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 Cedarwinds
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 13
jealousy and insecurity in a relationshipPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
why get into a relationship where you know it's probably going to fail in the first place?....Because people are, for the most part, naive about relationships, and in a rush to be with only one.

That means people under that age of 25, should not be trying to maintain committed relationships. Why?
Because its a waste of time and now is the time to be dating as many people as often as you please.

"Relationships" require experience to make them work well. Why?
Because what nobody is going to tell you; Relationships are inherently boring and require lots of work after so many years.
 goldwingguy2009
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 14
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jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/28/2010 2:33:23 PM
Yes, jealousy and insecurity CAN and WILL ruin a relationship! Having spent two years in a relationship with a woman who had serious "trust" issues, I can relate to this. At one point, she was SO SURE I was cheating on her that SHE went out & had a fling with an old FB, and when confronted with it told me she felt it would "cushion her heart" from the pain of me cheating on her. After constant accusations of texting others, emailing others, fcuking others, to the point that I couldn't even check the time on my cell phone in her presence without being accused of something, I had had enough. She was always telling me what a "great catch" she was, to the point that she seemed to be trying to convince HERSELF of that, and not me. To even say the word "insecurity" was a BIG no no, since according to her she was NOT insecure. The whole thing finally exploded one evening, in front of her kids, with cops involved, and I couldn't run far enough or fast enough to finally get away from that. Sure I had my own reasons for putting up with what I did for as long as I did, but THAT was the lesson I learned from that relationship, and definitely a mistake NOT to make in the future!

And for the record, I slept with a clear conscience, because I wanted what we had to work, and NEVER cheated on her!!
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 15
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/28/2010 2:45:59 PM

My question is, why get into a relationship where you know it's probably going to fail in the first place?


For the same reason you do things in life, even though you know you are going to die. It's for the journey, the experience.

Then again, some people are f*cked-up, and would launch fireworks from their ass. In comparison, getting into a relationship that is doomed to fail seems pretty normal.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 16
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/28/2010 2:48:32 PM
When they get in the relation...they have no concept at that time it will fail...

Some of these shows are trumped up...the parties or people are low end, out of work, wanna be actors....
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 17
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/29/2010 11:00:12 AM
In a perfect world, people would take care of their issues before they enter a relationship with someone new,specially marriage.

But in the real world, like you said OP, they see the problem, but they think they either can change the oher person or their love for them will make the other person change.

I have found that a once a cheater always a cheater.
Insecurity can be worked on, by therapy and maturity helps too, in some cases, but if its there, it always comes out to poke you in the ribs (or the other person).

I have seen cheaters, marry cheaters
Insecure people marry insecure people
Cheaters married insecure people too. This last one never last too long.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 18
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jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 2/1/2010 10:52:59 AM
Most people do not go in expecting to fail. The insecure person often doesn't know it, because rather than recognizing their own flawed picker, they believe that they are not worthy of better. The other party may not recognize certain behaviors as indicative of insecurity if they have never been exposed to someone with those issues before.

A more productive question might be what behaviors are often a component of the insecure. There were certainly things about my ex that I did not remotely recognize at the time as insecure most definitely were and today I would not get involved with someone exhibiting those types of behaviors.

I figure by the time you are daft enough to hire the private investigator, the relationship is pretty much over and I'd have to go.
 deserae42
Joined: 11/24/2006
Msg: 19
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 10/24/2010 7:34:11 PM
Goldwingguy YOU are such a liar, cheater and the biggest joke I have ever known...I most definitely should of had you thrown in jail that night and the two others before when you were physically ABUSIVE. Keep lying to yourself, you bi sexual ***hole....AIDS is out there!!
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 20
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 10/25/2010 9:50:36 AM
Well,.. what I've found in my experiences is that if there is excessive jealousy and insecurity, it USUALLY means the person exhibiting those qualities in a relationship have something going on than just those issues,.. usually means they're distrusting,and jealous because they're drawing on past/present experience in YOUR relationship. I mean, EVERYONE gets a bit jealous from time to time, but the excessive crap most times comes from that person wondering if you're doing what THEY are doing to you behind your back! Same thing with insecurity,,.. If you're slipping around behind your partner's back, trying to tag everything you can,.. it makes sense to wonder if they're doing it to you (The "who's making love to your ole' lady, while you were out making love senereo) I know,. it COULD be merely your present partner has been dealt previous bad-hands, in which they'd would be guarded,.. but,. when it's in the extreme,.. it should really start wavin' that flouresent red flagi in front of your face!,. It sure as hell does for me,.. like they say,. been there, done that, lived it,. what-eva,..
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 21
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 10/25/2010 1:31:12 PM

My question is, why get into a relationship where you know it's probably going to fail in the first place?


ANY relationship is probably going to fail, by virtue of the fact that most of them do.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 22
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 10/25/2010 1:39:21 PM

My question is, why get into a relationship where you know it's probably going to fail in the first place?


I've seen that show, and it's CRAZYYYYYYYYY! ahaha

It's safe to say no one goes into a relationship believing it's going to fail and/or your S.O. is going to cheat.

They call the show when they are 99.9% sure they are cheating. I don't understand why they'd want to place their lives on nat'l TV, but that's another story.
 wgb2563
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 23
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 12/13/2010 9:20:23 PM
Lot of insecure men are cheaters and manipulative and at the same time egocentric.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 24
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 12/13/2010 9:58:33 PM
Lot of insecure men are cheaters and manipulative and at the same time egocentric


and of course women don't cheat

are not egocentric

and they never EVER manipulate men..



....................................................

 Ghost23232
Joined: 2/4/2010
Msg: 25
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 12/22/2010 8:16:25 AM

Lot of insecure men are cheaters and manipulative and at the same time egocentric


Same thing can be said for women (both genders are equally guilty). I'd like to say that in some cases, some insecurity and jealousy can be justified when certain red flags are identified. Now if someone is getting insecure/jealous literally for no reason at all, then yes, there is a trust issue that needs to be resolved.

I've been insecure/jealous in past relationships, and I can say with 100% honesty that 90% of the time, I was right to feel that way. Usually that occurred when a girlfriend would flirt with other men and completely ignore me for hours, and then claim that I was over reacting. Yeah right! Some jealousy and insecurity is OKAY, we are human after all. It's when these traits become excessive that it can seriously affect the health of a relationship.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 26
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jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 12/22/2010 4:01:43 PM
I agree that it is a self-made emotion, people CHOOSE to be insecure, they let their surrounding thoughts and emotions, control their choices.


People don't choose to be insecure, but they *can* choose to deal with their insecurities realistically and in a healthy manner. Sometimes people have good reasons to feel insecure. Other times, they have unfounded fears or exaggerated reactions. There are different ways of dealing with that.

I don't know anyone who goes into a relationship expecting it to fail. I know people who have gone into relationships knowing something isn't right but there was something that they wanted so much that they were willing to put up with it and convinced themselves that somehow it would get worked out. I've been one of those people myself. If we're lucky, over time we learn and we make better choices.

I do not watch so-called "reality" shows. I've read articles about people who have been on them. They look for people who are whack jobs to begin with and do things to egg people on. I think it speaks poorly of us that such shows are so popular. Do people have nothing better to do?

I should talk. I spend way too much time in the forums. It's my guilty pleasure. It's what I do instead of watching TV.

As for those who are the least trustworthy being the most suspicious - this isn't always true but it is sometimes and certainly was the case with my ex-husband. Early on, he was jealous and suspicious of me even though there was absolutely no reason. I allowed him to ruin my relationships with male friends, even gay guys, and even some of my women friends. I never, ever did anything behind his back that I wouldn't have done in front of him. Guess who had the affairs? He did.
 wgb2563
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 27
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 12/24/2010 4:02:01 PM
In my personal opinion majority of those cheaters are emotionally controlling.
These are the people that are unhappy for themselves and they like to control their partners emotional feeling in order to justify themselves. They like to initiate negative moves towards their partners and they silently get very jealous. They're emotional unhappy and always blamed other people, they less likely admit their flaws mainly because their egocentric is highly operated.
 eastwood969
Joined: 12/21/2009
Msg: 28
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 12/26/2010 10:54:08 AM
Lol, I wouldn't put too much creditability in those shows, they are similiar to the ghost shows. Anything to entertain you between commercials. Why be human? No one really believes a relationship can work out, they are just happy when it does.
 wings on my butt
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 29
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/1/2011 4:01:33 PM

Do people have nothing better to do?


Like what??? Post on pof forums? Yeah sure hun like this place even remotely resembles reality.
 Proventus
Joined: 12/26/2010
Msg: 30
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/1/2011 4:27:39 PM
People don't chose that. But they often get suckered by narcissists. Narcissism is quite common, and I'm willing to bet my boots many are reading this. lol.




and next on the The Jerry Springer Show ....


Goldwingguy YOU are such a liar, cheater and the biggest joke I have ever known...I most definitely should of had you thrown in jail that night and the two others before when you were physically ABUSIVE. Keep lying to yourself, you bi sexual ***hole....AIDS is out there!!
lol
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 31
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/1/2011 4:49:00 PM
^^^I had to read that one a couple times myself Proventus. Thought I was the only one to pick that up. I also see another episode of the Jerry Springer show happening. Or maybe it will just unfold by one stalking the other on the forums. Nothing worse than a woman scorned.... Seems to me that folks only seem to think men cheat - women do it more or so I've read.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 32
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/1/2011 6:28:12 PM
I am not sure what insecurity has to do with cheating?

Are you saying that if a person is with someone that is suspicous, that the relationship is destined to end where the suspicous person gets cheated on?
I am not sure I buy that.
I think that in the long range scheme of things, you have to trust someone until they prove you wrong.
Who wants to go through life worrying about this kind of stuff.
I may sound naive, but whether I believe that it will happen or not is not going to make it happen. Somethings may work this way, but for someone to actually decide that their momentary wants are stronger than keeping their loved ones heart safe and wrapped up in the trust that they deserve, is not about insecurity it is about believing that you are entitled to whatever you want for Whatever reason.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 33
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/1/2011 7:36:46 PM
never go into battle without an exit strategy.

if you lob the first grenade and start a relationship.... should you really be surprise when it blows up in your face ?
 Proventus
Joined: 12/26/2010
Msg: 34
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/1/2011 9:23:54 PM

I think that in the long range scheme of things, you have to trust someone until they prove you wrong.
I'm a trusting soul. Not because I'm such a good man. lol. It's actually quite greedy of me. Trusting completely lets you fall in love so much quicker and deeper. Can you get hurt? Maybe, but you'll hurt anyway if they cheat no matter if you love them hard or only a bit. Now someone might say, "but you'll hurt more." I don't agree. ANY toothache frigging hurts worse than the last. lol

Besides, wouldn't it be a bummer to have lived in fear for 30 years when you could have been having the time of your life? The payoff is just to big for me to not go for the whole enchilada. But like I said before, I'm a greedy SOB. I want it all. lol.
 writercookmt
Joined: 11/24/2010
Msg: 35
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/4/2011 2:59:00 AM
That show says more about the cheat-ees than it does the cheaters.

If a person is suspicious, they should go to the other person rather than allow some tabloid show to profit off of the interworkings of their relationship.
 x_file
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 36
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/5/2011 3:10:02 AM


My question is, why get into a relationship where you know it's probably going to fail in the first place?


One likely answer: It's the best some people can do.

A failed relationship is better than no relationship. I gather that's the logic people who do such thing use.
 thetrick123
Joined: 7/16/2010
Msg: 37
jealousy and insecurity in a relationship
Posted: 1/5/2011 3:52:37 AM
I personally have never gone into any relationship with the thought that it was going to fail. I have witnessed a few close friends and their relationships were jealousy was an all encompassing part of their lives, very toxic. But some individuals thrive on this kind of drama. Learn from your past in regards to your future relationships, try hard to not let baggage from the past seep into what could be a potentially good union.
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