesn't want to be a father. Yeah, it sucks, but now you see what kind of man he is and truth be told he may have broken up with you even if you weren't pregnant. I doubt that guy will ever come around be there for your child. So it's on you to raise him the best you can. Do you really want a man in your child's life that bailed in the first place?
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 51
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:38:05 AM
ETA: I missed the part where OP said she thought she couldn't get pregnant. My question is why would you test your doctor's assumption. No doctor is going to give you an absolute unless you have had a hysterectomy. I have a friend who was told that it was "unlikely" she would be able to have kids. She and her hubby had been married about 10 years until one day BAM...she was pregnant. So I'm not buying that you didn't want to get pregnant by this guy to keep him around. If you truly didn't want to chance a pregnant you would've insisted on condoms. But the guy himself isn't off the hook either. He should've worn one regardless of what you told him.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 54
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/5/2010 6:08:09 PM

Because she chose to have and keep this child! Only she gets that choice.


Yes a woman is the one who chooses what to do with a pregnancy, as the pregnancy occurs in her body. Is this some kind of new discovery for some people? I studied biology in school as a basic general education subject, didnt the rest of the world?
 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 55
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/6/2010 7:19:18 AM
Did you study economics? It's his money. Shouldn't he get to choose what happens to it?

You knew the point, but chose to be a smart *ss. Men don't get choices. Women do. Men who don't want to be fathers and get forced into it are the kind that turn their back.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 57
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/6/2010 8:59:40 AM
Sweetness,perhaps your study of biology included muscle function,specifically the leg muscles and how it's possible to close them...and mouth muscles and how it's possible to use them and say no...but then that would mess with your choice to gratify your own desires for sex...but it's ok ...men do the same thing....their choices however end there and they become responsable...responsability...what a concept.
 music_amber78
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 58
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/7/2010 1:31:13 AM
I do understand what miragem is saying. I guess the whole point is ... get to know the people you are having sex with, ladies and gentlemen! For our original poster, congrats on the baby. Don't worry about the guy. He is the past, and obviously a short one at that. Focus now on your son. Make the best life for him you can. I struggle with a dealing with my daughter's dad. I was married to him for 9 years. I used to think he was a good dad, but he hasn't even tried to see her in a year. He hasn't sent her Christmas presents now in two years. I just don't get it. We barely get any child support. So, to not get into a sob story too much, I just want to say is that it doesn't matter if you know the guy or not, you never REALLY know the person's heart or what they are going through. What a guy (or woman, for that matter) chooses to do in reference to their kids DOES effect them for the rest of their lives. Let's face it. Mom's leave all the time too. They abandon their children, forcing the fathers to raise kids by themselves. So I'm not going to bash the guys completely. I understand that it's hard for a single PARENT, no matter what the sex of that parent may be.
 serendipitytwin
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 59
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/7/2010 9:11:23 AM
A lot of men do not want the responsibility of a child. The thing is that as women, we have to be secure with commitment before we make babies! It isn't becuse they are gay, they just didn't want children. It is is easier for them to run away because they do not want to get bonded with the child. That's why it's best to get married and do things via agreement. I am a lone parent so I am talking from hindsight. Love your child and forget about him. Find other stable men to bring the male role model into your childs life. Brother's, friends etc; Your heart will heal eventually. Or you could tell him you would like him to know his child and leave himn an email contact and he might come round if he doesn't feel under pressure. Who knows why some men don't feel they want to know their child.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 61
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/9/2010 6:10:04 AM

Sweetness,perhaps your study of biology included muscle function,specifically the leg muscles and how it's possible to close them...and mouth muscles and how it's possible to use them and say no...but then that would mess with your choice to gratify your own desires for sex...but it's ok ...men do the same thing....their choices however end there and they become responsable...responsability...what a concept.
Huh whaaaaat? My brain is still fuzzy from the most intense orgasmic experience i had in a few years last night, so im a bit slow today, i just dont get what you are saying..........
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 62
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/9/2010 6:04:21 PM
Say no and keep your legs closed and there will be few or no issues such as this....and in case you choose to say it takes two to tango it's hard to tango with your legs closed.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 64
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/9/2010 9:43:55 PM
If there's one thing that astounds me about a few of the women in this thread is that they claim a mere 50% responsibility and accountability for THEIR BODIES to become impreganted. Yet, they take 100% responsibility in the decision to abort, or not.

Is it me or are these women dangerous to have sex with? Maybe I should take 60% control of her body since she's only claiming 50% and insist we only do anal or oral... or both. But certainly not vaginal sex because she's not that responsible as owner of her body.

As per the OP, I'm going to stick with the father being gay... he prefers peanut butter on nuts.
 single 34
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 66
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/14/2010 3:51:38 PM
I'm a single mother of a 16yr old boy.My sons dad is living with his girlfriend and her daughter and another son from another person and .He only lives 5 mins away,he has my sons phone number but still has nothing to do with him.After 16yrs of disappointment all I can do is be there for my son as I have been.It's hard being a mum/dad but I wouldn't give it up for anything and in the end It's his drop kick dad who loses,as I say any bloke can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father
 SunshineGem
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 67
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/15/2010 8:41:49 PM
I was in a similar situation. The guy bailed on me when I told him I was pregnant and got a new gf. However when we were dating he made a few comments to me during that time indicating how he wanted to get pregnant, but he has told me I shouldn’t believe anything he said while he was drunk, yet he doesn’t recall saying these things to me when he was sober as well one time. I was ready to have a family, but wasn’t ready to be a single mother. He promised he was going to be there for me, even with him being with the new girl, and it wasn’t until I was 3 months pregnant that he started saying it wasn’t his child to other people. When I realized that was happening, I prepared to become a single mother but continued to be angry towards him for turning his back on his unborn child and never being there. He made little contact with me and it was confusing for me. When I didn’t talk to him or felt secure doing this on my own, I felt stronger each time. I’ve had friends and family by my side and my family has been a lot of help throughout this process. My daughter is almost 6 months now and he started to come around on his own once a week for a few hours after I let him do a DNA.

Although I’m having issues with him coming around so little and him having other priorities. It doesn’t seem right to me that my daughter is the last thing on his mind when I take care of her 24/7. I know he didn’t want to be a father, because he said he wasn’t ready and wanted me to have an abortion, even though he told me otherwise before this whole ordeal. I have a hard time dealing with the issue of his lack of interest in our baby and on top of all that we fight constantly, he blames me for getting pregnant and for fighting when I see him being the one starting arguments with me and blames me if he doesn’t see her because I won’t let him talk down or be an ass to me. He comes around when it suits him, yet he obviously doesn’t appreciate the work in being a single mom.

My point is now that he is more involved than when I was pregnant is that he is verbally abusive towards me and when he’s visiting his daughter at my home there’s tension btwn us because we don’t try and work out, since it will start a fight, so it’s not fair for my daughter to feel all that. Also I have recognized what kind of a character he is – he has said to me that his go does everything for him, cleans and cooks for him but has no intention on marrying her. She has some sort of mental handicap which I found out on my own. Meanwhile I found him on POF looking for intimate encounter!!! I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking its okay for her to be used by men like him and to be affected by not making her number 1 in his life. To be honest, it gets easier and it’s his loss. But to be honest, I don’t want to be with him, and if he really wanted be more of her life he would make the effort to be more of a friend to me so we can get along for our child’s sake. But he continues to be an ass for whatever reason to me. It is much harder dealing with him while he is in her life than when he’s not around.

I can assure you that if you let the hurt go, the anger is not far behind. Let this be a lesson, but you will grow to love that child as time goes on. I have times when I want to pack it in and give her up for adoption, but I remind myself that the teething time is only temporary and how I was ready for a family. Most times it’s a blessing watching that little person smile at me and depend on me every day. Do yourself and your child a favor and grow up. If you absolutely did not want this child, you would have had the abortion. If you still feel that you don’t want the child after you hold her in your arms when she is born and after the first few weeks, then consider an adoption. That child didn’t ask to be born, but has a right to live a well deserved life, just as you did.

However, if you decide to keep the child, get involved in support groups where you live, get closer with friends and family who can help you in any way they can, hire help, talk to a counselor, and find other single moms thru these groups or through Circle of Moms on Facebook if you’re on there. There are many resources you can get connected with. Open your heart to others and you will be surprised to hear about other ppl’s stories and you will notice how others may help. Men have turned their backs in all types of situations since the beginning of time. But it’s about the child and you need to figure out what you want and become a healthy person if you choose to keep it so you can provide a good role model for that child. Regardless, make your choice and do whatever it is you need to do. I hope this helps because these are things I’ve done for myself and I apologize for being long winded.
 GeorgiaRedhead
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 69
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/20/2010 8:21:59 AM
I am a single mother, I got pregnant it wasn't planned and I take 100% responsibility for my actions. It's my body I'm responsible for what I do and don't do, does it matter the situation? Does it matter if the condom tore? Does it matter if someone is on the pill? Does it matter if you took measures that don't work? No, why you might ask.....because we all know there is no birth control that is 100% effective, so we all take chances, men and women.

I could have no told him that I was pregnant, to me that wasn't the right choice. Some will have the opinion that they'd rather not know if the relationship already ended, it's another debate that will never be settled. I told him it was his choice if or how much he was involved and I was more then willing to take a DNA test. I knew making the decision to have my daughter was mine to make, of course I would listen to his opinion and take it into consideration. He wanted to have a relationship, went to dr's appointments with me, took me with him when he told his family, traded in a truck for a 4 door car and even attended birthing classes with me. At about 7 months pregnant he proposed, I didn't think getting married just because I was pregnant was a good idea and said maybe we should wait until the baby is here and see where things go, being crazy hormonal pregnant woman is not the time to make such a big decision.

He was at the birth, saw my daughter before I did, HE filled out the birth certificate, fed her first and changed her first diaper. Everything appeared to be great...... about a month later I asked if he could pick up formula and diapers for me on his way over, his comment was "I will stop by and pick up money before I go to the store"....yep this was my first sign. At that point he hadn't bought one thing for the baby, so I figured it was time to have the talk about how he was going to help financially......he offered to give me 50-100 a month "when he could". He has a good job working for a school district and very little bills. I tried to come up with an agreement between both of us without involving the state,the state of California is a bit crazy for their child support, he stuck with 50-100 a month when he could and I thought 400 a month was fair considering how much each of us made,etc. He said no, he wouldn't do it and that I should just file with the state, I tried to warn him California would take 25% of his gross income, regardless of what I made.

By April he had met me and told me he really didn't feel he had time for a child and that was the last time he was going to see her. Now this was a totally different story then when I was pregnant but I knew that it was always a possibility and accepted it. My daughter is now 14 months old and I've not received a call since April and not a dime in support. The state of California is a total mess with their court systems right now and still have not received any support but I was also prepared for that. So he started out one way and did a 180 once being a father was actually a fact, it is what it is I can't change it.

Just because a man says he will be there doesn't mean he will be once it's reality. On the other hand I have friends who are amazing fathers and fight heaven and earth to see their children and have a say in their lives. It's not a gender thing, there are absent mothers also...it's just that some people are douches and some aren't. I do think we need to stop assigning it as a gender thing and realize regardless of gender people can walk away from their children or like some mothers do use their children as pawns in an emotional war with their fathers.

Either way each person needs to take responsibility for their actions and choices, regardless of how the other person involved handles their role in the situation.
 babyroo2010
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 70
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/20/2010 8:22:44 PM
WOW after reading a few of these posts... yuck!! about a father walkng away from their own child... my ex and i split 7 yrs ago our child is now 8 (we were together for 7 yrs) He hasnt spoke to the boy since dec.. now how does a father walk away after 8 yrs?? but as to walk away from a baby... mothers do it to often as well. my oldest boys father was NEVER there he walked away.. it happens.. my son is 18 and did well with just me. the kids dont need both parents as nice as it is.. just enjoy the baby and live happy. all ya can do dont dwell on the baby not having a father.. dont stress it. be the best ya can be for that baby..
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 72
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/21/2010 11:40:07 AM

Sooo.....Who is going to answer the question?....

What kind of man turns his back on his child??

^^^ You must be frothing at the mouth to get an answer.

My response to your question:
This type man can be likened to the same kind of woman who would drive a wedge between a responsible father and his children just because she can and she needs to power trip. There seems to be many from both genders who could care less about the children to spite the other parent.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 73
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/21/2010 1:17:04 PM


Sooo.....Who is going to answer the question?....
What kind of man turns his back on his child???


The kind of man that did not want a child in the first place. The kind of man that has not changed his position just because she wants him in her life and/or the child's life. The kind of man that weighs his options and feels that (regardless of how selfish it may or may not be) his best option is to opt-out and walk away from the situation.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 76
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/25/2010 4:07:15 AM
This thread, or at least the responses, has indeed been beaten to death, under several different headings! Turning this into an attack on either gender avoids the question.

The type of person who fails to accept their responsibility for any situation is the same type of person who could turn their back on their child. Choosing poorly is not an excuse for the poorly chosen to not be accountable. Arguing that those men are more financially harmed is not only inflammatory, it is a complete fallacy. Fortunately, those who turn their back on their children, whether man or woman, are not the majority. I guess, in real life, most individuals are cognizant of the assumption of risk & obligation that comes about as a result of a child being born. Those who would deny this are no doubt errant in many of their responsibilities.
 4ever_4always
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 77
What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/25/2010 6:35:03 AM
OP, congrats on your son. As for the father of the child, this is when you forget him and move on. Some men are d*cks and won't take responsibility for their actions. However, he was upfront from the beginning and told you he didn't want the child. This doesn't make him half gay and bashing him won't help you at all. All you need to worry about is your son now. You don't need to tell your son anything about his father until he starts asking questions. And as someone had said, just tell him that some people just aren't ready to be parents.

Now for those of you who are bashing her for trapping him, do you know the entire situation? NO. It takes two to make a child, if he didn't want children he could have taken extra precautions because yes there are too many females doing that to men these days. But before you jump down someone's throat and assume that the guy was trapped, learn the situation. I'm not saying she didn't trap him. There is a chance she might have. Getting pregnant to keep a guy in your life is 100% wrong. All I'm asking is that you stop making assumptions. I know I'm tired of being placed into that category when no one knows what's actually going on.
 mumofone71
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 78
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What kind of man turns his back on his child?
Posted: 2/26/2010 2:50:37 AM
I can see that you have obiviously been hurt badly at some point, Leonard, but so have lots of women ! My now ex husband walked out on my daughter and myself two days before her 3rd birthday - I thnk he is a low life but I dont start attacking all men as a result - I still believe that they are not all like him! Thank God!

How can you side with a man who chose not to wear a condom - you should do so to avoid STDs as well as avoiding unwanted pregnancies!
It takes two remember!!
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