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 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 76
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pof is just a waste of timePage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
bearsy
You could say just about all of the same about men online. But add wanting sex on the first date or the second or they disappear.

Like Purplerider says and many others before him, men do take a beating with OLD and it can be disappointing, frustrating and ego damaging if you have any real expectations of success. Occasionally it works out but about 1% or less, from what I gather. So take the attitude that it is an option only to real life connections. The myth that men will have vast choices because they have access to so many profiles, is just that, a myth as many find out sooner or later.
 ArdethBay
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 77
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 5/19/2015 6:59:35 AM
I have been on POF for almost two years. About a year ago I deleted my profile and created a new one a few months later. I have done a lot of looking around the internet and read many articles and forums posts and a lot of them come to similar conclusions. I tend to agree with them. OLD to me in general is full of contradictions. I have tried a few different sites and there are pretty much the same from my own personal experience and observations.

People write in their profile that they are looking for someone honest. I see this very often. Even on profiles for people who are not. We all want to put our best foot forward. Posting pictures that do not reflect what a person truly looks like. I have seen and experienced this a few times. I have encountered profiles where the description indicates that their posted age is not correct. I even saw this on two profiles I looked at back to back. If the dating site won’t let you change your age, then delete the profile and start again. It is not that hard. That goes for body type as well. I will admit that appearance is part of the equation. I don’t generally hold what a person looks like against them. What I do see when a person tries to conceal who they are by lying on their profile is someone who does not respect themselves or respecting others by being honest themselves while expecting others to.

The view of using of clichés appears to be a negative when someone reads a profile. I have seen this in forums and articles suggesting what not to place in a profile. An example would be writing that you are looking for someone who likes to go on ling walks. What is the person really is looking for someone that likes to go on long walks because they themselves do go on long walks and it merely looking for someone to enjoy long walks with?

I am quite sure that OLD works for some people. I am also equally sure that there are people in which OLD will not work for. I have pretty much accepted that I personally fall into the latter category and don’t hold much hope that I will find anyone through a process in which I have to honestly answer certain questions up front. I refuse to lie about who I am. I have seen many people not looking for baggage and drama. I have seen in profiles and forums that a divorced man with children is baggage and drama. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if that means OLD just isn’t the right thing for me then I tried, I failed, and I learned.

Unfortunately OLD is not something that I think is going to work for everyone. I think there are too many hidden rules, too much ignorance, and too much narcissism. There are game players and dishonest people on both sides. I am sure that if everyone was 100% upfront and honest about who they are and what they truly expect out of a relationship, not some dream life they wish they had, then I suspect OLD would be different. Until then, it is what it is.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 78
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 5/19/2015 11:09:58 AM

Unfortunately OLD is not something that I think is going to work for everyone. I think there are too many hidden rules, too much ignorance, and too much narcissism. There are game players and dishonest people on both sides. I am sure that if everyone was 100% upfront and honest about who they are and what they truly expect out of a relationship, not some dream life they wish they had, then I suspect OLD would be different. Until then, it is what it is.


ArdethBay, The above is very very true!

LOL, Using any (free or paid for) OLD site, is just ONE means of finding/meeting a person you would not have access to otherwise. It is not the ONLY means.

OLD can, and does, work for some, but certainly not all.
Those who are passive, shy, thin skinned, have a negative attitude, are wishy-washy with their intent, and down-right rude, are those who most likely will not be successful with OLD.

In my opinion it works better for those who are open to the possibilities, honest/up-front/ and direct with their intent, have a positive attitude, are thick skinned, AND don't follow any stupid, silly "dating rules".

There are no promises made by an OLD website. (None that I'm aware of ) You join and use, of your own free will. (LOL even if you pay for the privilege, a person chooses to do so.)

A few happy people have been lucky/fortunate to find the person they were seeking early on in OLD. Others, myself included it took many months, even years. I nearly threw in the towel many times, but continued to live my life actively, with friends and family and yet I knew I really truly wanted a special man in my life. Sooooo I kept looking, kept meeting and late last summer ,I joined a different OLD site geared toward finding a man who shared my passion for riding motorcycles.

OLD eventually worked for me, and it may work for others.
Continue to be open to the possibilities and search with an open heart!
 _girl_next_door_
Joined: 2/23/2013
Msg: 79
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pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 5/19/2015 12:53:37 PM
While I do find online dating frustrating, I have been on many many first meets over the past couple of years. On the other hand, I have only gone out ONCE with someone arranged through a friend. Although I still have not found the ONE, I truly believe you have to meet lots of people to find your match and real life just has not provided the opportunities that online has.

As as been said before, online dating should just be one avenue you are using to meet others, not the only one.
 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 80
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 5/31/2015 7:12:00 AM
As with ALL sights there are game players on both sides of the road.....guys who send nudes and woman who play the perverbial games because they can....I always have said if it looks to good to be true it prob is....and by the feed backs Ima thinking your profiles not the best.....lol
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 81
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pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/3/2015 5:29:47 AM
wooweew00
It is "site" not "sight" and your comment about someone's profile not the best. Pot Kettle Black lol!
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 82
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/3/2015 7:29:30 AM

everyone was 100% upfront and honest about who they are and what they truly expect out of a relationship, not some dream life they wish they had,

those statements are not mutually exclusive.

not everyone who rejects you here, or on any other dating site you could join, is suffering from a case of acute idealism. not even most of them.

I simply can't be arsed to take on the care and feeding of another human being if he isn't going to be a significant asset to my life. where is the benefit? conversely, I certainly wouldn't want a partner who views me as a burden or merely acceptable.... good enough..... 'you'll do'.

putting aside my opinion cuz i'm sorta picky tho.... how many people do you really think want a partner who represents the anti-dream? that's called settling, or desperation.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 83
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/3/2015 7:31:49 AM

everyone was 100% upfront and honest about who they are and what they truly expect out of a relationship, not some dream life they wish they had,

those statements are not mutually exclusive.

not everyone who rejects you here, or on any other dating site you could join, is suffering from a case of acute idealism. not even most of them. it doesn't even make any fukkin sense. I realize that people can be irrational, but in general they are not *that* irrational, *that* much of the time. what does make sense is that most people get frustrated with online dating because they think it should be easier, and they want to believe they are more desirable and interesting to more people.

I simply can't be arsed to take on the care and feeding of another human being if he isn't going to be a significant asset to my life. where is the benefit? conversely, I certainly wouldn't want a partner who views me as a burden or merely acceptable.... good enough..... 'you'll do'.

putting aside my opinion cuz i'm sorta picky tho.... how many people do you really think want a partner who represents the anti-dream? that's called settling, or desperation.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 84
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/3/2015 7:42:47 AM

everyone was 100% upfront and honest about who they are and what they truly expect out of a relationship, not some dream life they wish they had,

those statements are not mutually exclusive.

I simply can't be arsed to take on the care and feeding of another human being if he isn't going to be a significant asset to my life. where is the benefit? conversely, I certainly wouldn't want a partner who views me as a burden or merely acceptable.... good enough..... 'you'll do'.

not everyone who rejects you here, or on any other dating site you could join, is suffering from a case of acute idealism. not even most of them. it doesn't make any fukkin sense. I realize that people can be irrational, but in general they are not *that* irrational, *that* much of the time.

what does make sense is that most people come here being automatically invested in getting a certain outcome, so they become frustrated with online dating because they think it should be easier, and they want to believe they are more desirable and interesting to more people because who doesn't. but making blanket statements about how unrealistic everyone else is, is nothing more than childish sour grapes behavior on the part of the aggrieved.

even if what they're saying is true, logically they should be happy that their lives aren't awash with the inconvenience of dating a sea of unrealistic people.

putting aside my opinion cuz i'm sorta independent though.... how many people do you really think want a partner who represents the anti-dream? that's called settling, or desperation.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 85
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pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/3/2015 8:17:19 PM
The "You'll do" opinion, rates right up there with "You could stand to loose a few pounds". It's rather insulting, or worse, depending on how fragile the person's ego is. I wouldn't dare say that to anyone, yet several people I've met have told me that it was said to them.

I'm inclined to think that those who were always successful daters, really are not in need of OLD. But they have the people skills to make OLD work for them. Others, like myself, who are lacking in that department, end up being on here for a long, long time. It becomes a guessing game, or a tough nut to crack. We come on here, hoping to find the missing puzzle pieces that might make dating more bearable.
 YourMomSaysHiJinx
Joined: 5/22/2015
Msg: 86
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/11/2015 2:20:17 PM
I think I know why online dating sucks: Because the ones you are interested in never message you, and you're not interested in the ones who do.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 87
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pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/11/2015 9:20:40 PM
Yourmumsayshi

Your pics suck, those selfies are very annoying. Are you really 30??? That may be one reason you dont get the gals you may be interested in, to return your messages, But you didnt ask for a review so ignore if you wish.

Desirable girls who are even genuinely looking, (very few), get plenty of messages from other guys who also find them desirable and they have their pick. Just like in real life.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 88
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/12/2015 11:12:27 AM
There's actually not that many choices on POF when you eliminate the fake profiles, the profiles that aren't filled out properly, the profiles filled with negative statements, and the profiles that begin with "Don't message me if ..."
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 89
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/12/2015 11:24:40 AM
I think I know why online dating sucks: Because the ones you are interested in never message you, and you're not interested in the ones who do.

Yes, that is true but there is something else... Dating in general sucks not just online.The rationale behind it is gone. It amazes me that some people still believe in it.
 J3LV3HL_WV3JP
Joined: 4/5/2015
Msg: 90
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/16/2015 11:27:43 AM

It amazes me that some people still believe in it.


I feel that way about marriage. It was a great idea when the average person lived to be 32. Now... Not so much.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 91
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pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/25/2015 8:10:33 PM
Yes when even the average age was 50 odd... it meant that couples were not together all that long. Serial monogamy is the way to go in my book. Relationships often have a finite time and once the reasons we hooked up in the first place are no longer viable, then we move on... Marriage does not have to be for life and those who say they will "be with you, love you, forever" are making promises that usually cannot be kept. Life is like a book, with many chapters.
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 92
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/28/2015 4:32:48 PM

pof is just a waste of time


Not 4 me.!!
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 93
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pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 6/30/2015 8:41:57 AM
As some one else said, its not just POF, its dating in general. I remember when I was younger not many had a list a mile long of deal breakers like a lot of people do now. It used to be if 2 people liked each other, enjoyed each others company and share their life together, it was usually good enough. Now that is not good enough and both genders are bad for this. Its not all about if the person is financially stable, has a good job, owns a house and has a car. No wonder people don't date as much as they used to. Its too much pressure put on people to live up to expectations put on them. That is a big reason I have lost some interest in dating. As much as I would love to have some one in my life to share things with, I hate feeling that I might not be good enough for that person. The other reason, is I have come to enjoy the single life. I like doing what I want, when I want and I hate waiting around for others to decide what they want to do.
 J3LV3HL_WV3JP
Joined: 4/5/2015
Msg: 94
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 7/1/2015 8:34:23 AM
I am amazed at how few people can write a decent profile. I can't stand generic cr*p like "I love taking long walks on the beach at sunset" when they live in the middle of the country with no sand for thousands of miles. It's like, "Give me a break, bring something original please!"

Also, a lot of people are just flat-out unreasonable with their expectations. Every 6 thinks they can land a 10. On both sides of the coin. And they don't want to know you unless you're the 10. Seriously, guys and girls alike. It's pathetic.

That stuff will never change, though. As long as a Ric Ocasek can land a Paulina Porizkova, everyone thinks they can win that lucky lottery too. And they're missing a lot of quality people in the process.

Reminds me of Christine Chubbuck, that newscaster who committed suicide on air in '76. Supposedly, she was depressed because she couldn't get a date. That depression lead to her suicide. But, I'd bet you 99-1 that she COULD have gotten a date if she wasn't constantly aiming for the 10's when she was probably a 7 or 8. She could have been alive and happy if she just had a better grasp on expectations.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 95
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pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 7/1/2015 9:01:24 AM
I agree with what you posted but will add that along with the looks, they expect the person to have a house, a car, money and a great job. What ever happened to liking a person for who they are and not what they have?
 sweettea091
Joined: 7/31/2015
Msg: 96
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 8/8/2015 11:12:37 AM
Lol why don't you approach women in real life.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 97
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 8/8/2015 11:21:41 AM

I agree with what you posted but will add that along with the looks, they expect the person to have a house, a car, money and a great job. What ever happened to liking a person for who they are and not what they have?


I don't want to pick on this guy, but this demonstrates my adage that men complain women have unrealistic expectations. It's a pretty even 50/50 break when they'll say that this is the reason women are single, or they'll say that this is why men are single.

It never occurs to these guys that they themselves have unrealistic expectations. They will try to date a woman who is out of their league - in this case the women he approaches can get a guy with a good job, money, house and car. Why would they settle for a guy that has none of that?
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 98
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pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 8/11/2015 8:15:59 AM
It is both genders that have unrealistic expectations anymore. I understand not settling for someone who doesn't have that. I do have all that other than the house part which I plan getting one next summer. What I am trying to say is I don't try judge some one who I want to date on the material things they have. If they are a good person, have a job and a car I am happy. Its sad to see what the dating world has become. It seems like dating now is all about what the person has and not who the person is.
 ElectricFish67
Joined: 7/21/2015
Msg: 99
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 8/12/2015 7:41:20 AM

As long as a Ric Ocasek can land a Paulina Porizkova, everyone thinks they can win that lucky lottery too.


Just watched that documentary on Chris Farley. His girlfriend was freaking BEAUTIFUL! Then again, they both have/had one thing in common; fame.

As to the OP who's probably long gone; you sound a bit bitter. I don't think anyone "blew it" by ignoring you.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 100
pof is just a waste of time
Posted: 8/13/2015 6:45:22 AM

It is both genders that have unrealistic expectations anymore.

how do you know that people have unrealistic expectations?

don't you have your own "must haves"? but the women who can't meet your personal list of demands probably feel like you have "unrealistic expectations", just like you seem to feel everyone else but you is doing it wrong.


What I am trying to say is I don't try judge some one who I want to date on the material things they have. If they are a good person, have a job and a car I am happy. Its sad to see what the dating world has become. It seems like dating now is all about what the person has and not who the person is.

really???? so you're saying other people are unrealistic, but you don't try to judge anyone you want to date unless they don't have a job and a car... THEN you'll feel free to judge.

what makes you think anyone else on this planet feels even one iota less free than you do in defining any of the reasons they wouldn't date someone?


I agree with what you posted but will add that along with the looks, they expect the person to have a house, a car, money and a great job. What ever happened to liking a person for who they are and not what they have?

you just got through saying that you'd want anyone you date to have a job and a car, remember??? but you left out a house and "the looks". so I guess we'll have to assume you'd date an unattractive (according to you) woman who lives in a van down by the river. as long as she had a job.

ok.

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